Repost... Happy Holidays!

One shots are due to me by November 25th. Please send them to kgoodyear

A/N: Based on the prompt: If you want my Body and you think I'm Santa

A huge thanks to Midnight Cougar for betaing this hot mess and to Joey for laughing at my ridiculousness.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Entry for Countdown to Christmas 2012 – a Lyrical Melody

Rating: M

Pairing: ExB

Author's name: CullensTwiMistress

Title: Candy Cane Santa

Summary: Bella and Edward are friends...sort of. She knows he's the mall Santa. He thinks she doesn't. A little Christmas story about finding "the one" without even realizing it. AH; ExB; Romance/Humor/Motorboating

"I don't want to do this."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"Er, yeah you do, B. Besides, if you don't take a chance, you'll never know."

"I don't even know for sure it's him, Rose." I glare at her, jutting out my chin defiantly.

"I know for a fact it's him. Now, go get 'em tiger." She giggles and cocks an eyebrow in challenge.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. Now, go give Santa a nice lap dance and maybe he'll give you his hard candy cane afterwards."

I huff and puff out my cheeks, letting the air out slowly as I walk the twenty feet in order to take my spot in line to see The Big Guy.

I can do this...

It's just him...

I know him...

I've known him since forever...

We're friends...sort of.

We hang out with the same people. We all grew up together and now live, study and work in Seattle. And by hang out, I mean, I hang out with his sister, Rose, and their brother, Jasper, who is dating my little sister, Alice. It's all weird and intertwined and...weird. Thankfully, Emmett, Rose's soon-to-be husband, isn't related to any of us.

And according to Rose, I need to shit or get off the pot.

You see, I've had a little...thing for Edward Cullen since we were very young. They were our neighbors, hence the budding love between Alice and Jasper that developed when they were barely older than fetuses. Hell, they were even born only a day apart.

I remember those days. Edward, Rose and I would be shuttled off to a sitter's together while our moms bonded. Edward is a few years older than Rose and I. He used to tease and taunt us. It was all fun, and when we were in school I had such a crush on him, but he was older and he was dating the cheerleader. So, I went on and did whatever.

But now we're both single, and in our twenties.

I'm being so silly, Rose told him she wouldn't tell anyone he's volunteering as the mall Santa. Wouldn't want to ruin the reputation, ya know?

But she told me, and I sort of really want to sit on his lap.

I won't cry though, unlike that little kid sitting there now. Crap, I hope none of them pee on Santa. That would be gross.

Looking around, I'm sort of the odd man out. Dammit, why couldn't I bring a kid with me at least?

This is awkward.

What do I want for Christmas?

How about Santa's cock?

That'd be nice...and naughty. I've never seen Edward's, but he's tall and has big feet, I bet he's packin'.

And he's hot, you can't be that hot and have a teeny weeny. That would be wrong.


Jesus, what is wrong with me?

Facepalming, I run a hand through my hair and shake the thought of Edward's man meat out of my head. I mean, really, this is crazy.

I've turned into one of those psycho stalker chicks.

He'll never go out with me now.

Aw, fuck this shit, I'm outta here.

"Miss?" The little leprechaun standing by the giant cardboard cutout candy cane entrance motions to me.

Okay, he's not a leprechaun, he's an elf. Whatever, he's creepy as fuck "I can't do this," I mumble and look for an exit strategy.

"It's okay, Santa's nice, Miss."

Is he fucking serious?

Frowning, I shake my head, wanting to explain that I'm not afraid of Santa. This isn't some sort of therapy.

But damn, that's really good...

Clearing my throat, I put on a good show. "I know, I can do this. The therapist said I should face my fears head on." I smile and try to make myself look a little less psychotic than I probably do, due to the lies and nerves...and the fact that I'm nuts.

Shuffling forward, I wait until the child before me is done and has picked up his coloring book and candy cane, and when he's off Santa's lap, I finally step on to the red carpet reserved only for Santa.

Deep grey eyes meet mine. The long lashes and thick eyebrows shine with mirth as his bushy face beard and mustache covered lips turn up in a smirk.

"Santa, be gentle with this one," the leprechaun says and...I die. "She's in therapy," I hear him whisper as he pushes me forward a bit.

I can feel my face heat up, and I swear I want the Earth to swallow me whole.

What. The. Everloving. Fuck?

Looking at anyone but him, I swallow the knot in my throat and slowly take a seat on his lap.

"This is weird," I mumble, still unable to look at him.

"You don't have to be scared, little girl. I won't hurt you." Edward's voice is soft, and it makes all my lady parts tingle.

This isn't funny.

"Yeah, no, I'm not..." I try to say, but then he brings his hand to my knee and gives it a light squeeze, sort of like a grandfather would do. It's not sexual at really not...only those tingles seem to think it is, and I squirm over his lap. "I'm...I'm sorry, Santa."

"How about you tell me what you want for Christmas, little girl?" His thumb brushes over the inside of my knee and my eyes meet his.

Holy shit... dark...

Oh the tingles...

My heart accelerates and I squirm again, only this time, I feel something...hard...definitely not small... It's not a candy cane, but it's poking my backside slightly.

Damn, Santa's belly is getting in the way of the peen.

I'm a pervert.

Taking a deep breath, with my eyes meeting his, I confess, "I want to find true love, Santa. Do you think I can get that? I want someone to love me."

It's cheesy, but he can obviously tell this is me. And I have a feeling he knows his sister can't keep a secret.

He can't be that damn oblivious.

He knows I'm not afraid of Santa.

This is so bad. He's gonna hate me.

I squirm again and Edward's other hand tightens its hold over my hip as I brush up against his hard on...again.

Maybe he won't hate me, obviously some parts of him like it when I'm all squirmy.

"I'm not sure Santa can give you that, little girl, but he'll try his very best." He smiles and licks his lips.

God, I can't not look at them even with the white fake fur around them.

Nodding, I smile shyly. "Thank you."

The leprechaun hands me a coloring book and a candy cane as I stand and straighten myself out. "That wasn't so bad, now, was it? Santa doesn't bite."

Oh, God... I hope he does.


We're at Rose's apartment getting the place ready for her annual Christmas party.

"That went well," she says while hanging some garland over the fireplace.

"Shut up. I'm so embarrassed." I don't tell her about the hard candy cane poking my hip. She's his sister and that's just wrong.

"Oh, don't be. I saw his face, trust me, he wasn't upset at having you sitting on his lap."

"It was stupid. The elf thought I was some psycho who was afraid of Santa."


"So? So? So he told Edward."


" Edward's gonna think I'm some Santa fearing headcase that gives him boners while he's at work," I huff and want to shove my foot in my mouth as soon as I say the words out loud.



Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"You gave him a boner?" Rose giggles.

"It was a candy cane." A big, hard, warm one...

My thighs clench at the memory.

"Uh huh...and gross by the way." She shakes her head and goes back to decorating, while I mix up the Jell-O and vodka to make shots.

"When's your brother coming home? Ya know, so I can leave."

And they're currently living together because that's how Rose met Emmett. Emmett was Edward's college roommate and the two decided to share an apartment when they graduated a few years ago.

When Rose and I started college, she started seeing him and has been living with him and Edward for about a year.

I live with Alice and Jasper. Well, no, they live with me in what used to be Rose's room.

It's...weird? Yeah, I know.

I can't get rid of any of them, and the fact that Edward and I are always the last ones left behind, is both a blessing and a curse.

A curse because we're usually both dating other people. A blessing because once in a while it's just the two of us and things are nice, normal and familiar.

Sitting on his lap this afternoon was a first though. I'd never done that before.

Damn, I want to do it again.

"You're not leaving, Bella. It'll be fine. I'm sure he thought you were pulling his leg anyway."

I'd pull his leg, alright...

"Yeah, I guess," I mumble. "I wonder how wasted I can get before he gets here."

"You're not getting wasted. It's the first time in forever that both of you are single, and dammit, I'm tired of watching you watch him and watching him watch you."

My whole body does a one-eighty when I hear her words. "Watching him watch me? What the hell are you talking about?"

"For God's sake, woman. Are you blind?" She shakes her head and joins me by the kitchen counter. "He's had a thing for you since our junior year in high school when he came home from college and you had tits." She gives me a pointed look, but I shake my head no. "He thinks he's so sly," she adds. "The two of you need to stop dancing around each other, B. The sexual tension makes Emmett horny, and that's just wrong."

I laugh because well, who wouldn't, but it's just embarrassing that this is my life. "Fine, but-"

"No buts," she cuts me off. "Piss or get off the pot, remember?"

I nod. "Yeah, yeah. I have a plan."

Short, red velvet dress with white, fluffy trim, check.

Red high heels, check.

Hair pulled back into a high ponytail tied with a red ribbon, check.

Subtle makeup and deep red lips, check.

Matching red, silk underwear that nobody will ever see, but that makes me feel like a million bucks, check.

It's a costume party and we're supposed to dress up. I have it on good authority that Edward is going as Santa - sans beard, mustache, pillow-gut or white wig. A hot Santa. Rawrr.

After his shift, he got his Santa costume cleaned and Rose called when he was in the shower, telling me all systems were a go.

And I am a going...

He won't know what hit him.

"Holy shit, Bellabee, you look hot," Emmett bellows as he opens the door to greet me.

"Yeah, thanks," I mumble and hand him my coat. "Where's Rose?"

"Talking to your sister right over," he points toward the living room, "there."

"Thanks, big guy." Nodding, I look around the apartment and make my way toward the living room. It's crowded with people. Some I don't know, but most I do.

I mingle a bit, talk to some of Rose's co-workers and inconspicuously try to keep an eye out for Edward.

"He's not here," Rose whispers by my ear as I finally spot Alice.


She cocks an eyebrow and purses her lips.

I roll my eyes. "Fine. Where is he?"

"He had to run to the store to get more beer."



"It'll be fine, Bella. Relax. Here have a drink." She hands me a Jell-O Shot which I practically inhale. "Better?"

I nod, feeling the burn going down my throat. "Much."

"You look hot, by the way. I'm sure his candy cane will notice."

"Shut up, Rose."

She giggles and downs a shot. "You love me."

"Not so sure about that." As the words leave my mouth, I hear his voice echoing from the entrance.

Then everything happens very quickly.

It's like the crowd parts from his spot on the other side of the room, all the way to me. There's nobody standing between us as he spots me in all my Mrs. Claus glory.

I swallow my nerves and fidget with my hands as he walks over to me.

"Wow, Bella. You look amazing." His sexy smirk is in full force, rendering me helpless.

"You make Santa look good, Edward." I have no idea where this voice comes from.

Maybe it's my vagina doing the talking. That slut gets me in a lot of trouble.

"Not even half as good as you," he says and takes another step closer to me as the people around us - oblivious to our exchange - go back to whatever it was they were doing.

It feels like I'm in a romantic comedy.

Or maybe I'm dreaming.

Maybe the leprechaun from earlier today did something to my candy cane. That bastard.

"Thanks," I reply biting my bottom lip nervously. And apparently this is sexy since Edward's gaze flickers to my lips and I lick them in a "what I think may be sexy" kind of a way.

His eyes darken - like they had at the mall - and I resist looking at his crotch...for about two seconds before my eyes flicker down of their own volition.

What? We've established that I want to bone him. Don't judge me.

Dear God, help me...

I groan and suck in a breath, noticing how Edward seems to be just as nervous as me. He's got one hand rubbing the back of his neck and the other one hanging limply by his side with his fingers fidgeting.

Long, long fingers...

Clearing his throat he asks, "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No. Yes...soda?" No alcohol. That Jell-O Shot took the edge off, but it was enough for now.

"I'll be right back." He smiles and turns to leave.

I watch his heinie the entire way.

When he comes back with my drink and a beer for himself, we talk idly about our friends and Rose and Emmett's upcoming New Year's wedding. It's comfortable and familiar.

Nerves from a few minutes earlier seem to have dissipated a little as we're just Edward and Bella again.

He doesn't have eyes for anyone else it seems, which I am very grateful for because I need to tell him how I feel, and not just grind my butt over his crotch in front of a line of children in the mall.

That was hot, but I digress...

People stop by and talk to us. At some point, Jasper and Emmett have a beer pong game going on with Ben, Garrett and Marcus. They ask Edward to join in, but he declines.

"Come with me?" he asks and takes my hand in his.

The tingles from earlier come back with a vengeance as my skin feels like it's on fire, but in a good way.

I nod. "Okay."

Nervously, he leads me down the hall toward what I know is his room. I've been there. Not to, you know, do anything, but I've watched movies in there on his huge television with the amazing surround sound. Edward's kind of a geek, and I kind of love him for it.

The energy between us is palpable as he turns the doorknob and turns on the light.

"I thought maybe we could talk." He bites the corner of his lip and invites me inside the room, closing the door behind us and locking it in the process.

Taking a deep breath, I nod. "Alright."

Never letting go of my hand, he runs his thumb over the knuckle and clears his throat. "So, Rose told you, huh?"

I close my eyes briefly and inhale deeply. "Told me what?"

"That I...I...I kind of have feelings for you, Bella." His voice is barely above a whisper, but I know what I heard.

That is not what I expected.

"No...she didn't," I whisper and look up to meet his eyes.

They're so warm and deep, the grey-green color with little flecks of gold in them. Hazel is so beautiful...whatever it is.

"So, this afternoon, that was all your doing?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow and giving me that damn smirk that makes me all gooey.

"Sort of." I shrug. "She did the pushing, but I sort of asked for it."

"Not a prank?" His face is serious and fuck, this isn't what I was expecting.

"Definitely not a prank. I meant every word."

He takes another step, bringing us toe to toe. "Can I kiss you?"

I nod, wetting my lips on instinct. God, I want him to kiss me. Every inch of me. Until I'm crying out from all the pleasure.

Bringing his hand up to my neck, he softly caresses my cheek with his thumb. I want to purr like a cat, but that would be awkward, so I hum and relax under his touch, closing my eyes and letting the sensation consume me.

His lips are soft when they press lightly onto mine, and holy crap, the tingles are in definite, full-on hyper alert. My entire body feels like it's being kissed from the inside out from the magnitude of this moment. I'll have to thank Hedley for their fuckawesome lyrics.

Not wanting this to end, ever, I kiss him back, letting my hormones and absolute desire for him take over. We've known each other our entire lives, and whatever we do won't be a mistake, I just know it.

Parting my lips, I nibble at his bottom lip and he groans into my mouth before I feel his tongue run smoothly against mine.

It's subtle but quick as our lips find that perfect rhythm and our heads tilt the right way, and it's not awkward at all. Kissing him is like breathing, and I want to do it for forever.

His hand that is holding on to mine slips out of my grasp, only to settle against my hip as he pushes me back gently until my back hits the wall behind me. Moaning at the feel of his thigh settling between my own, and applying some gentle pressure where I need it most, I wrap my arms around his neck and revel in our kisses until I'm a breathless mess.

Edward's fingers are gentle against my neck and shoulder, brushing little patterns as he kisses me. I've never been kissed this way, so lovingly. It's like...he's loving me with his lips and fingertips on my skin.

My hips move of their own accord as I get lost in lust for him, and I find myself openly grinding myself over his thigh, finding relief to the building ache between my legs. If the bulge in his loose Santa pants is any indication, I'd say Santa's also very excited about this.

My dress, which is one of those strappy, clingy little numbers, rides up my thighs and Edward's hand and fingers wrap around my outer thigh as I bring it up and attempt at opening myself up more. I want him right there...right now. I'm so unbelievably turned on, and God, I want him to touch me.

I'm about to say it when he pulls back from kissing my lips and looks down to where we're dry humping against the wall and says, "Please tell me to stop, because I won't stop, Bella. I...I want you so much right now," he pleads, and as if I wasn't already wet enough for him, the sounds he makes - all breathy as he begs for me - holy shit...that's hot.

"Don't ever...I want you, Edward. I've wanted you for so long and having you here, now...I've loved you my entire life, how would I not want this?"

He smiles, that gorgeous, full on, toothy, boyish, shy, beautiful smile that I've only seen a few other times, but this time it's for me. Then he does this thing with his eyes where he's like undressing me and I know he feels it too.

"Let me show you how I feel about you, Bella." He leans down before I can say anything and kisses me softly, and again I get lost in him.

One of his hands cups my sex as his fingers rub my over my panties and I want to beg for him to take them off, but it feels so damn good, while his mouth makes its way down the column of my neck, kissing my collarbone, and making me arch into him.

"Sweet mother," I mumble inconsequentially, as he turns my body into a puddle of goo. If this is him showing me how he loves me, he's about to love me into orgasmic bliss... "Oh, fuck, don't stop doing that...right there..."

And as he bites my nipple lightly over the fabric of my dress and bra, I fall apart clinging to him and bury my face in the crook of his neck.

Holy crap... "That was awesome..." Breathless, I pepper kisses over Edward's throat as my labored breathing calms a bit. That was by far... "The best orgasm, ever." My words come out choppy and half assed, but fuck, he's just really that good.

I feel him smile against my skin as he removes his hand from my clothed pussy and wraps me in a warm hug. "I'm glad to hear that, but I'm not done with you yet."

I clench at the sound of his voice, all raspy and yummy. My lips refuse to leave him though so as he's pressing himself - all of himself - against me, I undo the belt that's sitting over his top and not-so-subtly rub his cock at the same time.

Groaning, Edward finds the zipper to my dress and keeps eye contact with me as he slowly, torturously brings it down my back, caressing my skin as he goes.

Shivers run through me as the cool air hits my warmed, freshly orgasmed skin and I let him remove the dress, slipping it off as it pools around my feet.

I kick off my heels as Edward takes his top off by flinging it over his head.

He licks his lips, eyes taking me in, as I squirm and rub my thighs together. The coolness of the air in the room makes my wet, silk underwear feel weird against my bare pussy; I can't wait to take them off.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Edward says reverently, taking my hand in his and leading me to his bed.

His. Bed.

Where we've sat and watched movies, but not this time. No, this time, he'll be touching me and loving me.


We start kissing again and I soon find myself on my back, with Edward over me, cradled between my thighs, thrusting and pressing deliciously into me.

He unclasps the front of my bra letting my boobs free from the damn thing, and moans as he motorboats my C cups while mumbling, "I've always wanted to do this."

I giggle and run my fingers through his hair, which in turn makes him groan more because my tits are like jelly and are moving around his face.

"I'm in heaven right here," he groans and kisses my skin and nipples until I'm panting and clawing at his pants. They need to come off and he needs to be inside me, like now.


Kneeling at my command, he doesn't waste any time and slips off my underwear, licking his lips and making me feel like he wants me more than air.

Which would be ridiculous 'cause you sort of need air, ya know?


We're both naked and he's...yeah, not a candy cane... Licking my lips, I ask, "Is that what was poking me earlier, Santa?"

If I'm supposed to be Mrs. Claus...

Chuckling, he runs a finger up and down my soaked pussy and replies, "Maybe."

It's playful, and really, I have no funny or flirty quips to come back with because he's got a couple of fingers going in and out of me and holy... "Fuck, please, Edward."

I reach for him and rub my thumb over his slit, gathering some of the wetness there before giving him a few strokes. He's hard as steel, but soft as silk. I love it. I love everything about him. Each muscle that flexes when he moves and every crease in his face, as I give him pleasure.

He leans on his elbow positioned beside my head and kisses me while slowly teasing my opening with his sizable cock. And when he pushes into me, I gasp at the sensation, knowing there'll never be anyone else able to fill me like he does.

It's all too much, sensory overload, as he shows me exactly how he feels. He loves me.

With every stroke - he loves me.

While kissing me and with our lips merely millimetres apart as we move and breathe each other in - he loves me.

With every grunt, every kiss, every nibble - he loves me.

When he presses his thumb in small circles near where we're joined and makes me come - he loves me.

When he finds his own release, he says, "I love you so much, Bella." And grunts; pushing deeper and deeper for a few more thrusts.

Breathless, I hold him against me, on top of me and stroke the hair at the base of his neck. "Do you have a date to Rose's wedding?"

He kisses my collarbone and rolls off of me, taking me with him, tucking me in the crook of his arm. "I was planning on asking you, but then you asked Santa for a Christmas present, I couldn't disappoint."

Running my hand up his chest and around his pecs and nipples, I reply, "Santa certainly didn't disappoint, and I'll definitely go to the wedding with you."

"Good, 'cause Rose will kick my ass if I don't bring you."

Giggling, I say, "She'd kick my ass too if I brought anyone else."

We're quiet for a few moments, just relaxing and I can't help feeling like a weight has been lifted and all is right in the world.

"I do love you, you know," Edward declares, breaking the silence.

I look up into his eyes and drop a kiss to his cheek. "I know; you did a damn good job showing me. I love you, too. I always have."

With a smile on our faces and some loud music blaring from the other room, we manage to fall asleep knowing that whatever happens, he's my Santa, and I'll be his Mrs. Claus.

And with candy canes and sugar plums, we're sure to live happily ever after.

Well, right after we go to that wedding...

But, I digress...