Disclaimer: Okay, here's my newest fic for Quills Trip/T'Pol romance contest.
As you all prob know by now I don't own Enterprise... or Trip.
Here's the first part, it's mostly written in 1st point of view.
Thanks as always to my beta 'HopefulNebula' who's one of the best!
Now, let's get started, shall we?


Part 1:-
Regrets.

~Trip PoV~

The world is full of them. Little words, making up little sentences, like 'If only'... 'What if?'... 'Maybe'..., all small, yet meaning so much. When I was younger, my Gran would pull me up onto her lap and tell me, Regrets don't build future, they bind us to the past. She was right. Even so, I find myself standing by a window, those little thoughts running round my head.

'If only I had found the courage to tell her...

What if Malcolm had never come to Enterprise...

Maybe if I hadn't been so hostile at first towards her...'

Life's full of them you know. Regrets of what could have been. Those little thoughts stacking up and up until they were the only thing in you're head.
I happy for her you know. I don't think I ever really believed I'll get her. There was always this lurking fear that I could never be what she needed. I never admitted it out load mind you, never even admitted That I, Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III, even liked her. Did I say liked? I meant loved, no that's wrong, I still love her. It was only in the darkest moments, when the rain ran down my soul that I listened to the little voice, always taunting, telling what I could not have.
And as I stand here, staring at the wonders of the universe, I see it all in a moment of deep clarity. Call it my epiphany if you will. My whole life had been build upon castles in the air, places where I could hide all the hurt I felt from the world and just pretend it doesn't exist. The lies I would tell to made my castles float, would eat away at my soul until I almost believed them myself. But they were just regrets and castles in the air...

~@~

He stands there, Commander Tucker, his face turned from the warmth, from the people, instead facing cold space. His face is relaxed, but is soul is in deep pain. He is Charles Tucker and has had his heart broken.

~@~

~Trip PoV~

Space is so cold... There are times when I feel like space, cold all over. I sometimes wonder who am I now? Am I the old Trip? No, he died the day Malcolm had said they were dating. His smile and the laughs, I swear I saw T'Pol give the hint of a hint of a smile but that might just have been my imagination. Somehow I managed to plaster a smile on my face as I told Malcolm how lucky he was. It's funny, I should hate him, he took the only person I ever truly cared about. I don't. Hell, I don't even feel bad about the face I lost her. Just numb... and the single thought that if he ever hurt her it would be the last thing he did.
It's nearly time for my shift. As I turn to go, a small shooting star catches my eye. I can't help but feel a small smile come to my face as I remember the poem my Gran would say,

'Star light, Star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might.
Have the wish, I wish tonight.'

Does that still work in space? Surrounded by stars could you wish upon the first shooting star you saw? Wishing upon a star sounds silly but all the same I can't help but wonder. Castles in the air are all very well but like wishing, like loving T'Pol, they are just dreams.

Wish upon a star...

"I Wish..."

Maybe, just maybe one of my castles in the air will turn solid and some of my regrets will go...



TBC...