Last update today. If you have only just clicked on the updates then you need to go back to chapter 16. That was where i began the most recent updates. :)

My heart is pounding and I am mad, angry and hurt but I couldn't move. I'm breathing; I must be doing one of my exercises that I used to practise a lot because after a while I calm down. My heart stops beating fast and I find that I don't want to throw anything or throw my fist into something. I just want to calm down. After a few minutes I do but I know it isn't that big of a deal. That was one out of hundreds of outbursts still left to go. I am not getting rid of this disorder and I can't run away from it now. I have to deal with it head on.

"That's why I'm here isn't it?" Carlisle looks at me for a few seconds.

"Why do you think you're here?" He asks.

"To learn how to control my urges" He nods but then shakes his head.

"You're here because this is where you need to be. You're IED was triggered by an argument with Bella. That is the biggest fear your IED has given you. Hurting Bella again. She is the strongest motivation and your biggest weakness. Learn how to control it around her and the rest will be easier" I gulp. Surely he's not suggesting?

"Bella is safe."

"No she's not" I protest. "No one is" He nods his head.

"You have come a long way Edward. You have taken on board everything you learnt from your own research and what we at the clinic taught you. We can only do so much before it is up to you. You love her and you love your baby. If you feel yourself slipping tell me in the first instance and I shall haul your ass out of here. But you have to give yourself some credit and try to work this out. Bella knows it is going to take some time, she understands a lot more than you think so give her a chance to prove to you how much she can help you" He sits down after his long speech.

"What if I hurt her?" I whisper.

"Everyone is praying that you don't but it might happen. She's stronger than you give her credit for"

"Please don't put her at risk anymore. Let me leave before she gets hurt again"


"Thank you"

There's a cry and then the back door slams hard.

"Bella's gone" Rosalie says as she runs into the living room.

"I don't…" Carlisle begins. "Where are you going?" He asks Rose as she pushes her arms into her coat.

"She's crying, pregnant, angry, hurt and driving… She's in more danger now then she ever has been" I grab whatever shoes are next to the door, I think they are Emmett's and charge out the house.

"Where could she have gone?" Rose asks as she whips open the front door and unlocks the car door.

"I don't…" I stop. She could be anywhere. But then again she could be at park swing, the lake or the apartment.

"Does she ever go home?" Rose shakes her head.

"I don't blame her" She flies out of the driveway and onto the street, pausing only long enough to flip off a neighbour.

"Head there" I tell her and she begins to drive that way. I have to make this right. I have to.

Oh bless him. He only wants her to be safe.