Everyone she knew was dead. They'd all died somehow and ironically, he was the only one left. Matt died in a car accident on his way to the Grill which he then owned, her mother died of cancer when she was just 61, Elena committed suicide and the Salvatore brothers quickly followed, no matter what everyone did to help, they both ended up dead. Bonnie and Jeremy died happily together from natural death and then Tyler was killed by one of his own pack members. Caroline was lucky, she was the only one left to survive. It was all very dark and twisted her story, wasn't it. The bad guy comes to town, makes everyone's lives miserable, falls in love with the perky blonde cheerleader, leaves town and as soon as he's gone, her life officially turns to hell and she realises, there are people a lot worse than Klaus. She considers turning her emotions off but she knows she'll never be okay again if she does, she owes it to her fallen loved ones not to ruin everything. After all, she's the only one alive, well half-alive. So she settles for the numbness. She doesn't feel pain or sadness but she never feels joy or happiness. She's stuck in the middle, not clinically depressed, but never, ever happy. She finds herself leaving Mystic Falls, compelling herself a seat on a plane going anywhere. She finds she doesn't care, anyplace but home. Caroline lands in Moscow with no luggage, no personal belongings and no companionship. She flags down a cab and books herself a room at the first hotel she can find. Caroline leant against the shut door, sliding down as the exhaustion of today caught up with her.
"What am I doing?" Caroline couldn't believe the situation she was in, nowhere to go but she could go anywhere, the whole world laid at her feet. First thing Caroline does when she leaves her hotel is stroll around the streets until eventually she finds a rich man to compel some money from. She takes enough money to last a while and takes his red Maserati while she's at it. She was driving around the outside city streets when she decided to stop and have a drink. She made her way into the shady, badly lit pub called Titans Bar and sat down on a red velvet bar stool. She noticed that there were only a few men around and all were staring at her.
"What can I get you?" the old bartender asked, happy to have a new customer.
"Scotch on the rocks" she replied, looking around the place as she waited on her drink. She constantly found herself observing every little thing around her. It helped take her mind away from the fact that even though she still had her humanity, her heart was frozen and her emotions were blank.
The bartender had just handed her her drink when she heard someone walk through the wooden double doors of the pub. She knew who it was before he even sat down.
The almighty Original Hybrid smirked and flagged down the bartender, ordering a whiskey before turning his complete attention to me.
"I've missed you" he smiled, like I could be won over by a few nice words and a goofy smile.
"Well that makes one of us" I replied monotonously, not in the mood to talk to him. It seems I was never in the mood for anything lately, just stuck between being happy and sad.
"Ah, it's been awhile". He took a long drink of his whiskey and swivelled in his chair so his bodily completely facing me, his knee brushing against mine. "How have you been?"
How have I been? Well for one, everyone I love is dead, I can't see anyone I was even remotely friends with due to the fact that I never age, which left Niklaus Mikaelson as my only friend, then there's the matter of my emotionless state. Don't get me wrong, I felt some things. I still had my humanity so it wasn't like I was off killing innocent human beings like a true ripper would, but instead of my feelings being heightened, they were dulled and diminished to the point where I barely felt at all.
Remembering Klaus was still siting forward, watching me closely, I answered. "I'm fine."
I guess I'm not as good a liar as I thought I was but I didn't even care. He was one of the reasons I was like this anyway, if he hadn't of been such a horrible person – scratch that, he wasn't even a person. He was half beast and half blood-sucker, so excuse me for hating him just a little bit. But then again, hate is such a strong emotion and I couldn't feel so I didn't really care.
"What happened to you Caroline? What happened after I left Mystic Falls?". I looked him in the eye and found sympathy and concern, two emotions I never knew he was capable of.
I was over it already, the more I thought about what happened that night, the more I slipped into this dark and lonely state I was already losing myself to.
"I have to go." I quickly got off the bar stool, threw a twenty dollar note down on the counter and made my way back to the car I had "borrowed" for my stay. I was almost at the wooden front doors when I felt a grip on my arm, supernaturally strong and holding me back.
"Caroline, why won't you answer me? What happened to you?"
There wasn't concern in his eyes anymore, no, what I saw in his dark blue eyes was panic and desperation. I had gone so long without him finding me and finding out about what had happened but now he was here and he was asking all these questions.
"I want answers Caroline"
I yanked my arm from his iron grip and whispered, "I can't give them to you."
I walked back to my car and quickly hit the gas, looking behind as I left behind a confused and worried hybrid, watching me leave as I ran away from my problems and possibly the only help left out there for me.
When I found my way back to the hotel and back to my room, I walked into the stone bathroom and slid into the porcelain bath. As I lay in the ice cold water I thought about what happened today. It was the closest I had come to crying in a very long time. Memories of that night flooded back and I pushed them away, finding it harder and harder with each time I tried to forget. As the water got even colder, I thought about ending my life. I've thought about it for a while now, but it never seemed right. It seemed like such a selfish thing to do but then again I don't know how much longer I could live with this feeling. It felt like there was a huge gap in my life, and instead of filling it I was falling even deeper, like I was half-awake and I just couldn't wake up. He really hurt me. It still hurts…
After my bath I decided to go shopping while I was still in the city. I put on a simple red dress and a pair of killer heels, grabbed the compelled money and made my way to my Maserati. After an hour of shopping and a successful 9 bags later, I had the sense that someone was following me. I turned my head to the side and saw a man that looked out of place, considering I was in a female lingerie store and he had no ring on his finger. I hid in a change room for 5 minutes, looked under the door and just as I expected, a pair of men's boots were in the hallway. I opened the door and saw the other stalls deserted yet the man was waiting for someone. While he had his back to me, I used my vampire abilities to hold him against the wall by his neck.
"Why are you following me?" My voice deadly quiet, I saw the desperation on his face and the panic that he had gotten caught.
"I don't know what you-"
"Cut the crap. Who hired you?" I pressed my hand even harder around his throat, restricting his air flow.
"Klaus. He has a few of us keeping watch on you, making sure you're alright. Please don't tell him, he'll kill me." He managed to choke out.
I eased my hand slowly off his neck, letting him breath.
"What's your name?"
The hybrid looked up at me, still trying to catch his breath.
"Zack. Zack Rueben."
"Okay Zack, where would I find Klaus hiding this time of the year?"
As I made my way towards Klaus's home, breaking every speeding law possible, I thought about him. One minute I was happy he was protecting me, trying to keep me safe and I had hope that maybe he could wake me up from this lonely state. But then I became pissed, he was one of the reasons I was like this, and he just couldn't leave me alone. He needed to stop because I didn't deserve love, everyone I remotely care for dies. I wasn't physically capable of love anymore, my heart was ice cold and I was emotionless. I didn't experience feelings, let alone the most powerful one of all, love. I was still fucked up from him, fucked up from what he did to me.
When I finally reached his house, I never even bothered to admire the beauty of his glass mansion. I marched up to his huge front doors and didn't even knock. As the heavy doors came apart, I saw him standing in the middle of the room, right next to the white stone stairs. He drunk from his glass of amber liquid as he casually made his way over to me as if he knew I would come.
"Caroline, what a lovely surprise."
One day, I would wipe that god awful smirk off his face, perhaps today I could.
"That's too vague, love. I have no idea wha-"
"Why do you have hybrids following me around?"
Klaus dropped the smirk, as if he was surprised they could fail their job to not get discovered.
"Who was it you caught?"
"That doesn't matter Klaus. Now answer me before I start to get angrier."
I made my way over the centre of the room, my eyes never leaving his.
"I have four hybrids protecting you at all times. I don't see what the big deal is."
He had no idea why it was wrong. He was delusional, how could someone think that was okay!?
"KLAUS! It's my life, you can't control it and you can't have people watching me 24/7."
Klaus walked closer to me and his face was confused. I spoke before he could.
"No, you know what. I don't even want to know. I'm tired of this, of you. Just leave me the hell alone."
I started to walk back to the front doors when Klaus finally spoke up.
"Caroline, please tell me," I knew what was coming and I closed my eyes, trying to get the images out of my head. "What happened that night, what could have possibly made you like this? You're not the girl I remember."
I cringed as I tried to push away the memories before they could do further damage. Some memories became flashing back and I couldn't bear it so I turned my anger and pain towards Klaus.
"What do you want from me?!" I screamed, turning around and facing Klaus, my chest heaving as I struggled with all these painful emotions.
Klaus looked confused at my sudden outburst, finally realising just the depth of my problems with that night and what had happened after he left.
"I do not want anything from you, Caroline. I just want… you."
This was where I lost it.
"You can't have me Klaus! No one can!"
I had only come here to try and get his hybrids to lay off but now it had turned into a fight with deadly words and misplaced anger.
"Something's wrong with you Caroline, ever since I left Mystic-"
"STOP. I'm don't love you Klaus. Stop wasting your time on someone who will never love you."
Klaus looked as if I had ripped out his heart myself. I hated myself for what I was going to say but I needed to push him away, he couldn't help me. I couldn't let him try.
"I'm sorry you fell in love with someone so fucked up Klaus, but the more I care, the more I have to lose and you're just not worth the risk."
Klaus's eyes had started to tear up and I hated myself for what I had just don't but my mind wasn't right anymore, I wasn't okay anymore.
"How can you say this, love?"
"Because I don't care and I don't feel anymore, I'm dead on the inside."
"Come on love, it'll be okay. Tell me what's wrong." I could see the fear in his eyes as he finally realised just how completely and utterly lost I was.
"You want to know what's wrong? Okay Klaus, I'll tell you. It's like I'm standing on a frozen river, it's so cold that it hurts to breathe. And then eventually you become numb and after a while the ice breaks and you fall through. And guess what Klaus, I'm falling and I can't swim back to the surface."
I watched as Klaus struggled to find a way to make everything better, words that could help me swim but it was pointless, I was numb.
"Let me help yo-" This wasn't working. I needed him to hate me; I needed him to stop caring about me. I didn't deserve it and it wasn't fair for Klaus to believe there was some way of saving me because I was beyond saving.
"YOU DON'T GET IT KLAUS. I'm not the Caroline you fell in love with. Seriously, even if you got her back, do you think she could ever love you? You're a monster; you do not care about other people's happiness. You just kill people for the fun and I could never love you. You're worthless."
Something had snapped in Klaus when I called him worthless. His beautiful eyes, not long ago filled with warmth and kindness, were now filled with anger and hatred for me.
"I am sorry I fell in love with you, Caroline. Believe me, I will never make that mistake again."
His words were like poison, making their way towards my heart where they rotted it to an even darker shade of pain and loneliness.
"Get out of my house." I walked away from him, not once looking back and I realised something, I had done it. All this time I had been falling, falling into the pit of sadness and despair and I had finally done it. I had fallen and I don't think I could ever get back up.
As I walkthrough the doors of the bar I had found Caroline in, no less than 24 hours ago, I thought about what she said. I order a scotch on the rocks and slam it down before the bartender even has a chance to put the bottle back down. As he fills my glass up again, I remember every word she said. "Monster, worthless, never love you." Something happened that night I returned her bracelet, something happened when I left Mystic falls and it was bad. Her once captivating blue eyes, no longer hold light. They look empty, too sad to belong to someone that young, that bright. It must have been bad to ruin her. Truth was, I did love Caroline. I still do. But she says she is beyond saving and that she isn't worth it. Not for one second I believed her, but what she had said had hurt me. I couldn't stay here any longer; Moscow was filled with reminders of her. I couldn't sleep at home as thoughts of her and her venomous words plagued me. I wish I had done something more, tried more but maybe Caroline was right. Maybe she was beyond saving.