I'm so confused.

I think about you 24/7. You're on my mind all the time. I love you. Or so I think. I have a site dedicated to you. My room is dedicated to you. My soul...my body is dedicated to you. I say how much I love you every night, and yet...I get no answer. I drift off to sleep, and I dream about you. In my dreams we're a very happy couple. Age doesn't matter. Looks don't matter either. We are together all the time. We get phsyical...and yet, it's not a must. Just being around you makes me happy. Makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person on the planet. It gives me a reason to live. Then my alarm clock goes off, and I wake up. It's all a dream. It's always a dream, and never anything more. I look at pictures of you, dying to see your sexy body, and unmasked pictures. I look at the one picture that haunts my mind all the time. Yes, the one where you're at an autograph session, looking hot as ever. No mask. Just one hell of a huge smile. Only thing is there's a gold band around your ring finger. Yes, you belong to someone else. You don't love me. You don't even know I exsist. I'm just a fellow Kanenite. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. If I died today, would you care? No...no you wouldn't, Kane. You wouldn't even know that I was dead. Hell, you don't care bout me, do you? The only time I'm happy is in my dreams. You don't love me. I'm just a stranger to you. If you passed me in the streets, would you say hello? Or just keep on walking? I know what you'd do. You'd just keep on walking. And then go home to your wife. And screw her. Forget all about me. It's never about me. I love you more then anyone else. And yet...I've never met you. Why's this? Why must I be so crazy for you? I've got a boyfriend. I've got someone that loves me, just as much as I love you. But why have a chose to love you and not him? When I kiss him, I picture you. When I make out with him, I picture you. Why's this? Am I going insane? Am I crazy? Do I need help? I don't know. But why must I think about you all the time? Lot's say that there's a thin line between love and hate. It hurts me to say this but...I hate you Kane. I hate you Glenn. You're just a waste of my time. But no matter what I say negative about you. No matter what I do. Even if I tear down my posters, and pictures of you...it won't matter. Because as much as I try and convince myself that you're not worth my time. That I hate you, it's not true. I love you. I'll always love you. You'll always have a place in my heart.

And then I think of our age difference. A good 20 years. It's going to tear me apart. You see, when you retire from wrestling...I'll be watching it. When you die, I'll be alive. But my soul...my soul will die with you. Why's this? Why does it have to happen like that? Why can't I just love Andrew like I love you? He loves me, he can offer me, and give me what you'll never give me. And yet, when I'm with him, you're always in my mind. It's like cheating on him. But how can he fight for me, if the person I'm in love with isn't there? Isn't alive in my world???

Kane...I hate to say this but...I hate you. You've hurt me so much. We need to go out separate ways. I'm over obbessed with you, and it's not good. I see you on T.V. and I practically go crazy, and nuts! I'll practically get an orgasm just seeing you wrestle, or on T.V. Why's that?

Kane...I hate you. I want to end this little thing of mine on that note, but my fingers, they just won't let me. I don't want to end on a bad note. But...I have to. I have to for Andrew. I've already called him Glenn. And then Kane. One more strike...and I'm out. What's wrong with me? Kane, you're screwing up my life.

And yet, I love you. But then again...I hate you. I hate you because I can't have you. And I want you so much. I'd give up everything for you. And yet, you don't even care about me.

When I was at the mental hospital, and I tried to kill myself. I stopped because of you. Not because of Andrew. Or my friends. Or my parents. But because of you. And yet, you don't even know that you saved a life. You don't even care about me. Then again, did you actually save a life. Maybe I'll just repeat trying to kill myself. Then again maybe not. But if I do it'd be because you don't even know I exist. I can't stand that fact, Kane. I can't stand that. I have to touch you. To see you. I kiss your posters, but it's nothing compared to the real thing. I have to have you. I need you. I want you. You are what I live for. Not Andrew. Not my parents. Not for me. Not for my friends. But for you, Kane. And the worst part is you don't even know I'm here. You don't even know that I breath the same air that you breathe.

Kane...I love you. No. Kane...I hate you.