I'm not sure how long it was between when Edward left and Rose showed up. It could have been minutes, or it could have days. I was surprised to see her as she was supposed to be staying with Emmett. She just said she heard I might be able to use a friend.
As she had done six months earlier, Rose held me as I cried. She never judged, never said I told you. She was just there for me. She did tell me that Emmett was ready to kick some ass.
"Em wants names and addresses Bella," Rose said, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Too bad we can't really give it to him." She mused.
"Rose, I really just want to put this behind me and move on. I don't want to hear about him – I don't even want to hear his name," I said through my tears. I knew it wouldn't end well; I knew he was married before it ever stared. I did the unthinkable and allowed myself to believe. He made me want to believe in us, in his love for me. Call me a fool, but I know he loved me, too; he just loved her more.
She just nodded and continued to hold me. After I cried myself out, Rose got me up off the floor and into bed in my room. I stayed there for a week.
September 20, 2010
"Bella, get the hell up!" Rose shouted through my bedroom door. I ignored her.
"Bella, I can have Emmett here in five minutes, and he will break the door down for me if you don't open it – NOW!" She was pissed.
I ignored her again, calling her bluff, but when I heard her asking to speak to Emmett, I quickly got up and opened my door.
"Rose, don't – you know I love you, but I can't see anyone right now."
"Bella, tough shit! You've over done the pity party, and I'm shutting it down - NOW. I know you think life is over, but it's time to put on the big girl panties and get your shit together."
"Rose you don't get it – "
"Bella, I do get it, but we both knew this was possible. No – not possible – PROBABLE. I know you are hurting. but you did the right thing." She sounded sympathetic.
"Rose, it hurts, so much," I sobbed.
"Bella, I know, but we have to get you out there. I'm not asking you to forget but you can't live like this." She waved her arms around my room – my sanctuary. "Besides, Bella, it really stinks in here!"
I didn't smile but part of me wanted to.
Rose was right – I needed to pull myself up by the proverbial boot straps and get on with my life. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I really had no one to blame but myself. I knew that married men rarely left their wives, and I foolishly allowed myself to think Edward would be the exception to the rule.
I jumped up andI began to strip the sheets from my bed. One of the reasons I hadn't left my bed was because my sheets and pillows smelled like, Edw…him. I needed to get rid of his scent. I needed to move past this. I would try to pretend like he never existed.
October 31, 2010
After Rose stormed into my room 6 weeks ago, I began to slowly get myself back into the game of life. I caught up on work. I had only been working part-time as an editor while waiting on my first book to hit the book stores on November 21. I was really excited. The publishing house planned a release party at a smaller mom and pop bookstore, and I would be there signing books. Not that I was a famous author, but being able to buy a signed book sometimes got folks to try new things!
Being Halloween, Rose was very insistent that I go out to celebrate, despite my protests. Emmett was having an all-out Halloween bash at his club, complete with a costume contest and theme drinks. I was expected to attend. She and Emmett were getting very serious, and she had struck up a close friendship with his-and his-sister, Alice. Neither Emmett nor Alice knew anything about my affair with their brother as far as I knew, but I wasn't sure what Rose might have let slip during pillow talk.
I was sitting there in my apartment while Rose and Alice played dress-up Bella. Alice knew I just went through a bad break-up, and she said I needed to make myself feel very sexy and have fun. So she brought me a costume – if that's what you call it. It was a short-VERY short-plaid skirt with a white button up shirt, which was buttoned only once – right in between my now very pushed up cleavage. The shirt tails were tied in a knot, revealing skin from the bottom of the push-up bra to the too-low-cut skirt. White knee socks and fortunately, a pair of white tennis shoes finished off the outfit. I then had to endure hours of poking and prodding and pulling just to have Alice put my long mahogany locks into pig tails. She applied my make-up in a way that made me look very sultry and seductive – honestly, I looked good. Alice was right-I did need to feel sexy. I knew it was likely that he would be there-with Tanya, but I decided I just would not go up to the VIP section. I could hang downstairs with the rest of the common folk.
We arrived at Eclipse, and there was already a line backed out around the block. Of course since Rose was dating one of the owners, we walked right in. It was packed, and there was barely room to move. Rose and Alice started to pull me towards the VIP stairs, and I waved them off, giving Rose the look of death if she pushed it. They headed up the stairs without me, and I made my way through the crowd towards the bar. I needed a drink – now. I didn't have to go upstairs to know he was here. After almost 2 months "clean and sober" from my addiction to HIM, the air hummed just like that first night last March.
The bartender approached and asked, "What can I get you beautiful?"
I smiled at him and ordered a Stella and shot of Patron. It felt good to be called beautiful – even if he was only in it for tips. I have him my credit card and asked to start a tab. He stamped my card on a sales ticket and gave it back.
I turned the shot up and quickly chased it with my beer. I looked back at the bartender and nodded to my glass. Quickly, he poured me another shot, which I downed and chased with my beer again. I told him to go ahead and hit me again. At this rate, I was going to be hammered before 10 so I thought I'd hit the dance floor. It was so crowded no one would have a clue I was out there alone, not that I really cared. I couldn't tell what was playing – the music was always too loud in these types of clubs, but the beat was pretty good. I was out there for a few minutes, dancing pretty provocatively for me, when I felt hands on my hips. I glanced over my shoulder and there was Emmett grinning down at me like a big bear. I turned around and hugged his neck.
He tugged on my hand, trying to lead me off the dance floor. I knew he wanted me to follow him to the VIP area but there was no way I could go up there. I was finally getting myself together a little and seeing him would not be conducive to regaining my sanity.
I pulled him over to the bar where I had opened my tab and offered to buy him a drink. The cute bartender who had called me beautiful earlier smiled as he grabbed the shot and beer I had ordered earlier and brought it over with me even asking for it. I smiled at him and asked him to bring Emmett a shot. Mr. Cute bartender almost choked when he saw Emmett standing there with me. I forgot that Emmett was part owner in the club.
"Collins," Emmett said in greeting, and the bartender nodded and brought Emmett the shot I requested.
"Bella, I'd like you to meet one of my best bartenders, Riley Collins. Riley, Bella Swan."
Riley was a smooth character and took my offered hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. I blushed furiously. It was obvious he was interested.
I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at Emmett while gesturing towards Riley. He looked disappointed.
"Bella" he started sounding like my father.
I shook my head at him letting him know that I was not okay with that. He told me was he afraid the alcohol I was consuming rapidly was clouding my judgment, and I let him know, loud and clear, that I was a big girl and anything I did, or didn't do, would be on me. It was my choice, not his. He let me know he was concerned because he knew I wasn't the kind of girl who picked up random dudes in the bar. I told him, with a blush, that there was a first time for everything and then looked over at Riley and winked. Riley smiled seductively at me, and I gave it right back to him.
I spent the rest of the night at the bar flirting with Riley or dancing. Riley would watch as I danced with other men and as I ground my hips into theirs. I would always look back at him when I did this to let him know I was thinking about him. Every now and again, I'd start to second guess all of this. This was so far out of my comfort zone that I was amazed I hadn't actually run for the hills. I was 26 years old and had only had sex with two men, yet here there I was, actively seeking a one night stand. Loneliness did strange things to people– I guessed.
It was on the dance floor I felt it getting stronger. I knew he was close to me and my stomach was churning. I couldn't see him. I couldn't do it. I could feel his gaze – I knew he was watching me. I had to show him that I was okay, so when then song ended I walked up to the bar and got Riley's attention. I motioned for him to come over to me with my finger. He grinned and walked over. I kneeled on the stool and leaned over the bar, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him closer to me. His eyes grew darker, and I was quite impressed with my boldness. I leaned over and put my mouth by his ear.
"So,Riley. What time can I count on you getting out of here?" I purred in his ear. "I am so ready for you to take me to your place and fuck me on every surface there." I couldn't believe I said that to him, but when I pulled back a little, he captured my lips with his. Our tongues touched briefly before he pulled back.
"Gorgeous, it's going to depend on the crowd tonight, but I get a break here soon, and I think you should meet me in the employee lounge." His voice was needy and husky. "I know I don't want to wait to fuck you, if I can avoid it."
"I looked at him and said, "just tell me when, sexy."
He swallowed hard and tried to discreetly adjust himself. "Fifteen minutes, back there, behind the curtain, there's a door." He was pointing in the direction of the bathrooms. "Meet me there."
I smiled at him seductively, turned, and walked away. I was almost hyperventilating. I could not believe how bold I had just been.
As I walked away, I could feel his eyes on me. I headed towards the bathroom, thinking I should go before I met Riley.
When I came out of the bathroom, Riley was just walking up. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the curtain he'd pointed out earlier and then he was pushing me through a door. Riley wasted no time getting my shirt button undone. I started to undo the skirt but he said not to.
"Beautiful girl, you are every man's fantasy right now, and I'd love to fuck you up against the wall with that little skirt on."
I rid myself of my panties and quickly unbuttoned his pants. We didn't have time for foreplay – and just the mere thought of fucking a complete stranger in a bar was more than enough to have me wet. Before I knew it, Riley was pushing his pants over his very erect cock and was lifting me up, backing me against the wall.
I moaned when he entered me forcefully. His thrusts were fast and erratic, and I had to ask him to slow down a bit. I needed a little more than that to reach my goal. I wanted – no – needed to cum with a man buried deep inside of me.
Riley's strokes slowed and took on a more measured pace. His cock was a little bigger than average but not the size I was used to. I tried to get my legs higher on his waist as he pounded into me up against the wall. I needed this so bad that I was almost desperate.
Riley moaned out, "Touch your clit for me, please. I'm close."
I reached my hand down between us and began to rub circles around my clit. Between that extra friction and his hips pushing my fingers harder onto my clit, I could finally feel the tension building.
"Oh, God– that's it – fuck me harder now, Please." I was coming undone.
"Ung," Riley grunted out, and I could feel his body stiffen and his cock pulsing inside of me.
I began rubbing my clit just a little faster and a little harder and as Riley finished his orgasm, I needed this desperately. Finally, my walls began to clinch around his cock. That's when I felt it—felt him. There was a current in the room that shouldn't have been there. I was here with someone else, not E…him. My body responded immediately, and my orgasm peaked. Struggling, I opened my eyes, and there, standing by the door watching me intensely – angrily, was Edward.
"Edward!" I was almost shouting and totally humiliated. I pushed Riley away, pulling down my skirt and buttoning my blouse.
Riley quickly pulled his pants up and mumbled something as he practically ran out the door. I had forgotten all about him.
I was looking into his eyes, and my thoughts and heart went straight to our time together. I did my best to maintain my composure, but I'm sure he saw right through me. He always did.
"Hi, Edward," I squeaked out. Oh, God, even my inner goddess was embarrassed. I had just been caught fucking a stranger up against the wall.
"Hi, Bella," he said with obvious disgust. "I see you are enjoying yourself." He spat. The hate that came with the words almost broke me, again.
"Happy Halloween?" I questioned in my attempt to keep it to small talk. I had to get the hell out of there.
"I've had better," he replied sounding forlorn. It was better than the hate. "Seeing a woman I love being fucked like some whore kind of ruined the whole night." The hate was back in full force.
Anger was coursing through my veins. I wanted to scream and shout and throw things at him. But all I could do was stand there, looking as though I had been slapped. I wanted to shout "you made me a whore first" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Standing there looking into his green eyes was my undoing.
"Well, it was good to see you." I lied as I picked up my discarded panties and turned to go, I had to get out of there before the tears came.
"Bella, wait," he begged.
I turned around slowly and saw the desperation in his eyes.
"Edward, I can't do this now, probably not ever, but definitely not now." I was begging him to let me escape with what little dignity I had left now.
"I love you Bella, and I always will." He looked at me, longingly.
"Apparently not enough for me to be anything other than YOUR whore," I said sadly and turned to leave.