So sorry for the late update. I was out of town and then there today there was work and school…ok, enough with the excuses.
Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.
He didn't remember the last time he's laughed so much. It had probably been with Tommy, as well.
But there he was, sprawled out in his backyard during a cool Saturday morning, staring at Tommy making a fool out of herself.
She spun around, waving her arms up in the air like a maniac, supposedly 'dancing' to The Smith's A Charming Man that was playing from his old boom box. They had been 'investigating' his basement when they found it. Tommy thought it was the coolest thing ever, and when she found the cassette tape, she declared a dance off.
She was so silly at times.
But he didn't care one bit. It was nice to feel young for once.
"You don't like my dancing, Cullen?" She asked in between breaths. She was giving herself a workout.
He laughed even harder as she began to add a jump to her dance routine.
"I wouldn't go as far as calling it 'dancing,' but I like it," he said in a chuckle.
She grinned as she flipped him off. "I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stich to wear, ummm… uh…yeah I don't know the rest of the words to this sooooong…"she sang. "Come on, Cullen. Come dance with me."
He shook his head. "I'm too comfortable down here."
"Square," she accused, making him chuckle again.
The song finished, leaving her a flushed and gasping mess. She fell to his side, trying to catch her breath on her back.
Once again, she wore his sweater; it was as if she knew he liked it. It seemed as if she wore it every day. He wondered if she wore it during the days she didn't visit him. There was just something about the way she looked in it…
"Wow, Swan," he said after a minute of staring at her flushed face. "That was beautiful. You dance like an angel. You're like a graceful dancing bird, no pun intended…Swan"
"Shut up," she giggled, raising her head and resting it on her arm as she looked up at him. "You're just jealous of my mad dancing skills.'
He blew air into his cheeks as if trying to hold himself from exploding into laughter again. She giggled, poking the air out and playfully punching him on his shoulder.
They just stared at each other with painful grins, not actually saying anything as he played with her hand in his. Edward took a deep breath, trying to control the glee that made his heart race. He didn't quite understand it. He had come to admit that he enjoyed Tommy's presence very much. He always did, but what was left of his childhood immaturity had always made him deny it.
Regardless of the understanding and truth, he still didn't know what was different now. He always looked forward to spending time with her, but suddenly it was as if he needed to see her.
He looked around, making sure his father hadn't arrived home from the hospital and that his sister hadn't returned from her friend's house. When the coast was clear, he kissed her with all the want and need he had been holding back all morning. He didn't know what was acceptable. He didn't know if he could hold her hand when they walked in the woods or if he could kiss her just for the hell of it. He didn't know what they were doing.
But he wanted to do all those things so badly.
Especially when she was being a smart-ass and made those sly faces. He wanted to kiss her.
When she looked pouty, mad at something or pissed off at him…he wanted to kiss her.
Then there were those moments in which she would stare off into space. She had always had those moments since he knew her. She would pick a spot on the ground or in the sky and just stare with no emotion and with pained eyes. Sometimes, they were hopeful eyes, but how he wished to read her mind. He wanted to kiss her then, too, just to bring her back down to earth with him.
She whimpered when he slid his tongue into her warm mouth and pulled his head closer. Their tongues softly touched, and their hands began to wander.
Before, these things usually led to them to make out for hours, but Edward wondered if maybe, since they had done 'it' already, she might be up to doing 'it' again.
He was just a guy after all.
When his fingers found their way over her bare skin and close to her breast, he felt his hard cock twitch and he was sure she felt it.
"Whoa," she breathed on his lips.
"Sorry," he muttered, not sure if she wanted it and removed his hands from under her sweater.
"No, I just…maybe we can go up to your room. We're always outside. Maybe we can be less animalistic this time," she teased with a smile.
"Oh…" he said dumbly, not believing what she was saying. He began to imagine her naked in his room, remembering how she felt with no clothes on, wrapped around him and how soft and warm she was… His mouth went dry, his heart raced, he forgot how to breathe and his dick was trying to break through his zipper.
"So…you wanna?" She asked with a smirk. The smirk turned into a grin when he nodded like an idiot.
He could just see himself. Mouth open and widened eyes…he was such a loser. He mentally slapped himself for being so un-smooth, and jumped up to his feet, trying to fix the situation between his legs so he could walk.
When they reached his room, she suddenly became nervous and played with her hands as he slowly walked over to her. It wasn't like her to get nervous, she had always acted sure of herself and so tough. He sometimes thought she tried matching her attitude with her boy clothing, but even under the baggy jeans and oversized baseball t-shirts and that blue cap, she was his girl. He had witnessed her cry and be unsure of herself. He had seen her vulnerable. She couldn't hide from him. She could be the real her around Edward. She didn't have to prove anything to him. She didn't have to prove how tough she was.
He hoped she knew this too.
He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers; tracing an invisible line down to her chin and pulling her face up so he could look at her.
"We don't have to, Swan," he whispered. "We can just watch Rambo or something. I got that new video game for the PlayStation. We can…"
"No, I want to. I want to, uh…you know. I just get nervous. We're still newbies, ya' know."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," he answered and neared his lips to hers. He waited for her to continue, but the wait wasn't long.
She latched her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him to deepen the kiss. He smiled against mouth and started to push her over his bed.
She sat up and pulled his sweater over her head, leaving her in just a tank top.
"Am I ever gonna get that sweater back?" He teased.
She grinned as she shimmiedher jeans off and started to unzip his zipper. "Um, I might just keep it. I like it. It's soft, warm, and it smells like…uh…" Once again, a nervous version of the girl he knew appeared. She gulped and looked anywhere but his eyes.
"Like what?" He pushed.
"Forget it, just get naked." She started pulling at his pants, but he gently stopped her hands.
"Answer me, Swan," he demanded against her lips.
"You already know the answer," she muttered, softly caressing his lips with hers.
He chuckled and kissed the corner of her mouth. "But I want to hear you say it."
She rolled her eyes and nipped at his bottom lip. "Hmmm."
"Say it, Isabella."
She growled, and Edward tried not to laugh at the way it sounded like a kitten. She grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close to her. "The damn sweater…It smells like you, okay? There, are you happy? Don't call me that name again. Or I'll beat you up, Cullen," she said, trying to sound intimidating, but it only made him laugh. After a few seconds of fighting it, she allowed the smile taking over her lips to win and laughed with him.
He took his shirt and jeans off and started kissing her again. He took her bra off and kissed down her neck, to her breasts, taking one of her pink nipples into his mouth.
She started writhing underneath him, gasping, lowly whimpering and grabbing at his back and hair. He ran his lips down her flat stomach and over her naval as his fingers easily slid her panties down her legs.
"What are you doing?" She asked, as he kissed below her naval.
"I'm naked and you're kinda close to down there."
"So? I, uh… I'm confused."
"Well, I hear guys talking about it all the time. I kinda wanna try it. Don't you?"
She nervously bit down on her bottom lip. It was a new nervous habit of hers. "I don't know. Aren't guys supposed to want a girl to do that to them?" He noticed the way her voice broke when she said it, and he had never seen her so nervous.
"I guess…do you wanna?"
"Would you be mad if I said not today?"
"Of course not, I'm not an asshole, Tommy."
"I know you're not…can't we just…do it the old fashioned way?"
"Don't laugh," she said with a smile of her own. "Why are you laughing?"
"You're just funny, it's all."
"We can try that stuff another day."
He grinned at the idea that there would be more of them. More of this; more of her naked in his bed. He hovered over her, trying not to smile too hard at how she stared at his chest. He kissed her softly at first, letting his hands wander down her arms and then around her waist. He loved the way she kissed him back with eyes closed and with a strong hold on him, as if not wanting him to move away.
He kissed her chin, jaw, mouth and her neck and soon enough she began to look for some friction, by rubbing herself on his leg.
He groaned loudly, feeling her wetness and with a swift mood, removed his boxers and pulled a condom out of his nightstand.
He pulled her body to him, wrapping her legs around his waist as he began to enter her. She whimpered and grabbed onto his shoulders in anticipation.
She still felt incredible. Tight, warm and wet…
He groaned into her neck, trying his best to control himself so this wouldn't be embarrassing for him, as well as a bad experience for her.
He placed his arms underneath her small back and rested his forehead against hers, feeling her uneven breaths against his cheeks. "Are you okay?" He whispered.
She opened her hooded eyes and gulped as if trying to regain some composure. She didn't verbally respond, but when he felt himself slowly enter her all the way, she moaned, closing her eyes once again and arching her neck.
He began to move, slow at first, thrusting in and out, feeling how her tightness enveloped his hard cock. "Fuck," he muttered and began to thrust harder.
He stared in awe as she whimpered and bit her bottom lip. He didn't question it this time and kissed her. He kissed her because he wanted to. He rose up to his knees, slamming into her now and swallowing her moans and little screams.
When he let go of her swollen kissed lips, he latched onto her neck, listening to the hard breaths and curse words she muttered near his ear. Her warm breath hitting his sweaty skin made his cock even harder. She shoved her hands into his hair and took his earlobe between her lips, thrusting her hips to meet his.
"Yes," she gasped when he made his hand grazed her clit.
"Yeah," she managed to breathe out. "It feels really good when you touch me there at the same time that you're…oh…"
Edward felt her tense up, her walls squeezing him impossibly harder, and with a loud whimper; he realized she had come.
He smiled, feeling smug that he had done this to her. He gave her a deep kiss and with three more long strokes, he came too.
It was such a suffocating feeling how fantastic it felt to be with her. He gasped into her neck, trying to calm back down from the high.
He felt her place a tender kiss on his forehead, making him sit up. He slowly removed himself from her and ran to the restroom to clean himself up.
When he returned, she was on her side, facing his window. He jumped under the covers, wrapping his arms around her small, naked body.
He kissed her neck and stared at the window with her. They didn't say anything, but there was nothing wrong with their silence. All he needed was her warmth and the sounds of her breathing.
After his mother died, Tommy would sneak into his room for so many nights in a row. They would sleep in the same bed, looking out the same window. She would always fall asleep first, and after a few minutes, he would worry and check if to see if she was breathing. When he would see her chest rise and fall, he would feel relieved that he hadn't lost her too, and would finally fall asleep.
It was a weird thing to do, he thought.
Why would Tommy die in her sleep?
He was just so afraid that she would go away.
He felt this was needy and pathetic and tried not to think of it anymore. But then, when Tommy did stop visiting him, he had such a tough time falling asleep, and when he did, he would have the worst nightmares.
He looked down and realized that once again she had beaten him to sleep. And just like when they were kids, he checked to see if she was breathing.
Sure enough, her chest rose and dropped and he could hear her deep breathing. He smiled, thankful she was with him and placed a kiss on the side of her mouth.
It didn't take him long to fall asleep, as well.
"Why isn't your dad ever around when I'm at your place?" She asked, as he followed her into the woods.
Edward sighed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "He's busy at work. He works a lot of hours…he didn't use to. I mean, he worked the usual and was hardly around, living life like a normal doctor, but ever since Mom died…I don't know. I guess he just didn't want to be home. We would stay with a babysitter, and then we got older, and he worked even more."
Tommy gave him a sad smile and threw a rock into some bushes. "That sucks, man. Have you told him? Have you told him how messed up he's being?
"I don't think it matters anymore. I'm used to being alone in that big house. I'm used to having Alice hanging out with her friends and staying away from me. I don't blame her because I'm such awful company. Who wants to hang out with someone that mopes around all the time?"
She playfully bumped her hip into his. "I don't mind you one bit, Cullen" she said, making him smile. "We all got shit we carry, Edward. Some of us are lucky to have someone to help carry it. You shouldn't try and carry it all on your own."
She walked ahead of him in silence for a while.
He knew she had been the one to help him carry his devastation.
His days in Forks were numbered, and the worry was setting in. He had been accepted to the college he wanted to go to, and he had decided he was going.
It would have seemed like an easy decision. He would be far away from this town that saw his mother die. He would get away from his father, who was worse off now, and he would be moving to a city.
But then there was Tommy.
He didn't know if he wanted to leave her behind in this town. He couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her.
Would she go with him?
What would she think if he has asked her to?
"Jake is a freaking stoner," Tommy said, bringing him out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, I was hanging out in the reservation with a friend that used to live there…anyway, he's a freaking hoot. He's so funny."
Edward suddenly felt rage moving through his body. He stomped his way to her side. "You've be hanging out with Jacob Black?" He asked, trying to mask his anger.
She raised an eyebrow at him in confusion. "Um, yeah."
"He's not a good influence, Tommy," he said seriously.
"Excuse me? You're his friend."
"Yeah, and I know what he's about. He loves to hang out with Sam and Emily, and those people are up to no good."
"And I'm stupid? Look, I know he isn't the cleanest and smartest kid, but he's cool. Besides, I'm not a good influence either," she said.
"I just don't think you should hang out with him." He didn't understand why knowing she had spent some time with another guy pissed him off. He didn't want to be the type of asshole like Rosalie dated. He wasn't a possessive jerk, but with Tommy, he didn't want anybody to take her away, especially someone like Jacob Black. He was no good.
Tommy chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Don't be jealous, Cullen."
"I'm not jealous," he muttered.
"Okay, then I can hang out with whoever I want, right? If you're not jealous, then me hanging out with Jake is alright?"
He sighed and nodded.
They walked for a few minutes until they reached the beach.
"What are we doing here?" he asked and started to walk back. He was moody already and the beach made it worse.
"We never come to the beach," she said.
"Yeah, so? Why now?"
"Oh, come on, Cullen."
He hated this place. He hated how it felt, looked, and smelled. He hadn't returned since that awful day.
Since his mother died.
She led him towards the edge of woods and then looked at him.
"What is it?" he asked her.
She shrugged and sat down on the ground. "We won't go to the beach, but we can sit here and look atthe water."
"You're acting weird, Swan," he said and sat next to her. He sighed and rested his arms on his bended knees.
He always tried avoiding this place. But it would creep up in his nightmares. Images of the waves hitting the rocky walks of the cliffs and the sound of water hitting shore accompanied the sight of his mother begging him to save her.
It all accompanied the sight of him failing to help her.
He rubbed his eyes, trying not to let it get to him again as he looked around for a distraction.
Suddenly, as he studied his surroundings, that strange feeling of deja vu he had felt a few days ago, while camping with Tommy, returned.
He felt as if he had been in this same spot before, facing the beach. He worked through his memories, trying to remember the last time he had been here, but he couldn't find an answer.
"You okay?" Tommy asked.
"Yeah, yeah…I just…I don't know. I guess your weirdness is rubbing off," he teased, but she only nodded and continued staring out.
She was acting very strange.
She looked sadly away from him and out towards the angry waves. He didn't understand her mood, and he certainly didn't understand why she brought him here.
And why the hell couldn't he remember.
For the remainder of the time they sat there, Edward failed to remember the moment that made this place seem so familiar. He then decided it wasn't relevant, and forgot about it. But it was Tommy that seemed pegged by something. When he suggested they leave, she requested a few more minutes, and when he asked what was wrong, she shook her head and said nothing.
It was as if she was hiding something.
"You leave in two days," Carlisle says.
They're having dinner at Cora's Diner one last time before Edward and Alice return to their lives outside of Forks.
"How do you feel about it?" Alice asks.
The truth is, Edward has been regretting his leave with each passing day. He blames it on his unanswered questions.
"I don't know. It just feels like I'm a different person here. And when I go back there…I'll be someone else."
She smiles. "Well, who do you like being, Forks Edward or Chicago Edward?"
He shakes his head, moving his piece of pie around his plate. "I'm not exactly sure."
"I just can't see you in a tie and a button up shirt," Carlisle added. "I remember all those times you ran around with Tommy, thinking nobody knew."
"Were we really that obvious?" Edward asks with a grin. All these years he thought nobody knew about him and Tommy.
Carlisle and Alice laugh. "Very obvious. Anyway, as I was saying, it's going to be strange imagining you in an office all day. I wouldn't have thought that would be your profession."
"I agree. But I'm proud of you brother."
Edwards nods, too busy thinking to himself of their words, and what will become of his life in two days. He doesn't look forward to it. He hasn't looked forward to anything in a very long time. He hated every class he took in college and didn't ever find something he wanted.
At the time, he thought he was just going through a phase; an early 20s crises.
But even now, with an awaiting job and apartment, he can't find anything to look forward to. He fears.
He can hear his former shrink talking about it already.
"Depression … when you don't see a future.
Is there nothing you have to look forward to; isn't there anything you care for, Edward? Anything you foresee?"
Carlisle excuses himself to answer a phone call from Aunt Esme, leaving Alice and Edward alone.
"How are you really feeling, Ed? Have you had any episodes?"
He sighs, surprised she's waited this long to bring it up again. "No, I have not. I haven't had one in three years."
"That's good," she says. "You would tell me, right?"
He chuckles, shaking his head at his over worried sister. "Yes, I would. You know I would. The truth is, Alice…I don't want to go to Chicago. I hate working in an office. But I also don't know where I want to go. I feel suffocated in in my clothes and skin."
She looks at him with pity in her eyes. "I hate when you feel like this."
"I do too. But it'll pass, just like everything else. Like it always does. I'll get used to my desk."
"Are you still talking to your therapist? You said he was helping."
Edward smiles and nods. "I haven't called him while being here. I think, if he found out about my crazy obsession with finding a girl I haven't heard from in five years, he would send me away," he jokes.
"Do you think, that if you found her, you would stop feeling this way? Do you think her presence would bring an end to your feeling of loss?"
He sighs, looking out the window he looked out with Tommy so many times years ago. She would stare at the oversized moon shining into the diner, dreaming the way she always did.
Now he realizes what she was doing.
She was always trying to imagine herself somewhere far from here. She could see herself anywhere but home in Forks.
He should have known.
He should have asked her to stay with him.
But he was just a kid; just a stupid, stubborn and sad kid.
"I'll let you know when I find her," he answers. "And I have one more person I need to talk that might help with that."
"Where do you think these old railroad tracks lead?" Tommy asked, as they walked down the old, rusty steel rails.
"I don't know. I'm thinking out of this town. Far from here, that's for sure."
She stared ahead, not blinking or moving.
He tried finding what she found so interesting, but all he could see were the tracks and the endless Washington forest. "Nobody comes around here. It's kinda creepy," he said.
"It's perfect," she answered, still enchanted.
He wanted to ask her then. He wanted to know what her plans were for after school. Maybe if she wasn't planning on going to college, she could go to Chicago with him.
But would that mean she was his girlfriend?
He didn't think he wanted that. Tommy and him…it was different. They were different together. Mike had 'girlfriends.' He saw how he dumped them and moved on to the next. He couldn't imagine giving Tommy the same title.
He watched as she daydreamed with her brown eyes glued to the horizon.
"Are you going to go running up the tracks, Swan? Are you gonna get out of here?" He teased.
She didn't laugh or even crack a smile. "One day I'll find myself attached to these tracks, Edward. But I'll come back to you, someday. But it can't be here in this town. It's not part of the plan. But somewhere out there…someday…there you'll be."
He didn't understand what she meant. He didn't ask. He just watched the sunset down the tracks and listened as she sniffled the few remaining tears away.
He placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling as her body shook with silent sobs. He wrapped his arms around her when she buried her face into his chest and held onto her so tightly he was sure she would never leave.
But he was wrong.
So what do you think that scene by the beach meant? Who is the person Ed needs to talk to? Ah!
Let me know what you think in the review box.
Love ya! Muah!