(AUTHOR'S REPORT: Finally, a new short and just in time for the Razzies! Today, the spotlight's on the Black Sheep of Disney's 2013 Cinematic Slate, The Lone Ranger. You just might learn a lesson from this Story on differing opinions so pay attention, class, There will be learning.)
Disclaimer: Everything that is not exclusive to this fanfic is (C) Their respective Owners, Mostly Disney.
-Lone Ranger POV, July 27th 2013-
Tonto was parking the pumpkin coach when I saw a perculiar sight. It was Sekai alright, and this time she brought Captain Jack Sparrow along for the road which is startling because her relationship with Jack was rickety at best...
I heard a hiccup not from Tonto, but from Sekai... "You laced the Coke with Jack Daniels, Didn't you?" She asked with the last of her sober self's strength... huh, I should try to get Tonto say that last part five times fast one day, that's not bad...
"Whoa! Easy there, girl, PEGI 7 and all that..." The swashbuckling adventurer responded before shyly adding "but yeah, that's exactly what I've done."
The Girl wooted with her hands in the Air! "I love it! I drank an entire six pack of Bud Lite when watching a true box office disastrophe! Yeeeeee-Haaaw!" And with that, she cheerfully downed her beverage, so much for the last of her sober self's strength. Seriously, I gotta try that tongue twister trick sometime!
"Whoa! You've become quite the heavy drinker as of late!" exclaimed Captain Jack, amazed at how much Sekai had drank beforehand.
"C'mon Cap'n, It's Not like the Alcohol *hic* can kill us or anything..." Sekai reminded her comrade in play, It is true that we Plotworks can't die of alcohol poisoning. Hell, some of us tend to bathe or even shower in the stuff to polish plastic-like Sculpting of our Gingaranium bodies... "but it really fragging hurts in the morn!" *hic*
Somehow, I just had to confront her, ask her about what she's doing. "Hey, who's this fine lady sittin' with the Cap'n?"
"Oh! Hey, Johnny-boy. *hic* how's it hangin'?" Sekai greeted with that Drunken grin on her face.
That Nickname, It irritated me to no end... "I'd ask if you were waiting for the next Disney Movie but knowing what it is, that's clearly not the case."
"I'm stargazing, Come August 18th, Our side of the Metasphere's gonna seem a hell of a lot smaller. More Galaxies will be born from the hearts of new visitors, and with that, sir, comes the potential for more of you guys." The Potential for more of me seems ecstatic, yet a little eerie, and I chuckled at how dull a room full of Tontos could prove to be... "You can go ahead and check out what's in the theater if ya like, but dont fool yourselves by adding some of your own funds to your own performance because no money from here can be relayed to there"
Me and Tonto steadily walked closer to the box office, After an adventure or two in the Toy Box or his home Play Set, I'd check in on whatever struck my fancy. Today was a third urge to see my movie, a weak urge but an urge nevertheless...
What seemed offputting to me is that when I looked towards the barren night sky, clear of any skydome and then back down to Sekai and her thieving frienemy made me ponder all the flack my movie's been getting.
The generic cashier humbly welcomed us. "Welcome to Cinemark, how can I help you, sirs?" Tonto asked for two tickets to Lone Ranger and he was about to get them from the cashier but I stopped the generic's hand with a shot from a Goo Shrinker, another reason why life in the Toy Box is breathtaking no matter how ya slice it. I escorted Tonto to the Campsite to find the two have started a fire to roast Marshmallows they somehow got from the 'groceries' section of the Toy Catalogue. You are able to access the groceries section, right? Okay, so I muster enough courage together to ask "Hey There, Little Lady! Is there room for two more?"
Sekai set up two more Lawn Chairs from the Toy Catalogue for us as we made our way to the campfire with some instantly-summoned Restaurant-Style Tostitos and corresponding Salsa in hand. "So... *hic* What brings you to the campfire, dream cowboy?"
"It's just that..." I groaned in defeat "My movie...doesn't quite live up to my legend..."
"If movie-film taken into more respectful hands, Then movie-film wouldn't be 'box-office disastrophe'..." Tonto added, putting a bendy straw in his Alcoholic Soda. He had found himself thrust into the spotlight by this film but deep down, he regretted seeing our movie the second time around...
"Well, ya win some, ya lose some, eh." Jack replied with his face stuffed with tortilla chips, unphased by the movie's failure due to being in the Original Generation Starter Pack and of course, his big damn movie franchise. "Least I got a notable bloke out of the whole ordeal as handsome as myself..."
"I am not you, Captain. Nor an excuse for Johnny Depp to wear garb of our people in the most disgraceful manner imaginable!" argued Tonto "I am Me, I am Warrior, I am-"
One look at who that voice belonged to left Tonto depressed by thinking about the guy... I can recall the events from when we were first opened, Tonto found himself shoulder to shoulder with a drunk ass pirate around his height. His movements were very over the top from what I can assume is his initial reaction to an Indian as in he had never seen one before. Tonto was slightly irked by the theiving seafarer from another playset and he hoped that the meeting was purely a coincidence...
Boy, did Miss Creanna prove us otherwise!
Back to the day at hand, Me and Tonto were trying our mitts on these s'mores that Sekai made for us. "Go ahead, you can try one if ya like."
"So what if your movie bailed big time at the Box-Office?" She inquired as I bit into the Marshmallow-Chocolate Center. "You made it into the Toy Box, that's gotta be worth something, right?"
And for that, I am alive...and glad of it! One of these days, I'll figure out how life's supposed to be around here... and who knows, maybe in the future someone would find the flick to be enjoyable as the old saying goes:
One man's trash is another man's treasure...
(AUTHOR'S REPORT: Admit it, Which one of You Bozos Enjoyed this Movie when it first came out? Raise your hand and don't be shy, Mad Cats. Personally, I never went to see the Lone Ranger Movie when it came out. The Media saw to that... But from what I understand from the Playsets, It's actually pretty Decent. Armie Hammer belts out a Pretty Cool John Reild although I'll prepare my mind to Imagine Jason David Frank as Tonto... Sure, Zeo Ranger V's a pretty out-there choice but it's a better choice to make than Depp and that's all that really matters in the end, is it? Dont forget to read and review, folks!)