MUSINGS OF A TIME MACHINE
The Doctor loved bringing home strays. Mostly earthlings, but there were various creatures from various places as well. At the beginning, I was slightly cross at the Doctor. I missed Susan, that sweet child that grew up inside me, that I watched so closely during so much time. Unlike the Doctor, though, I wasn't eager to take in strange people as quickly as he did.
But I was never a fool. I knew my Doctor would grow sad and bored if left by his own, but I had expected him to mourn the farewell a little longer. But no, my Doctor never stopped! He couldn't stay still, and I knew that more than anyone else. He would always take the shortcut, never the long way.
Oh well, I thought to myself at the beginning. So be it.
So from time to time, strays would be taken inside me by the Doctor, most of them unaware of my very presence, and all of them I scrutinised with a clinical eye. I didn't like most of them. Out of jealousy, I must admit, but I didn't like most of them. Some were far too loud. Some were annoying. And some, not many, were suspicious.
After a while, I always decided to ignore them. And so it had been, up until the face he forged for himself, the warrior face, came into me.
I knew then that he was something else.
I knew then that for the time being, I would be his sole companion.
I knew then that after it was over (because I always knew when things would be over for the Doctor - his sorrows and his joys), I would have to take a closer and thorough look into everyone that entered my doors again. Things would never be the same for my Doctor until he remembered the Last Day in the War.
And so it came the blonde one. The lovesick one, who in her silliness and youth would start to mend my Doctor. Someone I could trust, someone I could lend myself to help him. Always to help my Doctor. That's what I was there for. And if it had to be through her, so be it.
I made up the name "Bad Wolf" myself. I had never made up any names before. I had no use for them, and I didn't quite grasp their meaning. But then it came the day when I had to name something - something that I created myself, which was also a first. Something that was part of me, and yet it wasn't me. It was quite funny, actually, and I don't know where the name Bad Wolf came from. I just liked the sound of it. When we had arrived on Earth for the first time and Susan asked to stay a while longer, she would bring home all sorts of books. One of them was a Fairy Tales book, and the Doctor and Susan would amuse themselves reading them aloud to each other. I loved those quiet nights. I knew that we wouldn't revisit it. I knew that from all the events and people the Doctor revisited in his own timeline, Susan wouldn't be one of them. Too close for comfort.
After a short while with the lovesick one, came the immortal one. Of course, he wasn't immortal by that time, but I knew he would be. I didn't like him. He was always flirting with my Doctor in-between travels. It was outrageous. And he was immortal. We would travel a lot before his last trip, but by then, I knew I would be more open to him, as I knew he would age to become something else entirely. Something unique and wise. But while that didn't happen, I didn't like the immortal one.
And then came the other doctor. I didn't mind her much, though I minded the way the Doctor treated her. For someone who regenerates for a living (literally speaking), sometimes my Doctor has some real trouble moving on. He knew it always ends in goodbye for him, even with the lovesick one. He knew that was the only possible outcome. And yet, he suffered, and the doctor girl that came had to deal with it as much as I did.
The doctor girl came and went all too fast, but I knew that wasn't the last of her I would see. I knew she would come back to touch my console and have one last flight with me. She would be a different person by then. She wouldn't be only a doctor, she'd be a warrior, and she would be happy to see me. When she left, she was a bitter doctor. She'd come back a sweeter warrior.
From all of the strange little humans that my Doctor brought home, though, the one I liked the most was the ginger one. The mouthy, loud, honest ginger one. She'd often say to the Doctor things that I thought myself but could not put down in words, or snap him out of his day dreaming into action. I quickly grew fond of her, and I don't think that I ever liked any of his strays as fast as I liked the loud ginger one. The Doctor allowed her to fly me once, and it was funny feeling, as she made me rollercoast around the Time Vortex, while the Doctor watched us, in utter disbelief even with himself for allowing her to fly me.
I knew, however, that she too would be lost for my doctor. The next time she flew me it would be our last. As her everlasting death grew closer, I grew worried. Locking her down inside me was the last thing I could do for her, and I knew that this action of mine would be the one that would sparkle her to life, only to be killed short after.
It felt strangely nice to be flown by the Doctorwoman. She had my Doctor's touch, but her own attitude. She knew I was happy and eager, and I knew she spared me a thought before dying.
My Doctor would have loved to have this Doctorwoman as a life-long companion. I know that because I would too. He never had any hopes though. He knew how it should end - and yet, when it did, he got angry with himself... And a little bit with me. He knew what I had done, he knew that I sealed her so she could be born, become a saviour of creation and die.
After the Doctorwoman was gone, he went haywire. He was so disappointed at himself. He was so cross that we were the last ones, that he would also say farewell to himself and part to his next life with so much regret.
My Doctor... He always hated goodbyes. Some more than others. And on exceptional occasions, he would allow himself to dream a world where he could actually hope for them to stay forever.
He always knows how it ends with these strays, though... And yet, he gets enraged and just won't let go. I tried to tell him, I would tell him, if I could: my Doctor, you are not alone... I'm here. Sometimes he listens. Most times he pretends he doesn't understand me.
When the Doctorwoman left, I knew it was time. Time to meet us in the past and in the future. And after that, time for his last farewell in that form... My Doctor, who never let go.
He didn't want to.
He never did.
I wish I could tell him. I wish I could show him that I'm here. I know he knows I exist, but sometimes it feels like he forgets that I'm not only here, but that I also exist. And most of all, that I care.
Oh, I care so much for my Doctor.
If I could just tell him...
"Hello, Doctor. Nice to meet you".