The Silent Breakdown

Disclaimer: Free! is not mine.

Written for Wolfingsmeier.

1: I Hate Myself

He never looked this way.

His gaze was fixated on another, sometimes with a glint of jealousy that I obviously noticed.

If only I can do something… that would be great.

If only I can just drag him away, forcing him to be mine, that would be great.

…But I can't.

"Nagisa-kun? The club has ended."

I opened my eyes, looking at my blue-haired teammate, Rei-chan. He looked serious as always, so I climbed my way out the pool, and kicked some water towards Rei-chan.

"You look so scary, Rei-chan!" I laughed and ran away.

But I forgot that running around the poolside wasn't recommended.

"Whoa-" I slipped, but when I braced myself for the upcoming fall, I found something cushioning my back instead, preventing me from falling.

"Careful, Nagisa."

I always liked his voice, and I actually liked it more because he said my name.

His eyes were now fixated on me.

"Nagisa-senpai, you should not run on the poolside!" Rei-chan looked at me with worry, but I brushed it off with a wide grin. The warmth on my arm left, and it felt cold.

"You should take a shower and leave, it'll be cold soon." He walked to the pool, calling Haru.

Again, I can see the joy inside his glowing eyes.

I felt sick now.


I looked at Rei-chan, who looked at me with concern.

"I want to take a shower," I attempted to sound okay, but I knew it wasn't convincing enough. I could see from his eyes that he wasn't convinced too. Gladly Rei-chan did not push me, and he walked away, leaving me smiling weakly to the sight of Makoto Tachibana.

Who was happily chatting with Haruka Nanase.


Who was responsible for making me to feel this way.


To make me feel disgusted of myself more of anything else.