A/N- The finale of the show left such a bad taste in my mouth I hadn't watched an episode since it aired. Then I saw it pop up on Netflix and decided to watch some old episodes. I thought maybe my problems with the seasons after two had died down but they hadn't. Such dishonest story telling stopped the show from becoming great. I was bored and since most discussions about the show have died I wanted to vent. The story is dumb and makes no sense so it fits right into canon.
Chris Fedak loved early mornings he could slip into the writers room before anyone would interrupt his awesome planning sessions. And this was the best one ever.. the fans will love it. "EPIC" he chanted to himself "EPIC". Looking up at his whiteboard the gears in his mind started turning.
"Chuck will become a superhero like Batman..no wait Spider-man or Superman"
The mere mention of Superman sent shivers down his spine. If they could get someone from Smallville or the movies in the show fans would love it.
"EPIC..EPIC..EPIC. He chanted again.
"Now what about Casey?"
He leaned back in his chair and thought of all his favorite eighties movies he grew up watching. One of them would have to give him some inspiration.
" A double agent working for a Russian megalomaniac?"
"Maybe the Ring murdered his wife?"
Then it hit him the idea was so great he couldn't believe it.
"He abandoned his fiancee and didn't know she was pregnant and we find out his real name."
He couldn't believe how great of an idea it was. Although the other ones would be filed in his too awesome to forget drawer. Casey as John Wayne doing the All American hero routine, the fans will love it. It was then he remembered some other episode about Casey's past but he quickly squashed it. Nobody will care about that he chuckled to himself.
"What a game changer for Casey!"
The Ring would be much easier to plot out. His Netflix account would see to that. A weekend of watching Bourne, Eastern Promises, Nikita would give him all the ideas he needed. He might even sneak in a few chapters of that book "The Vow" he just bought. The flashing of blowing things up and gadgets kept playing in his mind. It was only after fifteen minutes of visualizing himself in Predator that he realized he was forgetting something or someone.
This one was much harder. Writing for women was sooo hard he didn't know how that Whedon guy did it.
"We could have her develop some wants outside of Chuck"
"Maybe some back story to flesh her out"
He spun around in his chair for a few minutes laughing at the idea of taking away screen time from Chuck. Once they got them together it wouldn't matter anyway the fans didn't like Sarah that much, just give her another Bond to hang out with until Chuck was a badass. He could still use the idea for Bryce with another guy, its not like anyone pays attention to Sarah's story anyway.
"Fucking White Collar..fucking Bomer"
It was then that an explosion of light or smoke blinded him and knocked him out of his chair. Getting up his eyes bulged at the sight before him. Standing in front of him was Adam but something wasn't right he was armed to the teeth.
"Get up moron and sit down. We have some things to discuss"
If this was some sort joke, he didn't like it. Adam seemed really pissed off, he hadn't even read any of the scripts yet. He wanted to say something but he froze.
"Leaving my fiancee! How much of an asshole do you want me to look like?"
"Alec Coburn..who the hell was I calling when Fulcrum took over the Buymore? You know what I don't care..stop screwing around with my life."
Maybe Adam had finally lost it, all those Firefly fans finally got to him.
"You know I was going to beat you until an inch of your life..but I'll let her take care of it."
It was the then he touched something on his wrist and disappeared only to be replaced by Zac.
"Leaving Sarah in Prague without saying anything? Do you even understand the characters you write. Its called consistency look it up"
"And then how could you make my mom abandon her family for the equivalent of Morgan. Nobody would be forgiven for that"
None of this made any sense. Adam and now Zac had lost their minds but he did see Adam just disappear in front of him. He had to be dreaming this couldn't be real. It was probably the Taco Bell before bed.
"And stop making me look like wimp all the time. I'm quite good at being a spy"
"Oh and one more thing..she wants to talk to you about Hannah"
This had to be a dream. Hannah had been the name of his first crush in high school but that jock Daniel Shaw nailed her first. If only he been stoic and awesome like him then maybe he would have gotten her. There was no way Zac could know that.
"Zac what the hell is going on?"
"My name is Chuck idiot."
OK this was a dream. Thank god but why couldn't he be dreaming of Bo Derek, that poster had gotten him through many a lonely night. He saw Chuck starting to mess with the same watch like thing Casey had. He saw that Chuck had noticed him looking.
"Its a vortex manipulator and it allowed us to come here and no your not dreaming"
"Zac..I mean Chuck that makes no sense a vortex whatever you called it"
"Your one to talk Fedak like anything your wrote made any sense."
And just like that he was gone only to replaced someone much worse. A very angry Yvon..Sarah.
"First off if you ever try to split Chuck and me up again I will Red Test your ass all over these walls. It was bad enough you had him sleep with that brunette skank. But to stick me with someone that has the personality of a gerbil that's going too far. And telling him my name. If Chuck hadn't asked me not to I would send you home in little pieces just for that."
Normally the dream involving an angry blonde involved bullwhips not a verbal lashing. Nothing she was saying made any sense to him.
"Being a spy with Chuck was great. I loved every minute of it and to have me be upset about that was stupid. What the hell. Then there's the issue about my past, I don't even know where or what I was doing before Burbank. Why do I have three different memories before I walked into the Buymore? And not having me share anything with my husband, thanks for making me look like a terrible person you jackass"
He saw her pacing around the office getting angrier by the second. The mention of her husband shook him, I mean who wants to see Chuck and Sarah happily married. Sexual tension and Chuck being a hero are what people want. And blowing shit up of course.
"My mother is basically Martha Stewart and I end with my conman father? How the hell does that happen? I'm asking you because wow that makes absolutely zero sense."
This dream was getting boring not enough half naked chicks, explosions and eighties music. He had read somewhere that pinching yourself can wake yourself up. Hopefully it would work, there was soo much to do before Comic Con. Then he saw her looking at him.
"Chuck told you...your not dreaming but what surprise. You don't pay attention. But whatever I'm leaving its baby making time. I just want to leave you with one last gift"
He saw her walk over to him with smile, now the dream was getting good. That was until the boot came crashing down on his groin.
"That was for the amnesia you dickwad"
The pain was so unbearable he fell out of his seat. His vision was blurry but he saw her smirk at him and disappear. It was real all of it he wanted to call everyone but the only word he could think of before he fainted was.