The Sun Will Come
(A/N: Well, I'm sitting there, watching the season premiere of 'Alias', right? It's quarter after nine, and the PERFECT plot pops up in my head for how Vaughn comes back! And then the stupid show has to go and ruin it…grr that makes me so mad. This is still going to be an 'Alias' fic, obviously, but beyond that, I don't know…because the STUPID SHOW…OMG! I feel so bad for Will! That's so not fair! They totally ruined his life, not just his job! Anyways…grrr…this irks me! It is so rare when I get a REALLY GOOD IDEA! Then I can't use it! See, when I saw the clip of him in the…lab place right before the commercial break, that gave me pause, but then I figured out how to incorporate it…but now…ARGH!! Random train of thought – the doctor dood with the buzzy thing looked like MR. Spock. The bad guy. A TRULY random train of thought- I want a Hummer. Anyway, R/R, as always please. Oh yeah, and this time, enjoy! *Grin*)
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; I'm just borrowing them. Unfortunately. And don't try to sue me, cuz I need all the $$ I can save up for the shit I want to buy from the chorus fundraisers…The songs belong to the denoted bands.
"A thousand years have come and gone
But Time has passed me by
Stars stopped in the sky
Frozen in an everlasting view
Waiting for the world to end
Weary of the night
Praying for the light…"
RUSH – 'Xanadu'
She couldn't sleep. She hadn't been able to sleep well of late. Too many thoughts, too many memories, too many new developments. It was all too much.
Sydney rolled over in her bed and buried her face in her pillow. Over the past few days, she had thought Vaughn was drowned, seen her mother for the first time since she was six, been shot by that same mother, found Vaughn, saved him from a mad scientist guy, then found out that the latest walk-in was the aforementioned mother, who apparently wanted to go good. Her life was so fucked up it wasn't even funny. Oh, and she couldn't forget Will. Sometimes, she wished so badly that she had a normal life that it hurt. Sometimes.
Talking to the CIA psychiatrist was helping, a little. The key words being 'a little'. What she needed was someone she could trust and actually talk to about everything, and not worry…like a mother.
Sydney whipped her head form side to side, trying to dislodge the thought. She was so not going there tonight. She wished that she and Vaughn didn't work for the CIA, so she could talk to him. But if they weren't government agents, she wouldn't need to talk to him. She glanced at the clock – one am. This was ridiculous.
"Nevermore shall I return
Escape those caves of ice
for I have dined on honeydew
And drink the milk of Paradise."
RUSH – 'Xanadu'
Sydney glanced at her cell phone on her nightstand. She really wanted to talk to Vaughn. He would understand, or at least pretend to. Will, her father, neither one of them would (could) do that. Will would have too many questions, and with her father, the job always came first. But she couldn't call him. Even though her house was filled with debugging devices ands he went through it every so often (this job made her paranoid), she couldn't be sure that he was somewhere where they couldn't intercept their phone call. This bit.
As if on cue, her cell phone jangled. Grabbing it off its place on her nightstand, she checked the built-in caller ID. The number wasn't one she recognized, not even faintly. Caution would tell her not to answer it, but she was never one to listen to caution.
"Did I wake you up?"
"No." That was Vaughn's voice, thank God.
"Meet me at Carpe Noctum." He hung up without saying goodbye.
Sydney knew the all-night diner he was talking about. She also knew that they weren't going to be talking business because they weren't meeting at the warehouse. Sometimes she wondered if Vaughn could read her mind.
"Cities full of hatred
Fear and lies
And cruel, tormented eyes."
RUSH - 'A Farewell to Kings'
Sydney slid into the seat across from Vaughn. She knew the drill - make sure no one followed her, yadda yadda yadda. What she didn't understand was why they were meeting somewhere where people could overhear them. Just because they wouldn't be talking business didn't mean that they wouldn't be talking shop.
"Manuel's an exigent and a good friend of mine. He's closing down and leaving so we can talk." Vaughn knew how her mind worked by now.
Sydney nodded and watched as a burl man walked over. Even though he was big and scary, he was obviously old enough for forced retirement. If Vaughn trusted him, she would.
The guy, Manuel, dropped a key on the table in front of Vaughn. "Here ya go. Lock up when ya leave."
They waited for a moment after the door had closed. Then Vaughn took out a new cell phone.
"If you ever need to talk, just to talk, call me on this cell phone. It's got a chip in it that makes it impossible to trace."
"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Sydney was disappointed. She didn't know what she had expected, but…
"No." He paused slightly. "I heard about your mother. I figured…" In fact, that was what had prompted him to get the phone in the first place.
Dressed in kingly guise
Beating down on the multitude
And scoffing at the wise."
RUSH - 'A Farewell to Kings'
Sydney dropped her head into her arms on the table before her. "You know me all to well. When you called I was thinking about calling you…"
She heard/felt him come around the booth and slide in next to her. "How are you holding up?"
"I don't know." She straightened up and ran a hand through her hair. Vaughn was shocked at the dark circles under her eyes.
"Geez, Syd, have you been getting any sleep at all?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, a little. My life I s so fucked up right now, and you're the only person I can really talk to, and that's too dangerous…"
Sydney was worrying Vaughn. This was strong Sydney, who was never bothered by anything. "So, talk to me."
"I don't even know where to start."
"At the beginning, of course." He flashed her his brilliant smile, the one that never failed to warm her to the tips of her toes.
"I thought you were dead," she said without a preamble. "I thought that I had watched you drown. Then I get caught by the bad guys, see my mother for the first time since I was six, and she shoots me. She shot her daughter. Am I crazy, or is that wrong?" She absently rubbed the spot on her shoulder where the wound was. "Then you're not dead, just missing. And they won't let me on the team… can you say frustrating? Then they send me on that stupid mission to France to bug the guy's phone line. I think they just wanted me out of the way - both sides.
"On the up side, I saved your ass. Then I'm sent with a whole bunch of other people to get some stupid book, and guess who happens to show up when I get the guy cornered? That's right, my mother, and she has a gun pointed at me again. I thought I was dead, that this time she wouldn't aim to wound. She fired, not at me, at the other guy, the one with the book in the briefcase. But I thought she had just missed and was going to off me, too. I mean, she had me get facedown on the floor, so I couldn't see what she was doing. When I managed to look up, she was gone, along with the briefcase. Then I hear that she wants to cooperate with us? This is so messed up. I can't sleep anymore - there's too much running through my head. And when I do…" Sydney shook her head.
"In betrayal of his love he awakened
To face a world of cold reality."
RUSH - 'Cinderella Man'
Vaughn had watched her closely as she talked. Never before had Sydney looked so…fragile. She was always strong; nothing fazed her. But this whole deal with her mother…
"Oh, and did I mention that Will doesn't trust me anymore? I ruined his life, Vaughn. If he hadn't been my friend…" Vaughn watched as Sydney's eyes filled with tears. She blinked, and they spilled over, but she didn't seem to notice. Vaughn ached to hold her, kiss her and tell her everything would be all right, but he couldn't and it wouldn't. Their jobs wouldn't allow the former, and Life wouldn't allow the later.
"His family is disappointed in him, his friends…I don't know about them…he has no job, his good name has been ruined…It seems like all I can do is ruin people's lives."
Vaughn jumped in before she could go on. "No you don't! You've made many people happy. There are people who count down the days until they can see you again; you're the bright spot of their week. You haven't ruined their lives."
"When the dragons grow too mighty
To slay with pen or sword
I grow weary of the battle
And the storm I walk toward
When all around is madness
And there's no safe port in view
I long to turn my path homeward
To stop a while with you."
RUSH - 'Madrigal'
Sydney had the feeling that he didn't mean people, he meant himself. Vaughn scooted over a little and put an arm around her shoulder, offering the comfort of a friend. Sydney gratefully rested her head on his shoulder, wiping at the tears on her face.
"Are you still seeing the psychiatrist?" he asked her softly.
"Yeah, but…" He felt her sigh more than he heard it. "This job has done the one thing I swore it would never do to me - make me paranoid. I just don't feel that I can completely trust the woman. It puts my mind at ease a little, talking to her, but not completely at ease."
Vaughn allowed himself to run his hand through her silky brown hair, stroking it the way you would to calm a small child.
"I think that you need a vacation, Syd. As your friend, I think you need a vacation. As your handler, I might have to insist that you take a vacation."
Sydney sat up, her composure regained, and Vaughn let go of her reluctantly. "I'm afraid that if I go away and come back, when I return, everything will just be worse."
"But there has to be a bottom somewhere."
"There are always cracks to slip though to another level." She shook her head sadly. "I reached the bottom when they beat the shit out of Will. I slipped through a crack to a second bottom when the hall flooded and you were trapped behind the door. Then I slipped through a third crack when my mother shot me. How many cracks are there, Vaughn? How many?"
"After every storm, a new day comes, and it is twice as beautiful as before. After the blackest night, the sun still rises. After the longest blackout, the power comes on again. The sun will come again, Sydney, the sun will come again."
And, listening to her friend, her handler, her mentor, the first man she had loved since Danny, Sydney began to believe it. Yes, the sun would come again.
"Here comes the sun
Doo do do doo
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's all right…"
The Beatles - 'Here Comes the Sun'
(A/N: Well, I'm actually kind of pleased with that. So, that was a conversation Sydney and Vaughn might have had after the season premiere. Maybe I'll write another one, next week. About the lyrics, I'm really into RUSH right now, so after this was all written, I decided to put a soundtrack to it, and went and found lyrics that would go good from my RUSH CD, 'A Farewell to Kings'. When I was doing it, they seemed to fit perfect, but now, I'm not too sure. Suffice to say, lyrics inserted around 2am don't always make sense the next morning, but I'm leaving them as they are. Please, tell me what you thought. Addio!)