Hello, all! Here's my humble offering for the 2013 December Calendar Challenge of Awesomeness! (Yep, I'm determined to make that name stick, Hades!) This is also being submitted for the Advent challenge at the Reviews Lounge, Too forum, but slightly bending the rules as far as number of entires because Blue and Aiko love me. ;)

We will be given a prompt assigned by one of the other authors participating in the challenge every day in December and it will be our task to write something based on it. With some luck, this will (hopefully) be updated daily for your reading pleasure!

The December 1st prompt, as assigned by Galaxy1001D:

Write a story where Holmes pokes fun at Watson's writing.


[The following is a snippet from a piece of newspaper, rescued from the fireplace of 221B Baker Street by Mr. Sherlock Holmes in order to prove a point. While much of it has burned away, what remained was still legible, but Mr. Holmes has transcribed the original text and the scribbled comments for posterity onto a fresh piece of paper.]

We could see that the only light in the room came from a dull blue flame which flickered from a small brass tripod in the centre. It threw a livid, unnatural circle upon the floor, while in the shadows beyond we saw a vague loom of two figures which crouched upon a wall. From the open door there reeked a horrible poisonous exhalation which set us gasping and coughing.

Watson, I really must protest at your melodramatic and fanciful need to romanticize everything in this case.

I know not what you mean by that, Holmes. How many times must we go over the finer nuances of the creative craft?

As many times as it takes for you to realize that the public is disinterested in fiction where there should be reality. Let fiction remain in its own world!

Holmes rushed to the top of the stairs to draw in the fresh air, and then, dashing into the room, he threw up the window and hurled the brazen tripod out into the garden.

"We can enter the room in a minute," he gasped, darting out again. "Where is a candle? I doubt if we could strike a match in that atmosphere. Hold the light and the door and we shall get them out, Mycroft, now!"

A blatantly shameless way of making such a thing as this into romantic heroism.

It wasn't meant to come across as romantic. And what you did was commendable, Holmes. There's no getting around that, whether or not you care to admit it.

Perhaps I would care to admit such a thing if you could portray me in a more humanized manner.

Perhaps you should act in a more humanized manner.

I know not what you mean by that.

With a rush we got to the poisoned men and dragged them out into the well-lit hall. Both of them were blue-lipped and insensible with swollen, congested features and protruding eyes. Indeed, so distorted were their features that , save for his black beard and stout figure, we might have failed to recognize in one of them the Greek interpreter who had parted from us only a few hours before at the Diogenes Club.

I suppose I cannot fault you for your astute, medical judgment as you describe their symptoms.

I would hope not.

And yet, you feel the need to bring sentiment into your writing by way of the Diogenes –

Do not even go so far as that, Holmes.

Might I go so far as to-

I doubt it.

His hands and feet were securely strapped together, and he bore over one eye the marks of a violent blow.

If I were so inclined to say so, I might say that your sentence formation is rather awkward, my dear Watson. If you want to say something, you should say it properly and clearly.

I could never expect you to –

I've had my fair experience at the creative craft, Watson. You've seen the essays I have had published.

I rather think that academic work does not fall into the same category.

Perspective is everything, Wats-

[Here ended what remained of the newspaper, but Mr. Holmes wishes that his personal amusement be registered.]


All ACD work taken directly from Greek Interpreter.