Ignorance is Bliss
Tsuna slept terribly that night which was saying something. It was worse than when Reborn had first come to stay; she had been awfully still, her back to the hammock which had been set up in her room, knowing that the secret she had to keep to all living beings outside, now had to be kept from within.
This night it wasn't exposure that worried her as Reborn had walked upon her secret seemingly be accident (you never could be sure with the hit-man), was how she would tell it to her friends.
Tsuna had known that it was inevitable that it would come out eventually. In fact she had expected that the sly tutor had already known and just hadn't mentioned it because she hadn't told him. (Reborn did have a lot of quirks) but the look on the hit-man's face disproved that.
Tsuna sighed as she stared up tiredly at her ceiling, sunlight starting to shine through her curtains and onto the white of the walls. Reborn hadn't come back that night; she had half expected him to, but then she supposed that maybe he didn't think he could anymore...?
That didn't sit too right with her either; when she was fifteen Tsuna had already known Reborn for three years, so when she started to develop and hiding it got increasingly difficult, anyway awkwardness over their relationship had already been bridged. There had only been frustration.
Tsuna didn't want a wall between them; she had enjoyed the freeness in which he had treated her; like a person. Like..."just Tsuna", even with his job as tutor to train her into the next Vongola boss.
However, in saying that, Tsuna also had a nagging feeling under all her musing that Reborn was up to something. She had known him know for a long time; he had spent more time with her then her own mother, and she could tell that Bianchi wasn't in the house and that Kaasan had gone to bed later than usual.
She didn't spend long thinking on it and instead turned back to her dilemma.
Her brothers and sisters in all but blood.
She knew that Mukuro would treat the situation in amusement; Tsuna had a strange connection to him because of her Hyper Intuition and she also knew that he had a heightened sense of her as well, so he was more then aware of her... situation. The teasing said as much.
Chrome, which goes without saying, but knew what Mukuro knew. This was likely why she was so comfortable around her while she was still a little shy around the other male Guardians.
Hibari... well, just because Tsuna had been masquerading as a boy didn't make her one: her school identification and student file would say that she was female (which was why she didn't have a student card, despite popular opinion that she was just too stupid to keep hold of one). And of course, because her school file would state her as such, Hibari would know too.
He had never mentioned it like Mukuro had, which was surprising because on moving up in school Tsuna had fully expected to get bitten to death, for wearing the wrong uniform and that her secret would be out before the end of the day. It had never happened.
(Though... on looking back Tsuna did remember Hibari giving her an awfully odd look that had a strange amount of intensity.)
Lambo probably won't mind; the ten year old might moan a bit and sulk but... Lambo was quite an easy going kid. He wouldn't cause too much of a fuss simply because his mentality was still too underdeveloped, and innocent to see things like betrayal or dishonesty.
Hayato will... freak for the lack of a better word (and there should be one; Reborn had been forcing new words and expressions down her throat like it was going out of fashion. 'It may seem pointless now Tsuna, but a good grasp of language just might save you time for reaching for your gun'). All the work Tsuna had done with Hayato will probably go out of the window and because of that... she really wished she had just been born a boy, if just to save people the heartbreak and the unease, and God, the work.
Ryohei might just punch her in the face (and she'd deserve it), though she wasn't entirely sure on that because this was about her gender and Ryohei didn't hit girls outside of fights if he could help it. Knowing her luck he'll probably forget and give her whats coming to her anyway.
Takeshi... God's above, Tsuna didn't want to think on Takeshi's reaction too much. Like all her friends they had grown close; but she relied on him in a different way from the others. They all had different relationships; Lambo was the little brother she needed to guide, Ryohei was her big brother that although seemed dim, wouldn't put up with any crap and spoke honestly. Honesty that she knew she'd need as things got more difficult, and they got more involved in the Mafia. Mukuro and Hibari were her boys (though she wouldn't say it under pain of death. They certainly wouldn't be too faltered), they were both damaged, both thought of as monsters but they were hers and they weren't going anywhere. They accepted her as she accepted them and came to the forefront when help or guidance was needed. Chrome... Chrome was someone who would listen; just listen and not look at her with judgement in their eyes and that was something that Tsuna appreciated more than she could say. Hayato, Hayato was one of two who was always by her side; he helped her unconditionally and would protect her both physically and her name without a thought to himself. He... he was like her rock; something she could rely on.
But Takeshi... Kami, Takeshi with his beautiful hazel eyes that could hold such promises and whisper of such bitterness that they had witnessed, with his grim and easy but taut posture was the best friend Tsuna had never had. If Hayato was her right arm, he was her left and Takeshi was just a breath of fresh air; he was water on a hot, dry day or food to the hungry. She couldn't lose him now, because as pathetic as it was, her Rain Guardian was also a thief.
He had stolen her heart.
Tsuna isn't even sure how he had managed it; she had certainly never been interested in someone before. It was hard to be when no one even treated her with common decency but now - now she couldn't imagine life without him - without them.
And this... and this had the potential to hurt everyone she knew, after all, she had been lying to them since they had first met.
And hurting her friends, intentionally or not was something that squeezed at her heart.
Tsuna had never understood her mother for her determination in keeping up this ruse; it would only serve to cause problems and embarrassment on both sides. Blindingly, her eyes wandered to the (for once) unaltered outline of her form under the duvet, looking but not really seeing the mounds of her formed chest, or that of her filled but slender figure.
She was a woman now - no longer a girl, or even a child.
She had the opportunity at any point in her life to say enough was enough, especially after Reborn's arrival. So why hadn't she?
She had done so much fighting, so why hadn't she fought for herself?
Was it her backbone (or lack thereof)? Was it the judgement she would receive if was ousted - or ousted herself? ... Was it the love for her mother? That unconditional love that had been waning into something more despondent, something numb from too many demeaning comments, and utter lack of care that her mother would pay to her.
She didn't know.
All she could feel was apprehension of what could come next, something she hadn't felt in a very long time -
'Tsuna' she's up from her bed, poised ready to defend with flames flickering to life around her hands before she even managed to recognise the voice.
Reborn is standing by the door, arms by his sides, staring at her with an assessing quality which made Tsuna falter.
'Reborn' Tsuna said as an apology; she's usually good at sensing her surroundings but she had just been so preoccupied ... well it was no excuse, but at least she reacted.
'It's nine in the morning, Tsuna' which was Reborn's way of say It's Fine. Tsuna blinked before scrambling to her clock. It's face stood out for her to see and she simply stared at it with blank eyes for a moment; she hadn't slept in this late since she was thirteen (being injured doesn't count).
She glanced back to the hit-man who was leaning to the side of her bedroom, arms lazily crossed over his chest and head tilted easily to the side, but even with all that Tsuna could still feel that there was something out of place... something not quite right.
'Is... something bothering you, Reborn?' Tsuna asked quietly, shifting awkwardly and barely able to hold his eye. She felt out of place; more so than she ever had but she refused to back down even when she could feel her sweats had moved from their proper place since she had dressed; now hanging lowly on her hips and could feel her breasts resting on her ribs. This was one of the truest times Reborn had seen her - without the fakery and the deliberate manipulation.
And Reborn would look at her - gaze heavy and eyes sharp, as if seeing her for the first time. He shook his head and suddenly Tsuna could breath again, 'No, Tsuna. Everything's going to be just fine'
Tsuna didn't fully know why, but a strangely shaky smile spread across her face, though it did halt when Reborn went to speak again 'And I know something that will make everything so much easier' the tone in his voice - it was the tone he used when introducing one of Vongola's long lists of traditions and Tsuna's face slowly dropped in dread.
'Bianchi' he called and what was commended will be answered.
The door, which was never fully shut again, was pushed gently open and Bianchi stepped in only briefly glancing at Reborn who nodded at the woman and left soon after. Tsuna went to open her mouth - to ask where Reborn was going, to ask what was going on. Instead she found herself pushed up against Bianchi's body, strong arms wrapped around her and in that one moment all Tsuna could feel was comfort.
It wasn't the feeling that she would get from her mother, when the woman decided to show some affection, as this embrace lit something in her stomach as she went to complete the hug, arms trembling as she did so. The touch of surprising gentleness reminded Tsuna of Hayato but Bianchi's smell was all her; it was sweet from her cooking but expensive and there were traces of alluring spice that lingered on the nose.
'You've been a good girl, Tsuna' Bianchi whispered into her thick and ultimately unruly hair. Tsuna stiffened, her throat tightening 'And you've been an even stronger woman'
Tsuna blinked repeatedly, nodding into Bianchi's soft chest and the woman seemed to understand that she couldn't speak because the hit-woman allowed her, her silence until Tsuna felt calmer.
Bianchi slowly pulled Tsuna a little ways away, to see her face and smiled 'Your almost eighteen' she started, making she not to surprise Tsuna as she had probably had enough shocks for one week. However Tsuna still grew wary, which Bianchi understood but didn't like 'You can't keep dressing in the same clothes'
Tsuna swallowed. She should have expected this. Should have seen this coming but the idea still knotted her stomach even if she felt elated by the prospected 'M-my Kaasan -'
'Is fine with this decision. She has nothing to say on the matter' Bianchi interrupted in decidedly measured tones, tones which Tsuna easily caught as she looked at the woman again.
'...What did Reborn do?'
'Nothing that shouldn't have been a long time ago' Bianchi stated firmly, no room for argument in her voice nor in her hard eyes before she cleared her throat and moved on, even if Tsuna still wanted to ask questions; that obviously wasn't something she wanted to hear.
'Now, Tsuna, on request I've been shopping. And since I don't really know your size I got extra. Your coming with me to have a bit of girl-bonding time. Honestly, there are far too many males in this outfit; they would learn a trick or too with more capable woman about.'
Tsuna barely had time for a surprised laugh before being pulled - almost off of her feet, and into Bianchi's guest bedroom.
Tsuna blinked and blinked again, just noting Bianchi standing, arms crossed, behind here as her mind processed the thongs of bags and boxes stacked inside; on top the bed, the dresser, the chair and covering the floor.
'What... what is all of this?' Tsuna stuttered in shock; she had never seen so much all in one place before, just thinking about how much all this must have cost and the effort put into getting it all...
Bianchi's eyes softened even when her stomach tightened in anger; Nana Sawada had a lot to answer for but now wasn't the time to think about it. Now was for things to be fixed and maybe...maybe bonds to be strengthened.
Bianchi placed her hands on the brunette's shoulders and guided the shocked girl - or young woman now, and wasn't that just sad? How much time had been lost, time that for all accounts was now lost...
Bianchi set Tsuna down on the dressing tables chair after removing the seven stacked show boxes, turning it slightly so the brunette was aligned with the mirror ahead and bent so that she was visible as well, 'First things first... how on Earth did you get your hair in this style?'
Tsuna's cheeks warmed with blush and shifted in discomfort, her eyes flickering off to the side before gentle hands squeezed her shoulders, which had her begrudgingly answering; 'Thick conditioning shampoo, mouse and... a lot of back combing'
Bianchi blinked, mutely looking at the full head of hair in front of her, it was quite intelligent really...
Standing, Bianchi straightened and removed her hands before leaning over Tsuna to reach her now cluttered vanity table and fishing out her hair brush. She looked it over for a minute, noting that the paddle brush needed a bit of a cleaning out but would do the trick and humming, started to brush the lustrous locks from roots to the tips.
She didn't pay much attention to Tsuna's bangs; they were in the right place and focused on the length and how the hair was surprisingly manageable and fell correctly with a little work. It didn't take half as long as she thought it would until the hair which in all accounts defied gravity, lay flat and actually reached Tsuna's shoulders while her fringe still covered her forehead, the longest wisps reaching her nose (having grown the front out a few years ago) and framed her cheeks in a wavy fashion.
Bianchi blinked at the difference it made to Tsuna but...
'Kaa-san never brushed my hair before' Tsuna whispered. Bianchi's attention snapped to the reflection in the mirror and how the brunette was playing with her fingers and refusing to meet her gaze, 'I - I mean... not that I remember... she must have, when I was... younger...'
Bianchi stayed silent, the memories of her own mother... well, that was besides the point. She shook her head, to clear it, and continued the motions for a few minutes longer; just to tidy it up a bit before she stopped again and quietly placed the wooden blush down on the table.
'Nana Sawada, Tsuna, is a very broken woman' Bianchi said as she went to her right hand draw and removed the pair of sharp scissors along with a thin comb from within.
'Your... very unhappy with Kaasan, aren't you?' Bianchi sharply glanced up to the bright eyes suddenly watching her and signed, that this would be the moment where the m-woman that Tsuna had grown into would should itself from where it had been hiding.
'A lot of people have a lot to be... unhappy with' Bianchi replied carefully as she started to again, brush through the middle of the length to where to the shortest tress at back was to discover how much she would have to take away for an even cut.
The fact that Tsuna hadn't protested showed either how stressed she was or how trusting. It was probably a mixture.
'Kaasan did the best she could' Tsuna whispered.
Bianchi bit back the first thing that sprang onto her tongue, 'I'm sure, however that doesn't make what has happen any better; you deserved to be able to be...yourself'
Snip... Snip..Snip...Snip went the scissors but the silence was deafening and soon Bianchi wished that this choice of topic had been around someone like Reborn; they were so much closer then Tsuna and she were... of course, that had always been... her fault.
'A lot of people saw what they wanted. A lot of people didn't care to know' Tsuna's voice was so weak and tired, that briefly, Bianchi closed her eyes. Though it was becoming clear that they didn't know as much as they thought they did about Tsuna, other aspects where clear as day.
'That hasn't been the case for a long time, Tsuna' Bianchi retorted strongly - firmly but not without a certain amount of tenderness, 'Your Family will always be there for you.'
Bianchi paused in her cutting when Tsuna struggled minutely, 'This is going to hurt them... but as time past I just...'
'No longer knew how to face it?' Bianchi prompted as she moved to the; following the line of Tsuna's hair around the face.
Tsuna stilled her nod as her eyes began to sting. She felt like an even bigger fool, 'I've... never had... people before' she admitted in the back of her throat, 'Can...' her eyes searched Bianchi in the mirror awkwardly until they dropped back to the floor, 'Can I ask you something?'
Bianchi's scissors stilled and, she, with them; she heard the undertones in Tsuna's voice and was surprised that it was directed towards her, but cleared her throat and continued when she realised she had stopped. Nodding, 'Of course'
Tsuna bit her lip and bit it harshly. She listened to the sounds of scissors and the feeling of her hair feeling over her shoulders, down her back and chest...the best of her heart. 'I... with you and Reborn and...' she stalled, finding difficultly to wording what she wanted to say, 'I'm...I'm scared...' Tsuna whispered, tightening her thighs until they were pressing so tightly that it hurt, 'I'm scared of being...' she weighed different words on her tongue; searching, 'Of being seen'
Bianchi didn't need to think on how clumsy Tsuna's description was to know what she was getting out. Everyone who really knew Tsuna knew about her feelings for a certain Rain Guardian, The only reason it hadn't been addressed on Reborn's side was because once the Mafia took hold of her, she would have to make sacrifices, he didn't want one to be her heart. Toughening it, strengthening it - allowing it grow, Reborn had done but after the first few months he knew that he couldn't, that he wouldn't allow it to be otherwise tempered with. Reborn, in his own way, had wanted her to be happy even if he couldn't give her what she wanted.
Bianchi closed her eyes with the final cut before smiling, 'You never can tell with these things' she answered in fake cheer though sobered when she saw the downcast eyes, 'Tsuna... I've always lived by the philosophy that in matters love, to get you must first give and then... take'
Doe like eyes refocused onto Bianchi, round and surprised. A glint enters Bianchi's own but its gone a moment later and replaced with a smile as Bianchi takes a moment to shove those thoughts out of her head 'Now then' she gestured to Tsuna's new hair cut with a gusto 'What do you think?'
Bianchi waited with somewhat bated breath - almost nervous with what she had done with Tsuna's hair. It was... different, from what it was before; a messy kind of chic, short as it had been cut back to the neck; the usually spikes that would point out in every direction had been bushed down to where it easily lay in volume. Bianchi had left the bangs alone, as the front had been the only saving grace.
Tsuna was very still, simply staring at her own reflection and Bianchi's smile weakened slightly in worry and with the glistening of tears she felt her stomach drop, 'Tsuna... if you don't like it...'
Bianchi was cut off when Tsuna suddenly stood, chair scrapping across the floor before it fell as he brunet turned and threw herself at the older woman. 'Oof' Bianchi huffed when the wait slammed into her torso 'Tsuna...?' the arms around her tightened and her lips pulled down when she felt warm wetness she felt stinking through her top. Hesitantly, Bianchi placed a hand on Tsuna's head.
'Now, now' Bianchi shushed as she gently pushed Tsuna away 'Girls shouldn't cry'
Tsuna blushed lightly, dainty hands brushing against her damp cheeks, 'So-sorry'
The next hour or so was emotional to Tsuna and Bianchi tried her best to be a good shoulder, even though she had never been very good at such things before. However Bianchi did enjoy putting Tsuna in various outfits, with different patterns and colours and prints, she had even gotten some lace, (Japanese fashion was quite cute, Bianchi found).
But Bianchi found herself getting angry with the uncertainty in which Tsuna had approached the clothes, the embarrassment when Bianchi had measured Tsuna for a bra and the almost shame when she admits that she had never worn when before but always wanted to try one. To Bianchi, it was also quite a surprise that although Tsuna was still petite, her breast was bigger then Bianchi would have thought (which was why it was an almost relief, that Bianchi had brought a number of sizes).
By the end of the trying on session Bianchi had gotten Tsuna into a plated white skirt that rested on the middle thigh, with thick black long socks that came up to her knee, a lacy white shirt and a overly large hoodie that is also white with orange sleeves with thumb holes in the cuffs and cat ears on the hood. Bianchi had also managed to talk Tsuna into wearing white strapped sandals that tired above the ankle.
They were talking, Tsuna obviously uncomfortable but content - almost glowing, when the knock on the door echoed through the room. Tsuna tensed, shifting awkwardly on the bed as Bianchi rose to answer it.
Reborn is there, Enma standing in confusion beyond his shoulder, Bianchi looks to the hit-man first before turning her attention to the frowning redhead, 'Shimon-kun' she nodded.
'Poison Scorpion' Enma retorted.
Bianchi smirked, 'Oh, a big boy' she cooed as she crossed her arms, pushing up her chest which he didn't even glance at, her lips stretched. She quickly broke the stare down when she swooped down on Reborn and with a quick, lovey dovey exclamation of his name, carried them both out the room, pushing Enma into it with the heel of her foot while shutting the door.
Once they were safely down the corridor and on Tsuna's empty room Bianchi let Reborn down, 'She looks good,' Reborn states in satisfaction, readjusting his fedora as he took a seat on Tsuna's bed 'If done well, Bianchi'
Bianchi's chest warmed, leaning up against the door, 'And you? What are you doing bringing little Shimon here?'
Removing his fedora, Leon crawling onto his lap, the small hit-man threaded his fingers through his hair, 'Tsuna will have to face them sooner or later - I thought that seeing Enma might help her'
'Because their so similar?'
'In a way' Reborn replied, 'They have the ability to be each other's strength. And Tsuna will need strength'
Bianchi's brow furrowed as she pushed of the door, 'Why? What's happened?'
'Iemitsu's coming home.'