Kris's A/N: Okay, so… Bella is a bad influence (Everydaybella, not Bella Bella). I can never let these plot bunnies go when she's there to write half the story. You know the drill. Small updates (1-2k). She's Bella (heheheh), I'm Edward, and this is what happens when we watch New Girl. Plot bunnies.
EDB's AN: I think that is the first time I was one called the "bad influence." LOL It's just such a great idea, how could you not want to give it a wirl? To be fair Kris, this is what happens when we watch anything. Plot Bunnies.
Kris's other A/N: A point. You has it. ANYWAY. This is inspired by the PREMISE of New Girl, but don't expect to see the plot point for point. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Neither of us is SM… I think.. Bella might be. I've never seen her… Hmmmmm.
EDB: (BAHAHAHA you so silly Kris.)
"Ok, so, this is gonna sound kinda crazy, but I was raised to be honest, so here we go."
I think the three of them were in shock. That was probably going to get worse. I swear I don't plan these things, they just happen. Story of my life.
"So, I've been living with my friend, Charlotte, for years, but she's getting married so I have to find my own place. She mentioned that Jasper was looking for a roommate, but I swear I didn't know you were all guys. Not that I mind or anything. I just know it may be awkward for you and I don't want it to be that way."
Shut up, Bella, shut up. Way to make a great first impression, let my word vomit take over. As if I didn't look enough like a freak with my bright blue hair and inability to sit still. I might have been compared to a chihuahua once. Okay it was twice.
"My hair's not normally blue," I muttered, the silence making me even more nervous. "I made a bet with my kids that if they could all pass their tests, I would dye my hair. Needless to say, they did."
"You have kids?" the tall blond finally asked. Jasper and I had met before. He was a friend of Charlotte's fiance, Peter. I didn't know him very well, but he was a good guy. Still, I doubted he wanted to see a kid ruining his home.
"No. I teach second grade. I promise no kids coming home or anything."
See, this was why I had lived with friends my whole life. Meeting people you might end up living with and didn't know from Adam is just awkward. You need to seem normal and presentable, but at the same time, it didn't seem fair to not let them know about how incredibly odd you are.
"Do you have loud sex at inappropriate times, because that's my thing, and I don't really want to give it up." This was the big guy, Emmett, if I remembered correctly. If it weren't for his sparkling brown eyes, I might have been a little afraid of him. He was huge.
I blushed. "Ah, no, no loud sex. Is that a deal breaker?"
Emmett shrugged. "Naw, it's cool. Just fair warning."
"Right. Gotcha." Only one of them hadn't spoken yet and he was the one I was most nervous about. In the middle sat Edward Cullen. There was a striking amount of sadness in his eyes. The beautiful green orbs were jaded and irresistible. I could already tell he covered his sadness by being grumpy. His arms were crossed over his chest, and a frown sat permanently on his face. His expression was somewhere between pissed and bored. I found myself wanting to make him laugh just once.
"We're not seriously considering this, are we?" Admittedly, not great first words from him. "Can you imagine her living with us? I'd have to share the downstairs bathroom for god's sake."
"Edward, knowing your habits that might be a good thing. Have you looked in there lately? It's a mess." Jasper's words didn't instill any courage in me.
Edward shrugged. Apparently this was a normal discussion. "It's perfectly useable. Besides do you wanna give up your video games for chick flicks?"
"Well, no, but…"
"And Emmett, do you wanna give up farting?"
"I can't give up farting!"
"Well, if you let her move in, it's gonna happen. That's what happens when you live with girls."
"Um, excuse me?" I tried to fight it, but I was kinda pissed. I could understand that, for some reason, he was sad and grumpy, but that didn't mean he got to take it out on a me, a woman he had never even met. "This girl has a name, and it's Bella. As for all that, well... I'm not a clean freak myself so that's not so bad. I have my own TV, so if I want to watch chick flicks I can do it in my room, and I don't mind farting. I work with seven and eight year old boys. I can handle it."
Emmett began cackling. "Oh, she got you, Eddie. I like her."
Jasper's grey eyes were sparkling with excitement. "She's got a point, and we seriously need a roommate."
"Now, hold on." Edward's eyes got wider and wider. I wondered for a moment if he was scared or if he just didn't like me for some reason. Maybe it was the blue hair? Or my glasses? They were kinda big, but I liked them. "We're not this desperate yet, are we? I mean we don't even know her."
"The word you're looking for is 'Bella'. I am in the room, so the correct and polite noun is Bella." What was his problem?
"She's right, Edward. You're being rude." Jasper glared at his friend which only caused Edward to get grumpier. "I've met Bella a couple times, and she was great."
"You are most welcome."
"You're laying it on a bit thick," Edward mumbled.
"Okay, I do have a question though. Why move in with us?" Emmett sounded almost concerned for my sanity, which I was beginning to doubt now as well. "I mean, surely you've got other friends you can stay with."
"Well, there's Rose, but she lives with a bunch of other models, and I really don't fit in there." Yes, I was that desperate. I would rather live with three guys I didn't know than with my best friend and her model roommates.
"Wait!" Emmett leaned forward to the edge of his seat, hanging on my every word. "Other models?"
"As in…" Jasper joined Emmett.
"Yeah, Rose is a model."
Huh, what do you know, the magic words.
The minute the new girl was out the door, they started in on me.
"Dude, is it the sand?" Emmett asked.
"Is what the sand?"
"Is it the sand in your vagina that's got you so pissy? I mean, that's got to be uncomfortable. I guess I could excuse your being a dick for that."
I crossed my arms and glared at my brother. "I'll send her a gift basket. Can we move on?"
"I don't know. There might be nothing to talk about. You probably scared the hell out of her," Jasper said.
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, biting back another sarcastic response. I knew I was being an asshole, and the girl-Bella, whatever-didn't deserve my bullshit. "What did you expect? You dropped this on me three minutes before she showed up, and you thought I was going to let it happen?"
"We're getting behind on the rent."
"I'm not debating that, Jazz. We need a roommate. I get it. I agree."
"Just not her."
"Not any her."
Emmett huffed. "I know you just broke up with Alice-again- but not every girl is as batshit insane as she is.
I flexed my fists at my side. They didn't understand about Alice. They couldn't. "Alice isn't crazy."
"Bro. She thought she knew the future."
I wasn't going to get into this argument. Not today. "That isn't the point. You don't need to have any special future-telling gift to see what's going to happen here."
I shook my finger in their direction. "One of you assholes is going to fuck her, and it's going to end in drama."
Jasper and Emmett both laughed. "Is that what your problem is?" my brother asked. "We're all adults. This isn't high school where everything is the end of the world. Who's the drama queen now?"
"This is our home. You start something with this girl, you bring all that mess into our home. Alice may have been plenty of drama, but you never had to live with it."
"Says you. We-" Emmett started, but Jasper cut him off.
"Whatever. Don't start that again. I have an easy solution. Pact. Bella is off limits. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. We don't need to fish in our own tank."
"Why are you so set on her anyway?" I asked. I could already tell I was going to lose this fight. When Jasper was set on something, he had a habit of getting his way, even from me. That didn't mean I had to be a good sport about it.
"Because she's vetted. You want to talk about drama at home? We've all heard the bad roommate nightmares- what can happen when you put an ad on Craigslist. Peter loves this girl, and you know what a bastard he can be about people. Charlotte says she's dependable. I've liked her the few times I've hung out with her, and if you'd remove the gigantic stick from your ass, I'm sure you'd come to at least tolerate her."
My teeth were gritted so hard, my jaw ached. "Fine. Whatever. But when it all ends in tears and screaming, I'm going to say I told you so."
"Great," Jasper said, ignoring the last bit as I knew he would. "I'll call her."
Emmett clapped my shoulder. "Cheer up. What's the worst that can happen?"
Much thanks to songster and barburella!