Yes, I know I have two other stories going. Yes, I know I'm supposed to be doing homework/NaNoWriMo/sleep/school work. Yes, I know this idea has probably been done to death and that several people wanted me to continue with Bad Idea and I'm sorry…really. But I've been writing this for a while and…and...and authors don't get to choose the ideas that won't leave us alone and we just have to write them and if we don't they drive us insane and...well, I hope you enjoy anyway.
One of my followers, Olga Q, was kind enough to translate this story in Russian! To read this story in Russian, go to: (slash) forum (slash)
'It hurts.' I opened my eyes, surprised at the thought, but it was true…everything hurt. But why…I looked down at myself, disoriented and confused, then felt a jolt of shock when I found that my shirt was ripped open, and my underwear and pants were around my knees…and suddenly the horrific memories came back. Jacob, grabbing my arm, telling me that he loved me, the way he pressed his mouth against mine, gripping my lower back…then his hands on my shirt, ripping…the pain in my head as he pushed me down onto the ground, the hard rocks digging into my back. 'He raped me.' The thought was involuntary, but I immediately knew it was true. My breath caught and I bit down on my lip hard, looking around wildly at the forest, able to hear the sound of the waves as they lapped at the beach. I couldn't remember blacking out…had no idea if it had been the pain or my mind rejecting the events…but he was gone, I was sure of that. Looking around, shaking so hard my teeth were chattering, I remembered walking with him to the beach…sitting together on the sofa in his house…the food network. I tried to reach down and pull my underwear up, but my hands shook too much and I could only cover my mouth, bringing my knees up and shaking. 'Think.' I ordered myself. 'Stop it…think. I have to think.' This worked sometimes when I was clumsy and hurt myself or when something painful happened…when other kids were cruel when I was little, or when I crashed my bike at ten. 'Think. He raped me. What do I do?'
Forcing my hands to work, I stood shakily, pulling my pants back up and gripping a tree, wincing at the pain when I moved, then leaned on it. 'Help. I need help. I need to get away from here. A doctor…I have to see a doctor…' The thought of letting a doctor touch me made my stomach rebel and I gripped it painfully when my lunch made a reappearance, falling to my knees and trying to hold my hair back, then gasped for breath for a long minute. "Think." I said the word aloud, my voice weak. 'Charlie's gone…fishing with Billy.' I processed this, then tried to stand, using the tree to help me. My father had decided to go on a fishing trip all weekend, leaving me alone at the house. Edward didn't want me to stay alone… My body felt weak and drained and my thoughts were panicked and random. 'Carlisle. He'll know what to do. I need Carlisle.' I wanted my family with a suddenness that surprised me. But I knew that Carlisle's compassion had no end, and Emmett would be glad to fight anything that threatened me, and Jasper would help take the terrible feeling in my chest away, and Edward….no, I didn't dare think about Edward's reaction.
I remembered as I stumbled forward, remembered Edward talking to me. Telling me that I was going to stay with Jasper and Emmett…begging to stay with….I cut the thought off, going back to his words. Emmett and Jasper were home. Carlisle was at the hospital. 'Hospital. I need the hospital.' I wanted to shower. More than anything I wanted to scrub every inch of my body with hot water, remove every trace of the filth that now covered me. 'No…not supposed to yet. Carlisle. Have to talk to Carlisle.' I swallowed, reaching into my pocket with a shaky hand and pulling out the cellphone Edward had given me. I was grateful that he'd programmed his entire family's numbers into it for me. Each of them carried cell phones in case of emergencies so that they could easily get ahold of one another. I looked around, leaning against another tree. I hadn't made it twenty feet, and already my legs shook and my stomach ached and I was dizzy…I slumped to the ground, dialing the house. I didn't care who answered. It could be Rosalie and I would take it. I just wanted someone to help me.
"Hello?" Emmett's voice was nearly curt…it was how they always answered their home phone. People so rarely called them….
I tried to keep my voice steady, but he must have heard the desperation in it. "Emmett?" I choked out.
"Bella?" His tone changed, moving from distant to concerned in half a second. "Bella, are you okay?"
"No." I felt a sob building in my chest and tried to stop it. "Can you come get me? Please?" I begged, putting a hand over my mouth when the tears began to fall again.
"Where are you?" He asked immediately, and I heard Jasper's voice somewhere in the background.
"La Push." I cried harder, knowing he couldn't get to me. Knowing that he was forbidden to come here and not caring. "Please. Please, Emmett."
"Where? Where in La Push?"
"First Beach." I heard him swear, loudly, and heard Jasper mumble something.
"Can you get to the border, Bella? Or closer to it?" I cried in earnest then, rocking back and forth, my mind rebelling at the thought of running into him again…or any of his pack. They must have known…must condone it if they'd allowed it. I'd come to think of them as my friends. A knife twisted in my chest.
"I can't." I whimpered, shaking my head and knowing that Emmett couldn't see me. He swore again and a different voice came on the phone, this one a little calmer, his calm seeming to leak into me, and his voice was gentler than I'd ever heard him.
"Bella, are you with Jacob?"
"No." I sobbed. To his credit, his voice never wavered…his patience didn't run out.
"Can you get to him? To give you a ride?"
"No! No no no…" I shook harder, sobbing the word over and over until he interrupted me, his voice a little surprised.
"Bella, did Jacob…did he do something to you? Did he hurt you?" He didn't actually say it, but the implication was there and I wondered if I could die from shame.
"Yes." I choked out the word and wrapped my arm around myself, shrinking against the tree, then forgot about shame when I thought of him coming after me again. "Please, please don't let him hurt me again, Jasper." I pleaded. For all I knew, Jasper didn't even like me very much. He certainly did his best to keep his distance. But I would beg if he would just help me.
"Sh Bella. I won't." His voice was cold now, the fury evident. "We're coming. Listen. We're going to hang up, and call you from my cellphone. We'll stay on the line with you after that, okay?"
"Mmhm." 'They're going to get me. They're coming to take me away from here. I just have to wait a little longer. Then I'll be safe.'
"Okay. I'm just going to hang up for a second." I heard the line go dead and hit the end button on my phone. It wasn't a full second later that he called me back and Jasper's voice was back in my ear. "Bella, are you there?"
"Good. Okay we're on our way. Listen, can you try to get closer to the border? Do you know the way?"
"I can't. It hurts." I whimpered, shaking my head. There was dead silence for a moment, and I heard a snarl on the other end.
"It's alright darlin. Just stay where you are. We're coming to get you, then we're going to get you to Carlisle, okay?" I cried softly, looking around the woods fearfully.
I was vaguely surprised when he kept speaking to me, his voice soft and gentle, and it reminded me of how he would soften when he looked at Alice. But he continued, assuring me that they were close, telling me that no one would hurt me again, promising to get me to Carlisle as soon as they got here.
"Okay, Bella, Emmett's on the phone with Carlisle. He's going to meet us…Sam will probably let him cross the border to get you, alright?" I didn't answer, biting my lip hard. I was making Carlisle leave work. I was causing him trouble. And what would he think of me now? "Bella? Darlin, are you there? Bella?" His voice grew urgent and I hummed in agreement, not able to speak through my tears. He continued to speak, his deep voice soothing me as I heard wind rush by on the line, until finally it came to an abrupt halt and I heard a door slam.
There were other voices then, tense, angry ones, and I wondered what was going on. 'What if they won't let them get me? What if Sam says no?' I shook with the cold, resting my head on my knees once more and sobbing. "Bella?" Carlisle's voice came from the phone now, and I wondered vaguely how he'd met them so quickly. I felt a rush of relief and tried to wipe my face quickly. "Sweetheart we're outside of La Push. Are you there?"
"Carlisle?" I chocked out, my jeans damp with tears, my body aching as I realized that I was probably covered in bruises.
"I'm coming, Bella. We have to talk to…Sam." He kept the phone to his ear, and I heard Jasper speaking to the alpha wolf.
"We just want to get Bella." I could imagine Jasper's calming influence as it wrapped around everyone present. "She called us…she asked us to come and get her." I leaned my head back against the tree, my face wet as I tried to curl tighter into a ball without causing my muscles to cramp. "Bella?" Jasper's voice was once again in my ear. "Listen they're letting Carlisle come, and Sam's going with him… Bella?" I managed a little noise and heard him sigh. "It's okay darlin. He should be there in a minute."
The sound of rustling in the woods made me gasp, my arms going around my knees, and I rested my head on my them, tears streaking down my face as I did my best to stop crying. I didn't want to see Sam…or anyone else. I couldn't bear the thought of facing him. I just wanted my family. Any of them. Hesitant footsteps approached, and I froze, tensing and praying that Carlisle would show up soon. But the hand that reached out and brushed against my arm was ice cold, and I looked up into his face.
Sam stood beside him, his face grim, but I only saw Carlisle, his hand hesitantly moving to touch my face. "Sweetheart? Talk to me Bella." He requested quietly.
"Carlisle…" I felt another tear fall down my face as I dropped the phone and gripped his hand. He moved closer then, sitting next to me and holding me close. 'Safe.' My entire body seemed to relax then and I began to sob in earnest, clutching his shirt in my hands as tightly as I could.
"Oh sweetheart." He murmured in a quiet, pained voice. "I'm going to get you to the hospital, okay? Come on." He carefully moved a hand under my knees and lifted me, moving so quickly that I barely noticed. He was as cold as Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to care even as I trembled.
"Was it Jacob?" Sam asked quietly, keeping his distance. I managed a shaky nod, although I didn't move from Carlisle's chest where I cowered from him. "Did he…" I wondered at his long pause. "Did he rape you, Bella?" Sam asked, his voice turning gentle, and I nodded again, clutching his shirt even tighter. I didn't want to talk to Sam…I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to shower and curl up in a dark room and sleep until it didn't hurt anymore.
"I've got to get her looked at. Thank you, Sam." Carlisle kept me angled toward him, my chest pressed against his so no one would see my exposed bra.
"Will she file a police report?"
Carlisle had his arm around my back and rubbed his thumb back and forth in soothing, continuous motions. I focused on that instead of his words. "I'll speak to her about it later. I don't think she's up to it right now."
"She doesn't have to go through the legal system if she doesn't want to. We'll take care of him." Sam promised grimly. "He hurt a human. There are…procedures for this." Carlisle held me closer.
"I will get in touch with you when she knows what she wants to do." Then we were moving so quickly I felt the wind whip by me until I could feel Jasper's calm wrap me like a quilt. They were speaking…I could feel it in Carlisle's chest, but I couldn't hear any words until he finally spoke up.
"Jasper, will you drive my car? She hasn't let go and I don't want to make her…Emmett you can take your jeep home if you like."
But I didn't want Emmett to go…I wanted both of them…my giant bear-like protector who was more than a match for a werewolf, and Jasper, cunning and military like in his planning, a fierce fighter from what I'd seen as he sparred with Emmett. They were both strong and fast and would protect me. "I'm staying with her." Carlisle sighed.
"Bella, do you want them to stay? You can say no if you want. No one's feelings will be hurt. They understand."
I nodded my head against his chest. "Please." I chocked out. "Stay."
A large hand touched my back and it took me a second to force myself to unstiffen, realizing that the hand was cold. But he didn't pull away. "We won't leave you, Bella. Not if you want us here. I'll ride with you."
"What about your jeep?" Carlisle asked as he climbed into the backseat, keeping me balanced on his lap.
"It's just a stupid toy." He snarled in a choked voice, climbing into the passenger seat. Carlisle's thumb swept under my eye as Jasper started the car, turning the heat up until I could feel the warmth.
"Shh, it's alright sweetheart. We're going to the hospital." He soothed me, wiping the tears as they fell.
I crossed my arms, glancing anxiously back at the little human in my father's lap every few seconds. She was pale, and I could smell blood. I tried my best not to think on it, focusing instead on her shaking form as she held tightly to Carlisle. She wanted us with her…she trusted us, even after having her trust broken. She'd called us first, not her own father, not the police, not any kind of emergency medical service. She wanted us. I could understand it. She always watched us with awe when we sparred, her own weak eyes trying to follow our too-quick movements, and I could understand her thoughts. She knew we could protect her. But the fact that she trusted us to do so…
She cried out, curling up on Carlisle's lap when Jasper turned onto the main road, hitting a pothole, and I watched my brother flinch, his teeth clicking when they came together. I'd seen his face go from pale to bone white and his lips curl up around his teeth, his entire body stiffening when she'd told him she couldn't get to the border…that it hurt. I'd felt his fury lash out, the deep snarl building in my chest in response. He'd hurt her. That mongrel had caused her such pain that it hurt her to walk. My body stiffened now just thinking about it, my muscles tightening as I readied myself to tear the dog apart. Carlisle murmured to her, just loud enough for her to hear, promising to get her something for the pain, promising to keep her safe….promising anything just to keep her calm.
I felt Jasper's fury again and flinched when it was projected, then hastily pulled back. He wouldn't want Bella to feel that. He loved her. I knew that just like I knew that I loved her. He kept his distance, sure that she would be wary of him after her birthday party…even if he had voted to change her, but I knew that he would do anything to protect our little human sister…yes, I did think of her as my sister. She was going to be, soon enough. Although it felt like only days ago she'd come into our lives, I knew that we wouldn't be able to let her go now. I glanced back at her again, wishing I could hold her like Carlisle was, wishing that I could let her know that she was completely safe now, that I wouldn't let anything hurt her. If the other dogs didn't kill Jacob Black, then I would. Then again…Edward might have to be given that privilege.
I swore mentally when I remembered Edward and mumbled his name aloud. "Will Alice have seen?" I asked, too quietly for Bella.
"Now that we've gotten away from the wolves, probably." Carlisle answered in the same tone. "I'm going to get her examined regardless…probably by a female doctor…we may need to sedate her. She's going to break down completely if we're not careful. She's coping incredibly well considering. I'll speak to Edward when he comes to the hospital. He's going to be…"
"Murderous." I finished for him wryly, looking at her once again, and noticed that Jasper was doing the same, driving just as quickly as always but being careful to avoid any more bumps in the road. "How is she?" I asked my brother who closed his eyes for a second.
"Terrified. In a lot of pain. Just short of in shock. How do you think?" He snapped, his voice almost too loud, and Carlisle gave him a warning look, rubbing Bella's back. I shrugged out of my jacket, handing it back to Carlisle who wrapped it around her shoulders where her blouse was ripped open. "What kind of sick..." He trailed off, clenching his teeth and shaking his head, focusing once more on the road. "I'm doing my best to keep her calm…taking the edge off the panic. But she feels safe with you holding her, Carlisle. And when she found out we were staying, it helped. She doesn't want us to leave her."
"Who's leaving her? I'm never letting her out of my sight again." I mumbled, shaking my head. "But neither will Edward."
"She's afraid of him." Jasper warned softly when I said his name.
"Why? Did he do something to her?" I asked, ready to rip my brother to shreds if he'd dared…
"No of course not…it's not exactly fear of him…I can only guess she's afraid of his reaction."
"His reaction will be to destroy the wolf if he can get his hands on him."
"She's probably going to blame herself for this." Carlisle told us softly. "Most victims of this kind of assault do. If Edward isn't careful, he could make her believe that he blames her, or that he no longer wants her because of this."
"And if he does that, we'll be down a brother." I growled. Jasper grinned faintly, right before his phone chimed in his pocket. He pulled it out, checking it and sighting before answering.
"Where is she?!" Alice's voice was panicked and he glanced at the girl once again.
"We have her. We're on our way to the hospital. Carlisle wants to talk to Edward before he can see her."
"Edward's already at the hospital…he left as soon as he saw…but why…is she…."
"Shh, Alice." He consoled her softly, pulling into the parking lot away from Edward's car we all spotted immediately. "She'll be okay. Carlisle's going to get her checked in. We're here." I stopped listening, jumping out and opening Carlisle's door.
"Emmett, can you hold Edward off…keep him outside. I'd like Jasper to come with us…maybe he can stand outside her door when they're examining her. Keep her calm?" Jasper had already hung up his phone and was nodding, moving to stand next to me and staring at Bella hesitantly.
"I'll go get Ed. Get her inside." Carlisle nodded his thanks and the two of them hurried inside with my baby sister.
Her emotions were overwhelming as we entered the hospital, and I did my best to soothe them. Shame and embarrassment were the worst…and they hurt me the most. It was bad enough the monster had hurt her like this…I could see the bruises forming on her exposed arms and knew that there were more. I could smell the blood, slightly stronger than before, and knew that he'd handled her so roughly that she'd bled. The thought made it necessary to suppress a snarl. It was bad enough how he usually treated her; manipulating her until she felt that it was her fault he was harboring this unrequited obsession with her…that it was her responsibility to make him happy, as though she didn't have a family or a boyfriend or a life of her own. He put himself above her, his own needs before hers, and I could feel how it frustrated Edward to know that she fell for it. I didn't blame her…it wasn't her fault that she was trusting and naïve…though probably not anymore. But the thought of how that had been stolen from her…
I took away the embarrassment. I wouldn't allow it…wouldn't allow that dog to make her feel as though she were at fault for this. The pain, the fear…those were harder. I could calm her…make her feel secure. I could wrap it around her like Carlisle had Emmett's jacket, a barrier around her to protect her. I could ease the shock and sorrow that was just under the surface. She'd never seen this coming…never suspected that Jacob would do this to her. Of that, I was certain. I followed Carlisle through the halls, into a patient room and shut the door behind me as he lay her in the bed as gently as he could, flinching when she did, closing my eyes when she curled into a ball on her side.
"Bella, a nurse is going to come in and get you ready to see a doctor, okay?" She nodded, her expression bordering on vacant, and I fought against the shock, trying to bring her back to full awareness. "We need to have you examined, sweetheart. To make sure you aren't hurt. And then run some tests. Would you like me to examine you, or a female doctor?" She glanced up at him and once again I took every trace of her embarrassment. If she felt more comfortable with Carlisle, she would not be embarrassed or too ashamed to ask. I could give her that.
"Female. Please." She mumbled finally, closing her eyes again as she curled into a tighter ball. He glanced at me, then took her hand.
"Alright sweetheart, that's perfectly fine. I'll get one of my colleagues to take care of you. Now, do you want a sedative? It will help you stay calm and relaxed during the exam, and that will help with the discomfort." She nodded immediately, still clutching his hand. "Okay, Bella. I'll go speak to the doctor. I'll be right back. Jasper will stay if you like." She nodded again and he touched my shoulder as he passed me.
"Jasper?" She asked quietly, watching me from where she lay on the bed in the fetal position.
"Hey, darlin." I mumbled, breaking my own rule of no contact and touching her hand, a little surprised when she gripped my hand in her own.
"Will you stay?" She asked, her small form quaking, and I nodded.
"Of course I will. I'll wait outside the whole time if you want. You're safe, Bella." She nodded at that, finally allowing herself to close her eyes. "Just rest. We'll take care of you, and then we'll get you home."
When a nurse opened the door, I squeezed her hand once more, then started to move back, watching painfully when her eyes flew open and moved to watch the young woman standing in the doorway. "Hey, I'll be right outside that door. Carlisle's around too. Just call if you need me, okay?" She looked at me for a long time, her hand clutching mine as though I would disappear, and I heard the nurse approach slowly.
"Bella? I'm Vanessa." To her credit the woman didn't seem intimidated by me. "I'm just going to give you some medicine to help the pain. And you wanted a sedative, right?" She nodded, still holding tightly to my hand. "Alright. You don't have to change into a gown if you don't want to. Dr. Thomas will be right in to look at you." She spoke calmly, and I admired her courage, deciding to stop glaring at her as though she would attack at any moment. "Is this your boyfriend?" She asked, and I chuckled when Bella wrinkled her nose.
"Brother." I felt a jolt, but didn't dare let my shock show on my face.
'Brother? She thinks of me…as her brother?' I rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand. 'Well then, I'm her brother.' I thought fiercely.
"Would you like him to stay until the doctor arrives?" She started to nod, then glanced at the tray with the needle in the woman's hand, then back at me.
"Is it okay?" She asked, her eyes wary. For a moment I thought she was afraid of me…then realized that I was wrong. She didn't want to hurt me. I swallowed hard, crouching by her head.
"It's perfectly fine, darlin. I'll stay right here." I promised, bringing up a hand to cup her cheek. The nurse eyed me for a moment, her emotions mostly surprised or confused, then took Bella's other hand. I calmed her when she would have stiffened or jerked away. I'd feel the panic myself before I allowed her to suffer. She winced when the needle slipped into her skin, and I could tell the difference between Carlisle's technique and this woman's. Of course I could hardly fault her, but the fact that Bella was now in more pain didn't help my emotional state. She pushed the plunger and injected the medicine into Bella's arm, then repeated the procedure, apparently injecting her with the sedative this time, because Bella's hand loosened around mine and she seemed to calm, her breathing evening out.
There was a knock on the door and a woman, probably around Charlie's age, stepped into the room, took in my position by Bella's head, and her eyes softened, as did her emotions. "Thank you Vanessa. Hello, Bella. And you must be Jasper, Carlisle's son?" I nodded, reaching out and shaking her hand as I stood beside Bella. "Are you staying with her?"
"She wants me to wait outside." I squeezed Bella's hand, running my thumb over the back of her hand, wincing as I took in her muted emotions, then passed the doctor and stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall across from the door. I hated seeing her like that…feeling her like that. I hated that her emotions were suppressed and that she was incapable of feeling anything…hated seeing her eyes dim and feeling her hand go limp in mine…hated seeing her so defenseless. I wanted to hold her. I was surprised at the thought…I usually kept my distance, although that was completely for her benefit, or safety rather. I would have loved to get to know her, and maybe one day I'd have a chance. But for now, I was forced to keep my distance. I knew that Edward blamed me in some part for her birthday party, and I was sure that she did to. After all, I'd ruined her life for months….
I flinched when I felt a twinge of pain from her, fear and shame and terror all suppressed by the drugs in her system, and I took away the lingering remains as Carlisle came to stand next to me. "Edward is in the waiting room."
"Emmett restrain him?" I asked, my voice dull to my own ears.
"In the parking lot…we finally got him to calm down. He's not handling it well…"
"Well he can suck it up." I snapped. "If he's going to hurt her…."
"Jasper." Carlisle's gentle voice was reproving and he placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know you care for her, Jasper." That was a surprise…I did my best to keep my distance. "She's very fond of you, you know."
"She told the nurse I was her brother." I chocked out. Carlisle's arm moved around my shoulders and I was pressed against his side.
"She loves you." He told me kindly. "She loves all of us, and she's going to need us, you and Edward especially. You can help her like no one else can." I nodded, my head going to his shoulder. "I know why you try to stay away, but you must know that we don't blame you…" He trailed off when I gave him a cold glare, stiffening under his arm. He sighed, apparently not willing to press the point. "They sedated her, and the exam should only take an hour at the most, so we'll get her home as soon as we're done here. Her father won't be home until Monday, so she'll stay with us for the weekend." He paused, looking over at the door once more. "She called the house first thing, she allowed us to touch her, she wanted me to hold her…those are all good signs. She was capable of thinking. I don't believe she's suffering from PTSD as we see in many cases. She'll be okay, Jasper."
"He won't." I glanced over at the double doors at the end of the hall. "He's going to be inconsolable. You know he'll blame himself for this. Although it was irresponsible to allow her to spend time with werewolves." Carlisle shook his head.
"There's no allowing her to do anything, Jasper. He's not her father. We have no right to forbid her anything." He sighed. "Although she will not be going back to La Push if I have anything to say about it."
"I doubt she'll want to."
I felt like I was in a daze that I couldn't quite escape. I felt hands touching me, and couldn't feel much of anything about it. A woman was speaking to me in a kind voice, pricking me with a needle and drawing blood, gently feeling my sides and hips, examining the bruises on my arms and legs. It felt like I lay there for days, unable to have any kind of emotional response to what she did. But finally she gently helped me slip back into my pants and replace my ripped shirt, zipping Emmett's giant jacket over me to cover the front, and I lay back in the bed, curled on my side. It didn't hurt so badly anymore, but I just wanted to sleep.
I heard the deep murmur of voices once more and felt a cold hand on my arm. "Bella?" That was Carlisle. I tried to tell him hello…to thank him…but my mouth didn't quite work and I was so sleepy. "Go ahead and sleep, sweetheart." Another jacket was draped over me, this one smaller than Emmett's and I realized it must have been Jasper's. "Emmett and Jasper are going to take you to the house, alright?" I tried to nod a little, felt myself scooped into strong, stone arms, and let my head loll against a hard shoulder.
"I'm fine." His voice sounded sad, and I wished I could ask if he was okay…but already the blackness was appearing at the edge of my vision. I closed my eyes, not fighting it anymore.