The first time is as Director Fury is escorting one benevolent Captain Black around his facilities. The two men are practically photo negatives, particularly in demeanor, and seeing one closely follow the other up a hall is a striking experience.

The mood is rather ruined when Fury gets an alert from Barton in the air ducts, reporting an intruder - normally a task that does not go straight to the top. Usually, though, intruders are more packing heat and less likely to be carrying a Section 13 Extremely Junior Agent badge, and fangirling audibly over Clint's barely suppressed laughter. The liaison squad sigh as one when asked if they know anything about a tiny Chinese girl in a fluorescent hoodie (over a black catsuit), and a section of the Jade Chan Altercation Suppression cell detach from the rest in search of her.

The captain, director, and one very embarrassed junior chi-wizard finally find her in the break room, where she is bombarding Tony Stark with questions, criticism and praise as he fixes/improves/weaponizes a coffee maker and she successfully hacks into his stolen phone.

The JCAS squad is eventually located in a hall closet. Each agent is disarmed, and missing their shades, wallets, and ID cards. They just sigh when the door is finally unjammed.

The second time it happens, she's contained on the SHIELD range as Natasha teaches her all kinds of knife throws, hold-breaks, and one very nasty method of incapacitation. Tony finally flies her home in the suit rather than try a fourth time to ship her off in the private jet or wait for Tohru to get her. At least Jackie isn't having kittens this time.

The third time happens at the Tower rather than SHIELD. Coulson comes home after two unsuccessful sweeps of SHIELD HQ to find his quarry in Tony's workshop, riding Dummy and mop-handle-jousting with a grinning Clint. Thor is guffawing the whole time, and when Coulson attempts to snag the teen, the demi-god swings her onto broad shoulders and gallops down the hall. Coulson is forced the chase after while Barton suffers paroxysms behind him.

The fourth time sends everyone into a panic when sweeps of both SHIELD and the Tower turn up empty, despite confirmation of her presence. The sixteen-year-old is finally located in Midtown, leaning against a brick wall and chowing down hot dogs with Spider-man.

Fury is really starting to see why Section 13 has its own team for dealing with this kid.

The fifth time is especially worrying, less so because Doom is rampaging and has apparently terrible taste in hostages, and more because Jade meets Darcy Lewis. Agents make the scene in time to find her drinking a soda bigger than her head and tasing the good doctor as Darcy wipes a tear of pride from her eye and Doom cries for mercy.

The sixth time isn't even her fault - Shen Du seems to have discovered a Revolving Door In Hell spell or something, and of course focuses on trying to take out his old enemies before all else. It isn't even her fault that Darcy was visiting just in time to get held hostage yet again, although seeing the college student attempt to tase a Chinese demon is pretty damn entertaining if not particularly effective.

Although not as entertaining as watching a Norse god swing an electrified hammer into Shen Du's jaw, with Jade of course sitting on his shoulders and cheering the whole time. She gets in a kick for good measure.

Director Fury is really, really tired of trying to keep one hyperactive teenager and one terrifying college girl from scrambling his entire multi-billion-dollar government agency.

It's been a while! A friend basically begged me to finish and upload this when I mentioned it. Also found on my tumblr.