Contest entry for Lyrics to Life Contest
Title: Hunting High & Low
Song:Hunting High And Low. A-Ha. www . youtube watch?v=s6VaeFCxta8 (Remove the spaces)
Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
I came from a time when men simply didn't have relationships with other men in the open, and it held me back at first. It was heavily frowned on in society. The social stigma from those times still resonated deep within me. Jasper was much older than me, and he had even more of a problem coming to terms with the multitude of emotions flooding through him every time we were close to each other. It didn't help he could sense my feelings with his gift.
At first, he ran from what he was feeling for me, and I for him. Ashamed to think he could be attracted to another man, Jasper continued to deny what he felt for me. After being with Alice for so long, what happened next was expected. No one questioned his sudden proposal and insistence on marrying as quickly as possible. It was clearly a knee jerk reaction to his growing desire for me, and my reciprocated feelings for him. The family were all delighted. Me? I was dying inside, watching as the one person I truly loved pledged his life and love to another.
Jasper put on a brave face, but deep down, he despised himself for the feelings raging inside him. They were magnified when I allowed myself to think about what we could have together, if only we let our feelings be free and threw caution to the wind. It was too late, though.
Alice's gift meant she had seen herself and Jasper together. She'd had visions filled with them meeting my family and being blissfully happy together. The only problem with the scenario was I wasn't living with the Cullen's at the time. I had moved away in the hope of finding what my life was missing, but how could I find it when I never knew what it was that I needed. I never figured in her picture postcard visions of their future together. She didn't even know I existed, or what my presence would mean for them. Had she known, I often wondered if she would she have brought them to our door. I doubted it, but I would never truly know the answer.
I struggled to come to terms with having stronger and stronger feelings for Jasper, despite the fact he was married to Alice. It led to me growing increasingly moody and withdrawn. I couldn't bear to be around him at times; seeing him touch Alice, knowing he made love to her in their bedroom. The entire time, I wanted it to be me in his arms, in his bed.
Jasper felt the same. At times, he would forget I could read his mind. Some nights, he pictured me beneath him in bed, not Alice. He would feel guilty afterwards, and indulge her every whim. This led to expensive gifts and shopping trips as he tried to alleviate the guilt.
My family took my change in mood to mean one thing, and one thing only: I was lonely in this life. Their answer? I needed a mate. Someone to fill the endless hours of my existence with, to keep me company. To love and to love me in return. Their decision to find me a mate started the endless matchmaking which I fought against. Carlisle and Esme couldn't understand my reluctance. All I wanted was Jasper, who was achingly within reach, but might as well be a million miles away.
Jasper and I fought against our feelings for a number of years. One day, hunting in the forest near our Alaskan home, he turned and stared at me, a quizzical look in his eyes. I couldn't read his thoughts, which scared me. Why was he hiding what he was thinking from me? We stared at each other for what felt like eternity, and there was suddenly a chink in his mental armor; I could hear him. Clear as day, he thought, 'Why do I want you so badly?'
I didn't say a word, deciding to let my actions speak louder than words ever could. I stepped tentatively toward him, never once taking my eyes from his. I read his body language and gestures like I would when observing my prey, but he was far from being viewed as such. From what I could tell, he was waiting for me to act. He decided to allow it, so I made my move.
Standing right before him, I could feel the electricity spark between us. We were both aware of what was going to happen. It was destined from the first moment I set eyes on Jasper Whitlock.
My lips found his, and it was heaven. The gentle meeting soon gave way to a deeper kiss, as our hands and arms wrapped around each other's bodies, locking us together. My tongue teased against his, and I found myself pushing him back. Strength-wise, we were pretty equally matched. He was stronger, but he allowed me to take the upper hand, moving him backwards until we hit a tree. The sound of our bodies hitting it was like a loud crack of thunder in the silence of the forest, and the tree creaked and groaned before falling backwards to the ground. He smiled as he clung to me to stay upright. We looked around for somewhere to be together, but also alone. He picked up on my need, and I saw him remembering a small cabin a couple of miles back. Pulling away, he gave me a wink before setting off at top speed. I let him have a small head start. We both knew I was faster than him, but I let him beat me.
Once at the cabin, we were so lost in our need, nothing else mattered. When the door closed, a whole new part of our lives began. The touch of him on my skin was searing, feeling so right, even though I knew it was wrong. His lips caressed mine, and I moaned. Reading his mind, I knew this was what he wanted, and through my feelings, he would see that was returned.
We didn't care there wasn't a bed. Everything we needed was here; each other. We crashed to the ground, Jasper pinning me to the rough wooden floor. My hands roamed his body as he removed his clothing. I was lost in the feelings, never wanting it to end.
We responded instinctively, no words needed. I knew he would take control of my body, and I surrendered to him. Jasper knew what he was doing as he ran his fingers towards my ass, right where I wanted him. We continued to kiss, and when he moved his lips to my neck, a shudder of excitement ran through my body. Jasper pulled back from me, moving my legs so they were hitched over his arms. Slowly, he brought his fingers to his lips before laving them with his tongue. I could see the faint glimmer of venom as it coated his fingers. The scent assaulted my nostrils, and I inhaled deeply. A low growl escaped my mouth before I could stop it. This only seemed to encourage him as his fingers disappeared from sight, only to push against me where I needed him most, begging for entrance before his digits slid inside. I expected some pain, but instead, I felt a sense of euphoria and completion.
I had heard from Carlisle about the wonders of our venom. Of course, I knew it contained the power to stop a human heart and transform the living into a vampire. He surmised when we mated, the reason the bond was so strong had to do with the venom. He couldn't pinpoint the science behind his theory, despite years of trying.
The feeling of Jasper's fingers as they teased and stretched me caused another, much deeper growl to escape me. His lips returned to mine, slowing the noise I made, before he whispered,"I.. Edward, I want you. I want this."
I groaned, lost in the feelings coursing through me. "Please, I want you, but I'm scared."
He pulled his fingers from inside me, sitting back and fixing me with his stare.
"I know you are, but I can make you feel so good. It won't hurt, I promise. But if you're not sure..."
The fact he was worried about me and didn't want to hurt me made my still, unbeating heart soar. The words fell from my mouth before I could stop them.
"Please, Jasper, I want you."
Those words were all he needed to hear, as he wet his fingers once again worked me almost to the point of losing control. He stopped and looked into my eyes. Picking up his silent question, I nodded, and watched as he stroked himself, causing the pre cum to pool, the scent of it filling me with lust. I couldn't wait much longer, and neither could he. Positioning himself at my entrance, he pushed slowly forward. I expected to feel pain despite his initial preparation, but instead, I felt exhilaration and love.
He rocked us slowly as he made love to me, claiming me as his. I had never felt so complete, so happy. The expression on his face was one I would never forget. The feelings racing through me were all new, and I never wanted it to end. As vampires, we didn't tire, so the physical element to our coupling was not an issue. However, our ability to control the most basic and feral part of our make up was tenuous.
All too soon, my body reacted to the immense stimulation, and every hair on my body stood on end. I cried out as an orgasm ripped through my body. Jasper quickly followed, before collapsing at my side. If we had been human, I would have said he was catching his breath. We were locked together in this bubble, like there was only us that existed.
Of course, we weren't. All too soon, we would have to return home, where I had no idea what would happen
I relaxed in his arms, my head resting on his chest as I tried to make some sense of what we had done. I couldn't get a fix on Jasper's thoughts as we lay there. We didn't need to recoup energy like humans, but the simple action made me feel closer to him, knowing once we left here, It would be over. We would soon go back to our normal routine, pretending nothing happened. I didn't want to lose the feeling I had been searching for my whole life.
Finally, we broke apart, hastily getting dressed without words being exchanged. Jasper and I both seemed to be experiencing a mixture of shock and relief we had finally given in to our desires, but at the same time, there was an underlying feeling of guilt. We had never once given a thought to our family, or what this could do to them if they found out. In reality, it was too late to worry about the outcome now.
We left the cabin behind, jogging through the forest, picking off easy prey along the way to satisfy at least one of our remaining cravings.
Just as we approached the outskirts of the town, Jasper reached out and grabbed my arm, stopping me. When I looked at him, I could read his thoughts clearly, but I needed to hear the words.
I kissed him, deciding I didn't need to hear his feelings for me vocalized. He had shown me with his actions how he felt. I also knew he wanted to tell me this had to remain between us, and remind me no one could know until we knew what was going to happen. I was so caught up in the moment, in the feelings coursing through me, I hadn't picked up on the human thoughts nearby until it was too late. I faintly heard his thoughts as he walked away from us, but couldn't make them out clearly. Turns out, lust acted as a dampener on my gift.
Approaching the house, we were aware of the whole family rushing from room to room. All I could hear was a jumble of panicked thoughts. They were worried we wouldn't make it back, thinking something had happened to us. Emmett wanted to search for us, but was stopped by Carlisle. He was adamant we would be okay, telling him we were smart enough not to be seen.
When we walked through the door, Alice leapt on Jasper, throwing her arms tightly around his neck. Carlisle approached me, a somber look on his face.
"Good, you're here. We need to leave, now," was all he said before turning away.
"What do you mean leave?"
Alice looked at her feet, and Carlisle spoke once again. "I mean we need to leave here. Alice had a vision while you were hunting."
I looked at Jasper. He wore a look of pure guilt, and couldn't even look at me.
"What did you see?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
Alice's eyes flashed to mine, and I saw the hurt and anger before she answered me. "People are growing suspicious of us. One of the townsfolk saw something strange in the forest while out hunting today. He hasn't spoken to anyone yet, but he will. He thinks he was seeing things, that somehow his mind was playing tricks on him. But we need to leave before we have an angry mob with pitchforks on our doorstep."
I tried to read her thoughts, but got nothing. Shit, this was not good. "Oh. Do you know what he saw?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "I can only catch glimpses. But I see him telling his family of an abomination. He has seen all that is wrong with the world, and plans to correct things. He will lead people here for answers." Alice turned and walked away, leaving Carlisle to tell me more.
"Son, we need to leave, now. We have packed what we need. You need to do the same. We're leaving as soon as possible."
He turned and left, leaving me alone with Jasper. There was no way we could talk about it here; the others would hear, even if we whispered. Jasper knew this too, so I sent out a wave of confusion and concern, hoping he would pick up on it and reply.
Surprised and frustrated when I got nothing back, I went to my bedroom, where I threw some clothes and my beloved journals into a bag, before moving to stare out of the window. Then Jasper's thoughts invaded my mind. I could hear him as clearly as if he was standing next to me, speaking the words.
'What we did was wrong, and cannot happen again. We risked too much. I'm sure Alice knows what we did. Her mood has changed.'
If I were capable of crying, I would have. How could I have come so close to what I wanted, to have it taken away? Instead, I flew around the room, collecting the last pieces I wanted to take with me. Deep down, I knew Alice was lying to our family. But how much did she actually know?
I knew in this day and age it was wrong to be so outraged by seeing two men together. Things had changed greatly since I was, well human, but in such a small town, some habits and beliefs were hard to extinguish. They were set in their ways, and stood firmly by what they thought was right and wrong. In some respects, it was a benefit for us, as they kept to themselves and didn't bother too much about us. We were just the family of 'that nice Doctor' who rented a house on the edge of town. The story we put out was Dr. Cullen was taking a career break and needed somewhere to relax and unwind. They didn't fully trust us, as strangers were always treated with caution. The overwhelming consensus was having a doctor in town would be useful, even if he wasn't in practice here. Of course, we had done nothing to draw attention to ourselves. Until now.
Carlisle decided we should move to a small town in Washington state called Forks. He had already bought a house there, as he was planning on us moving there eventually. He just hadn't expected it to happen so soon.
I wanted to walk out of my room and tell my family everything that occurred and how I felt for Jasper, that he was who I wanted. We could leave all this behind and never look back. The family would be safe if we weren't here, fighting against our feelings for each other. Deep down, I knew we could be happy together. First though, we just had to admit how we felt about one another.
- O - O - O - O - O - O - O - O - O -
It had been over two long, tortuous years since Jasper and I had given into our feelings. We had not spoken of it since, instead choosing to live in a state of denial. Instead of dampening my feelings for him, it intensified them, making me want him more than ever.
Moving to Forks was the worst decision we ever made. I should have known better than to think we would be able to walk away from this unscathed. Such a shame I wasn't the psychic in the family, then maybe we could have avoided the heartache that followed.
One day in early March, I was trying to distract myself from listening to Jasper's thoughts, as they were about Alice, and not me. It annoyed me. Why was he thinking of her, when I knew deep down he wanted me? Trying to keep my feelings of jealousy at bay, I was stunned when in walked someone who temporarily changed things for me. Isabella Swan.
For the briefest of times, I thought Bella was what I wanted, but I soon realized she was a merely a distraction from my thoughts and feelings for Jasper. Not only was she a welcome break from thoughts of him, but truthfully, from the moment Bella walked into Forks High School, her scent overwhelmed me-like a drug. I had never wanted anyone's blood as much as I did hers. It took all my self control not to pierce her soft flesh and drink from her in the middle of our Biology class.
Alice, of course, misread her visions, proclaiming Bella and I would fall in love and be deliriously happy together, forever. Seriously, she thought we were the Romeo and Juliet of our age, two young, star-crossed lovers who could never be together. I thought maybe she did know the truth about Jasper and I, meaning she used Bella as a diversion to keep me away from her man. I couldn't blame her; forever is a long time when you are nursing a broken heart.
Bella and I dated for a six months, but she always wanted more than I could give her. From the beginning, she thought I was different from the other boys at school. How right she was. Of course, she soon discovered the truth behind the statement, accepting we were vampires easily and without question or fear.
It had been eight months since I let Bella think I didn't love her or want her in my life anymore, breaking her fragile, human heart in the process. Looking back, I wondered if I ever really loved Bella the way I should have, or the way she truly deserved. I tried, but despite my best efforts, I couldn't. There wasn't anything she could have done to change things; not when my heart belonged to someone else. My heart had been stolen so many years before I even met her. I was in love with the one person I couldn't have.
Denying my feelings Jasper was hard. Especially when we were together for such long periods of time. During that time, my own 'gift' to read thoughts became almost more than I could bear.
She thought I left her alone in the forest, because of what happened at the birthday party Alice insisted on throwing for her. The party Bella didn't want, but went along with to keep Alice happy. If I had known what would happen, I would've whisked her away for the evening, avoiding the event altogether. That would have been for the best and saved so much heartache.
I couldn't bear to tell her the truth of what really happened, the true reason Jasper attacked her so viciously. It had nothing to do with the tiniest amount of blood being spilled when she cut her finger opening one of her gifts. In all honesty, it was such a small amount, just a tiny paper cut, it hardly registered a reaction with any of us. What ignited his attack was Emmett making an under the breath comment about me 'kissing it better', quickly followed by a much lewder comment.
Of course, Bella didn't hear any of this, but Jasper did, and his jealousy took over with such devastating effect. I could see in his mind what he was thinking. Even though he couldn't have me, he didn't want this mere human girl to have me either. Jasper lunged towards Bella, and I pushed her out of harm's way as a reflexive action. In the process, she crashed into the glassware and cut herself badly. That amount of blood was an issue for us to deal with. It was everywhere, and I feared my own control would waiver.
The events of the evening made me realize it was futile to continue things with Bella, when my heart-and what was left of my soul-belonged to Jasper. If only I knew then what I know now, that my decision would have such far reaching consequences, not just for me but for the whole family, I might have thought differently about what happened next. As I couldn't see the future, nor change the past, I had to make the very best of the hand fate dealt me.
Jasper's reaction to Emmett's jibe confirmed things for Alice. When Carlisle suggested I go outside to talk to Jasper, saying I was the only one who he would listen to, I jumped at the chance. Seeing Bella covered in blood because of something I did was like a dagger in my heart. It should have been her I rushed to, her I wanted to comfort and hold, but every part of me wanted to be with him. In that single moment, I realized what it was like to love someone, truly love them. I would go to any lengths to protect him, to keep him with me. We were alone outside, as the rest of the family busied themselves with cleaning up the blood that had caused so much distress. He was facing away from me, but I knew he would sense my approach. The words falling from his lips portrayed his hurt.
"Don't. I can't bear to hear what you have to say, Edward."
I didn't respond to his words. His thoughts betrayed him. He wanted me to be there with him, to hold him and tell him it would be okay, that we would make it through this, together. I walked up behind him, my hands gently caressing his shoulders.
"Jasper, it's okay. I'm here." I moved closer to him, pressing my lips to the side of his neck. He moaned lightly.
"Please, don't. I'm barely holding on to my sanity as it is. We can't do this. Not here, not now."
"I don't care. I want to make sure you are okay. I heard what Emmett said. He shouldn't have. It's not like that with Bella and I, it never will be. It's not her I want." I pushed closer to him, knowing he would be able to feel the evidence of how he made me feel. I dropped my voice to a whisper. "I want you."
We heard the sound of Emmett approaching, and I stepped back. He was oblivious to what he saw before him, which was some relief. Had he paid closer attention, he would have seen the guilty looks we exchanged. I was sure even Emmett would have seen there was something very wrong.
"Carlisle has finished with Bella. You should drive her home while we clean up the mess." His voice was low and serious, something out of the ordinary for him.
I simply nodded before heading inside. Pausing at the door, I turned to glance one last time at Jasper. He couldn't look at me. I could hear how hard he was fighting between feeling guilty for the damage he caused, and the jealousy he was still battling against. Despite everything, he still wanted me. I made my way inside to find Bella and take her home.
The journey to her house was quiet. It was one nice thing about being around her; the silence. I wasn't listening to her thoughts, as she was immune to my ability. If only her heart was immune to me, it would make things so much easier. She mistook my distance as concern, not wanting to risk hurting her further than had already been done.
Once I was able to leave her, I did. Running back through the forest to our home, my mind was free to wander. All my thoughts were of Jasper. It was only when I got closer I could hear the raised voices inside. I froze. My family never argued. There was only one thing that would cause it; Alice had found out about Jasper and I.
Focusing my mind, I could hear the thoughts from inside the house. What I heard confirmed my suspicions. She confronted Jasper while I was driving Bella home. Her woman's instinct kicked in. Oh, and the fact she had a vision of the future might also have had something to do with it. I walked in knowing I was entering a veritable lion's den.
I found Jasper sitting on the couch, head in his hands as Alice demanded answers. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie all stood around, not knowing what to say. When they registered my arrival, my family turned to face me. The confusion clouding their minds was clear. There had to be a misunderstanding; there was no way we could be together in such a manner, not when he was married to Alice.
I wished I could tell them different, tell them it was all a stupid mistake. But no, I decided to come clean and admit I was in love with Jasper. I told her I never set out to hurt her, that it was the last thing on my mind, but he was what I wanted, more than anything in the world. The shouting, screaming, and allegations flew for hours. Alice was hurt, as was Esme.
I couldn't bear staying in the house any longer as my world crashed apart around my ears. Their thoughts suffocated me, invading every moment I was around them. There wasn't the luxury of sleep to distract me or give me any kind of respite. So I left, meeting Bella in the forest and breaking her heart. It was easier that way, wasn't it?
- O - O - O - O - O - O - O - O - O -
We were now scattered across the globe, ripped apart by the consequences of our actions . I wasn't welcome by my family anymore. They blamed me for Alice and Jasper breaking up, for her announcing she hated him and never wanted to see him again. I knew it was coming, having read the thoughts in her mind, but I was defenseless to stop her.
The people who once formed my family were left behind, as I ran from what I had done, leaving me to forge my own way. I was now vulnerable, a lone vampire with no coven and no mate to protect me. I became withdrawn, even more than I had been in the past. I wandered through the wilderness of Washington state, and then over the border to Canada, always staying away from areas I knew the Cullens may be. I chose never to stay in one place too long, not wanting to draw attention. Everywhere I went, there were people who reminded me of him; the way someone walked, the color of their hair, but of course they weren't him. They could never be him.
I withdrew even further, refused to eat. The hunger and burn was the only way I could think of to punish myself for hurting those I loved so badly. I wanted to go back in time and change things; I would beg him to come away with me before we were discovered.
Being around people was growing far too dangerous, for me and them. I realized this after following a young man back to his apartment building one night. He reminded me so much of Jasper, it hurt. What I planned to do to him was unspeakable. Luckily, I stopped myself at the very last moment. Uncharacteristically, I allowed him to hear me as I walked behind him, and he turned and saw me. The look of pure terror on his face snapped me out of my trance, and I could see myself in his thoughts. Harsh features, blackened eyes, and a look that gave away the fact I could kill him where he stood without any thought or conscience.
The only thing I could do was run, before I drained him of every last drop of blood. The only thing stopping me was the thought of harming Jasper. I couldn't hurt him, ever. I found myself holed up in the middle of nowhere in some abandoned town in the backwoods of British Columbia. I needed to be alone. The thoughts I couldn't silence from the humans became too much to bear, coupled with my own emotions. Also, it was safer for me to be miles from civilization; less chance of me lashing out and hurting someone.
Weeks passed, every day merging into the next. He was all I could think of, and there was no respite. I wondered where he was, if he was happy, did he think of me? My body ached for him, his touch on my ice cold skin that warmed me in a way I never thought possible. Only now, I had to live with the memory of him, of us. I craved and mourned him in equal measure; the memories were all I had. I thought about seeking him out. Would he be willing to see me, or would he still be with Alice? I often wondered if they managed to work through it all, or if they were as miserable as I was.
My body grew weak from the lack of blood. There seemed little point in existing if I was this miserable. I thought back to Carlisle's talks about how he tried to end his existence when first turned. Nothing he did relieved him of his immortality, so there seemed little point in me trying to exorcise mine.
I was wallowing in my own special brand of misery when, I came to the realization I was going to spend the rest of my existence like this. The thought made me want to throw myself onto a burning pyre to end my torment. There was only one thing I could do - I had to find him. See with my own eyes if he was happy. If he was, I would move on, try to forget him and what we could've had together. It would break my unbeating heart, but I had to try.
Once the decision was made, I had to feed, needing to build my strength for the journey ahead. I had no idea where they would be. There was no doubt they would have left Forks, and I also doubted they would have gone back to Denali; it would be too risky. They were places I would try, though, listen into the thoughts of the people in the area to see if I could pick up any thoughts of where my one-time family could be.
Just as I thought, there was no trace of them. Their scent was long gone from our home in Forks, and no one I encountered knew where they had moved. There were rumors of a job in Los Angeles Dr. Cullen couldn't turn down. I knew that was a lie, as there was no way they would move anywhere with so much sun.
Walking through the home we shared as a family, where we had been happy, brought memories flooding back. The sound of laughter as it filled the rooms, the play fights with Emmett, and Esme's exasperation at our playfulness and sometimes destruction of her home.
Leaving there, I roamed from state to state, listening carefully to the thoughts of the people I encountered for any sign of my former coven. From Washington, I travelled through Oregon and into Idaho, before I found myself in Montana, yet there was no trace. How could a coven of vampires just vanish into thin air? Denali was looking like it was the place I should try next. I wanted to avoid seeing the coven there, but if anyone would know of my family's whereabouts, it would be them.
Arriving near the house, I could hear their thoughts. Alice was inside, as were Esme and Carlisle. I surmised the others must have been out hunting in the wilderness nearby, so I waited. It was hard for me not to dip into their minds and see what I was missing out on. When the short day finally gave way to night, I watched in amazement as the Northern Lights streaked the sky. The colors were amazing. I had seen this phenomena many times before, but tonight it just felt different, like I was seeing it for the first time.
I was enthralled, and didn't hear the approach of another until it was too late. Turning quickly, I was surprised to see Carlisle standing a few feet away, his hands raised to show he meant me no harm.
"Edward, how are you?" he asked in a low, gentle voice.
I stared, searching his face and his thoughts for answers, but strangely, his mind was silent. "I'm great. Been a real laugh for me since I left."
His face remained emotionless. "I really don't think this is any time to be flippant, Edward. Where have you been?"
"Around. I ended up in the middle of nowhere. I just needed to be alone," I muttered. "How are things?"
Carlisle let out a deep sigh, before glancing back to the house. "Come, take a walk with me."
He motioned for me to move away from the house. Glancing back, I saw a lone figure staring out of the window.
We walked some way before he spoke. "I'm glad you are here. You left so quickly after…" He paused, turning to face me. Yet again, his mind was hidden. "Alice was upset. I don't know what really happened with you and Jasper. I told her she was wrong; she said you were ..." He struggled to find the words, so I filled in the missing blanks.
"Together? Intimate? What did you not believe about it? The fact Jasper and I slept together, how he made me feel like no one else ever had? That Jasper was the one thing missing in my life, only I never realized until it was too late to do anything about it? He was married to Alice, yet I wanted him. My soul is already damned with adding that to my list of misdemeanors."
He grabbed my arm. "You are not damned, Edward, you could never be."
I pulled away from him. "How can you say that? I ruined everything! We had to move, not once but twice, because of me. I just came to see if he was happy, hoping somehow you all were, without me in your lives."
"What if we aren't? What if we want you both back."
Staring into his eyes, I wondered if, even with my exceptional hearing, I had misheard him. "What do you mean?"
Carlisle took a deep, if somewhat unnecessary breath. "I want the family back together. It's not the same since you both left. Rose and Emmett are travelling in Europe. The house here feels empty with just the three of us"
He was holding something back. "Where's Jasper?" I couldn't help but feel the worry rise from deep inside.
"He left us shortly after you did. He and Alice tried to make it work, but she knew he wasn't happy. It was like the light had gone out of his eyes. The argued so much, it broke her heart. He went out hunting one day and never came back."
I stared at Carlisle. Finally, the veil in his mind fell away, and I saw everything in his memories. The confusion and worry when Jasper never returned. Alice falling apart as he finally made a decision to stay away from them, and her. This was not what I expected to find, my family torn apart by our actions.
"No," was all I managed to say. Then I was aware of footsteps nearby. Turning around, I came face to face with Alice.
"You did this, you drove him away from me. I will never, ever forgive either of you for what you did," she spat.
I couldn't bear to see the pure hatred in her eyes, so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I ran.
The forest passed me by in a blur, nothing registering until I stood on the top of a cliff, staring out at the raging ocean below. The waves crashed angrily onto the rocks, and gulls cried as they circled above. I felt helpless. Jasper was gone, and I had to find him. To tell him I was sorry and I loved him, how I wanted to be his for the rest of our existence.
He was the only important thing to me now, but first I had to find him. I had no idea where he might have gone. The world was a large place when you wanted to hide away, but no matter how long it took, I would find him. I would not stop until he was back in my arms where he belonged. This was my vow to myself, and a silent promise to him somehow, one day I longed to tell him about. Until we were back together, I would hunt high and low, searching every last inch of the world until I reached my goal. Never resting, never stopping.
This was my entry for the Lyrics To Life Contest. I hope that you like it. I love this song and have done for a long time. I got the inspiration for this after driving back from my sister's house late one night, this song came on my playlist and that combined with the dark drive produced plot bunnies that wouldn't go away until I got them down.
Will there be more? Who knows, never say never.
Thanks go out to Harrytwifan for betaing this for me and to those who voted, and reviewed in the comp.