a/n: After an absolutely insane discussion with friends that began by talking about how Tentoo was the only Doctor to fly the TARDIS naked and how Donna was the only companion NOT to want to see him naked, I was challenged to write it as a cracky story. This is what I came up with. Obviously NSFW and NOT to be taken seriously.

Rose began to cough as the TARDIS console room began to fill with smoke.

After the Doctor, Jack and Donna had left the TARDIS to enter the Crucible bridge, the door had slammed in Rose's face, and as she pounded on the door to be let out, she felt the TARDIS begin to plummet.

As the temperature rose, the room jerked to a stop and she fell to the floor. She looked up. In front of her was the jar that held the Doctor's spare hand. The liquid surrounding it was rapidly bubbling, and it was glowing with golden regeneration energy. She suddenly remembered Donna had accidentally kicked it on her way out of the TARDIS and had bent over to right it, but it hadn't looked like it was boiling then.

Suddenly the jar exploded from the inside out, and the hand was thrown several feet across the room. Rose's eyes widened in shock as regeneration energy spread out from the hand. When the glow faded, a man was lying on the floor. The Doctor.

He sat up abruptly, and they stared at one another.

"It's you!" exclaimed Rose.

"Oh, yes," the new Doctor said.

"And you're naked," she said slowly as her eyes moved downward, taking all of him in before returning to look at his face. She began to grin, with the tip of her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

"Oh, yes!" he said, smirking at her as he saw her looking at him. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "See anything you like?"

Before she could reply they heard a loud explosion which shook the TARDIS. They both instinctively looked upward at the ceiling.

"Bloody Daleks!" he exclaimed. "Horrible timing." He jumped up, lunged at the console and began flipping switches. The air in the console room began to clear.

As he moved around the console, Rose cocked her head and admired the view of his bare arse. An arse, she noticed, which was lightly freckled just as his face was. Just as she was considering what it would be like to play dot-to-dots with them, he called to her.

"C'mon, Rose, I need your help!"

Rose shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind. She needed to focus on their current, dire situation, she told herself. She then jumped up and stood next to him.

"Grab that and give it a good, hard tug."

He was motioning to a lever on the console behind her, but she didn't notice. Even in bare feet he was much taller than she was and she was again distracted by what was directly in front of her, this time a manly, hairy (but not too hairy) chest. That led to a thin line of hair that started at his navel and trailed downward. And then below that… Well, he evidently found something about their current situation exciting. She tried to be not too obvious about her staring.

"Seriously?" she asked. "Do you really think now is the right time?"

"Of course it is! It's absolutely vital!"

Despite the gravity of their situation, she began to giggle. "If you say so," she said, and reached out in front of her.

He gasped as he felt her hand on him, a sound that quickly gave way to a moan. For just a moment his eyes rolled back in his head. "Wha'…" he started, barely able to speak. "What… are you doing?"

"Well, you told me to give it a tug," she replied.

"I, uh, I meant that lever on the console."

"Oops," she said, her voice full of embarrassment.

"No!" he shouted as she began to pull her hand away. For a moment he placed his hand over hers in an effort to keep hers in place. "Don't stop. I'll move the lever. You… you just keep… doing what you're doing."

He leaned over her to reach the lever himself, and his collarbone brushed Rose's lips. Her eyes fell closed, and her mouth opened of its own accord. Seriously. It wasn't her fault that her tongue gave it a quick lick. He moaned again.

"Y'know, Rose, you are entirely too dressed… for the temperature in here!" he added quickly. "Yep, too hot in here for that leather jacket of yours. If you wanted to take it off…"

"Good idea," she said, letting go of him so she could slip out of her jacket. "It really is warm in here, isn't it?"

He raised himself up on his tiptoes and then swung his right leg around her to press a button on the console with the heel of his foot. A certain… erect… part of his anatomy pressed hard into her belly, and the warmth she was feeling intensified and spread downward.

"It is warm," he agreed, distracted himself. "Although I'm really quite comfortable dressed, or really undressed, as I am. You should consider, well," he nodded at her, "just so you don't get heat stroke."

"You're right," she said. She grasped the hem of her top and yanked it over her head, revealing the lacy bra she had worn in hopes of him seeing it after they had reunited. Of course she hadn't imagined it would be like this.

It had been years since he had seen this much of Rose, and never quite like this. Before, she had always been wearing a bikini. Her bra was only semi-opaque, and he could see her dark areolas through the thin material. He hadn't thought he could get harder than he already was, but he had been wrong. After a final flip of a switch with his toe, he swung his foot back to the floor and bent down to capture one already erect nipple in his mouth.

Now Rose moaned.

"Still really warm," she said. She toed off her shoes and began to unfasten her jeans. She wriggled them off, and they fell to the floor.

He wrapped his arms around her. With one hand he pressed a button behind her while with the other he unclasped her bra. Once it was loose, he grabbed it and threw it over his shoulder before returning to her breast. While he sucked and nipped, her hand returned to his fully erect, rather impressive, cock. He involuntarily thrust forward before backing away from her.

She gave him a puzzled look before he turned her around to face the console.

"Bend over and hang on," he said breathlessly. Breathlessly? He shouldn't be breathless, not with a respiratory bypass. But then he caught a glimpse of a perfectly shaped arse, and all thoughts of his breathing problems flew out the proverbial window. He reached down with both hands to the juncture of arse and thigh before moving upward to cup both soft yet firm globes. A stray thought that she must still do a lot of running to have such a perfect arse crossed his mind.

"Do we really have time for this?" she asked. "What about the Daleks?"

"Daleks, shmaleks. We've got a Time Machine. Fuck the Daleks."

"I'd rather you fucked me," she told him.

"Your wish is my command." He moved to tug her thong down. Instead of it moving, however, he had pulled hard enough that it had ripped and come off in his hands. "Sorry," he said, tossing it over his shoulder. It landed square on top of her discarded bra. "I'll buy you a new one."

"Don't bother. It'd just get in the way again," she answered, glancing over her shoulder with another tongue-touched smile.

He gave her a wicked grin as he gently spread her legs apart. He stepped between them and reached down, grabbing himself firmly. He teased her opening with the tip, causing her to gasp, while he casually reached over her head to press a flashing button.

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded in response.

With one quick thrust he plunged deep inside of her.

"Ahhh," they cried in unison.

"Rose," he panted. He pulled almost all the way out and then pushed back in. "Flip the red switch to your right."

"This one?" she asked, pointing one out.

"No," he answered. "Flip that one and the Daleks won't have to destroy us."

"This one then?" She pointed one out that was closer to the Time Rotor.

"Yep," he answered, swiveling his hips with his next thrust.

"Can't—ahhh, that's so good," she said. "Keep doing that."

He repeated the motion. "Rose, switch?"

"I, uh, can't reach it," she told him.

"How's this?" he asked, thrusting upward enough to lift her an inch or two off the floor.

"Oh, God!" she cried but still managed to flip the switch.

"Not God, just Doctor," he said smugly. She wanted to retort but couldn't currently form a coherent thought.

Leaning forward, with his right hand he grasped a firm hold of her breast, kneading it and pinching the nipple while he began to thrust in earnest. Ever the multitasker, with the other he spun a dial over her head. His heart raced with each movement he made.

He froze.

Hold on. His heart? As in singular?

"This body only has one heart," he said in shock.

"'S not your heart I'm interested in right now, to be honest," she told him. She pushed backwards into him to remind him of what they had been doing.

"Right," he said, beginning to move again. "We'll figure that out later."

His strokes quickened, and she began to keen. The hand on her breast moved down to flick her clit, and she screamed in ecstasy. The strength of her orgasm pulled him with her.

"Fuck!" he cried out as he drove forward one last time. His body stiffened as his seed spurted into her.

He dropped his head to rest on her shoulder. "God, I missed you," he said.

"Missed you, too. But not God. Just Rose."

He snorted and pulled out of her so he could turn her around and gather her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He lowered his head to hers and finally, finally kissed her.

Eventually she pulled away to breathe.

"Doctor, what about the Daleks? Is the TARDIS still in danger?"

"Oh, we're in the Vortex now," he told her. "Still, we need to build a Z-Neutrino biological inversion catalyzer and rescue everyone."

"And probably get dressed," she said. She backed out of his arms and began to gather up her clothes, which were scattered all over the console room.

"Oh, Rose," he said.

She turned to see him grinning at her.

"Welcome back."