Author's Note: Millie! This is for you. I love you! And I'm so happy and proud of you for completing NaNo. I made the fic a wee bit sad for you because I know what a saddo you are. I hope you'll like the Freylin galore ahead!
Title: I Dreamed A Dream
Category: BBC Merlin, (Canon), Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Angst
Characters/Pairings: Merlin, Freya. Freylin.
Summary: Freya visits Merlin in his dreams. Set anywhere. This is for my awesome bestie, MildeAmasoj, for completing her NaNoWriMo!
I Dreamed A Dream
He never expected to see her again.
But he did, months after he lost her.
He felt himself tugged into a dream just as soon as his weary and heavy blue eyes fluttered shut into the comfortable and serene darkness of sleep. For a moment at first, there was nothing, just the sight of black filling his vision as his eyes remained closed.
But then he opened them.
And saw the most beautiful place he ever had the fortune to lay his sight on.
"We'll go somewhere where no one knows us. Somewhere far away."
"Where will we go?"
Mountains rose high up the sky,
"Somewhere with mountains..."
Covered in newly wet and a resplendent shade of fresh green grass that filled all of the ground, and tall trees with thick and dark green leaves that surrounded him, filling his heart with an immense and overwhelming energy of joy as he looked around in awe and wonder of the beauty of this place. His eyes caught on and followed the brightly colored butterflies weaving around in the air, and he offered his fingers out as a few of them settled on them.
"A few fields..."
Wonderful wild flowers covered a portion of the place, rustling gently from the warm wind that was gradually breezing past his clothes and hair, and the magnificent golden light of the sun shone down on them.
"A couple of cows."
And there was a lake.
"And a lake..."
Reflecting the marvelous blue colors of the cloudless sky as the water glinted in the sun.
"And a lake."
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
The familiarity of that soft and awed voice caused every muscle on his bones to still completely and cease his breaths for a moment, and the shock hit him hard enough that it took a few more seconds for his mind to fully recognize the voice as it provided him a name.
A name of the person that he had thought about every single day of his life ever since he saw her die in his very own arms.
A name that belonged to the person he loved so much that sometimes the agony of her death seemed to overwhelm him.
A name that, even after years since her loss, never failed to shoot a sudden and sharp pain at his heart.
"Freya..." he whispered out softly as his burning eyes dropped a few tears down his face, the despair and anguish and melancholy replacing his prior joy welling up and threatening to choke him. His heart began to speed up and pound violently against his sternum, his sickened stomach twisting with grief and loss as past memories, that he had tried so hard to lock up into a very deep part of his mind, began to fill into his thoughts.
"It's me," she replied softly, and he could hear a small smile in her voice.
He swallowed hard at the stifling emotion clogging his throat and sucked in a deep breath as he tried to school his crumpling features into a stoic one, in a means to hide the pain he was feeling.
Because she wasn't real. She was just a dream.
"I am really here, Merlin," he heard her say, as if she could read into his thoughts.
He closed his wet eyes as he felt her warm and slighter hand hold his own tightly, and her soft cheek rest gently on his back as she wrapped her other arm around his shoulders in an embrace.
And her touch felt so real that he couldn't help but want to believe in all of this.
Maybe, just maybe... even if it's not real, he could pretend.
He grasped her arm lightly and pulled it away from himself, feeling the weight of her head leave from his back as he turned around to face her, smiling widely while his free hand also trailed down her arm and gripped hers tightly.
But the moment he saw her beautiful face right in front of him, her captivating brown eyes staring right into his own...
He felt all his doubts and fears of her being unreal suddenly vanish. And somehow he knew, that this wasn't his mind playing cruel tricks on him. He felt another emotion build up in his chest; an intense wave of ecstacy and love filling his heart wholly at the sight of her again.
And even though the hurt and grief of her loss and his longing for her did not diminish completely, his new-found joy seemed to overpower those painful emotions for now.
He took a short while to just stare at her in silence, his eyes full of love and wonder as he absorbed every exquisite detail and feature of her face.
"You're really... here," he said in a soft voice filled with awe and fondness, the emotions never leaving his expressive blue eyes.
She nodded and smiled at him, sniffing as her own eyes welled up with unshed tears at the sight of him. "I'm really here," she repeated as the overwhelming emotions echoed back to him in her own eyes, squeezing his hands.
And he couldn't believe this. Couldn't believe that she was standing right in front of him. Speaking to him. Touching him. Staring at him with those warm, wonderful eyes of hers. Though it was only through his dreams, but she was still actually here.
"I missed you so much," he whispered brokenly as a few more tears streamed down his cheeks, his flushed face conflicting as to whether it should smile or crumple.
It decided to crumple.
She smiled through her own tears, and let go of one of his hands to raise hers to his cheek, grasping it as she thumbed away some of his tears. Though the gesture was futile as more only replaced them.
"I missed you too," Freya responded softly, her tears beginning to fall down her cheeks.
Only to be caught by her love as he kissed them away, his lips pressing against each one of them. And then his fingers raised up to brush away the wet tracks.
She smiled at him, and Merlin returned a light one as well, then leaned in and kissed her forehead. And then tenderly touched his lips to her soft ones.
And then held her smaller body tightly to his own as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and waist, kissing her shoulder hard as his own tears fell again through his smiling eyes. His heart felt like it could explode with the amount of love filling his chest and being and the joy of seeing her again.
To Merlin, the dream felt as real as reality itself. Perhaps even more; with the vivid colours, clearer sight and a more intensified sense of smell of everything around him.
It was amazing.
But it was the person he was with that made it perfect.
They talked about everything that they never had a chance to talk about, said everything that they didn't get to before, made promises like every love did, shared past stories and memories, and made new ones along the way with every little kiss and hug and word and loving stare.
They cherished every moment they spent in each other's arms, knowing there probably might not be another time to do so in very long. Being the Lady Of The Lake was quite a busy job.
She had her cheek lying on his chest, her fingers clutching at his shirt. And he had his chin on top of her head, his nose buried into her smooth black hair, his arms encircling her back as he pressed another kiss to her hair.
"It's almost dawn now," Freya said softly as she shifted her head slightly, her rueful eyes downcast and tone sad.
It took a few seconds for the meaning to register in his mind.
Merlin's heart felt heavy at the thought of waking up from this dream, wishing the night could have held still for them forever just so they could stay together.
"I wish I didn't have to," he commented softly as he held her tighter, sighing heavily.
"I know," she answered, chuckling lightly as she lifted her head up from his shoulder. But her hand then moved to entwine with his. "I wish you didn't have to either."
He squeezed it gently, his eyes longing and lugubrious and full of love as he stared at her, memorizing every centimetre of her face one more.
One last time.
Her smiling face turned earnest, her eyes growing wet. "You're going to be okay, Merlin."
Merlin looked down at their hands, absorbing the feel and warmth of her touch and memorizing it. "I don't want to do this without you."
That's when her tears fell as she removed one hand and placed it on his cheek. "But you'll have to. Don't take this the wrong way, Merlin, but I hope I don't see you in Avalon anytime soon." She sniffed softly, leaning in and encircling her arms around his neck. "I want you to live. Be happy as much as you can before you return to me.
One day, Merlin. I promise you... we'll see each other again."
Merlin hugged her back tightly, clinging to her smaller frame as he buried his face into her neck and mumbled thickly, "I love you, Freya."
"I love you too," she replied forlornly, her heart aching for the love of her life.
They slowly broke apart, staring into each other's eyes for a short moment before they shared the very last one of their tender kisses.
"One day, Merlin..." Freya whispered.
The whisper followed him into the world of living.
He woke up and went on with his day. Because that was what she wanted him to do.