A/N- Definitely a "T" chapter. Just a ficlet that came to me that I felt the urge to write. Occurs during "The Doctor, The Widow, the Wardrobe."
"Emergency setting RSXMAS!" shouted the Doctor when he and Madge had finally located the TARDIS.
He held on to the nearest bar, at least he hoped it was a bar, until the Old Girl shuddered to a stop, her door opening with a clang as the familiar sound of heels approached.
"Happy Christm-" he heard his new wife exclaim merrily.
"River! 'm blind!" he shouted pitifully into the helmet.
She circled him, taking in the impact suit and assessing his situation.
"You are not blind, you ridiculous man, it's just the helmet. Doctor, what have you done now?"
"Well… It's been- oomf- hours, River. I think I'm developing a seventh sense!" he complained, blindly reaching out ahead of him. She rolled her eyes and grabbed him, leading him down the corridor to his large study full of comfy sofas and chairs, an eternal fire crackling away in the fireplace.
"From being… blind?" she confirmed, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!" reasserted the Doctor, hands on his hips as he faced… the desk.
"Over here, dear," she said dryly. He turned toward the sound of her voice. "So much for a seventh sense," she muttered, "which isn't what would happen anyway, Doctor. If anything, the senses you already possess would be enhanced."
"Ooh, enhanced!" he said gleefully, still muffled by the helmet, "how so?"
"I don't know, Sweetie," said River affectionately. "How's your smell?"
She heard him take a big sniff.
"Everything smells metallic."
"Still the helmet, love. What about your hearing?" She saddled up next to him, very quietly whispering things near where his ears should be. He squeaked, clearing his throat and trying to grab at lapels that weren't there, instead repeatedly patting his chest.
"Hmm. Apparently that's more than all right," she said with a smirk. "Now, your time- how long have we been speaking?"
"8 minutes, 52.6 seconds."
"Excellent. Your taste. Let's see," she began to think, halting as suddenly the Doctor's head tipped forward, and he began walking in circles, the ridiculous helmet leading the rest of him.
"Doctor?" she asked, hands on her hip.
"Ngh?" Came the more muffled reply.
"Please tell me you are not trying to lick the helmet."
Suddenly, the Doctor froze, awkwardly still poised forward. "I…" he cleared his throat, choosing instead to stand up and proudly cross his arms instead of dignifying… any of his brilliant ideas.
"All the people in all the universe, and I had to fall in love with you," said River with a helplessly fond smile and a shake of her head. "That just leaves your sense of touch. How can we-"
"Unless you want a repeat of the taste test, River, we're going to just have to wait until I can take the gloves off."
Suddenly, River's smile became a lot less innocent and a lot more flirtatious. "Sweetie… Have we done Area 52 yet?"
"The Pyramid?" he asked, head turning side to side. "Oh, yes, we have, lovely time that, or rather, all of time, but what-"
With that, the Doctor found himself sprawled back on the sofa, arms suddenly full of his wife as she leant forward and once more whispered in his ear.
"Forget about the gloves, Doctor. I'm sure we'll figure something out."
As it turns out, his senses were definitely enhanced.