Hello there! I've got a couple of smallish/smaller fics in the works at the moment. Just little, light-hearted things that were supposed to be one-shots, but as usual, spiraled out of control. This is another Valentine's Day fic -but at high school this time! Hope you enjoy!
Warning: Contains male/male pairings, Hidan's foul mouth, and sexual references
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
"There he is! It's Sasuke!"
"Oh my god, he's so hot!"
"Sasuke, over here!"
Naruto Uzumaki let out a dramatic groan and covered his ears in annoyance as he glared enviously over at the small horde of teenage girls that were currently swarming on his raven-haired classmate; one Sasuke Uchiha. Clutched to their chests were items that made the blonde both cringe bitterly and seethe with jealousy; those pink and red handmade cards and expensive or laboriously handmade chocolates, not to mention flowers, movie tickets and all manner of gifts.
"Tch, I don't see what's so great about him anyway!" he snorted flatly; harrumphing under his breath as he glared over at Sasuke, who apparently couldn't care less that there were currently girls fawning on him from all directions.
"Well for starters," Sakura proclaimed from where she was sitting in the chair next to him behind the same booth, "He's super smart –like a genius, they say; not to mention he's like a soccer and karate master, and he's just –" She fanned her flaming cheeks to illustrate just how hot she thought he was. Naruto glared at her for her lack of support.
"…It's not even Valentine's Day yet," he grumbled, "…How is it possible he's already getting gifts!"
"Everyone hopes that if they give him their gifts early, that shows that they love him more," Sakura explained simply. He deadpanned and stared at her; unimpressed. She immediately looked guilty and waved him away, "I mean…that's what I've heard…from other girls."
"…Right," Naruto snorted in disbelief; sinking down into his chair morosely, "…Ask me why you wanted me to help you today? If I see another sappy Valentine addressed to 'My Dearest Sasuke', I swear I'm gonna barf." That comment earned him a punch to the head from Sakura.
"It's just for lunch time," she rolled her eyes, "Ino was…busy." Naruto rested his chin in his hand and knew pretty much for certain that Ino was out there in the swarm of girls chasing after their precious Sasuke Uchiha. Dammit, why did he have be so fucking cool; just passing through them with the class of an action hero stalking away from an explosion.
That fucking smug face of his; why did the girls in their year find him so fascinating? It didn't look like there was a fucking thing going on in his head! And if there was, it was probably along the lines of, oh look at me, I'm Sasuke Uchiha; I am so much better than you all. Why are you peasants not bowing before my greatness? Get away from me, you swine; your gifts are not worthy to sully the delicate skin of my ivory fingertips…
"Ivory fingertips, moron?" a smooth voice interrupted his inner monologue –informing him that it had actually become a muttered monologue that was apparently rather amusing to the prince of the school as he approached the stall.
"Shut up," Naruto snapped flatly; slouching in his chair, "What do you want? Don't tell me you're actually sending someone a Valentine this year? Some girl is actually good enough to receive the affections of the mighty Sasuke Uchiha –"
"Naruto, I know you love a good dramatic speech, but really?" Shikamaru remarked with a yawn, from Sakura's other side; obviously having just been woken up from the nap he'd been busy snatching between classes. "It's none of your business if he's sending someone a Valentine." Naruto glared at him, but couldn't help but feel scolded as Shikamaru gazed back. He sighed heavily, folding his arms as Sasuke smirked and wandered off again with a Valentine's card; cold as ice.
"Oh my god; he pisses me off!" Naruto complained loudly, "What is his problem? Ugh…" He slouched in his seat again, "Sakura! Send me a Valentine this year?"
"Not happening," Sakura informed him with a glare; but when she saw him pout, her expression softened, "You never know; you might actually wind up getting some this year."
"Some?" he snorted; folding his arms, "Sasuke always gets hundreds." A vein in Sakura's brow twitched.
"Well maybe if you weren't so annoying, you'd get some more!" she snapped; cuffing him over the back of the head. He winced –wondering for the thousandth time why she was one of his best friends. "Now just sit there; lunch is almost over."
Naruto gritted his teeth and toyed with one of the red cards sitting in front of him. Every year, Leaf Valley High celebrated Valentine's Day with some sort of stupid, 'Cupid-delivery' system. For about ten days beforehand (why people needed ten days to pluck up the courage to send a potentially-anonymous love letter was beyond him), a small committee –usually girls –would sit at this stall in the courtyard at lunchtime. Anyone who might be thinking about sending something to someone could collect a card; write their message, and on the back, tick 'roses' or 'chocolates' or whatever else they were offering that year –and that would be given to the recipient along with the card.
All through Valentine's Day, you could see practically the entire female population of the school sitting on edge; waiting for those winged messengers to arrive in the classroom and hand out those stupid little cards…
Naruto hated to admit that on February 14th, he was one of those girls. He wanted Valentines! He wanted to be handed one of those fucking dumb-ass, tacky red cards and see that someone had written a little 'Be my Valentine?' or 'I've always liked you' with a pretty silver pen. They didn't even have to sign their name. He was nearly seventeen, dammit. He should've at least gotten one that wasn't a joke from Kiba or a pity one from Sakura
But who was going to send him one, when practically every girl in the school (from the ages of thirteen to eighteen –and some student teachers) had their eye on Sasuke Uchiha –and-slash-or his elder brother?
"Quit your sulking," Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "Valentine's Day is so troublesome."
"You think every day is so troublesome," Naruto pointed out; gratefully hearing the bell and leaving Sakura to clear up since she had a free period next while he had biology. Shikamaru just chuckled and shrugged in admittance. "Are you sending any Valentines?"
"…I don't see why," he shrugged, as though it wasn't worth much thought. "Are you?"
"…I was thinking about it…maybe?" he admitted sheepishly, "I mean…I was going to send one to Sakura, but she'd probably just punch me…and she probably hopes that she's going to get one from Sasuke."
"Every girl hopes they're going to get one from Sasuke," Shikamaru scoffed, rolling his eyes and shoving his hands deep into his pockets lazily as the pair of them strolled towards their classroom. "Why does that even piss you off so much?" He instantly regretted asking when Naruto just made an aggravated noise.
"Because they just all follow him like he's so fucking special!" he exclaimed hotly, "And he treats them terribly! You saw him just before! He doesn't accept their gifts or even acknowledge them –it's just mean! And they love it!"
"…You hate him…because he's…mean to women?" Shikamaru deadpanned.
" –So it's not because he wins Most Valuable Player on the soccer team every year, constantly does better than you at school and usually kicks your ass at the dojo?" he commented with a small chuckle as Naruto pouted.
" –Hey, he does not usually kick my ass," he protested, "…Its about fifty-fifty now, okay? And yeah; he's just too damn good, and too damn smug about it."
"Well fair enough," Shikamaru admitted, "…But don't hate on him because he's not accepting Valentines. It might seem heartless but it'd be worse if he accepted them and gave them hope." He actually had a point there, and Naruto hated that. He sighed heavily.
"Plus he thinks I'm some kind of idiot!" he added darkly. Shikamaru rolled his eyes as they reached their biology class –the class where it just so happened, Sasuke and Naruto were lab partners.
None of their classmates could fathom why Miss Anko thought that was a good idea.
"Listen up, brats," Anko barked as soon as she entered the classroom. The room fell into silence almost immediately. Everyone was terrified of her. "I've got your last test results. Nara…" She pointedly dropped her books on his desk violently; jolting him from sleep, " –Fluking top of the class does not mean you can sleep in my class." He nodded to indicate that he understood, and promptly rested his head back down on the desk as Anko let out a snort and started handing out test papers.
"Inuzuka; stay behind after class; you're taking remedial lessons whether you fucking like it or not," she snarled –she wasn't one to dial back her language, either. Kiba shrank down into his seat. "Yamanaka; if you spent half as much time listening to my goddamn lesson as you do staring at Uchiha, then you'd be passing. Remedial for you too." Ino made a depressed noise and let her forehead fall against the desk in embarrassment. Sasuke ignored Anko's comment.
Naruto was crossing his fingers under his desk; desperately hoping for a relatively okay pass mark so he wouldn't have to take remedial lessons again. Anko was a harsh tutor.
"…Saved yourself this time, Uzumaki," she growled; flicking his test paper onto the desk, and a blessed C+ glinting up at him. He breathed a sigh of relief, and then his expression darkened as he looked over to Sasuke's paper and saw that it had a solid A scrawled up in the top right corner. Sasuke looked over at him and smirked; resting his chin on his interlaced fingers.
"Tch," Naruto scoffed; cramming the paper into his bag. "Smug bastard."
"And here I was, going to offer to tutor you," Sasuke mocked; turning to face the whiteboard.
" –Like I need your help," Naruto snorted.
"You do," the raven sniffed, "…You're a moron."
"I am not," he growled back, " –I passed, didn't I?"
"Barely," Sasuke scoffed. Naruto glowered at him, "But if you don't want help staying out of Anko's remedial, then that's fine by me." The blonde glared viciously at him and refused to answer; starting to write down notes a little more aggressively than required.
Shikamaru and Kiba were sitting behind Sasuke and Naruto, glad to have a bit of light entertainment during the course of their torturous biology class. They were dissecting mussels and Naruto was taking a great deal of delight in poking at the shellfish with a finger and then shoving his smelly salt-water hands in Sasuke's face. The raven tolerated it for a moment before finally snapping and throwing a handful of it in the blonde's face when Anko wasn't looking.
Naruto spluttered almightily, and that of course, caused their little spat to escalate into all-out war –when their teacher wasn't looking of course. Shikamaru and Kiba just sniggered behind their hands (also trying to not attract attention), and the rest of the laugh giggled along with them; all knowing that Sasuke and Naruto's fights could sometimes get out of hand.
Needless to say, but the end of the class, Naruto was drenched from the waist down and somehow Sasuke had come away with nothing more than a slightly sea-salt-smelling hair-style that made all the girls coo even more because he apparently looked even dreamier than before with wet hair.
As soon as they were out of the classroom, Kiba started laughing his head off at Naruto squelching out and then proceeding to empty the water from his shoes.
"Fucking…dammit…" he grumbled.
"You started it, moron," Sasuke reminded him with a superior smirk.
"He always starts it," Kiba rolled his eyes. "On the bright side, we've got gym class last, so you can wash off the smell of rank-ass sea water in the showers." Naruto just glared at him; trying to wring out the ends of his uniform pants as best he could.
"Uhh…Sasuke...?" Naruto suddenly asked; having been mulling over the raven's proposition during the course of the water fight. "Uhh…if you…if you're still offering to tutor me?..."
"I'm not," Sasuke replied smoothly.
As explanation, Sasuke raised an eyebrow and gestured at his damp hair. Naruto's expression was rather pained.
"I was just playing," he complained. Sasuke ignored him.
"…If you want tutoring, then you're going to have to ask for it," he called smugly as he headed off towards their gym class. Naruto's hands clenched into fists in annoyance. Arrogant bastard! He wasn't going to ask him to tutor him!
…But then again, he might not pass biology…
"Ahh! Sasuke! Fine!" Naruto exclaimed hotly; grunting out something that kind of resembled a sentence. Sasuke put on a condescending look.
" –I didn't quite hear that, moron," he called back.
"Please tutor me so Miss Anko doesn't kill me!" Naruto managed to spit out in a rush. Sasuke pondered for a moment.
"I'll think about it," he replied flatly and Naruto let out an aggressive snort and looked like he was going to go for his throat. Kiba and Shikamaru caught him and held him back as Sasuke just stalked off with a flick of his perfect hair and a dismissive wave accompanied by a scoffed, "Idiot."
"See?" Naruto exploded once he was out of hearing, "That's what I'm talking about!"
"…You threw dirty sea water in his face," Kiba pointed out.
"…He didn't have to dump so much on me…" Naruto grumbled crossly.
"It's your own fault," Shikamaru reminded him flatly and the blonde's shoulders slumped crossly; glaring at the raven up ahead, " –And Gai's probably going to have us playing soccer today." Naruto's eyes lit up competitively; burning with renewed fire at the prospect of getting another rematch against Sasuke. When it came to soccer, no one took the game more seriously than those two. It ceased to be just a game and became more like a battlefield. Actually…when it came to sports, the pair of them looked for any excuse for it to turn into war.
Shikamaru and Kiba just exchanged weak glances as Naruto squelched off.
"Some help would be appreciated," a smooth voice called out from somewhere amid a large group of gushing young women. A platinum-haired man looked up from where he was lounging on a picnic table, chewing on a pen.
"You fucking hear something, Deidara?" Hidan inquired innocently.
"Nope," the blonde sitting on the ground retorted; scrawling something down on the red valentine he was working on, "Just the wind, yeah? And definitely not Itachi trying to run from fangirls, yeah. What've you got so far?"
" 'Dearest Itachi'," Hidan read out in a flamboyant falsetto, " 'I can't stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try. Whenever I close my eyes, I see you –which is really handy at night when I stroke my pussy and pretend it's your beautiful fingers…' –" Deidara promptly burst out laughing, as did the giant quarterback sitting at the table chuckling at the apparent misery of the raven-haired man trying to drag himself away from a mob of rabid women.
"If you weren't such a crass, incurable jackass, I might actually call you a poet, Hidan," Kisame smirked, "…Not, you know, romantic…but you sure have a…way with words."
" –He even cut out the swearing, yeah," Deidara sniggered, "That's how Itachi figured us out last year."
"…I think by now he suspects you two whenever he receives a sexually explicit valentine in class," Kisame pointed out. Hidan and Deidara exchanged glances and sniggered into their hands.
"It's still fucking hilarious," Hidan pointed out, "Fucking Uchiha gets the shit embarrassed out of him. Best part of the fucking year. 'Cept the year this fucking cock-slut changed all mine to be about how I jerked off to him –and signed it with my fucking name." He violently kicked Deidara in the face and the blonde made an offended noise; swatting him with his heavy art folder.
"You fucking deserved that, yeah," Deidara sniffed, " –And I'm not a cock-slut; quit it!"
"Those fucking fangirls nearly lynched me," Hidan snarled in annoyance, "I'm lucky I escaped with my good looks intact."
"Are you sure you did, yeah?" the blonde mocked; only to get kicked again. Kisame just snickered at the pair of them, "Oi! Fucking quit kicking me; asshole! It's hard to think of new things to embarrass Itachi with!"
"Hell yeah…" Hidan complained, "…We're starting to run low on material. Kisame; got any ideas?"
"Not really," Kisame shrugged. Hidan and Deidara didn't question his non-involvement. This was their little game, anyway. Every Valentine's Day, Itachi Uchiha would be hounded by women wanting to be his wife or bear his children or something like that –and his friends took great delight in trying to mortify the stoic raven with raunchy valentine's messages sent around school with the cupids.
Hidan and Deidara had to get pretty inventive with their valentines though –Itachi got so many that sometimes the cupids just dumped them on his desk. He was a highly sought after bachelor; even more handsome than his younger brother, Sasuke; more intelligent, and with a kinder, less icy disposition that made him a crowd (fangirl) favourite. Even more alluring was the fact that he'd never even had a girlfriend (and people had gone to great lengths to gain this information –Hidan never passed up a blow job). Apparently this fact seemed to make winning Itachi's love just that much more precious.
It never failed to amuse Kisame how much women chased Itachi –and to a lesser extent, Deidara. Not so much Hidan; he was a bit of an asshole –but in an alright kind of way. Kisame never bothered much with trying to find a girlfriend; none of them were interested, despite him being a star quarterback. For one thing, he was just so huge and intimidating; bulky and thick, with pointed teeth and a square jaw. Hidan said he looked like a shark. Kisame said he'd chuck Hidan in a dumpster if he said that too loud.
Hidan had continued to claim he looked like a shark; but very quietly.
Itachi, currently having resigned himself to not being able to get any study done, was casually leaning up against the railing of the stairs; engaging in polite conversation but refusing the gifts he was offered. Then, he crossed his arms and flicked his ponytail in that way that the girls loved, and, as if it was some kind of beacon, his flock practically doubled in size.
"Jeez, he gets more and more popular every year, doesn't he, yeah?" Deidara commented conversationally; the three of them looking over to where it appeared that he had managed to gain the high ground on the stairs and was trying to calmly tell his stalkers –pursuers –that he was currently not looking to date anyone –let alone father children.
"Yeah," Kisame laughed; rather amused by this –and the fact that the Uchiha was glaring over at them; obviously displeased that they were laughing at his expense.
" –Well…he is a pretty good-looking dude, yeah," Deidara admitted, "Must be hard for you being his best friend, when he's so popular with the ladies…and you're well…not." Hidan burst out in cackling laughter and Kisame's shoulders slumped.
"…I am a little weird looking…" he admitted flatly.
" –Jeez, that bothered you more than I thought…" the blonde remarked in surprise, before sniggering behind his hand. "Okay; go rescue him…we have a calculus test in two days that he promised to help me with, yeah." Kisame rolled his eyes; ambling to his feet and stalking over to the crowd of females.
They all cleared a path for him –he easily towered above them –and he made it to Itachi with no difficulty.
" –Itachi has to go now," he informed them; gesturing for Itachi to lead the way back down the stairs towards his friends. They all whined in protest and tried to make him stay –but without approaching him due to their general fear of Kisame.
"Thank you, Kisame," Itachi remarked –as he always did; although Kisame noted that it was strained this time, since he'd been so long in 'rescuing' him this time.
"No problem," the bigger man chuckled.
"Aw…Itachi, you should stay with us," one of the young women sighed, "Where do you have to go?"
"Itachi has a previous engagement with a pretty blonde," Kisame informed them lightly, and suddenly the atmosphere became tense as the women all began muttering about who this mystery blonde was, and why Itachi was meeting with her.
"…That, I did not appreciate so much," Itachi growled flatly, under his breath. Kisame just smirked his toothy grin that he always did when he was rather pleased with himself. "…I'm telling Deidara you called him pretty."
"I'll tell him you didn't correct me. You know how he gets off on your praise." Itachi's expression soured and he glared up at his best friend. However, his attention turned to Hidan and Deidara, who appeared to be sniggering behind their hands.
"If you two send me those awful valentines again, I will end you," Itachi vowed; yanking on Deidara's ear. The blonde cringed and glared at being treated like a child.
" –I'm honestly fucking hurt that you would think that we were such crappy friends," Hidan simpered; hand over his heart as he feigned misery. Itachi snorted and glared at him coolly. "Anyway…you have enough fucking fans as it is. Why the hell would we need to join their bloody ranks?"
" –Can we go study?" Itachi rolled his eyes -not believing him for a moment; grabbing his bag and beginning to stalk off towards the school library, "…Before they regroup?"
"Don't worry; as long as Kisame's here, he'll scare them off, yeah," Deidara teased, "He's like a scarecrow for girls, yeah!" Itachi looked back over his shoulder and gave Deidara a threatening glare to shut the blonde up.
"I can handle Deidara," Kisame chuckled, "He doesn't mean harm."
"You shouldn't have to deal with it," Itachi sniffed flatly as Deidara jogged to catch up and looped an arm through Itachi's teasingly. The raven rolled his eyes irritably.
"Itachi, Itachi; you should send someone a valentine this year, yeah," he exclaimed, "It's our last year at school –you never send them!"
" –He's just scared he'll get rejected," Kisame teased.
"I am not scared," Itachi sniffed.
" –Who would reject this face?" Deidara mocked; tugging on Itachi's cheek. "And Kisame; why don't you send one? You should start handing them out. Maybe then a pretty girl will actually send you one...yeah..."
"Touch me again, Deidara; I dare you," Itachi replied in an even tone. Deidara just stuck his tongue out at him.
"You know I don't care about getting valentines," Kisame pointed out.
" -Well, that's what you say, yeah..." the blonde rolled his eyes; not believing for a moment that Kisame didn't care. He was pretty sure that secretly, the huge quarterback was jealous of his friends for getting so much female interest -as much as Kisame insisted that he genuinely didn't care. Truly, Kisame didn't mind; but he did admit that it would be nice to actually be given one of those infernal little cards; just to know that there was maybe someone out there that was even a little interested in him.
" -Anyway, fucking Itachi gets enough of that sappy shit for both of them," Hidan sniggered, seeing Kisame rolling his eyes. "Just send one to all your fucking fans," he added, "It'll make their fucking year."
"Or they'll kill each other, yeah," Deidara snorted.
"Itachi'd only send one if it really meant something," Kisame chuckled teasingly, and Itachi immediately glared at him as Hidan and Deidara began mocking him about being a romantic. Kisame just shrugged with a smirk and averted his eyes as Itachi elbowed Deidara in the face.
True to Shikamaru and Kiba's predictions, soccer turned out to be more of a vicious one-on-one between Sasuke and Naruto. Most of their teammates had actually departed to the side-lines to let them do their stuff without anyone getting injured. The Sasuke fangirls in the class –and those who were in the classes near the field…or the ones with a free period; they were all cheering him on. This obviously irked Naruto to no end.
It was nearing the end of class, and Sasuke was winning by a goal or two; so of course, Naruto was trying his hardest to catch up, and maybe end things on a draw. But no; Sasuke wasn't allowing that.
"…Now that's just showing off," Kiba sighed, shaking his head and leaning back on his hands heavily as they watched Sasuke streak down the field in a blur; swiftly ducking away from every single one of Naruto's attempts at a tackle –resulting in the blonde finally plummeting face first into the dirt and Sasuke scoring as the ref decided to end the game. Naruto angrily looked up in time to see Sasuke smirking down at him.
For a moment there, he could see the Uchiha pause; his hand drifting forwards slightly –and Naruto's eyes softened; reaching up –thinking that Sasuke was actually offering to help him up.
But then the Sasuke fan club swooped in; practically swarming on the raven –girls fawning on him and congratulating him on the game; Naruto getting pushed back into the dirt again. Dejectedly, he got to his feet; brushing the mud from his hair and agitatedly looking back over his shoulder to where Sasuke was barely visible –having been completely surrounded by girls all professing their undying love for him.
"Naruto?" Kiba inquired as Naruto just grimaced and kicked at the grass –stalking off to get changed.
Shikamaru had seen that Sasuke had been about to help Naruto up; the blonde's eyes lighting up at the gesture of familiarity; a sign that at least on the soccer field, Sasuke respected him –even just a little. But then the girls had swooped it; none of them even sparing Naruto a second glance. Shikamaru could hear Naruto's mutinous mutterings about Sasuke being a show-off bastard, as he stalked off to the changing rooms. Both of them were first-string players, but Sasuke always got the spotlight –always.
And since Valentine's Day was coming up soon; female attention was focused almost solely on the Uchiha brothers –even further from Naruto. Ahh, jealousy…
"Man, we should go after him," Kiba suggested with a yawn; cringing as feminine squeals broke out through the air; singing great praise for Sasuke. "You know how he gets. I don't get him though; sometimes he seems like he wants to punch him, and sometimes he seems like he'd be grateful for a handshake. What's his deal?"
"Who knows?" Shikamaru shrugged and then yawned mightily, "It's all rather troublesome."
"Agreed," Kiba admitted with a sigh, "It'd be nice if they could like, be nice for a bit. We might actually get to take part in gym class." He laughed at the sour look on Shikamaru's face. "You know what I mean though! They've been fighting for years. And maybe it would stop Naruto complaining about Sasuke for like...a day..."
"…Hmm…" Shikamaru mused; taking a moment to think it over, "Something nice…? Well…" He rubbed his shin with a small smirk, "Actually…I think I have an idea."
"…Will Naruto not like it?"
"…If he finds out."
" –So we're kind of tricking him?"
"…If you want to put it like that," Shikamaru shrugged.
"Totally count me in."
Oh, Shikamaru always has a plan! What's he thinking?
[And Deidara and Kisame's conversation I kinda got the idea for from one of the "Conversations between Akatsuki members". Poor Kisame.]
I don't know why I'm loving writing Valentine's Day fics these days. This is sillier than "Looking for Love" but hope you enjoyed. Review and stay tuned for the next chapter!