Chapter Three

"I wish you'd think better of him. He's not as bad as you think he is."

Lexi sighed. She leaned forward, her fingers grazing my cheek gently, her eyes trained solely on me before they flickered toward the source of her distress. He's standing by the doorway. His stance aloof, his visage calculating.

"This isn't going to end well."

"This is my choice." I began to walk away, my eyes searching for him.

"He's married. He's a Vulcan." I froze, gazing toward him. My eyes trailed his smooth, hardened features, his cold, but human eyes. "He will never be what you want him to be."

"I know."

I walked away.



I was awoken by music.

I laid on my stomach, listening for several long minutes. It was obviously a stringed instrument of some sort - one I could not immediately identify. There was a hint of the mournful tone of a violin, but something much lighter as well - like a harp or a hammered dulcimer. The notes fluttered as if plucked with a finger rather than drawn out with a bow. I didn't recognize the composition either.

I rolled over in his bed and looked around. It was early evening, the sky not quite fully darken yet outside his window. I lazily climbed off his bed, tugging lightly on his shirt I wore, feeling a cool breeze on my naked legs. I padded barefoot out of his room and along the short hallway that led to the living area. I paused in the doorway.

I stood motionless, enraptured. Spock was sitting on the couch with his back to me, his head bent over some sort of instrument balanced on his knee. At length the composition ended and he fell silent. I blinked. Spock was making some adjustment to the instrument he held. As I stepped forward into the room a lilting melody entirely contrasting with the previous haunting piece he'd been playing sprang from the strings, filling the air around us.

Spock glanced over his shoulder at me as I approached.

Abruptly the music stopped.

"Don't stop," I said, barely above a whisper.

His head tilted to one side and he blinked once before his fingers began to move again. I came to stand before him. He met my gaze, his hands moving over the strings of what I now recognized as a Vulcan harp. I sunk to my knees on the carpet beside him and watched.

Spock played the song to its evident conclusion.

"I apologize if I disturbed you," he remarked after the last chord had faded into silence.

I shifted closer and wrapped a hand around his leg and rested my chin upon his knee. The material of his robe was cool and soft against my skin. I smiled at him while his eyes intently studied me. "Naw, it was pretty great being woken up with music. It was beautiful. Mind playing another song for me?"

He paused.

"If it will please you ..." he replied softly. I can see his hesitation and I asked him what's on his mind.

"My wife never-" We both froze. We had never mentioned her before. Not once. For the countless of times that I had been with him, I had foolishly believed that she did not exist. But she did and it made it clear that we were never, and could never be an us. It is just him and I.

"She never quite understood the prospect of why I choose to compose music. She has made it implacably clear her opinion on the matter. I have not had the opportunity to play ...until now." He is gazing at me. His eyes, there was a palpable desperation in them, an unnatural contrast to his usually impassive demeanor.

"Are you happy with her?" It is a question I've had since the beginning. Since the moment my eyes had found his. But I had refused to ask - afraid - terrified that it could all unravel around me.

"I am content. She is my wife. Happiness is a human emotion, an emotion your species relishes in believing is the sole purpose of one's existence. I have come to comprehend my wife's aspect of such deduction."

He's married.

"She doesn't understand, Spock. She doesn't understand to have happiness is the rarest thing in the world. You should not be content. You should be happy. Because then, you will be very sad. And alone. And in time, it will destroy you." I smooth my hand over his leg, my fingers digging into his skin. I closed my eyes, resting the side of my face against his knee.

"I am Vulcan." His voice is deep, distant.

"And human. While you try be one, the other will mourn. You should not have to become one and neglect your other half to be accepted by your wife. You should just be you." I can feel how rigid he has become. He does not reply and there's a long, extended pause. I know I have taken it further than I had intended and I can feel his discomfort. But I needed to tell him, I needed him to know.

He's Vulcan.

"Will you play? For me?" I continued to keep my eyes closed not wanting to see his eyes. To see his controlled, distant eyes as he tried to suppress his human side. He shifted and for a moment, I'm afraid that he would walk away. But then I heard a tune as it echoed in the quiet space between us. But the music, it is not the same. It is perfectly precise, controlled. The music lacked what it needed to be music.


I slowly opened my eyes as I gazed toward him. His head is tilted to the side in strict contemplation, adjusting himself to the frozen feeling with brittle regard.

And I knew that I've lost him.

He will never be what you want him to be.

A/N: Sorry for the delay guys. Been having a pretty busy year. Anyways, I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. Hopefully, next chapters would be longer and can explain a little more of the background of the characters and why Spock suddenly started having an affair. Thanks again for the reviews and follows!