LOOK BACK ME, YO: a novella
John Thornton stood at the edge of his stoop looking out on the factory yard. He spotted a lone leather-clad man roaming the loading deck. Curious to see who this man could be, he used his the line that brings all the girls to the yard, much like his milkshakes, of, "Look back. Look back at me."
The man is revealed to be none other than Killian Jones. Looking hella fine, he did an about face and met Mr. Thornton with a smirk. "Long time no see, Johnny boy," the pirate said. "I do believe our last meeting was approximately 4 years, 5 months, 21 days, 5 hours, 32 minutes, and 54 seconds ago."
Nervously Margaret looked out the window and her and Mr. Killian locked eyes. Margaret, as well as Mrs. Thornton (who, by the way, found it extremely awks to be called the same thing as the chica who she once proclaimed that she h8d, but haters gonna h8) rushed downstairs and out the door to see what the fuss was all about.
When they opened the door, they saw the two men with chiseled chins in a passionate embrace. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Mrs. Thortnon the oldish woman screamed. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME," yelled Mrs. Thortnon the paler, younger one.
"Look back. Look baaack at me," Mr. Thornton said to Margret. "Look back. Look back at me."
"I am looking, but I don't need to look back…I'm staring right at you," Margret said incredulously.
"I said wifey dearest, look back at me" Thornton said in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
"I cannot bear to look back at you. I should have married Henry," Margret stated. To no one in particular, Margret said, "Look baaaaack. Look baaaack at me."
Henry, not the lawyer, but the somewhat irksome Yankee boy from a faraway land called Storybrooke felt a disturbance in the year 2012 and felt compelled to look back, to look back at someone. At the moment of this strange urge, Henry looks back, but unfortunately for him, he looks back into a cloud of some sort of curse and dies. What a shame.
Meanwhile, Johnny boy and Killian dearest got into an argument over who used the famous phrase of "Look back, look back at me" first.
"No, it was me!" Hook screams.
"No, it was me!" Thortnon echoes.
"I'm pretty sure I used that line before any of you were even born, " Mrs. Thornton senior states. "I used it to get all the boys when I was younger. I said it to no one in particular and they all interpreted it as a romantic gesture."
Frustrated, Margret decides to take matters into her own hands. She already lost her man today, and after all she went through to get him, with an "IDGAF" mindset, she decides to run straight into that weird purple river thingy that killed that guy that one time.
"Look back at me, j*******" she shouts. "LOOK BACK AT ME. LOOK BACK AT ME. SERIOUSLY DUDE, IF YOU LOOK BACK AT ME, I'M SURE YOU, ME, AND THAT PIRATE DUDE CAN WORK OUT SOME SORT OF ARRANGEMENT."
Unfortunately for Margret, the men had gotten into an intense brooding competition and didn't notice her shouting.
As Margret jumped over the cliff and into the purple abyss, she shouted "Look back at me" once more for good measure. An explosion is seen in the distance.
While John and Killian continue their brood/look back at me-off, other small explosions are seen and a string melody that bears an uncanny resemblance to that of the opening credits music for the miniseries North & South is heard.
"Look back at ME"
"Look back at ME"
"No, look back at ME"
"I'M MRS. THORNTOOOOOON"
"Look back at meeeeeee" sings Mr. Higgins.
Suddenly, the rest of the factory workers, as well as the cast of magical fairytale characters from a certain TV show, join hands and skip around in a circle singing the words "Look back at me" to the opening credits music.
Another explosion is seen in the distance.
"CUT!" A director yells.
Another explosion is seen.
"I SAID CUT!"
"This is never going to do. I don't know how we'll get a distribution deal," a nearby producer states. "Is there really a market for a North & South/Once Upon a Time musical?