A/N: After the Charlie Tango crash in Fifty Shades darker, Christian is not found and officially declared dead three weeks later. Ana, Christian's sole heir, refuse to believe he is dead and after searching for him for eight months and eight days, they find him. More in love than ever, they try to rebuild their lives while Christian discovers what Ana went through while he was gone. Please read. Ana is still sweet and adorable leaving the controlling to Christian.
From: Anastasia Steele
To: Christian Grey
Date: 19 August 2011
Subject: One month…
I cannot believe that it has been one month since the memorial. One month and I still don't know where you are.
Today is another bad day and I decided to stay in bed. I think I must have phoned your voicemail over a hundred times today. Even that short message that just say "Grey, leave a message" is enough to bring me to tears. What I wouldn't give to actually hear your beautiful voice? To feel your touch on my skin. To really feel you.
I really miss you today baby…okay, I really miss you every day, but today is a particularly bad day. I am not sure why today is so much harder than other days, it just is. I must be almost dehydrated with the amount of tears I shed for the absence of you in my life.
Your mom stopped by, I think Gail phoned her to be honest, but she gave me something to relax. She told me about you when you were younger and for a while, I actually felt better, getting to know you a bit more. When she left however, reality kicked in and I was miserable again, crying until I fell asleep.
Jose brought me a present this afternoon to try and cheer me up, not that it did much good. He gave me a huge picture of you, one of the test shots he did at the hotel for Kate's article. It truly is a stunning photo. Currently it is positioned on a chair next to your side of the bed so I can look at you falling asleep. Talk about unhealthy... I know I should not do this to myself, but fuck, the ache in my chest won't go away either way so I figure, why not treat myself with your beautiful face until I go to sleep.
I am starting to lose track of dates and days and I think Taylor is worried as he hovers around me constantly thus the reason why I decided to give me today…one short day…to feel sorry for myself, for you and for what we are losing. One day to dream about what if's, what could have and what should have been. I will wake up tomorrow and carry on, but today, just today, I want to lie in bed with CT in my arms and look at your beautiful face.
I wonder if you miss me, if you love me enough to come back to me after we find you. I hope you still want to marry me because I will marry you in a heartbeat baby. I am so sorry that I did not give you a proper answer before they took you away from me. I just felt so confused with the thing with Leila, then your confession, then the incident with Jack. I remember thinking the day after the Jack incident that I would love to have a couple of boring days, but I meant boring days with you, not without you.
Christian, I don't care if we fight every single day for the rest of our lives, I don't care if you attach Sawyer to my wrist, I don't care about anything other than having you beside me. It is as if the light was taken out of my life and I am struggling to breath.
I love you baby, with all my heart.
Always and forever yours,