This is the twenty third fic in my 2013 Advent Calendar!
Note: This takes place in a post Doomsday timeline where everybody lived and stayed in Prime and everything is hunky-dory. I'm channeling Moffat or something.
prompt: "ten x rose, hot buttered rum (felt like being seasonal, lol)"
QUESTIONS, DARES AND DEFLECTIONS
Chapter 1 - Interrogation
"This is for you, Mickey. Merry Christmas," Rose says, tossing him his present. "It's from me and the Doctor."
"Thanks, babe!" he says, unwrapping the gift, then gaping at what he finds. "Oh, my god! Are you having me on? It's a sonic screwdriver!"
"Weell, it doesn't have that many settings." The Doctor takes a sip of his hot buttered rum. "Only twenty four. That's about how many I think you can handle, Mickey. None is really dangerous. And don't show it to UNIT." He frowns. "Hm… Give it back. I think I need to remove a few settings."
"No way!" Mickey slips it into his trouser pocket. "So, what's it do?"
"Well, it's sort of a very sophisticated Swiss army knife, only customised for someone freelancing for UNIT. And you can cook eggs with it."
"Really? Eggs? Thanks! I love it!"
"And this is for you, Shareen." Rose hands her friend two gifts. "But you–"
"Ooh, what is it?" Mickey asks, hanging over Shareen's shoulder.
"Uhm, reckon you should open the little one on your own, all right? It's, uhm, it's what we talked about."
"Oh?" Shareen's eyes widens with delight. "It's that vibrator from the future, then? I'm not shy! I wanna see this bad boy right away." She slips the bigger gift into her purse and tears off the silver wrapping paper of the smaller one, squealing when she sees the images on the box. "It is a vibrator from the future. Oh, my god. This looks brill, it does. Can't wait to try it out. Is this the same model you have, Rose?"
"'Nother round?" the Doctor asks, hand on the ear of the pitcher full of hot buttered rum.
"Oh, yeah. I'd love some. Fill me up, buttercup," Shareen says, holding out her mug.
Rose watches him get up from his spot beside her in the sofa, pouring the hot, creamy drink into their mugs for the third time this evening. He looks more at her than what he's doing, but doesn't spill a drop, and beams at her when she takes a sip and hums.
"Told you you'd like it," he says.
"Yeah. It's really good. Gives a good buzz, too, yeah?"
"Oh, you're a bit tipsy?"
She holds up her index finger and thumb pad-to-pad, squinting and crinkling her nose. "Little bit."
"You, Rose Tyler," he says, poking the tip of her nose, "are lying. You're well on your way to being sloshed, you are."
"Yeah? Not alone in that, though, am I?"
The Doctor makes a half-hearted noise and takes a sip of his drink. "I think you just might be."
"Nah." Shareen points at herself. "I'm right there with ya, Rose."
"You know what I think?" Mickey says. "I think we should play a game. Make this evening a bit more interesting. How about Flip, Strip, or Sip?"
The Doctor adjusts his tie. "I'm not playing anything with the word 'strip' in it. Especially not when Shareen's on board."
"Said the man with the most layers of everyone in here." Shareen snorts. "How about Truth or Dare, then? Yeah? No one protests? Good. Let's play that. I'll go first. Rose?"
Mickey gets up from his armchair. "If we're doing this I'm not having any more of that rum. I'm heading to the galley to get some beer. Anyone else?"
"Now, hold on, Mickety-Mick. Why would you need beer to play Truth and Dare?" the Doctor asks.
"The way I like to play it, yeah," Shareen says, "is if you chicken out and don't wanna do the dare or answer the question, you have to drink. And if you keep saying no several times in a row, you have to drink more, 'cause this is no fun if someone just chooses to drink all the time, you know what I mean? You don't really get to the good stuff, then, do you?"
"I see." The Doctor tuts. "You're a weakling, Mickey. It's pitiful, really. And why are we playing this game anyway? Can't say I see the point in it."
"Oh? You're scared you won't be able to handle what we throw at you? That you'll have to drink so much you pass out, eh?"
The Doctor snorts. "I once had an entire bottle of the strongest vodka in the universe. I think I can handle a bit of rum."
"Ugh, who cares. You blokes can take your pissing contest elsewhere, yeah?" Shareen rolls her eyes. "I'm sticking to rum. It's the tastiest bloody drink I've ever had."
"I know!" The Doctor beams. "I perfected this recipe centuries ago. Best hot buttered rum there is. I'll let you in on the secret, since you can't do anything about it anyway. Well, unless I take you to the Yarmi galaxy in the 78th century, but that's not very likely. Anyway, the rum–"
Shareen interrupts him by letting out a loud, exaggerated yawn, stretching her arms up in the air. "Rose. Truth or dare?"
"No-no. Don't start without me," Mickey says. "I'll be quicker than a– EEEEEEK!" He jumped back when a cool box full of beer bottles materialised right at his feet. "God, I'll never get used to that."
"Bloody hell!" Shareen stares at the cool box, clutching the armrests of her chair. "You weren't kidding when you said this ship's alive! Does that happen often, then?"
"When she's in a good mood," the Doctor says.
"I think it wants us to play this game, isn't that right, little ship?" Shareen leans down and pats the floor. "So, Rose, what will it be?"
"Oh. Truth, I suppose."
Shareen looks at Rose through her lashes and waggles her gift. "How often to you mast-ur-bate."
"Oi! That's not the… Look. You start slow and let it escalate naturally. That's the way this game works. I'm not drunk enough to answer that."
"God, you're boring. If you don't wanna answer, just drink your drink, then." Shareen snickers. "Gonna ask you again later, anyway."
Rose grabbed her mug and took a mouthful. "Mickey."
"Who gave you your first kiss."
"No. No way. You're playing it dirty, Rose. I'll just drink." He takes a beer, removes the cap and takes a swig. "Boss. Unless you're too chicken to play."
"I most certainly am not! I've stared down the magnificent beast of Markapla–"
"Yeah-yeah. Whatever. Truth or dare?"
"Take off your suit jacket."
"Take it off."
The Doctor arches an eyebrow and slips out of his suit jacket, folding it over the backrest of the sofa. "Rose?"
"How mad would you be if, say," he tugs at his ear, "your best mate might've forgotten to buy you a Christmas gift?"
She chuckles. "Hadn't expected him to get me anything, so I wouldn't be mad at all."
Shareen hops up on her feet and whacks him on the arm. "You didn't get her a gift, you git?"
He pouts, rubbing the spot she hit. "I thought it was just another visit to her mother, and then we stepped out of the TARDIS, and there it was: Christmas. Everywhere! Decorations as far as the eye could see."
"You had no idea you'd arrive on Christmas Eve? How's that even possible?"
"He's very daft," Rose says, grinning. "Luckily, I bought gifts for you, Mickey, and mum months ago. Just had to wrap 'em." She leans her head on the Doctor's shoulder. "I don't mind, Doctor. I got everything I could wish for, all right? So… My turn, yeah? Shareen."
"'Kay. I dare you to...pinch Mickey's bum."
"Oooh, it's your lucky day, Shareen." Mickey gets up on his feet and bends over a tad, wiggling his bum in her face. She shoots off a wicked grin and gives him a pinch so hard he springs away from her. "Ow! What the hell, woman?!"
"She's a rather violent sort, isn't she?" the Doctor asks.
"Yeah, what of it?" Shareen challenges him with a pointed look and a cock of her head. "I'll ask you, then, Doctor."
She arches an eyebrow. "Which part of Rose's body d'you like the best?"
"Her brain. Mickey?"
"Oh, c'mon." Shareen rolls her eyes. "You know what I meant!"
"Well, I'd say her heart, but the actual organ isn't responsible for her compassion in the least. It's all in the brain. A very brilliant brain, I might add," he says, smiling at Rose in that way that makes her heart flip. "And her brain is a part of her body. So, there. Mickey?"
"I dare you to...prank call the Queen. I have the number and I can make sure it won't be traced," he says, wiggling his sonic in front of Mickey.
"Nuh-uh. No way." Mickey takes several gulps of his beer. "Rose?"
"Did you ever do anything with Jumping Jack Flash?"
"Uhm… I…" she says, playing with her earring and staring at Mickey's beer. "What d'you mean 'anything'?"
"I mean snogging, blow job, shagging, erotic massage, peck on the lips, striptease or whatever of that sort."
"No. You gotta choose one."
Mickey takes a pull of his beer and scratches his chin as he thinks. "All right. Did you ever exchange bodily fluids with Jack?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I did."
"What?!" The Doctor gawks at her. "When? What? Wh-wh-wh. What?! When? Wait, is this about the peck he gave you?"
"No. You'll have to wait until your turn, Doctor. I'm not giving away information for free."
"But… Can you at least tell me where?"
"How many blokes have you shagged?"
"Eighteen and a half. One barely got in there so I'm not sure if I should count him or not." She holds up her hands a few inches apart, snickering. "Like a gherkin, he was. Short and fat. Doctor?"
"Stop staring at Rose, yeah, and tell me truth or dare."
"I wasn't–" He huffs. "Dare."
"Take off your shirt."
"Really? You in cahoots with Thickety-thick-Mick, then?" He harrumphs. "All right, but I'm keeping the tie on." After rolling up his collar and tugging up his tie, he slips the buttons through the holes, shrugs off his shirt, and hangs it over the jacket. "Rose."
"What? No, you're supposed to– Right." He narrows his eyes, sipping on his drink. "I dare you to tell me what kind of bodily fluids you exchanged with Jack."
Rose chuckles. "That's against the rules."
"I'll allow it," Shareen says, waving her hand.
"All right. Saliva. We snogged once. We were on a planet where women weren't allowed to walk around freely, right, and you were held up somewhere and we ran into some lawmen on our way back to the TARDIS. So we had to fake a relationship."
The Doctor breathed out an 'oh' and downed the rest his hot buttered rum. "Shareen," he says, pouring more into their cups.
Rose nudges him with her elbow. "It's my turn, Doctor."
He gives her a sheepish grin. "Right. Sorry."
"Who was your first kiss again?" she says, tapping her chin.
"Rose, I swear to god." Mickey finishes his bottle and leans back with a burp. "Boss."
"Charming. Hm…" He regards Mickey for a moment. "Dare."
"Plait Rose's hair."
"Gladly! Rose, turn your back to me, please."
She pulls up both legs as she turns around, sitting criss-cross, and gasps when the Doctor grabs her hips and tugs her closer.
"There," he says, combing his fingers through her hair. "Any preferences?"
"Nah." She closes her eyes and sighs with contentment. "Surprise me."
Mickey and Shareen chat about something, but their voices turn into a soft murmur as Rose focuses on the feeling of the Doctor's fingers in her hair, how they brush against her ears and neck as he works. She shivers, over and over, skin prickling in pleasure, and relaxes so much she nearly jumps out of her seat when she hears him whisper in her ear.
She pouts. "Already?"
"What, did you enjoy it?" he asks, warm breath tickling her.
"Yeah, it's… Yeah."
"Well," he says, resting his chin on her shoulder, "if you're a very good companion, I might do it again."
"That looks wicked, Rose. Gotta hand it to your alien. He might be daft, but he has clever fingers." Shareen grins. "I wonder what else those clever fi–"
"Cheers!" Rose touches her hair, following the intricate 'do with her fingers. "What did you do, Doctor?"
"It's the traditional hairstyle for young women on Orpkoob. You have several tiny french plaits running from your temples and behind your ears to the back of your head," he says, running his fingers over them. "And then you have a big one going from your forehead to the crown of your head, where they all meet and are joined into one big plait."
"I'm not sure I can picture that." She laughs and turns around to face him. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful," he says with a soft smile and she smiles back, blushing. Then the sparkling in his eyes clears and he shrugs. "Suits you. Anyway, truth or dare, Rose?"
"With whom," he says, emphasising the last word, "did Rickey Smith share his first kiss."
"No! No, no, no. No, Rose. You're not telling him, you're not. Drink!"
"So it was New Year's, right, and Mick–"
"You shut your mouth, Rose!"
"Oi!" The Doctor frowns at him. "Don't talk to her like that. Now, Rose, please continue your very fascinating tale."
"Oh, all right. I'll drink," she says, sipping on her hot buttered rum. "Shareen."
"Uhm… Oh, dunno. Cartwheel around the library."
"D'you want me to kill myself, then?" Shareen asks and drinks. "Mickey."
"I dare you to…take off the Doctor's t-shirt."
"What?! Is that even allowed?" the Doctor asks.
Shareen nods. "Yeah, I'll allow it."
"Of course you'd allow it. You're the one who said it!"
"Yeah. I'm also the one who suggested the game. But all right. I'm not unreasobable-unreaso… Unreasonable! Mickey, take off his chucks."
"You do understand that you're asking a black man to kneel in front of a Lord and remove his shoes, Shareen?" Mickey asks and she ducks her head. "I'll take off my own shoes instead," he says, kicking them off. "Rose."
"How often do you masturbate, babe?"
"Yes! Good one." Shareen reaches over to Mickey and holds her hand up for a high-five, grinning as he gives her one. "Gonna answer now, then, Rose? If not you're gonna have to empty your mug, yeah?"
"I'll answer," Rose says, tilting her chin up. "Nothing wrong with masturbating. I do it every day, as a matter of fact. Before I go to sleep, usually."
"With toys?" Shareen asks.
"Yeah, sometimes with toys."
"Plural?" The Doctor snaps his mouth shut, ears tinted pink. "I mean. Ehm. You-you– What? No. That wasn't–"
"Yeah. Plural. I have a whole collection. Jack brought me to this sex shop once on Florinzo–"
"He did what?"
"Oh, relax, Doctor. He was gonna buy stuff for himself and wanted company and, dunno, I just ended up buying a lot of stuff myself."
"Oooh. I always wondered what happened to all those credits…" The Doctor gets a faraway look in his eyes before they widen and he clears his throat, blinking a few times. "Eer, I… Where were we?"
"It's Rose's turn," Mickey says, laughing.
"Oh, yeah. Doctor. Truth or dare?"
"Me?" he asks and she nods. "Eeeer…" He glances down his body before shooting the others suspicious glances. "Truth?"
"How did you lose your virginity?"
"Virginity is an archaic concept, Rose. The word 'virgin' initially just meant unmarried woman and we all know women have sex regardless. And, even if it didn't, have you ever considered how many sexual orientations and alien species are excluded by that term?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. Didn't think of that. I'll rephrase my question, then. Uhm… Tell me about your first intense sexual experience with another lifeform." She smirks and waggles her eyebrows. "Is that better?"
"Much. And...not a chance." He grins when she makes a sound of disappointment, and guzzles down his drink. "Mickey?"
"Dare. No truth! No dare. No! Ugh– You're just gonna find a way to make me tell you about the kiss, aren't you?"
"Well… Tell you what. If I can correctly guess who it is, you'll have to tell us the story. If I guess wrong, I'll...take off my trousers. You seem to be intent on seeing me naked, so…"
"There's no way you'll gue–"
Mickey squeaks, mouth opening and closing. He glares at Rose. "You told him?"
"No! I've not said a word."
"Oooh, I knew it! You seem to forget, Mickey Smith, that we don't share that many acquaintances. Wasn't too difficult to put two and two together. But how, exactly, did it happen, hm?"
Mickey sighs, shoulders slumping. "You tell 'em, Rose."
"Okay. Was New Year's when he was sixteen. He was a bit pissed, right, and sad 'cause he didn't have a date. So mum took pity on him and kissed him at midnight. Was just gonna be a peck on the lips, but Mickey got over-eager and thrust his tongue into her mouth!" Rose giggles. "Oh, theslap she gave you."
"Was deaf for days, I was."
"He didn't come around for weeks. But then mum got tired of it and more or less dragged him to the flat by the skin of his neck."
"Ha!" Shareen says. "No wonder he cowered after the first time he kissed you, then."
The Doctor's face splits into a delighted grin. "He did?"
Mickey glares at Rose. "You told her about that?"
"I tell Shareen everything!"
"He jumped off her and crouched down in the corner of the room, doing this," Shareen says, covering her face with her arms.
The Doctor nods. "Sounds like Mickey."
"That's not–" Mickey grumbles under his breath, shooting daggers on all three of them. "I shied away a little, all right? That's all."
The Doctor chortles, swirling his drink around before taking a mouthful.
"Doctor," Mickey says, voice close to growling.
"Eeer…" The Doctor runs his fingers through his hair. "Truth?"
"What went through your head when Cassandra used Rose's body to kiss you?"
The Doctor's jaw drops and he blinks a few times before turning to Rose. "You're quite the blabber mouth!"
"How could I not tell someone about that? I've never been possessed before! And back then Shareen didn't know about the TARDIS. I couldn't have told her that. And would you have preferred I tell my mum, then?"
The Doctor blanches and shakes his head. "Weeell... I knew something was wrong, 'cause Rose wasn't acting like herself. I didn't know what, however, so I just played along until more information arose."
Mickey sniggers. "Bet it wasn't the only thing that arose."
"Nah, I don't even think he has one," Shareen says. "He's alien. Who knows what goes on in his nether regions."
"What?! I have...equipment."
"Yeah? Equipment?" Shareen bursts out in a fit of giggles. "What's it look like, then?"
"That's none of your business!"
"Oh, c'mon. You can tell me. You don't have to describe yours. Just, you know, your average Time Lordian willy. I bet you know what a human willy looks like, yeah? Is it similar?"
The Doctor frowns at her and refills his cup.
"Rose, then? Can you tell us?"
"How should I know?"
"What? You're telling me…" Shareen's jaw drops. "All this time and you two've never? Oh, no wonder you have this big collection of toys from the future and have to rub one off every day!"
"Uhm, I just said that I tell you everything. Don't you think I would've told you?"
"No. Reckoned… Well, I just found out about the TARDIS and him being an alien after the Daleks and Cybermen and all. And you two are always so sec-secretive." Shareen shakes her head. "So, you've never even, you know, felt something? I've seen you two, with the hugs and sometimes you sit in his lap and…" Her eyes widen and she sucks in a sharp breath. "What if it's sentient! Like the ship!"
"Shareen, c'mon. That's just…" Rose scrunched up her face, looking at the Doctor. "It's not sentient, is it?"
"Of course not! I can't believe this is actually a topic of conversation!" He takes a swig of his drink and mutters under his breath, "Bloody humans and their fascination with sex."
"You're alien! 'Course we wanna know what you're packing. Right, Rose?"
"Uhm… Never really thought about it."
"What?!" The Doctor stiffens, ears turning red as firetrucks. "No, I, ehm. That's good. Good! 'Cause it's none of your business. Either of you. Or yours, for that matter. Mickey! Truth or dare?"
"I've just always assumed he'd look human, yeah?" Rose turns to the Doctor. "'Cause you look human, Doctor. At least on the outside."
"No. You lot look Gallifreyan."
"See," she says, gesturing at him and looking at Shareen. "He looks human down there. There won't be any weird stuff."
Mickey grins. "Won't be?"
"You said 'won't be'? When won't there be any weird stuff?"
"'Cause I would've said 'there isn't'. Won't be, on the other hand, implies that–"
"Why are we playing this game again?" The Doctor pulls at the tie around his neck. "Blimey, I must've been quite inebriated to agree to this. Maybe we should just...do something else? Uno, perhaps? Monopoly? Did you know that I actually have a custom-made TARDIS edition? All the squares are rooms on board the–"
"Well, if you wanna chicken out, boss. I'm sure we can play one of your little family games."
The Doctor blinks at him before scowling. "Mickey. Truth or dare?"
"Take off your shirt."
Mickey gives him a challenging stare and starts unbuttoning it, removing it and hanging it over the backrest of his armchair with flourish.
Shareen covers her mouth with her hand and stage whispers to Rose. "D'you think this evening will end up with them two doing the dirty?"
Mickey shoots Shareen a quick dirty look before boring his eyes into the Doctor. "Truth or dare?"
Mickey shoots off a smug grin. "Take off your t shirt."
"Oh, you wanna see me in the nude, Mickey Smith?"
"Nah. Reckon the ladies do, though. Ain't it so, ladies?"
Rose strokes the Doctor's arm. "Don't mind him. He's just trying to rile you up."
The Doctor narrows his eyes at Mickey and moves his hand towards his mug.
"Ooooh? You too scared of showing off your scrawny chest, then? If I'm the tin dog, and she's the Bad Wolf, you're just a scared little puppy."
"Very well. If you want to see my impressive Gallifreyan body so badly..." The Doctor pulls it over his head, tosses it at the floor and sniffs, smoothing out his tie over his bare chest. "Mickey."
The Doctor closes his eyes with a mischievous smirk playing on his lips and a few seconds later a box appears next to the armchair Mickey's sitting in. "Wear that."
Mickey takes a peek inside and shakes his head. "You can't be serious."
"Oh, I'm serious. Go on."
Mickey chuckles, gets up and removes his trousers before picking up a large, pink frilly skirt and a blond pigtail wig and putting them on. "How do I look?" he asks, flinging one pigtail over his shoulder and twirling.
"Perfect." The Doctor nods. "Just as I imagined you in that freezer full of dead rats."
"Gorgeous," Rose says and Shareen hums and winks.
"Yeah, with legs like these," Mickey says, head held high, "I could pull anything off. Unlike twig legs over there."
"Oi! I have fantastic legs. Quite the muscle tone and good for running and–" The Doctor slings his arm around Rose. "You tell him, Rose."
"Uhm…" She laughs. "He does, actually. I've seen him in swim trunks." She leans in to whisper in his ear, "Don't let Mickey get to you, Doctor. He just loves teasing you, all right? We can stop playing, if you want. I think that TARDIS monopoly sounds fun."
"Hmpf. Mickey is most certainly not getting to me," the Doctor says, taking another mouthful. "I'm having a brilliant time."
"If you two have stopped whispering, shall we go on with it?"
"Of course, Mickey. Carry on!"