Don't yell at me, but just read it. It came out of nowhere. First, the ending came to me, then the beginning, and then the middle I had to fill in myself.
Vegetarian vampire Scathach and non-vampire but still a vegetarian Joan of Arc walks into the Lucky Clover Pub. A full house was present that night. Ancient wooden beams criss-cross along the ceiling, providing support for the roof. The walls were adorned all over with the severed heads of various different game beasts, ranging from the peaceful elk to the menacing wild boar; relics of the adventurous medieval past. Those animal heads obviously had seen better days. The crisp aroma of aged wine and sharp liquor mingled compatibly.
Rustic picturesque wooden tables and chairs were scattered throughout the place, and they were already taken. The fiddler and his merry band provided great entertainment, playng their lively and upbeat tunes. The whole place went wild! No true Scot ever wants to be put down by cheap and sappy hippy songs. No, they want to feel exhilerated and alive tonight! Excited, all the young patrons cheered and rooted their aprroval for the music, toasting their flagons with a resounding clink-clang. So with their spirits raised and their hearts enlightened, all the men happily began to sing along to an old, glorious hunting song, from way back in the olden days. Bursting genuine Scottish pride rang out in every pitch and melody!
Scatty placed her hands on her hips and took in a big whiff of the warm and fresh yeasty air. "Welcome to the Luck Clover Pub! So what you think Joan?"
Joan critically scanned around their surroundings, from their fellow singing half-drunk patrons, and then stopping at the dispalyed animal trophies.
"Well...it seems very festive around here", Joan said finally. "No wonder you love this place so much. Do you come here often?"
"Ah, yeah, ever since it was first established and opened in 1831." Her expression grimaced and she said, "Well, it was actually built in the 1400s as the personal hunting lodge of Lord Roger O'Leery. Then in 1831, his descendant, Mike O'Leery transformed it into a smashing pub." A huge smile came on to her face and her glassy green eyes gleamed with joy.
"And I guess that the decorative animal heads are here as a reminder of this place's history, as a place where animals were slaughtered?"asked Joan without ecxpecting an answer.
Scatty just laughed as she leisurely rested her arm on Joan's shoulders. "Now, come, I invited Palamedes and Will to meet us here. Where are those goofballs?"
"You mean I won't be alone? Thank you!" rejoiced Joan softly.
Slowly and with much "sorry" and "excuse me", and the ocassional "hey move over you bum!", they finally managed to get past the masses. The found Palamedes and Will at the bar, who greeted them with much fluff.
"Ah, Joan and Scathach! Guess you two made it after all", exclaimed Palamedes with a grin. "Give me the pleasure of buying you a drink?"
"I can pay for my own drink, thank you very much", chirped Scatty playfully as she slid on to a chair between them. Joan took the seat beside Will.
"Geez, just being polite, that's all", said Palamdes softly and cheekily. He waved for the barkeeper to come over, who did so immediately.
"Hello, folks, what can I get you tonight?" His accent was thick and naturally charming.
"Black liquor", replied Palamedes automatically. "The mild kind."
The barkeeper nodded and turned to acknowledge Scatty.
"Get me the finest and most bold Scotch you have, please!"
He gave her a quick wink before laying his glare on Joan and Will. "Well me, oh my, you two look like you don't drink much. What would you like?"
Will's blue eyes were huge and bulbous behind his glasses. "Do you have any rootbeer? I especially like the creamy ones", he said in a childish tone.
"Why, sure we do! How about you, lassie?"
Joan thought about it for a good while then decided, "Water. I would like water, please."
The barkeeper chuckled and asked, "Are you sure you want just water, sweety?"
"Um...mixed some red wine into it."
"...Alright..." he then got to work. He gave Palamedes a glass of liquor, a mug of golden Scotch to Scatty, an overflowing creamy rootbear to Will, and Joan her water. "Ya'll enjoy now!"
Scatty swiftly gulped down half her fill and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Ahhh, that's some very good Scotch as always! So how are you guys? You like it here?"
Palamedes sat his glass of liquor back down. "We're just swell. About this place? It's pretty neat and the liquor's pretty okay. The animal heads creep me out, though."
"I know, right?" said Joan in agreement.
"Everything is great!" replied Will bashfully. "The music, the folks, the root-beer...splendid! Marvelous! Magical!"
"Say, Will, when was the last time you drank alcohol?" asked Scatty, genuinely curious.
That question stopped him cold and the warm blood turned his skin red even to his ears. He nervously sipped his root-beer, stuttering, "Oh...um...it was...at that party...a while back. I can't remember when." Scatty was not easily fooled
Joan tried to change the subject. "So, Will have you been using a new brand of cleaner for your glasses? They look...shinier."
Will gladly played along, saying, "Oh yes! Thank you for noticing, Joan. This one is alcohol-free."
"Hey, you know what would be so fun, Scatty?"blurted Palamedes out of nowhere.
"First of all...for the million time, don't call me that!" he grumbled with great annoyance. His tone became happier as he said, "I think that Will and Joan should have a drinking competition! I've always been curious about how that would turn out."
As soon as those words came out of his mouth, the protests began to rise. Scatty was in favor of it.
"Come on, Joan! It will be fun! Just a little harmless competition", she pleaded.
"Scatty, you know that I don't drink alcohol", Joan replied bluntly.
Will crossed his arms and shook his head back and forth. "No! No! No! No! I refuse to take part in it!"
"That makes two of us", said Joan, smiling briefly at Will who returned it.
"Please Will! I will give you ice cream if you do it!" begged Palamedes in earnest.
"Did you say ice cream?" Will reconsidered. "Well...alright, but you better buy me a Mega-Triple-Frosty-Sundae when we get home!"
Scatty high-fived Palamdes before giving Joan the puppy eyes. "Pwetty please?"
Joan rolled her eyes and laughed softly. "Oh, fine, but only because Will agreed to it. You owe me a favor, Scatty."
"Hooray! Peer pressure prevails!"
Palamedes ordered the vodka, not the best choice to give to two such lightweights. The barkeeper poured some into two small cups and presented them to Joan and Will. The two immortals stared unflinchingly at the clear and taunting liquid. They looked at each other, then at Scathach and Palamedes, who smiled and gave them four thumbs-up
The barkeeper smiled kindly and nudged the cups closer. Halfheartedly, Joan and Will lifted their glasses. "Past the lips, over the gums, look out stomach here it comes!"
"See you on the other side!" prayed Will and then he and Joan shot it all down. Their reactions were absolutely priceless. Then the barkeeper provided them with two more, which they also drank. Then another set...and another...and another...and another...
************TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FUNDING OF IOU AND VODKA INC. THANK YOU! ^^ :} *********************************
"Come on, Joan! Only one more! You need one more! Don't give up now!"urged Scatty frantically.
The clock struck two minutes past midnight. By that time, the only living souls left in the bar were the four immortals and the barkeeper, who had been watching them all that time with weary anticipation. Everyone else had gone home already.
Palamedes stifled a loud yawn. "You know, Scathach, I think I'm starting to regret all of this." He took a brief glace at William Shakespeare was resting his pounding head on his folded arms, holding an empty cup in his right hand. He would moan and complain about the alcohol once every while.
Joan of Arc, wanting above all else to just get this ridiculous charade over with, shakily lifted lifted the last full cup of the evil devil juice vodka and drank it down fastidiously. Scatty couldn't help but beam radiantly with joy, but was still aware of the consequences of their actions though. Joan instantly became lightheaded, a common side affect, and slumped off her chair right into the vampire's arms.
"Oh my, is she okay?!" asked Palamedes, straining his eyeballs to see.
Scatty began to check her her status and search her face. Joan's eye were open just barely and the bright blue color became faded with shock. A wry smile came to her lips and she mumbles something incomprehensible, then laughed giddily out of all rational senses.
"Well, they're officially drunk!" announced Scatty. "I guess there is always a first for everything. Count to see who won."
Palamedes assumed a dramatically false demeanor of surprise. "Oh, they're drunk, William and Joan? Dear me, I never noticed!"
Scathach groaned and rolled her eyes before giving him an un-amused look. "Oh, hardy har har!That was SO funny that I forgot to laugh!"
The Saracen knight replied proudly, "Why, thank you very much!"
"God, for someone who is over 600 years old, I thought you could understand the concept of sarcasm by now", she grumbled lowly to herself. She then lashed out at him, barking, "Just count the blasted cups , will ya! I need to take Joan home and now I'm late!"
A startled Palamedes complied and did as he was told. He began counting the little empty glass cups. "One..two...three..cuadro...cinco..."
Suddenly, Scathach's phone rang out, the techno warbling sound making them both jump. Even Will raised his head upon hearing it, only to drop it back down again.
"So much alcohol! My poor weak stomach can't take it anymore!" wailed the immortal bard drowsily. "Palamedes you bloody turd! Why in the world would you do that to me? I thought we were friends...!" The barkeeper gave him a bucket, just in case his upset stomach would want to empty out its contents. Better safe than sorry!
Scatty waved her hand towards the Moor to keep counting and eased Joan down into a char. She took a deep breathe before answering the call. "Hey, Francis!" she winced and refrained herself from sounding to suspicious and perky." Yeah, we're just having fun here with Palamedes and Will. I know right? Joan? Oh. she's fine yeah." Scatty paused momentarily to adjust her ear and brush the stray strands of hair away. "What...so you're at the airport right now waiting for us? Don't worry, we'll be there soon I promise. You want to talk to Joan now? Uh...sure! Here, talk with her." Scatty hung up abruptly.
"One hundred and fifty!" cried Palamedes triumphantly. "Both of them drank exactly 150 cups...each!"
"So it's a tie?"
"Indeed, Scathach, indeed", he answered with a slow nod.
"Hmm, interesting. So can you please give me and Joan a ride to the airport in your taxi?"
Palamedes shot out his hand, palms facing upward. "That will be fifty dollars asap, no exceptions! That Mega-Triple-Frosty-Sundae is not cheap, you know."
So that's what brain manufactured this week. Pretty great, huh? Sorry again that it took so long.
I really would like to thank EscaoingPanda, who's been here with me since the very beginning and when I published my first story. Also, the ever incredible and awesome Scathachrox. Thank you both so much! Keep on truckin'!
So now a few words of advice: Try not to become an alcoholic and stay away from negative peer pressure. This is fanfiction, so it's okay.
You know the drill! Remember RFF
I don't care if you forgot the last two, but always remember to leave a review..sooner or later. Merry Christmas and HO HO HO!
Holiday cookies! (*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) Help yourselves! :}