/Hey…so, an update and a small chapter, I'm sorry. Um so, I'm on medication, trying out my second antidepressant, am still on what was supposed to be a short term anxiety pill, and am starting therapy soon. I've felt like shit, basically, every single day. I suffer from de-personalization and the meds really have not been helping with that but needs must. I'm living with my sister instead of my mom, for reasons I'm not gonna explain and she's taken every single blade or pill off me. (Seriously, she's taken my earrings.) As a result, I haven't self-harmed since the night before the overdose. So…that's something, I suppose. I wanted to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone, everyone reading, everyone putting up with me, everyone following and favouriting and especially to those commenting. You have no idea how much something like that can help me. Thank you so much for sticking by me. All of the reviews were to say how no one was angry or upset with me and I should take my time and I just cried, it was so sweet. So, I'm sorry for it being so long, I bet you're bored of this by now, huh?
Anyways, how good was the season finale?! I cried my eyes out. All my ships broke my heart ugh Ward why. Okay, so a small chapter coming up, I'm sorry. But literally, I am SO triggered by anything, even the word cut seriously, so I'm trying to steer away from triggers. But I owe you all a chapter. Sorry for shittiness and OOCness. Thank you so much my lovlies.- Sophie./
Hour, after hour, after hour ticked by at an agonisingly slow pace.
In Coulson's room, their leader slept restlessly, tossing and turning like a frightened child. Melinda was a constant at his side, shushing him and smoothing back his hair. She looked exhausted, blood staining her clothes because she refused to leave Phil on his own.
Fitz and Simmons were together, because where else would they be? the latter was curled up small, her head resting on Leo's lap as he carded his fingers through her hair. She had cried herself to sleep but seemed to be resting peacefully enough. Leo dozed lightly, ready to wake at a seconds notice.
Ward was alone. He'd gone to the bathroom hours ago and hadn't left, scrubbing his hands free of blood until they were red raw. He'd smashed the mirror too, bloodying and bruising his knuckles. He'd tried to compose himself, but his eyes were red, his face pale and his hair a mess. His shirt was still dotted with blood and his hands were trembling finely.
He finally gathered himself enough to leave the bathroom, only to walk straight into a doctor, running off towards the sound of a long continuous beep. Out of instinct, Grant followed, chanting 'no, no, no' over and over in his head. He reached the room to see it wasn't his girl laying on the bed, not breathing and he quickly backed up, legs shaking so hard they threatened to buckle underneath him.
He slid down a wall, head in his hands, no tears coming.
"Grant Ward? Sir? Are you okay? I'm Skye's surgeon." the last part had Grant moving to his feet so quickly his vision blurred for a few seconds.
"I'm Doctor Harper." the man began slowly, looking as though he wanted to reach out and steady Grant but was afraid of the repercussions. Hey, Ward had a reputation around SHIELD.
"Skye?" was the only word Grant could form and spit out, his eyes wide and wild. If his brother could see him now…
"Stable. We fixed the damage to her arms, we won't know until she wakes up if there was any nerve damage. Luckily, your friend managed to purge Skye of most of the medications she took. It was too late to stop it completely, but she most certainly would have died if you'd waited to get here. She will be sick, feel sick a lot. She'll experience cramps and stomach problems but given her…excuse me, given her state..."
"State?!" Ward growled.
"Given her eating disorder," the doctor replied calmly, "the effects may be worse. But she will live, she's sleeping. You can go see her when she's settled in the ICU. And Sir, you have to understand that we had to strap her down for her own safety." he nodded and walked quickly away.
Ward was frozen for a few seconds. She was okay. Alive. He could still help her get better.
By the time he was able to move, the rest of the team, even Phil, was gathered around him, the doctor having made his rounds.
The man turned around in a daze, black dots dancing across his vision. He must have looked like shit because someone was manhandling him into a chair, somebody was talking softly and another was gasping loudly.
Oh…that was him, how embarrassing.
He was only half aware of his surroundings, feeling like he was in a dream, like he wasn't himself. Grant was gasping for air, Jemma's hand on the back of his neck, pushing his head between his knees.
Coulson had a hand on his shoulder, his voice commanding but soft. "Agent Ward, listen to me, you have to breathe. You know this is just a panic attack, it's going to be okay, it's going to subside. You have to breathe."
Voices talked over his head. "Sir, I don't think he's just having a panic attack." Jemma murmured, gesturing for Leo to go fetch her a blanket.
"Ward? Grant, can you look up at me, nice and easy, just for a second." Jemma said softy, tilting his head up.
"He's in shock." she addressed the group, gently stroking the nape of Ward's neck.
Coulson shifted for a moment before swallowing and sighing. "Agent Ward suffers from anxiety, he assured me it didn't affect his work and as long as he took his medication, it was under control. He didn't want me to tell anyone."
Jemma nodded. "Right. I could really do with you help…Shit, Ward?!" she struggled to keep a hold of him as he abruptly slumped forward, May kneeling and catching his shoulders just in time for him to avoid hitting his head on the floor.
"Ward?" Jemma said softly, pushing him back, his head just lolling with the movement. "Crap." she hissed and behind her she vaguely heard Leo say 'this day is literally never going to end.'
She agreed, they were in for a long night.
/So in my story, Ward has anxiety because I like making my characters as fucked up as me. I'm very triggered right now, not because of writing this, but I've been wanting to self-harm ALL day and I really don't know what I'm going to do or if I'll do anything. My medication is making me sleepy so I think I'll post this and go to bed. I don't know when the next update will be, I'm sorry. Thank you again for sticking with me. Lots and lots of love and thank you's. –Sophie./