MDT's "Hey Arnold!" Fan Fiction

"One For Rhonda"

Written By Shaun Blankenship

TO WHO KNOWS THEY DISERVE IT: Alright, whatever, I'm over it. This argument can't continue. I think I may have pinpointed who you are but now I really don't care. Whatever, the hatchet's been buried, I don't care anymore. If you're reading this, this one's a little cliché too now that I think of it. I don't care what you think. If you like it, fine. If not, well, so what? Just read something else once it starts to suck and don't bother reviewing it.


SCENE: In class, everyone in bored out of their mind as Mr. Simmons plays an educational movie on a TV atop of a cart. The class is completely dark except for the illumination of the television, and the only person interested in the movie is Mr. Simmons.

TV: [Narrator] After metamorphosis, the caterpillar crawls out of it's cocoon to reveal it's transformation into a wonderful butterfly. Thus showing the life cycle of the humble caterpillar: the world's best kept secret from the world. One day an average bug, the next day a wonder to the insect kingdom. [TV flashes "THE END" across it. The lights come back on.]

SIMMONS: Okay, class, now I will be handing out a work sheet. Since we only have four minutes of class left, I want it Monday after the weekend. I know all of you need your own special time to work on this, and some take longer than others do. [First person handed a paper is Helga.]

HELGA: There's only four questions on this sheet!

SIMMONS: [Ignoring Helga.] So I think the weekend should be long enough. Okay, class?

HAROLD: [Receives a work sheet.] Aww, this looks too hard! Where am I going to get the answers?

SIMMONS: Harold, we just watched a movie about it. You should know, we've talked about the life cycle of the caterpillar all week.

HAROLD: It's still too hard!

HELGA: Ah, pipe down! It's only four questions! I could do this before the bell rings! [The bell rings.] I stand corrected. [Everyone leaves class. Nadine goes up to Rhonda.]

NADINE: So, Rhonda, what are you doing this weekend?

RHONDA: Oh, I don't know. My parents have to go away on a business trip. I'll actually be stuck in this miserable town. What will you be doing?

NADINE: Relatives; it's my grandmother's birthday.

RHONDA: Ugh! I hate going to my grandma's house. She has this tacky beige wallpaper and her house smells like rotten cheese and cat hair.

NADINE: Well, staying here might not be so bad.

RHONDA: Please! What will I do? You'll be gone; I'll be surrounded in this neighborhood of freaks and losers! Sometimes I wish I were old enough to drive and just get out of here. I would never look back.

NADINE: I'm sure there'd be something you'd miss.

RHONDA: Hmm, let me think… nope, nothing. Except for you, there would be nothing I'd miss.

NADINE: Alright. I'll see you Monday then.

RHONDA: Yeah, sure. I gotta go home.

SCENE: Rhonda goes home and plops on her couch and turns on the TV to a random fashion show. She lies on the couch with her arm hanging down off of one side as if it were dead and limp.

TV: [Somewhat of a Robin Leech voice, maybe that one guy on CatDog who keeps saying "I love it!"] Here we see Michelle wearing the latest fashion from JKLY…

RHONDA: [Sighs. Then the phone rings. Rhonda answers it.] Yeah? Hello?

PEAPOD: [Peapod Kid is on the phone.] Excuse me, Rhonda. I have a question to ask you.

RHONDA: [Annoyed by the call.] What?

PEAPOD: I was wondering if you knew the answer to number two on this weekend's homework.

RHONDA: Pssh! Are you kidding me? It's a simple worksheet, you shouldn't need help.

PEAPOD: I know, I… can't find the word though.

RHONDA: Well, call someone else! Sheesh! [Slams the phone.] I am so out of here, I need a float. [She gets off of her couch and walks out. On her way out the door, Arnold and Gerald are taking their bats and gloves down to the vacant lot.]

ARNOLD: Hey, Rhonda, you wanna play baseball with us.

RHONDA: And get my shirt dirty? Please, I thought you knew better.

ARNOLD: Well, you've played before. You even played football with us that one time where Wolfgang and Lu…

RHONDA: Yeah, well, so? Not today, I don't feel like it.

ARNOLD: Okay, maybe next time then. See ya Rhonda.

RHONDA: See ya, Arnold. [They both walk away from each other.]

ARNOLD: Man, she seemed upset.

GERALD: Somebody needs a hug.

RHONDA: [She walks into the little restaurant Harold was in the 'Ransom' episode. Arnold had questioned him when Timberly had lost her Wally doll. She takes her seat at a round booth table. She slouches back and sighs.]

WAITER: [The waiter comes over to Rhonda... very over-enthusiastic.] Well, hello! Don't you look down in the dumps! Aww…

RHONDA: [Aggravated.] Can you just get me a Yahoo float?


RHONDA: You know, a root beer float but with Yahoo. You can't do that?

WAITER: Sure, I can! I'll be right back, little-miss-grumpy-face! [Walks away.]

RHONDA: Ugh, I really hate that guy. [Ironically, Harold is in the booth right next to her's and turns around.]

HAROLD: Hey, Rhonda! What are you doin' here?

RHONDA: Harold, I'm in a bad mood. Just leave me alone. Please.

HAROLD: Come on, Rhonda. You know you…

RHONDA: Harold, I know what you are about to say. That was a long time ago and I was suffering a sugar rush. It was the Cheese festival, it was late, and I had too much cotton candy. I didn't mean it.

HAROLD: Huh? Then how come…

RHONDA: That's how it happened, Harold, plain and simple. Figure it out.

HAROLD: [Gets out of his seat and sits over in Rhonda's booth.] What's wrong?

RHONDA: Nothing's wrong, Harold. I'm fine.

HAROLD: Rhonda, you're acting like Helga! [At that moment, outside the window Curly is running waving Helga's bow around and Helga is following with a baseball bat swinging.] If you don't like me, then how come you're nice to me all the time?

RHONDA: Pity, Harold.

HAROLD: Okay, whatever. [The waiter comes back with Rhonda's float.]

WAITER: Alright, now you just have a wonderful day, Miss grumpy face!

RHONDA: Just give me my bill and leave me alone. [The waiter leaves.]

HAROLD: What's really the problem?

RHONDA: [Sighs.] It's just that my parents are going away this weekend and I'll be stuck here… hey, you wanna come to a party?

HAROLD: Really? Wait, is it like that last party?

RHONDA: Which one: the cool party or the other co-ed dancing party?

HAROLD: I don't know, Rhonda. I mean, I've been to your parties and…

RHONDA: Oh, nevermind. I have nothing to party about.

HAROLD: [Gives a huge sigh of relief.] Well, that was close.

RHONDA: [Sarcastically.] Your welcome, Harold. At least I can bring some happiness to somebody.

HAROLD: Is that all that's troubling you? Being home alone? I love being home alone!

RHONDA: It's not just that. It's… it's everything. I don't want to talk to you about it.

HAROLD: Well, why not.

RHONDA: Because you're… Harold!

HAROLD: Aw, come on! Tell me! You've led me this far, you gotta tell me!

RHONDA: It's just that I'm the most popular girl at school… but I'm the most hated in school.

HAROLD: Oh, that's not true. I like you more than Helga. [At that moment, Curly is running the other way outside the window bruised and beaten and Helga chases him with her bow back on still swinging the baseball bat.] And some people don't like Patty as much as they like you, and…

RHONDA: Harold, open your eyes! Everyone thinks I'm this fashion know-it-all prissy little princess!

HAROLD: Well… you are.

RHONDA: Good-bye, Harold. You can leave now.

HAROLD: Hey! Come on!

RHONDA: It's that everyone thinks I'm that way and they're halfway right… but there's more to me… you know? Like how you're not just a big, dumb slob inside.

HAROLD: [Has been drinking her float while she wasn't looking and burps.] What'd you say?

RHONDA: Ugh, nevermind. The fact is that nobody likes me.

HAROLD: I like you!

RHONDA: No, no, no… I mean nobody likes me.

HAROLD: [Pauses.] Huh?

RHONDA: Well, see; you like Patty, and Arnold like Lila, and…

HAROLD: Curly likes you.

RHONDA: Curly's psychotic, end of story. He's lost it.

HAROLD: Hey, what about…

RHONDA: See, nobody likes me. I have maybe three friends and then my usual acquaintances, no one to… you know, like me-like me.

HAROLD: So, who wants that?

RHONDA: [Sighs.] Harold, this is one of those times where you need to just leave me alone. You're annoying me.

HAROLD: Don't blame me! [Patty walks in.] Oh, hey, Patty!

PATTY: [In her usual mono-toned voice.] Hi, Harold. Hey, do you wanna go see a movie or something?

HAROLD: A movie? Alright! What's playing? [They leave. The waiter comes back with the bill.]

WAITER: Well, here you go, little-miss-grumpy-face!

RHONDA: You do realize you're not getting a tip due to your over-eager attitude and cheerful disposition.

WAITER: [Scowls and walks away sobbing.]

RHONDA: That's right. [Stares at her float that is already half empty from Harold and sighs.] Well, this is perfect. [Sips from the straw next to the spoon in the cup.] I have nobody to like me… and I have nobody that I like.

SCENE: Rhonda is walking down the street kicking a can as she walks.

RHONDA: [Sighs.] My life is terrible. How could things be any worse? [At that moment, up the street behind Rhonda is a moving truck that says "Motaro Movers" that has two people moving one of those cheap pianos. Not the big, expensive Liberache ones, one of those ones that maybe is only five feet from the front to a wall when placed against and has wheels in the bottom so you can move it. Choir teachers usually have one in their classroom. Anyway, two people are moving the piano off of the truck and on to the street. When it lands, it falls on one of the guys' toe. He screams in pain.]

GUY#1: Ow! Get it off my foot, you idiot!

GUY#2: Sorry! [Moves it off.]

GUY#1: I swear you can be such an idiot!

GUY#2: Hey, we wouldn't even have this job if you hadn't convinced me to leave our job at the corner store over on Cheffington.

GUY#1: We were mistreated, underpaid, underprivileged…

GUY#2: …And unsupervised on a daily basis. We could've done anything in that store and not be caught!

GUY#1: You know, Randall, I'm getting' really sick of you… [The piano starts to roll down the street building a tiny bit of speed and towards the sidewalk.]

RHONDA: [Has no idea of the piano at all.] Things are never gonna get better, there's just never gonna be a good day for me… [She hears a rumbling and turns around to see the piano.] Oh… [The piano hits the small curb of the sidewalk where the street meets it, falls over and knocks Rhonda down trapping her to the ground.] Uh… [She starts to faint but she's a shadowy figure looming over her.]

PERSON: Rhonda? Rhonda, are you alright? [Yells away from Rhonda.] Somebody call an ambulance! Right now!

RHONDA: [Squints and tries to make out the face that is looming over her.] Wh-wh-who are… [She blacks out.]

SCENE: At the hospital, Rhonda wakes up with a big white bandage around her head.

RHONDA: Wh-where am I? [She looks around.] I'm in a hospital. What happened? Oh, no! I need a mirror! Maybe something terrible happened to my face! [She sees a metal tray with a chocolate milk and a plate of nasty looking hospital food. She grabs the tray and drops everything on it to the ground. She sees her reflection and sighs.] At least I'm not horribly mangled. [Her parents walk in the room.]

FATHER: [I can't remember his real name or his mom. But who cares? Nyeah-nyeah! I don't know who said it first but you shall be paintballed in rapid succession.] Oh, Rhonda! Princess! We came as soon as we heard the news! Are you alright? Is your pillow fluffed with 100% non-allergenic down? Because if so, we have one in the car for such situations. [I realized, anytime I have someone's name in the title, they get hurt! I'm so mean!]

MOTHER: [Walks in.] Are you okay, sweetie?

RHONDA: What happened? Why am I here?

MOTHER: Oh, Rhonda, you were hit by a piano on the sidewalk.

FATHER: Lucky for you, some kid was able to notify the hospital.


FATHER: After you were hit, this kid helped some mover take the piano off of you and call 911.

RHONDA: Who was it?

FATHER: I don't know, he just left. But there was this card for you. A mangy little homemade card on lined paper. Couldn't they have at least afforded to buy one, they're not terribly expensive… unless you know where to shop.

RHONDA: Well, where is it?

FATHER: What? Oh, it's right next to your TV remote. What kind of hospital doesn't have cable? I couldn't believe it when I heard.

MOTHER: Oh, I know.

RHONDA: [Picks up the card. It's a folded piece of lined paper almost only posing as a card. The front says, "Sorry about your accident." No fancy drawings, no nothing: just those words in red marker. On the inside it says, "I hope you feel better, Rhonda."] There's no name on this card! What kind of person doesn't write a name in their card! [Flips card over.] Oh, there it is. [A name is written on the back: "Sid"] Sid?

FATHER: Oh, that boy was so tacky. Did you what was on his feet?

MOTHER: Yes, it was like a bad flashback.

RHONDA: Sid was the kid who helped me out from the piano?

FATHER: Not now, Princess, we're talking. And what about what he was wearing over his shirt?

MOTHER: Oh, I know…

RHONDA: Mom, dad; can I go now? Is there anyway I can leave this place.

FATHER: Why of course! The accident didn't really harm you; it just bruised you in some places. Nothing's broken, just sore. Do you want us to sign you out?

RHONDA: Yes, immediately.

SCENE: It's dark out and Rhonda is at home. She's slowly getting into bed, ow-ing and ooh-ing at every little move her body makes into bed from the soreness of her accident. She lies down and stares at the ceiling.

RHONDA: Ah, finally in my own bed. [Thinking, she looks up at her ceiling some more.] Why would Sid help me? I thought Sid hated me too. [Thinking some more.] Why would he take time out? [She reaches over to a nightstand and turns a lamp off, the only source of illumination that has been in her room. She thinks some more.] Sid of all people!

SCENE: Rhonda is walking off of the school bus after the weekend apparently fine. Her and Nadine are talking as they walk through the doors of P.S. 118.

RHONDA: …And then the piano fell on me! I was so scared!

NADINE: Rhonda, I know. You've told me this story ever since Friday night before you went to bed. I'm very sorry, Rhonda, but you don't have to keep rubbing it in!

RHONDA: Well, I'm sorry, Nadine, but you didn't have a near-death experience.

NADINE: What are you talking about? That piano couldn't have killed you; it just phased you out!

RHONDA: Hey! You call it what you want; I almost died back there! If no one had helped me, I could still be under that piano right now!

NADINE: Can we just stop talking about it?

RHONDA: Why? Do you have anything to talk about? [Silence.] I thought not.

STINKY: [Over by Sid's locker talking to him. Has anyone realized that these kids have lockers yet they also store stuff inside their desks? One or the other, people!] Hey, Sid. Did you hear about Dinoland?

SID: Yeah! They have this new ride! It's said to go at one hundred and ten miles an hour! It sounds so wicked awesome!

STINKY: It sure does. [Rhonda walks by.]

RHONDA: [Waves her hand and smiles.] Hi, Sid.

SID: Uh, hi. [She walks past.]

STINKY: What was that about?

SID: I honestly don't know, Stinky. I have not a clue.

SCENE: At lunch, Sid and Stinky are sitting at a table by themselves. Rhonda comes up and sits by them.

RHONDA: Hi, Sid. [Nadine follows up behind Rhonda.]

NADINE: Hey, Rhonda, do we have to…

RHONDA: Nadine, why don't you sit somewhere else today?

NADINE: But, Rhonda!

RHONDA: Hey, look. Sheena's table has an empty seat! Why don't you go sit in it?

NADINE: [Upset.] Fine, I'll go. [She leaves.]

RHONDA: So, Sid, I just wanna say thanks.

SID: Okay…

RHONDA: I mean that was so heroic for pulling that piano off of me and saving my life.

SID: [Pausing.] Okay… um, you're welcome?

STINKY: Sid, what the heck is she talkin' about?

RHONDA: Oh, he didn't tell you? A piano had fallen on me the other day and Sid had rescued me from my impending doom!

STINKY: [Scratching his head.] What?

RHONDA: He saved my life! I found this "card" in my hospital room with Sid's name on it. I was also told he visited me in the hospital when I was admitted, singling him out as my hero and savior.

STINKY: Wow. My pal, Sid, an average day super hero. You're the coolest kid I know, no 'bout a doubt it. [Yes, that is intentional.]

SID: Uh… yeah, I did kind of save the day, didn't I?

RHONDA: Well, I just wanted to tell you how much it means to me that you came through for me like that. Thank you, Sid. [She kisses him on the cheek.] See ya. [Gets up and walks away.]

STINKY: Wow, Sid. Rhonda Lloyd just kissed you. Sid: Don Juan of the fourth-grade.

SID: Uh, Stinky, I have no idea what she was talking about.

STINKY: Huh? What are you talkin' about?

SID: See, I didn't help her with anything to do with a piano but she thinks I did. I don't know why!

STINKY: So you mean to tell me that Rhonda thinks she like you because she thinks you saved her life but she really shouldn't like you because you didn't save her from the piano?

SID: Exactly.

STINKY: Well, it's too complicated for me! I'm gonna go outside before my head explodes on account of all of yer complexity and charades. [Stinky leaves.]

SID: Wait a minute, what?

SCENE: In Arnold's room, Sid and Arnold have been having a conversation that we just happen to walk in on. Wow, we really are rude people, aren't we?

ARNOLD: How do you know she just isn't being nice to you? Maybe she's trying to be gratuitous?

SID: Look, I just have a hunch. It's like she has that… that… you know. That syndrome, Betsy Ross syndrome or something like that.

ARNOLD: Florence Nightingale?

SID: Maybe. That nurse who fell in love with the guy she helped back to health because of pity. This is somewhat like that.

ARNOLD: Sid, I really don't think Rhonda is in love with you. [Sid hands him an envelope.]

SID: This was slipped through my mail slot today. [Arnold pulls a card out from the envelope. Unlike "Sid's" letter, this one was purchased at a store and not on lined paper. The manufactured card says on the front "I've been thinking lately…" Arnold opens the card, and the inside reads "…and I'm deeply in love with you." Handwritten inside is "Love, Rhonda."]

ARNOLD: Well, this blows my theory out of the water. She thinks you "saved" her, although I don't see how someone being trapped under a piano is life threatening, and because of this has affections for you. You need to confess.

SID: I tried to!

ARNOLD: Huh? [Flashback of Rhonda approaching Sid at his locker.]

RHONDA: Hi, Sid. I know I've told you a bunch of times but, thanks.

SID: Rhonda, I need to tell you. I did not help you out from that organ or whatever.

RHONDA: [Pausing.] Of course you didn't help me out; you saved me! I owe you… I don't even know what I owe you!

SID: Rhonda, what I meant was I was no where near you when that whole thing happened.

RHONDA: Yes, but you gallantly rushed to the rescue from where you stood watching.

SID: Rhonda! Someone else saved you, not me! I visited but just to see what was wrong, I didn't write any card or anything!

RHONDA: I have assumed that the Sid that saved me may not be the Sid I know and love, but desperate times call for desperate measures.


RHONDA: Sid, you need not to say one other word, your point has been made clear to me. I'll see you later. Thank you. [She walks away.]

SID: I'm welcome? [End of flashback.]

ARNOLD: You know, telling me this earlier would've helped.

SID: That's not what's important. I need to find out who helped her out or whatever. That's what we need to focus on.

ARNOLD: Well, how did you know she was in the hospital in the first place?

SID: Simple. [As Sid tells the story, a flashback comes into play but is simply narrated as the events occur. We can see but can't hear. So now we're deaf to this stuff.] I was walking down the street when I saw Sheena running down the street. Apparently, Rhonda had been hurt outside of Sheena's house and she was rushing to go tell Nadine. At then, I hadn't known what happened, but I figured if I went to hospital I'd be able to find out. Maybe she lost an arm or something cool like that. When I saw her in the bed, she only had a bandage on her head and none of the doctors would tell me what was going on. They said I needed to be family or something. Anyways, I left when I figured all I was doing was just standing in an empty room. Until Monday, I wasn't bothered with it at all. Nobody talked about it. [Flashback ends.] That's all I know, Arnold!

ARNOLD: How do you know Sheena didn't do it?

SID: Sheena told me that she had been practicing cello when it all happened.

ARNOLD: Okay, so it wasn't you, Sheena, or Nadine… did you see anyone else in the hospital?

SID: I saw Rhonda's parents on my way out of her room but they didn't say anything. Before I got there, I had seen Curly leaving her room. On both my way in and out, I saw Eugene, but he was in the waiting room. He threw his back out again or something.

ARNOLD: Maybe it was Curly?

SID: He seemed a little too upset and dramatic about the whole thing. On his way out, he grabbed my jacket and said something about how he had no way to help his "piano-stricken love". [Rim shot.]

ARNOLD: What about Eugene?

SID: Eugene was there… in intensive care.

ARNOLD: Well, who else could've done it?

SCENE: Arnold and Sid are sitting at Harold's dinner table talking to Harold.

HAROLD: It wasn't me, guys. I was with Patty, Rhonda can tell you that!

ARNOLD: Well, where were you and Patty?

HAROLD: We walked through the park, got ice cream and went back to her house. Then I went home!

SID: You didn't see any of it happen?

HAROLD: No! Now can you guys please go? My parents'll be home soon and I'm not allowed to have friends over when they're gone!

ARNOLD: Alright. It would also be nice if you didn't tell Rhonda anything about what we just talked to you about.

HAROLD: [Slyly.] Well, I don't know…

ARNOLD: Maybe this will sway your decision. [Arnold pulls out a five-dollar bill.]

HAROLD: Okay! [Grabs the money. Arnold and Sid walk out of Harold's house.]

SID: What was with the money?

ARNOLD: Anyone will do anything for five bucks. Trust me, I know.

SCENE: Rhonda's house. She's lying on her bed doing homework.

RHONDA: When am I ever going to use this math stuff ever again? Besides on the test. [There's a knock on her door.]

FATHER: [From behind door.] Um, Princess? There's some child here to see you.

RHONDA: Who is it?

FATHER: He says he was the one who helped you out of from under the piano.

RHONDA: Sid? Let him in. [The door opens.] What are you doing here?

SCENE: Sid and Arnold are walking down the street.

SID: You know, I thought for sure Harold would've known. You know, since him and Rhonda… click…

ARNOLD: No they don't, Harold likes Patty.

SID: He what?

ARNOLD: Are you trying to say you honestly didn't know?

SID: No, I didn't. I just always thought…

ARNOLD: No. Harold likes Patty, and Rhonda doesn't like Harold.

SID: Huh. Ya learn something new everyday. I guess the only other option I have is to explain everything to Rhonda… in better detail than before.

ARNOLD: Well, we've been everywhere. Let's do it then.

SID: Alright, her house is coming up here anyway.

SCENE: Rhonda's room. That's all I'm saying.

FATHER: Rhonda? There's another child over that says he helped you from out the piano.

RHONDA: Send him in. [The door opens and Sid walks in. Arnold just stands by the doorway.] Oh, it's you. I think you have some explaining to do.

SID: What?

RHONDA: I found out your secret, Sid!

SID: What secret? What's he doing here? [Points at the other kid in the room.]

RHONDA: He says he's the one who really saved my life the other day and not you!

SID: It was you?

EUGENE: [Yeah, I saw it coming as soon as I thought of it too. Wait a minute…] Yeah, it was me.

SID: But how? I saw you in the hospital crippled!

EUGENE: I had been crippled while I helped with the piano. I had just left Sheena's house after we practiced our lines for the next school play, and left once she had to start practicing her cello.

ARNOLD: I know how that is.

SID: We have another play coming up?

EUGENE: As I was walking out, I saw the piano hit Rhonda. I felt so terrible because I knew that somehow that piano was headed for me and I knew how it felt in that situation. The movers and me picked the piano up and in the process, something in my back snapped. So since the piano was lifted, I hobbled across the street and dialed 911 with my good elbow. After I called, I was also put onto her ambulance and was treated with Rhonda. Since my injury was not as severe, the ambulance men gave me a pair of crutches to get around with until a doctor could finally have time to see me. While in the waiting room, I made a little paper card for Rhonda. It was nothing special but I wasn't sure I should've written my name on it. So I didn't. I saw Sid go up to the front desk to find out what room she was in, so I wrote his name on the back. I gave it to Curly to put in her room since he was going up there anyway, since I couldn't take the risk of walking up there. You know my luck.

SID: Well, why didn't you just tell her what happen as soon as you were better?

EUGENE: What do you think I'm doing?

RHONDA: How come you didn't tell me, Sid?

SID: Um, I did tell you, Rhonda. Remember?

RHONDA: I can't believe you would just deceive me like that, Sid! I thought we were friends!

SID: [Sighs and buries his face in his hands. He looks up from his palms and back at Rhonda.] Rhonda, let's say I didn't tell you the truth and I have been lying to you the whole time. Why do you think Arnold and me came over here? We came to tell you the truth!

RHONDA: You… did?

SID: Yeah!

RHONDA: Oh, Sid! How honest of you! [She hugs him.] But yet, you still are very unpopular and tacky. I don't think this is going to work out between you and me, Sid. [Dramatically.] We're just… too different! [Normally.] So I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

SID: [Staring blankly at Rhonda.] Okay then. Come on, Arnold. I think we should leave. [Sid walks out very confused. Arnold waves good-bye before he leaves.]

ARNOLD: Bye, Rhonda.

RHONDA: Good-bye, Arnold. [Stares at Eugene.] Well, what are you still doing here?


RHONDA: Look, Eugene. I'm very thankful that you saved my life…

EUGENE: Rhonda, you were just…

RHONDA: …but you are, then again, Eugene. You're not only a geek, but you're a jinx. You gotta understand, Eugene, it's for my own protection.

EUGENE: Okay, Rhonda, but what are you talking about?

RHONDA: Eugene, it's better this way. I think you know your way out. I need you out of here before my house collapses or something. [Eugene leaves. Rhonda is alone in her room. She gets on her bed and back to her homework. After penciling for a while, she stops and sighs.] I can't understand why nobody likes me! What's wrong with me?

SCENE: Sid and Arnold are walking back to Arnold's house from Rhonda.

SID: Well, the whole thing is over with.

ARNOLD: Don't you feel better now that she understands the truth?

SID: No. Actually, I don't. I feel the same.

ARNOLD: Well, at least it's all over with. Well, I gotta go home.

SID: Okay, see you tomorrow, Arnold.

ARNOLD: Yeah, Sid. See ya tomorrow. [Arnold walks up to the boarding house and steps inside. At the same time, Eugene is walking around the corner.]

SID: Hey, Eugene.

EUGENE: Hi, Sid. [At that time, a bus is rounding the corner. As it passes Eugene, it hits a pothole and knocks a rock at Eugene's head. Eugene stumbles backwards, not completely phased by the rock, and falls over a bench on the side of the street.] I'm okay.

FINISH: Sid walks back to his house and Eugene is left over the bench yelling out for help. Not emergency stuff, just "Can someone help me out? I think I misplaced something!" Will Eugene ever lose his bad luck? Will Rhonda's inner self ever be discovered or is she just a shallow, heartless snob? Will Sid ever realize that the whole boot and jacket thing went out with West Side Story? Most likely not, but just maybe. Until then, the sun sets on this utterly confusing day. Fade to black, roll the credits, and cut to some Slime Time Live stuff. Who wants to get slammed in the face with a pie?


All rights reserved. ©Shaun Blankenship. Used with permission.