A/N: Welcome to TFSC! A month and a half after publishing this first chapter, I've decided to come back to the roots and polish the story. If you love the craziness of the SNK fandom, you will certainly (hopefully) like this fanfic as well! Just to note, I've tried to make the characters as realistic as possible, so don't expect a blubbering Levi fawning over Eren, a loving (and totally not abusive) friendship between Jean and Eren, or a laughing Mikasa. In addition, although they are texting on cellphone-like devices, I've added usernames for your amusement. With that said, enjoy!
Chapter 1: Hanji Introduces Texting to the Survey Corps
titanscientist started the Survey Corps conversation.
titanscientist: Hello dearies! As you've all heard of, the technicians and I have finally implemented an instant messaging system so we can communicate rapidly instead of using those coloured flares that, you know, TOTALLY AREN'T OBVIOUS TO THE TITANS.
titanscientist: I've also taken the liberty of giving you guys usernames.
titanscientist: Anyways, what do you think?
killeren was added to the conversation.
killeren: wow hanji...i'm impressed
titanscientist: Thank you Eren! I'm glad you like it!
killeren: what's up with my name though?
killeren: it sounds like i'm trying to kill myself...
titanscientist: WHAT?! Don't you get the reference?
titanscientist: Kids these days...
titanscientist: Kill Bill? The crazy woman who tried to kill everyone who ruined her life?
killeren: oh yeah it kind of sounds familiar
killeren: but wasn't the crazy woman trying to kill bill?
killeren: i shouldn't be the one dying!
titanscientist: Pssh technicalities.
arminhammer was added to the conversation.
arminhammer: Umm Hanji...can we change our names by any chance?
arminhammer: I'm not sure if I really like this one...
killeren: i'm sure corporal levi would XD
titanscientist: Yes he would!
titanscientist: But Armin, I spent so much time trying to come up with these clever names
scarymir was added to the conversation.
scarymir: really...i wouldn't have thought it...
killeren: but your name is really appropriate for you
scarymir: shut up titan freak
scarymir: you are so dead.
christandangel was added to the conversation.
christandangel: Aww come on guys, let's not argue :)
christandangel: I kind of like my username, Hanji!
titanscientist: THANK YOU! SOMEONE APPRECIATES MY GENIUS.
arminhammer: Well no shit, it actually describes Christa.
arminhammer: How does arminhammer describe me?
killeren: yeah how does it?
killeren: you're anything but buff
arminhammer: Eren, I appreciate you trying to help me
arminhammer: But please stop.
titanscientist: It has nothing to do with your name, but it was just too good to pass up!
mikasaisyourcasa was added to the conversation.
mikasaisyourcasa: Hanji, please change my name now.
killeren: AHAHAHAHAHAHA MIKASA WHAT KIND OF A SHITTY NAME IS THAT
mikasaisyourcasa: Eren, I will fling you into the manure pile.
titanscientist: Eren, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna change your username to something worse.
killeren: bring it on
killeren: what could be worse than killeren?
Admin titanscientist changed the username killeren to myfavouriteexperiment.
titanscientist: Who's laughing now, bitch?
myfavouriteexperiment: WHAT THE FUCK
mikasaisyourcasa: She did warn you...
myfavouriteexperiment: ...just go away
arminhammer: I really like your new name Eren :)
arminhammer: But doesn't the username need to have his name in it?
titanscientist: I'm making an exception for him ;)
jeanchevaljean was added to the conversation.
jeanchevaljean: HANJI WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
myfavouriteexperiment: oh my god XD
myfavouriteexperiment: i'm dying right now
myfavouriteexperiment: hanji i love you now
jeanchevaljean: SHUT THE FUCK UP EREN
myfavouriteexperiment: how the fuck did you know it was me
jeanchevaljean: who else would she experiment on besides sawney and bean *shiver*
jeanchevaljean: AND WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME HANJI
arminhammer: You're pretty creative with names, Hanji
titanscientist: Oh thank you dearies! Someone finally appreciates my wit.
jeanchevaljean: NOT ME
jeanchevaljean: AND MIKASA HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME
marcopolo was added to the conversation.
marcopolo: Oh come on Jean, it's not that bad.
marcopolo: What's wrong with Jean Valjean?
jeanchevaljean: he lived a crappy and miserable life but that's not the problem
jeanchevaljean: it's FUCKING CHEVAL that's a problem! i don't wanna be named after a fucking horse
connieferous was added to the conversation.
connieferous: so, crappy miserable life and horseface
connieferous: what's any different?
jeanchevaljean: ...i can't believe you just went there
jeanchevaljean: how would you feel if i just chopped you down for firewood?
connieferous: fuck hanji...please change my name now
titanscientist: NO. I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS. PEOPLE STOP COMPLAINING.
connieferous: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M A FUCKING TREE?
myfavouriteexperiment: a dwarf tree
connieferous: WELL SORRY I HAVEN'T HIT PUBERTY YET
titanscientist: Hey, don't hate on trees. If it weren't for them we'd be titan food right now.
potatoesashallots was added to the conversation.
potatoesashallots: FOOD! oh wait...btw what are shallots?
rannientoawall was added to the conversation.
rannientoawall: They're a type of onion.
potatoesashallots: sweet! that sounds delicious...
potatoesashallots: potatoes and onions...drools~
arminhammer: Wow Annie...your name is...
rannientoawall: Don't even say it, Armin. I obviously didn't pick this dumb name.
jeanchevaljean: LOL YOUR NAME XDDDDDD
rannientoawall: Look who's talking, chevaljean. You wanna die?
jeanchevaljean: don't backflip me like you did to eren and reiner
rannientoawall: You too Connie. I can hear you laughing from the other room.
reinerdeer was added to the conversation.
reinerdeer: Ouch don't remind me...and Hanji, please change my name too. It's not even Christmas yet
bertholdtingon was added to the conversation.
bertholdtingon: Me too, Hanji
titanscientist: But why, Reiner and Bertholdt? They're such wonderful names! And Christmas is just around the corner :D
reinerdeer: That's why. Does it look like I'm a reindeer?
connieferous: and does it look like i'm a fucking tree?
bertholdtingon: I don't wanna be named after an Avril Lavigne song...
jeanchevaljean: what's wrong with avril lavigne?
jeanchevaljean: just be glad you weren't named after a miley cyrus song *shiver*
jeanchevaljean: what? what did i say wrong?
reinerdeer: Bert likes Miley Cyrus.
jeanchevaljean: oh wow...sorry dude.
jeanchevaljean: i didn't know
myfavouriteexperiment: how could you NOT know?
myfavouriteexperiment: he sings it all the time in the shower!
bertholdtingon: What? People can hear?
bertholdtingon: I thought I was keeping it quiet!
connieferous: not quiet enough, apparently
connieferous: except for jean who's apparently deaf
jeanchevaljean: shut up baldface
myfavouriteexperiment: must be cause he's too busy jerking off on himself to hear :)
connieferous: whatever, at least i don't look like a horse
myfavouriteexperiment: dude, that was my line
jeanchevaljean: I'M GONNA KILL BOTH YOU FUCKFACES
marcopolo: Calm down, Jean...
erwinthiswar was added to the conversation.
erwinthiswar: Hanji, I really think you should change these names.
titanscientist: What, not you too, Erwin!
titanscientist: But I gave you a fairly normal name. What's wrong with it?
erwinthiswar: Nothing's wrong with my name. Someone else thinks that something's wrong with his name.
titanscientist: Pssh well that's a first. Who is it now?
shortleviathan was added to the conversation.
shortleviathan: Hanji you fuckface. Change. It. Now.
myfavouriteexperiment: HANJI IF YOU KEEP LEVI'S USERNAME I'LL KEEP THIS STUPID USERNAME.
titanscientist: And what's wrong Levi? It describes you rather perfectly ;)
shortleviathan: Shut the fuck up Hanji.
shortleviathan: And if you don't close your fucking mouth Jaeger I will personally make you into "my favourite experiment".
shortleviathan: And you know what happened last time...
myfavouriteexperiment: ...point taken
titanscientist: Oh la la what happened last time?
jeanchevaljean: damn eren, i didn't know you were a masochist
mikasaisyourcasa: What is this Eren.
mikasaisyourcasa: Explain yourself.
myfavouriteexperiment: what the fuck are you guys talking about?
connieferous: well, what are YOU talking about?
shortleviathan: When I beat the shit out of Jaeger in front of the Military Police. What else, shitfaces?
titanscientist: Oh damn...I was hoping for some action.
jeanchevaljean: maybe next time
mikasaisyourcasa: You guys are sick. And if you try to do anything Corporal I will beat the shit out of you.
shortleviathan: Oh really? Are you challenging your elder?
mikasaisyourcasa: I wasn't aware that you were my elder when I'm easily a head taller than you.
titanscientist: Ooooh burnnnn...
jeanchevaljean: someone's suicidal...
myfavouriteexperiment: i think now would be a good time to leave...
shortleviathan: Ackerman you just earned yourself a day's worth of cleaning the entire castle.
shortleviathan: By yourself.
mikasaisyourcasa: Still better than seeing your stupid face.
shortleviathan: You little shit
titanscientist closed the conversation.
And so, Hanji decided to let the soldiers choose their usernames for the sake of avoiding a bloodbath between certain...individuals. We all know who they are.
Version 1.1: Just some format editing. Not many changes to this new revision.
Version 1.2: Adding and removing some snippets of the conversation. The general message is the same, but it sounds more natural now.