1 – The Smell of Spatial Anomalies

Good smell good smell good smell good smell BEEF beans rice CHEESE tomatoes lettuce taco shells hot sauce! wag wag Pet me! Pet me! Drop something! Oh, drop something! No, not the lettuce! Drop the beef!

Human Lili says, Blah blah blah favorite blah blah food blah blah crew blah blah war blah blah fun.

Chef comes in and says, Blah blah blah Porthos blah out! He chases me out and I am in the hall by myself.

I love Lili. Lili always has food. Lili's nice to me. Chef doesn't like me in the galley. I'm not so sure how I feel about Chef, but he usually smells good.


Chef William Slocum's assistant, Lili O'Day, stood in the galley, chopping vegetables and shredding cheese and then lettuce for that evening's meal. Captain Archer's beagle, Porthos, sat nearby, expectantly hoping for a morsel or two to drop.

She said, "You're such a good little helper! My absolute favorite! As you can see, tonight we're having Mexican food. I think it'll be good for the crew. We're in the middle of a war. At least I'd like us to have a little fun. I don't think it's inappropriate; do you?"

Chef Slocum came in. He was a big, burly man. "We can't have him in here! You know it's a Health Code violation! Go on, Porthos! Get out!"

A little miffed, he shooed the small quadruped out and got the door closed quickly. "Lili," he said wearily, "I know you're new and you don't really know anybody yet. But rules are rules. He really shouldn't be in here."

"I know," she allowed. "I'm just; I'm already sick and tired of bad times. It's only been maybe four months for me. But for the others, huh, I bet everyone else is, too, and you've all been at it a lot longer than I have. He's, uh, he's a comforting presence, yanno?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. Look, let's just get this done and, uh, I dunno. Call someone, or something. Just, do something for yourself tonight."

She looked up. "Shoot! Porthos is out there in the hallway on his own. I'll, um, I'll make sure he's not in any trouble and get him back to the captain's quarters. I'll do extra clean up, or something, to make up the time."

"Lili, it's all right. You don't have to make up hours," Will smiled at her a bit, "that's what Preston Jennings is for."

"My predecessor?" she chuckled a little. "Don't bother him on account of little ol' me, or anything."

She adjusted her pink hair tie and then departed, and he stared at the ceiling for a second, in supplication. "She's a decent assistant and a damned fine baker. But sometimes, eh, I dunno."


Good smell good smell good smell good smell Private Todd was here with Dave Constantine. They don't know it yet, but they like each other. Shelby Pike is new – she saw Dan Chang here and she got angry at him because he made her feel uncomfortable. Josh Rosen threw a ball for me over there, lots and lots of times! That was fun! We should do that again!

Oh, Lili! There's Lili! I love Lili!


Lili came over, "How ya doin' there, my little puppy boyfriend?" She bent down and petted him and then straightened up, cracking her back as she did so. She sighed, "I gotta say, right now, you're my only boyfriend." The dog licked her hand. "You're definitely the only one who kisses me on the NX-01. Let's get you back to the captain's quarters, okay?"

They began walking, and the dog would stop and sniff the deck plating every now and then. "C'mon, boy!" she encouraged.

There was an intercom chime.

"All hands, this is the captain. Commander T'Pol and Ensign Mayweather have informed me that we're heading into an area with a lot of smaller spatial anomalies. Unlike other sections of the Delphic Expanse, there's really no way for us to steer around them."

The captain paused for a moment. "All I can tell you is that, if you see something strange, if space seems to be at all distorted, try to stay away from that. If you feel strange, as if something has passed through your body, go to Sick Bay on the double. And that's an order. Do that, no matter what you might be doing or where you might be expected. Let's not take any chances with our health, all right?"

There was another short pause. "We expect to be clear of the anomaly field by this time tomorrow or so; Archer out."

"Well, you heard the man," Lili said to Porthos, "things might get a little wonky around here. No wonder I feel off."


Lili smell oh kiss for Lili and then the magic box makes Alpha's voice! Jonathan Archer is Alpha!

Alpha is good, Alpha is the best. There is NOTHING better than Alpha!

Alpha says blah blah T'Pol blah blah Delphic Expanse blah blah strange blah blah Sick Bay blah blah blah health blah blah tomorrow.

Lili says blah blah man blah blah off.

Good smell hallway smells Susie Money was here four days ago and coughed or sneezed. Hoshi was here. I love Hoshi! Hoshi and Sekar were here but they were in a hurry and didn't stay long.


Lili got the dog into the captain's quarters as a wall chronometer showed the time – 1632 hours – and then the date – July 2, 2153.


"Steady as she goes, Mister Crusher," a bald middle-aged captain, over 210 years into the future, commanded a young acting Ensign who was at the helm of the Enterprise-D. They were in an area that had once been called the Delphic Expanse.

"Yes, sir," responded Wesley Crusher.

The android, Data, was sitting at a station next to Wesley. "I am reading several anomalies," he reported.

"Is there a danger to the ship?" inquired the captain, Jean-Luc Picard.

"I do not believe so," replied Data. "Our hull is considerably stronger than the NX-01's was. Records of that mission are severely compromised, but the available information indicates that that was the last vessel to traverse the Delphic Expanse, and their damage, at least from smaller anomalies, such as I am sensing now, was minimal."

"They must be rather small anomalies," opined Counselor Deanna Troi, "I cannot sense them at all."

"Be that as it may, Stellar Cartography should be very interested, Number One," Picard remarked to his First Officer, William Riker, who was seated next to him.

"So strange that their records are shot like that," Riker mused. There was a small bump. "Mister Crusher?"

"We've definitely got spatial anomalies," reported the young acting Ensign. "I've taken the liberty of drawing up a course that'll keep us away from the larger ones. Our shields should be able to handle the remainder."

"Make it so," the captain commanded.

"Shields up! Yellow alert!" bellowed Riker.


Hours later, on the Enterprise-D, Data and Wesley were at the end of their shifts. "Geordi and I are going to Ten Forward," Wesley stated, referring to the Chief Engineer, "do you wanna come along?"

"In a moment," Data replied, "I wish to feed Spot. I will join you later." The android got to his cabin, where he greeted the orange tabby. "How is my girl? Is Spot a good cat? Is Spot a pretty cat? Spot is a very good cat!"


Metal Master smell, Data. Day is nearly over. He will give me food, and then I will sleep a little, and maybe play with some string. I really need to chase something. Why isn't the ship stocked with mice?


On the NX-01, on the Bridge, the pilot, Travis Mayweather, steered around the worst of the spatial anomalies. "To port," commanded T'Pol, peering into a scope at her station, "heading zero five mark seven eight three mark eleven."

"Right," he agreed, adjusting the heading. They saw a spatial distortion pass through the Bridge, right past Lieutenant Reed's Tactical station. It then almost hit the captain. There were a few sparks as it hit the turbolift door and then dissipated.

"That was a bit close, sir," Reed commented, "Hull plating polarization is holding."

Hoshi Sato, the Communications Officer, listened to something in her earpiece. "I've got a few minor reports of anomalies, mostly on B deck. A lot of the officers' quarters will probably have a few private possessions knocked around. Major Hayes reports that the Armory is secure but an anomaly hit the weights rack in the gym and Corporal Cole was hit by one of the smaller weights. He had Nan Myers take her to Sick Bay as a precaution."

"Well, hopefully that's the worst of it," speculated Captain Archer. "Keep me informed if anything else happens."

"Aye, sir."


In the captain's quarters, Porthos lay on his dog bed, but he remained awake.

Odd smell metal smell burning smell strange smell don't understand this smell.

A spatial anomaly rippled under his body, and he vanished.