Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You would, you would if this was a movie

Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out

Come back, come back, come back to me like

You could, you could if you just said you're sorry

I know that we could work it out somehow

But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

—If This Was A Movie, Taylor Swift


It was all over.

Huge, heaving sobs wracked my body and tears streamed down my face as I went deeper into the forest. He was gone, he was never coming back.

My sobs renewed, louder than before. Why was I being such a masochist? These thoughts were a knife ripping through my body, destroying any pretense of being alright. In all honesty, I the term "alright" would most likely never apply to me again. I was broken, crushed. I vaguely acknowledged the fact that somehow I had tripped and was now sprawled along the forest floor. I did not really care that much. All that mattered was that he didn't want me, he didn't love me. Perhaps he never had. I was pretty certain that you couldn't just stop loving someone that easily. I was just a distraction, perhaps not even the first. Maybe there had been others before me who couldn't help fall in love with him. I knew I couldn't have stopped myself: it had always seemed inevitable. Even though, in the back of my mind, I knew I would never deserve him. Why had I ever been gullible enough to believe that someone as… incredible as him would ever want someone as plain as me?

More than ever before, I wished to embrace immortality. Perhaps Edw— he would have stayed if I wasn't so boring, so slow, so weak, so human. I was tormented when I realized I would grow old and wrinkled and die — all without ever seeing his glorious immortal face again. I shook uncontrollably. Maybe, if I was beautiful and strong, he wouldn't have gotten bored. But I could never be one of them now. The only vampires I knew were long gone.

But that's not right, said a voice in the back of my head. This was the only thing that kept me from completely losing it; the vaguest curiosity. I found myself recalling a conversation from when I was still loved.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there… Aro, Marcus, Caius… Nighttime patrons of the arts…"

I winced at the anguish that rippled through me at even the memory of his voice. But I found that having something to do besides let my misery swallow me helped my mind focus. I through myself into thinking, in hopes for some of the grief to abate. Another memory surfaced, this one from only a few months ago.

"…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die."

So that probably meant that they were dangerous. But they were vampires. No matter how horrible they were, there was the slimmest chance… did I even want to think it? There was the most minuscule chance that they might change me.

Of course, this option's chances were insurmountable compared to the odds that they would simply kill me and make me a meal. And yet— and I was coming to realize this very slowly —even that might be better than the alternative. Dealing with the pain of unrequited love and abandonment from he who had pledged his heart to me. I couldn't even bear to think his name. I was also realizing that I was incredibly selfish— the most selfish person I knew. With horror, I realized that I would rather Charlie and Renee have to deal with my death than have to deal with my pain. I would rather he pretend to love me than let him leave to find his happiness.

I was truly the monster that he had always thought himself to be.

But I couldn't live without him. I was already dead inside. So, really, this was not a death sentence. It was my only hope for life.

One day later, I was on a plane to Italy.


Ok, this story is really dang irritating. I had to write it down, just to get it out of my head, and I figured I'd post it for the heck of it. It will be just as surprising to me as to you as to where it goes next. Right now, I'm just sort of rolling with it.