A.N.: I am sorry my other chapters have been gradually getting shorter. I don't know if I am doing it on purpose or accident. Tee hee. Pardonez moi! Let's see if this one with be just a smidgen longer. Oh and it WILL be the last.. I know I can't draw this out forever.

~~~~Pride Rock, that good ol' rock of pride, pride-o-rama, the pride- inater, pride-orino, priiide, the pride-ster, prippy preppy pride---*all the readers: "SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!" Sorry -_-;*

Simba and the duo scuttled up as close to the pride rock as they could get. Unfortunately, the hyenas all seemed to slumber right in front of them.

"Damn. I hate hyenas. Filthy, stinking, no good, sons of bitches!" Timon expressed his hatred further by sticking his tongue out :P.

"Yeah, I agree, Timon," Simba replied, "but that doesn't help me get any closer to my uncle. I need you two to do something for me. And I know you will probably hate me for it."

The pig and meerkat wait for the lion's proposal, "I need you two to act as a diversion."

Timon and Pumbaa immediately protest, "Hey, there ain't no way we're throwin' our asses out 'der!"

"Yeah, two words," Pumbaa added, "PAH-LEEZE!

"You could dress up like Hawaiian women if you want." Simba offered.

The two stopped.

"OKAY!" and they were off.

Timon wore a hula skirt and t-shirt that had a picture of a Hawaiian hula woman bending over with a guy standing behind her dancing with those flower necklaces on, it said: GOTTA GET LAID

Pumbaa wore several large seashells to cover his several large saggy boobs. That's all.

And the song and dance began:

Timon: Hoo Hah! Are you horny for a big, an' fat, an' juicy, geek? Eat my buddy Pumbaa here, if ya' get my mean. You can go down on my---very tasty swine, I'll bring the rope you bring the wiiiine. Aaaare ya' seekin'---

Pumbaa: Yup yup yup

Timon: foooooor a peek in-

Pumbaa: yup yup yup

Timon: Myyyyy good friend?

Pumbaa: yup yup

Timon: You know I can be a good friend too. OY! *winks*

All the while Timon was singing this, the hyenas crept toward the duo on their probably last performance.

With the last line, the two shot away shakin' their money makers screaming out obscenities. The hyenas sprinted after.

Simba, meanwhile, had made his way past the now cleared pathway to the rock where Scar stood daintily ..::Like a marshmallow.::.. Simba thought to himself.

"Shinabi!" Scar roared across the pridelands.

Sarabi rolled her eyes and strode up to the effeminate fumpish king, "For the last time, it is SARABI, not Shinabi, not Snotoba, not Subaru, not Scooby Doo, SARABI."

Scar paid no heed to the lioness' bitchings. He didn't yesterday or the day before or the day before. Today was no friggin' exception.

"Snuffeluffagus, your bitches and ho's are not doing their jobs of slaughtering and dragging carcasses back here for us to gorge upon the bloody flesh of.

Sarabi had to cringe at the unusual and graphic description, "There is no food left, Scar. You made us kill everything. Even Mr. Jingles."

Scar gasped, "WHAT?! No! Sakes alive! Not Missuh Jangles!"

"Yes," Sarabi replied, "Even 'Missuh Jangles'."

Scar's brow furrowed and he began thinking of a way to find John Coffie (like the drink though not spelled the same). But of course, this would be impossible. He was a character in a completely different movie. But why should that stop him?

"You will search for this 'Mr. Coffie' and bring him here." Scar ordered.

Sarabi rolled her eyes, "For crappy butt monkey's sake, that was a different movie, and besides, he died in the end."

Scar gasped again, "You bitch! You ruined the movie!"

And with that, he smacked her. A mighty roar rolled over the crowd of hyenas and lionesses and most importantly, Scar. He gasped AGAIN and turned to the source of the uproar (no pun intended though I am sooo good HOO HAH!).

"Mufasa?! My big, stinky-butt, poophead brother is alive?!" he sank back to the wall.

Simba skipped over to his mother. (yes, skipped. Though he may not scamper anymore, skipping is not quite below him, yet...Okay, it never will be).

He nudged his fallen mother, "Mufasa?"

Simba began to correct her when she shot up and smacked him upside the head, "You friggin' pansy-ass, mo' fo'! Jus' where the hell have you been all these years?! You said you were just going for a walk, now here we are several years later!!"

Simba tried to explain, "No, no! It's me! Simba!.....Ow, that hurt! You are so bad!"

She stopped and studied him for a moment, then, *SMACK*, "Jus' where the hell have you been all these years?! You said you were just going for a walk, now here we are several years later!!"

Scar uncoiled from his tight little ball and stepped forward, "Simba? Simba! I am a little surprised to see you---alive."

He shot the hyenas an evil glance. Shitsi could be heard mumbling, "Oh, Blow it out'cher ass, Scar."

Simba faced his uncle, "Give me one good reason I shouldn't give you the mother of all hiney spankings."

Scar hesitated, "Well, I don't know if I WANT to give a reason now.."

"Shut up, Big Gay Al of the lion's world. I have lived in fear of my true self and it was mostly because of this family."

Sarabi sat up, everyone gathered around for the rhetoric. Simba climbed up onto his soap box.

"I was always treated like a fruit cake. Yes, even you mother. And now I have an announcement to make..."

Everyone waited intently for this important information.

"I am bi."

Everyone was paused. Then a hyena in the back could be heard to shout out, "Tell us something we didn't know!"

Sarabi sighed, "Simba, that is just crazy."

Simba argued, "No I really am bi. When I was a kid living here surrounded by women, I never once got an erec---"

"No, Simba." She interrupted.

"But then I fell in love with a meerkat and warthog, and THEN I got it to stand up when I fell on Nala---"

"No, Simba! You are a FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL. FLAMING. There is NO WAY in fiery hell you are attracted to women. Besides, you don't want to be greedy now, do you?"

Simba pondered that for a moment when Scar hissed for his hyenas to attack, "GET 'EM GIRLSSSSS!

The swarm of hungry hyenas fell upon the lion pride when Simba roared out, "WAIT! Let me finish!"

All the animals stopped and waited again.

Simba sighed, "I didn't say I wanted the kingdom back."

EVERYONE, even Mufasa through the cloud went, "HUH?!"

Another hyena could be heard exclaiming, "What the foshizzle?!"

"That's right. I am resigning, from my place. But the only reason I came back was because I didn't want Scar to win."

Simba gazed about at all the hyenas, "So guys, if you kill Scar, the kingdom is yours."

It took about all of one second for Scar to become a bloody stain on the rocks.

The hyena trio stepped forward. Shitsi asked, "So you really mean it, Simba? We can have the Pride Lands?"

"Well, yes. I don't want any harm to come to my family, but yes, Pride Rock is yours."

The three, along with the rest of the species, let out howls of rejoicing. Simba smiled contently and began walking away. Sarabi, with the other lionesses stood dumbfounded with their jaws hanging open. Then Rafiki came screechin' and a flingin' poo, swingin' that stick of his. It kinda took the bad situation and turned it around. Everyone began laughing. The monkey danced and flung poo. His red ass flappin' in the breeze. Everyone was happy again 'cause, hey, monkeys are funny like that.

Timon and Pumbaa came back with a group of the hyenas hangin' around them asking for their phone numbers. Those guys..(Chuckle sigh).

And so, Simba strode off into the sunset. His mind set on going back to the jungle. Timon and Pumbaa jogged up to his side.

"Soooo, where're we goin' now, little buddy?" Timon inquired to the lion.

"Where I spent the best years of my life."

"Spanky Lance's Big House of Ass?" Pumbaa asked.

"Hmm, well, there too. But I was thinking more along the lines of the jungle."

"Ooooohhh." The duo said in unison.

And so, off went the old trio again. Lovers, friends, companions, spanking partners, there they went, off into the sunset. Hummin' an old tune ..:::Makuna Hatata..::...

Across the plains, a song could be heard:

They'll never find a plaaaaaaace...where the people'll quit whiiiniiiiiiiiiing...In the squaaaaare the squaaaare of liiiiiiiiiife.


A.N.: MUWAHAHAHA! I am so evil for ending it this way! I honestly don't know what I was thinking. But making it better twould mean...to make an effort. And I ain't the kind to do that. But since I have some decency in me, if you hate it that much, put it in your review and if I get enough votes, I will rewrite. Maybe after this I will begin a Lion King 2 Spoof. Maybe. I don't know it as well as this movie.. I have the video though, so I can begins my studies.. :P