Disclaimers: I do not own anything out of Resident Evil. All of the contents belongs to Capcom.
Let Her Go
If anything, he knew that he should have never made that decision in the first place. Which had left him now cringing in his bed on one of those nights, anguish and all alone in the worn down apartment of his. Since when did he ever have an apartment of his own? Jake remembered he was a mercenary, and mercenaries never had a place to stay.
There was a dark stab of unknown pain in his chest as he held his face in his hand while the other splayed carelessly across his belly. His senses numb to the sound of the streets outside and the smell of his sheet in his bed, even the bottles of alcohol emptied of its content didn't faze him. The only places where he didn't feel numb was his nauseating stomach and the secret spot where a torrent of emotions silently incubating.
And he hated it.
The name escaped his lips like melted butter; so slippery and smooth yet he was unable to let go.
Though saying her name did not help much. In fact, it amplified of what guilt he was feeling now. Saying her name only reminded him of her dainty smile and her gentle caresses, her flimsy yet powerful body...
And that moment as the door closed on him...
A soundless groan now emitted from his mouth instead of her name. Through gritted teeth, he wanted so bad to make the feelings go away - using any means possible; screaming into his pillow, smashing his furniture apart or maybe just get out the street to randomly grab a wrench into his apartment.
Sadly, even Jake realized that there was only one way to cure himself of this miserable state.
Twisting to lay on his back again, the sickness made Jake feels like throwing up again but at the same time he did not - he had done that in his bathroom an hour ago. Above all else, he wanted to remove the invisible blade sticking up on his heart where the dark pain grow every second passed. If there is a word to name the pain, he would name it as regret.
Regret, yes. Plenty of things Jake was regretting now that he was suffering without anyone to call for help. He never called for help, no matter the occasion.
But he was in desperate need of one in his life today.
This was not any kind of wound, you could easily bandage a flesh wound and it would be okay in time being. But Jake's was not any kind of wound - his was regret, and regret never heal easy.
He regretted that he had met her.
He regretted that he had ever allow emotions to be introduced again.
He regretted ever coming here to the United States.
He regretted that he chose to stay.
He regretted to let her into his new life.
And most of all...
He regretted that he let her go.
Arguments were common between the two that it almost been a part of their lives. Either always had a thing to say about the smallest of the small topic they confronted each other of.
It was another night when they once again were neck to neck with each other, Jake vaguely remember how it started... something about a risky field mission that Sherry had accepted. She had showed up in his apartment to inform him of the news and one thing leads to another, they were screaming at each other.
Jake's inborn temperamental behavior and Sherry's instilled strong personalities not only fail to curb the situation but it fanned the flames alive.
He remembered saying something that would be the last straw...
"Fuck you, walk away like everyone else!"
Unable to tolerate with him anymore, she had slammed the door on him and left the apartment since. He probably had missed it when a tear slid down her cheek.
And Jake didn't chase after her.
It's always ended up like that, so it didn't bother Jake at all. She would always show up again on the next day and they would both apologize to each other for their erratic conduct.
But that was not the case on that day. The next day after the especially heated argument, he had waited for her in his apartment the entire day... she never showed up. Not even on the day after, and after, and after for eight days. It took too long that Jake had resorted that he himself would swallow his pride just that once and knock on the door to her place.
No one answered the door.
A call to Claire revealed that Sherry had left for the mission three days ago soon after she had walked away from him.
Who could have known that she had really walked away from him that very day?
Three months of waiting for her return, Jake had received one call from Kennedy that possibly changed his life forever.
That call happened around one midnight of February. At that time, Jake was hopeful of apologizing to his girlfriend with flowers and a treat of dinner that would possibly surprise the girl silly.
He refused to hear the details from Leon, although he did collect the vital pieces - the helicopter Sherry boarded in during evacuation was shot down at the very last minute and she failed to escape in time. At first, Jake didn't believe that his beloved Supergirl would be gone, since she had her superpowers but a report from the coroner finally convinced him that she was indeed lost.
They had recovered a severed arm from the crash site, and the DNA belonged to Sherry. They finally concluded that she was blown to bits in the explosion and her brain couldn't possibly survive the impact.
He remember walking out the office with a stoic expression on his face, the teary-eyed Claire Redfield holding onto her brother and the doleful Leon Kennedy who only looked away to hide his grief.
He remember totaling his bike at the highway and waking up in the hospital.
Since then, Jake changed.
And it was already September.
Sherry was lost.
Locked away in his own apartment, all he could do was to drown his sorrow in every alcohol available. Whiskey, vodka, gin, tequila, beer - the stronger the better. The calls to his phone was endless; Claire, Chris, Leon, even Redfield's wife Jill had tried calling him. It became annoying to the young man that he had disposed of the battery one day.
He became a drifter then, a bar regular. Sitting at a corner drowning in his drink, pushing away the lecherous woman trying to get on his junk, perhaps a fight with another man. Violent and brash, Jake always ended the blood bash in a police station with someone to bail him out. In spite of the younger Redfield trying to help Jake, he never healed.
Only in the later days when all the nearby bars had him banned, Jake frequented the liquor store instead.
And trapped himself away in his solitary confinement of his room.
In a way, Jake thought that he felt slightly better being alone. This way, he could self-punish by blaming himself for Sherry's death, wallowing in all the guilt.
The former mercenary palmed his face in his calloused hand again and dug his fist into the mattress, so wanted to rip the cotton apart and pull of every springs from it to at least lessen his pain - the very pain he felt years ago on that little cottage in Edonia; different but the same amount. The words rang loudly in his ear in the deafening silence like a whispering scream.
She was lost. She was lost. She was lost.
If only he would follow after her and stop her in time, if only he could stop being so egotistical and listen to her, if only he would be supportive of her and to be with her...
If only... If only...
The last word repeated in his ears tauntingly. So much things that he could do to change everything but he had missed the chance and never to have a second.
For a moment he was roused from his reverie with a soft thud from the door. He never bother to meet the visitor, knowing that the only person to have the spare key was Claire Redfield, having inherited the key from the late Sherry Birkin which Jake had no objections about.
The key was not the only thing that Claire inherited, she too took up Sherry's will upon herself to care and tend for the hopeless Jake - she had been taking this unspoken responsibility, having to see the Wesker's son as her brother thanks to Chris and Sherry. From time to time, the woman would be in his apartment to clean and cook for him; her offer to talk to him was always shut down by Jake locking himself in his room.
His eyes fell to the empty bottles scattered on the alcoholic-stained floor and he flipped to the other side; through his heavy hearing, soft footsteps are brisking in onto his room. The man grunted in anooyance, having forgotten to lock the door.
The door open, and a whiff of floral assaulted his enhanced sense.
"I told you not to come anymore, Claire." He grunts, pulling the sheets over his head to shield himself.
A moment after, the mattress incline to one side.
He felt a soft touch on his shoulder through the thin sheets - so painfully familiar that Jake choke back his tears.
He wonders if it's just his hallucinations that had decided to torture him with more of her memories. The soft call belongs to only one person in the world...
He wonders if he was finally an insane man.
Or... was this his chance of a redemption? That all the neglected phonecalls was to tell him that she was yet to be gone from him?
Jake Muller knew better than to debate with his sanity any longer as he removes the sheet blocking his view and her touch, confirming the lucidity of her presence.
If it's his sanity had finally taken its toll, then he would rather be here in his room and trap himself forever in this false comfort.
But if this is the chance that he could finally repair for all that was lost, he promised himself that he would never let her go.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep
Passenger - Let Her Go
A.N: Took me some time to complete this. X( This is requested by Lone Wolf Man who had wanted a Jake/Sherry fic in which Sherry died in the case. :) Was a lot more difficult than I thought it would, but I had fun getting outta my comfort zone and write the hell out!
And the song, I suggest that you give it a hear. If anything, I think the song is wonderful that I fell in love the first time I hear it.
Hope you like this, Wolf! :)
My life is depressing enough, and after trying hard to write a depressing fic, I've finally decided to write light fics of Jake/Sherry again replacing Equilibrium. XD It's still in planning, but I am already getting excited to start the new fic although Im still thinking about the ending.
But as soon as I finished the plotting and I find myself a beta for it, I'll be sure to post it out on my profile for any update!