Disclaimer - I do not own the blacklist. I'm also so very extremely sorry for the lateness of this update. I hope you guys are still with me - you've all been amazing!
Okay, so she could admit to being a coward. Usually she was never one to back down from a fight, never choosing the easy way out. She faced problems head on. She had put up with Red all this time hadn't she? And the man was without question the most stubborn human being she had ever met. Stubborn and sly and smart and quick to pick up on any small detail that she let slip. And oh god he surely new the predicament she was in right now? How could he not with his all knowing presence? Argh, she really couldn't think of him right now. No. Right now she had to think of the man that was about to walk in through that door. She knew she couldn't put it off any longer. His confused looks thrown at her direction for this past week gave away his knowledge that something was not right. But try as she might she could not put into words everything she was feeling and everything that she wanted to let him know.
A baby. Oh god. She had never wanted children of her own. Her whole life she had wanted to adopt a helpless child, a child that was left to it's own devices to brave the world that was too harsh and too unforgiving. Why create new life when there were already so many existing lives in need of love and support?
But that was all before the test came back positive. In the bathroom of the PO2 no less. She had bought the test on the rare instance of her driving to work by herself, Don having to leave her apartment earlier for a early meeting with Cooper. It was burning a hole through her mind from the moment she had bought it to the moment she had allowed herself to go to the bathroom, not being able to wait until she was in the privacy of her own home. And when it came back positive her whole outlook changed. The vision that resulted from the two stripes that confirmed her suspicions blurred all past perceptions on children. For she suddenly had a vision, and as cliché as it sounded, the children with Ressler's blonde hair in a field of daisies made her heart swell. And her head to hurt from the sickenly sweet image. Registering the fact that maternal instincts were already settling in, she allowed herself to stray to the idea of having the picket white fence dream, the two point five kids, husband, a dog and neighbors that came around every other Sunday for a barbeque. This had to stop. Firstly, in this wind whirl that was her life, that wasn't even a possibility of reality. Secondly, that's not the life that she had ever wanted, and that hasn't changed. What she knew was that she wanted Ressler, and that wasn't ever going to change. That's what she needed to concentrate on. And know she had to face telling him something that they had never even properly discussed before.
So she sat there in her office, two weeks after finding out herself, in the late afternoon of a typical Thursday. Knowing that if she put it off any longer she would never tell him, and he would eventually have to figure it out himself when she was the size of a house, and she couldn't hide the belly.
From her vantage point, she could see him come into the PO2, all sure strides and cocky head tilts to their colleagues. However he didn't pause by anyone, moving swiftly to the direction of her office. She could feel her heart beating so fast that she had a fleeting though that it was trying to escape her ribcage. Possibly trying to avoid being in the same room as the inevitable confrontation that was about to happen. Her door squeaked open and she didn't even get a chance to say a proper hello before the door was closed and he held her in his arms, mouth firmly plastered on hers. She relaxed into him, feeling the calm seeping through her as she let him take control, knowing that she needed this just as much as he did. She let her fingers drift from their place on his neck, further up, paying homage to the short hair on the back of his head and then finally finding their place on the side of his face. He drew back eventually, but never quite pulled away, resting his forehead on hers.
"Have dinner with me". His husky voice sent shivers down her spine, his fingers ghosting on the small of her back sending heat waves coursing through her body. Oh how she loved to go up in flames with him. "We have dinner every night together" her answering chuckle forced a small wave of hesitation to course through his eyes that she didn't fail to notice. What was he thinking? She knew he wasn't a man of many words, and getting him to talk about feelings was close to impossible, not that she ever pressed the matter, but not knowing what he was thinking on these occasions frustrated her. "You know I will". This caused him to smile. But the hesitation was still present in his eyes, and whether it was that he was unsure of himself or her she wasn't sure.
They had driven for just over an hour. When he sad that he wanted to try a new place she never would have though somewhere in the middle of nowhere was what he had in mind. She had pushed back the thoughts of telling him her news until she knew what all this was about. While over the past seven months of dating they did try new places, sometime venturing to the outskirts of the city, they had never travelled this far. She trusted him completely, however the side glances he sent her way made all her sense go to high alert, the winding roads and forest on either side not helping the case of nerves. As they pulled into a driveway, one that she would have missed completely if she was the one driving, the storm of thoughts racing through her mind only increased.
So he wasn't stupid. He wasn't sure when it had started exactly, but for about the past week he knew she was acting strangely. Her usually calm exterior showing the first cracks of something that he couldn't quite place. She seemed more unsure of herself, and while he knew that she had wanted on several occasions to tell him something, he watched as she reigned herself in and continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary. And he didn't push. He knew she would come to him when she was ready. Besides, he had his own issues to worry about.
These past seven months had been unbelievable. Completely out of the realm of anything he thought was possible. With Audrey he had been happy, he had loved her without a doubt. But with Liz there was a certain harmony. They were completely in sync with each other. She understood him completely. He loved that he never had to apologize for doing his job, she was just as dedicated as he was. The late hours, the early mornings, the canceling of dates, the missed appointments. That was his usual life, and with Audrey he always felt the guilt weighing on him like a truckload of bricks. He always felt like he was constantly apologizing or trying to smooth things over in their rocky relationship. Liz understood him before he even spoke. The easiness of the interactions was striking. And while they still fought constantly, he loved the fact that she never backed down to stand up for what she believed. Never backed down from a fight. And they had the most interesting ways of making up. One particularly nasty fight that had resulted in them locked and in the backseat of his car in a deserted parking lot will forever be imprinted on his brain.
So the decision came simply to him. A fleeting thought that had turned into a monster, taking over all thought processes. He knew without a doubt that he wanted her to be his. For as long as she allowed it. And he wanted to make things more permanent. His plans where as low key as he could manage. Not wanting any information to leak into the ever-prying eyes and ears of the FBI and his colleagues. He knew she wouldn't want anything extravagant, something high class was to neither of their tastes. So he rented a small weekend luxury cabin in the most secluded part he could find.
In the back of his mind he knew that he needed the approval of her father, however her biological father was still to make an appearance in her life and her adopted father was deceased. And as loath as he was to admit it, the next best thing was Red. While he wasn't sure what Red was to her exactly, he knew that the current father figure in her life was Raymond Reddington. So he gritted his teeth and cornered the man while working on a case. The delight at seeing a frustrated Donald asking for his permission to ask Liz caused physical pain in Don. The amusement in the man's eyes at his obvious discomfort was plain as day. And while the threat of death if Don was to do anything to hurt Liz was left unsaid between the two men, it lingered in the air, both very aware of the subtle warning. The cabin had actually been one of Red's ideas. The subtle hint that no one would bother them while they were there assured Ressler of their safety.
So he had planned and gone over everything in his head a thousand times. Which was another hint in itself that something was wrong with Liz, as she didn't seem to realize how preoccupied he was over the past several weeks. So far everything was going to plan, and she had surprisingly not asked too many questions on the long drive. The look she sent his way when he turned off on the driveway gave away that the ruse of 'having dinner' was up. They drove up and parked, him slowly walking to her side of the car to open her door. As she stepped out she smiled up at him, reaching for his hand, and pulling him in the direction of the cabin. They explored the surroundings for a bit, until finally she changed her course straight to the front door, dragging him along with her. The pure delight he saw on her face when she saw the interior caused his heart to flip. She radiated beauty and light, and he again had to remind himself that he wasn't just dreaming this amazing and surreal dream. That she was actually here with him.
They slowly settled into the cabin, him bringing their luggage from the trunk of the car that he had packed while she was at work, while she organized the kitchen to get something ready for dinner. They eventually found themselves in front of the fire that he had built, cozying up to each other for body heat and comfort, both too wrapped up in each other to care about the outside world.
His patience was wearing thin. While his tolerance levels where usually very high, his nerves made him feel like he was about to burst. He pulled away from her, reaching into his pocket and getting out a small dark navy velvet box out of his pocket. Her small grasp and shocked eyes looking up at him making him want to wrap up the whole thing and forget it ever happened, but he pushed himself further, opening it for her perusal. Her eyes instantly flew to the ring and she tentatively reached her delicate hand for it, only to pull back at the last minute and look up at him in question and with a tilt of her head. There were so many things that he had planned to say, but they all seemed so insignificant at this moment. Nothing that could be put into words could come close to what he felt for her. No words could describe his need for her. His love for her. So he said what he meant the most. Asked the question that he needed an answer to, because he as ready for his life to start, and it could only start with her by his side.
HA. Again :)… and again I'm so so so sorry for the lateness. id love to say i have a good excuse but i don't - people tried to pry me away from the comfort of my house to party and drink and have a life. and i miss my home and my computer and Keenler and Olicity and my pi's. I'm possibly the worst 21 year old out there. but i love you all and hope your still with me. the reviews have been amazing. one made me tear up a bit. i can't explain how much they mean to me. hope your all safe. Love to all! R&R - Stace