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Total and complete Crack!


"No."

He was annoying and absolutely infuriating and she felt like throwing him a nice punch in the face, "I don't sleep with men like you!" Kagome huffed, rolling her eyes when her words seemed to go through one in ear and out the other.

"I can assure you want to sleep with a man like me," The man, known to her as Archer (she hated his name since it initially attracted her to him for obvious reasons), "It'll be the damn best experience you'll ever have."

"And it will be the last experience you will have," Kagome said dryly, "You have to be aware that Sesshoumaru Taisho is my brother."

"Uh, who?" Archer didn't sound too impressed and Kagome gaped at him like he was an idiot, "Is that the name of my shoemaker?"

"He's the man your mother has trying been to seduce for the past week!" Kagome snorted, but then snickered when he began to gag at the thought, "As if that will ever happen! Big Brother is completely asexual," She stated, 'And is not fond of humans at that.'

"God, Mother!" Archer began to curse while Kagome could hold barely hold back her laughter at his disgust, "Will she not spread her legs for any man?!"

Kagome's brows twitched, "You really should talk about your mother with more respect," She said, "Even someone like Malory Archer." She muttered the last part.

After a few more dramatic heaves, Archer finally seemed to regain himself, "Now that I've got that fucking image out of my mind, wanna fuck? There's a great closet nearby."

"Do you have holes for ears!?" Kagome put some distance between the two of them, having ever regretting the fact that she accepted to work as some sort of 'spy' when Sesshoumaru decided to partner up with some agency called ISIS for this one time.

She was a simple woman who enforced 'laws' against demons who decided to rise up and cause trouble for the modern world, not some damn super spy who was supposed to kill other humans with awful weapons such as guns.

Sesshoumaru had better give her a damn raise for this mission!

"What?! I can't help myself! You're the sexiest woman I've seen since Katya." Archer paused for a moment and she stared at him with wide eyes when he actually seemed to sniffle a little while mumbling the name Katya over and over.

"Are you all right?" Kagome asked warily, letting out a sound of protest and almost falling over when Archer seemed to collapse against her chest and sniffle into her breasts whilst holding onto them with both hands, "What are you doing!?"

"God, I'm in so much pain!" Archer cried out dramatically and Kagome was not quite sure what to do, "So help me heal this pain... with your vagina."

Kagome screamed in rage and stepped back, letting the spy fall face-first into the ground while she looked down at him in disgust, "You're not my type because you have black hair and blue eyes like me! I would feel like I'm sleeping with my brother or something!" And with that, she quickly moved away before he could recover.

She was so getting a raise.