Trust Divided

I stood looking back at the magnificent castle for a few moments, again I noticed the large beams of light shooting from the castle into the immenseness of heaven. God sure knew how to make a jaw dropping impression on anyone. I began to turn around when a comforting warmth enveloped me, stopping me in my tracks. There is only one place where I have ever had this feeling. I looked back at God's castle, his presence began to flow through me like a wave, I was looking at him and he was looking right back at me. A smile cracked through my lips.

"Good-bye God and thank you."

I turned around and began walking down the path back to my house. I was in the mood for walking, flying was much more efficient but I wanted to dwell on God's advice he had just given me before reaching home. So I followed the winding path leading down to a much larger path that cuts straight through the center of Heaven. When I reached the main path God's presence left me just as quick as it flowed into me. There were other angels on the path, some walking and others hovering along, I few angels I knew waved to me but I didn't acknowledge them. Thoughts of my conversation with God were beginning to bombard my mind.

God is all knowing, so if that is true why hasn't he done anything to stop the evil thoughts spreading through Heaven? I remain loyal and straight with God for now but its hard to stay that way when he doesn't even take action to prevent this uprising of dark thinking. I even went and talk to him and I still don't feel one hundred percent confident that he isn't what everyone is calling him. Weak, unpowerful, not fit to rule. What kind of ruler is he really if he won't ever take action or ever put his foot down and fight when needed. Why should we follow him, stay loyal if he doesn't even reassure his own angles that what they are thinking is arrogant. Maybe what they are saying is true.

"Beelzebub!" yelled a voice

I kept on walking, thinking, not realizing that somebody called my name.

"Hey Beelzebub! You in there? It's your friend, Azrael!"

I stopped walking and turned and noticed Azrael sitting on a rock not to far from the path. He was a sitting, legs crossed wearing his typical dark colored garb. Azrael was always an almost shady kind of angel, not too tall - well fit for his size. He had quite a glow emanating from him. It was a warm radiant light but somehow had some essence of darkness and death flowing out of him as well. I guess thats what comes from being the Angel of Death.

"Sorry I didn't see you there Azrael" I replied.

"I bet. It seemed like you were in some deep thought. I watched you almost bump into a few angels while they were walking past you." said Azrael.

He stood up from his rock and walked up to me.

"Wow I didn't even notice." I said.

I looked around a bit and noticed that I was already about half way home. My eyes fixed upon a small hilltop across the path that was a short walking distance away. It had a few broken pillars and a bench sitting on top of it. It seemed very peaceful and a perfect place for me to open my mind to my troubling thoughts.

"Beelzebub are you okay?" asked Azrael.

He placed his right hand on my shoulder. My eyes still glued to the small hill.

"Yes... I'm fine Azrael. Thanks for asking, but I think I'm going to go walk some more, it will do me some good."

I turned towards the hill and began walking over the path to the hill completely forgetting about Azrael and his attempt of a conversation with me.

"Okay Beelzebub. I guess I will see you another time." Azrael yelled to me.

It didn't take me long before reaching the base of the hill. I decided to use my wings and fly to the top of the hill instead of walking. When I set foot atop the hill I took a look around. To my surprise I could see quite a bit from the crest of such a small hill.

As I looked directly out over the land, I could see angels traveling the path and Azrael sitting back down on his rock. I looked to the right and could see the tip of God's castle and the bright beams radiating from it. I paused in awe. I then turned looking to the left and I could see a large portion of Heaven, my house, others houses and even the Grand Courtyard, the gardens where most angles go to spend time. I stood staring at God's kingdom.

What a paradise he has created. Since the beginning of time God has rained all mighty over this land. He is our father, and we are his children. He rules over us with love and compassion. There have never been any problems or conflicts. Until now.

I was weary from the recent events and decided to sit on the bench. I felt peace up on this hill. There was something about it that just brought an open mind and kept me calm. My thoughts were becoming clear now.

What was I thinking? Why would I believe all those dark thoughts! Of course God is strong and a great ruler. Nothing has ever gone wrong, and he treats us all fairly and is our constant companion, forever watching over us. I may not always know what he is doing, but what I do know is that God has a plan. I should trust his judgements and stop doubting his actions. I want to trust his judgement. But can I? Faith is not belief without proof.

"Having troubling thoughts?", came a smooth voice.

A bright glow caught my eye. I looked up and floating there before me was Lucifer.

"Lucifer! My brother!" I rejoiced.

Lucifer glided down to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Are you doing alright brother? You look absolutely terrible!"

I chuckled and we embraced. I sat back down on the bench. Lucifer continued to stay standing. He was his typical self, alluring and glorious. He has always radiated with a distinguished light, but I notice something different. Something about the way he looks. He seems and feels different. I can't quite figure out what has changed with him.

"Are you feeling okay my friend?" asked Lucifer.

"I'm doing fine. I am just in deep thought." I replied.

"You ended up going. You talked to God, didn't you?" asked Lucifer.

I didn't answer him, but he knew. It wasn't any surprise to him. Lucifer knows me far better than any other angel.

"So I'm guessing his answers to your questions didn't help clarify anything for you." Lucifer said kindly.

I looked up at him but didn't say anything.

"I can't help you, Beelzebub, if you don't talk to me." he stated.

"I know. I'm sorry Lucifer. I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do.", My head lowered in anguish. "I Know that God is right. I know that we should trust him and that these thoughts of rebellion against him are insane. But what if everyone is right? What if he isn't strong enough to rule? Where is the proof? He asks us to believe in him. To trust in him. How can we? We have never even seen his "almighty" power. What if he doesn't have any. What if ruling with so much love has made him soft and weak." I looked back up at Lucifer who was listening intently. "Where is the proof? What if he isn't strong enough to rule us when or if something troubling happens?"

Lucifer seemed to understand what I was saying, but he remained silent.

"I don't know what to think anymore. I want to stay loyal to God but…" I paused and looked away from Lucifer, "I don't know whether to risk it or not."

Lucifer sat down next to me on the bench.

"I understand my friend. These are troubling times that will test everyone's faith in God. He has his plan. We may not know what that plan is but it is up to us to decide whether or not to trust in that plan. He expects us to have faith in him, and follow his teachings without question. He expects us to trust him." Lucifer proceeded to stand up. "So, my brother, you must ask yourself… Do you trust in God?"

Lucifer then spread his wings and left me to my thoughts. I stood up and gazed over the paradise we call Heaven one more time.

It is clear to me now. I don't know who I should believe or who I should follow. All I know is that I love this place and I love everyone in it. I would do anything and everything to protect it. I may not know exactly what to do but the one thing I do know is that no matter what, I will support and stay loyal to the one person I can trust with all my heart. My best friend. My brother. Lucifer.