This might hurt just a little.
Scene Three: Too Beautiful
"Bella? Please, Bella..."
She's never been so quiet. Never been so still. Not even when she slept.
My beautiful angel of a girl...
Her slumber was always alive. Breathing and giving. Animated. And entertaining, even. Because when she slept she often dreamt of me.
I watched her every night. My eyes and ears captivated. By her beauty and her love for me, both unmistakable even as the world, and she, slept.
I heard every breath and whisper, saw every smile and flutter, and wanted to forever.
I wanted Bella to live. To laugh through the days and dream through the nights, both endless for me, and do it all with me endlessly by her side.
I wanted her heart to beat. Strong and long with its more beautiful than anything to my ears song. I wanted it more than anything…
"Oh, please, Bella…"
I wanted it too much.
Because I wanted it so much that I was careless. With it and with her.
She'd asked me to stop it a thousand times. Her heart…
To silence it, so that it could be like mine. And so that she could be like me. Alive but not. And be it forever with me.
She loved me enough to. To ask for it. Beg for it, even…
But I loved her too much to do it.
She asked a thousand times and I told her no the same.
And one too many.
Because the last time she asked me was today. Just a few hours ago. Before her heart stopped and her pleading request died on her lips.
And before I changed my mind. And had a selfish change of heart. Too late for her to know it.
I never wanted to give Bella forever with me. Because I thought she deserved better.
The life that she thought would be better than any was, to me, a curse. And not one I wanted to ever touch her, though I couldn't stop myself from.
I wanted her to LIVE. Live like I couldn't. Live purely, the way God intended. And do it for as long as she could. For years and years and years, even though someday those years would end and end me.
I wanted her to have the best of everything. And I wanted to give her as much of that best that I could. And, so, I just couldn't fathom giving her the worst of something. The worst kind of life, even if it meant I'd get to share mine with her forever.
I wanted her enough to want to keep her whole. And because I did, I broke her.
Those years and years and years I thought she'd have, thought we'd have together, were hardly any at all.
And not fucking enough.
I saw her years, her very life, come to an end right before my eyes, and though it was the most excruciatingly painful thing I could ever have imagined, it wasn't only that. And didn't only destroy me.
It made me angry. Furious. It made me mad as hell!
And that mad as hell made me weak.
And strong enough to think I could challenge God's will. His carried out intentions.
I thought I could take her right from His path to Heaven arms and bring her back to the Hell of mine. Just like she'd always wanted me to. Because she loved me enough to make that sacrifice.
My savage demonly nature took over. I surrendered to it in every way I'd fought to fight most of my whole unnatural life.
I descended upon the angel. Attacked her with a vengeance. A vengeful purpose.
To drain her. Not of life but of death. Death that took her years and years and years too soon.
I was going to take her back from it. Laugh in its face after I had. And hear Bella's laughter forever, just like she wanted me to.
But the answer I'd always given her… the No…
Is all I have now.
Because the sound of her heartbeat…
That beautiful sound I thought I wanted to hear more than any other…
Was the last sound of her that I will ever.
Because I let it beat one beat too long.
Because I let it beat its last before I was willing to let the too beautiful sound of it go.
"Oh God, Bella, I'm sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry!..."