Red and Black and Purple All Over

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: This is a Shampoo-centric fic. And it broke from the canon already.

Reviews: are so fun to read. Even if they're short. So tiny! Hiryo, I like the way Telinú thinks too. The Keeper of Worlds, yep. dragon shinobi, Ukyo has a chance? Well good luck, there's a chance! Maybe. I dunno I'm the Text.

Thanks: tuatara. ^_^

You have been warned….

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Chapter 1: something completely different!

Ranma blinked her eyes rapidly as she awoke. 'Where am I…? What happened?'

The redhead looked around and saw that she was in a tent. In one corner was her bag. As she studied the tent, she recognized it as the one she used on her training trip.

Ranma was about to get up when Shampoo entered the tent.

"AHHH!" Ranma screamed and sat up immediately. "Sh-Shampoo!"

'Oh yeah… I tried to kill him,' Shampoo thought. 'At least it IS a him. That I am positive about.'

Ranma's heart thumped faster and faster, fear evident in her eyes.

{I'm not here to kill you. You are male; therefore, I am required by law to marry you,} Shampoo explained in her native tongue. {You iare/i male, correct?}

"…" Ranma blinked. "Look, I have NO idea what you're saying. But I will not let you kill me!"

{…} Shampoo blinked twice. {I have no idea what you said. Wait! My book…}

The purple-haired warrior pulled out a book of Mandarin Chinese-Japanese translations. The foreigner flipped through some pages and pointed at a phrase.

"Hello there. My name is Shampoo," it read.

Ranma read it slowly and carefully. 'What's she getting at?'

Shampoo flipped through some more pages and pointed to another phase.

"If an outsider male defeats an Amazon female, they must wed."

Ranma read it and blinked thrice. "What the-? Are you serious?"

Shampoo answered with a kiss on the lips.

Ranma's eyes widened to a ridiculous degree. 'But I'm a GIRL AT THE MOMENT!'

Shampoo eventually ended the kiss and smirked, wiping her hand across her lips. {Not bad… But I should have done your regular form first.}

*Splash*

It was Shampoo's eyes that widened this time.

"What?" Ranma asked, mostly in a daze.

Shampoo pounced on a now-male Ranma and knocked him over.

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Genma awoke groggily in the Tokyo Zoo panda exhibit a few hours later.

"Boss, the panda's awake," Genma heard a voice call out.

"Good. It's time to feed it anyway," another voice answered.

Genma groaned and rubbed his head. 'Boy! He must have done this… Ungrateful little…'

"I'm still amazed that this panda was taken down so easily…"

"Well, it was found in Nerima. Those crazy martial artists won't be afraid of a panda."

Genma's eyes snapped open. 'Ranma has escaped from me and is running out on his engagement! Where could he…? Of course. China! He's already gotten a head start. What to do?'

"How did a giant panda get into Tokyo anyway?"

"Beats me."

'I need to inform Tendo… Well, not about the curse; that's got to be seen to be believed. I'll just send a letter about how the boy ran off on me.' Genma stood up. 'Yeah, that's it.'

"Maybe the panda belonged to a circus?"

"Probably…"

'No use staying here…' Genma thought as he jumped out of the exhibit, ending his captivity.

"Oh, just great…"

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Ranma gasped for breath as he finally got Shampoo off of him. 'Wow, that was good… Still… I should be careful around her…'

Shampoo fixed her hair, smiling the whole time. 'Much less resistance this time. Definitely male…'

Ranma picked up the book and thumbed through it. 'Man, there are a lot of weird phrases in here… How can so many fit into a book this size?'

'What do I do now?' Shampoo wondered to herself. 'I could bring us back to the village, but… This freedom to do what I want… It's alluring. Maybe I'll see some sights, impress his mother… That's it! The tradition of impressing the groom's mother! Great-grandmother wouldn't want me to dishonor that…'

Smiling, the purple-haired girl took the book away from her husband (according to her village's law, that is) and pointed to a question on the first page.

"Take me to your mother."

Ranma blinked. 'Mother… I… Do I have a mother? I don't remember one…'

Shampoo grew concerned at his hesitation and sadness. 'Great, his mother is most likely dead. Good going, Shampoo, you're bringing up bad memories for him AND yourself. Mother…'

Ranma massaged his head; he then started beating it before smacking it numerous times. Giving up, Ranma grabbed the book and flipped through a few pages.

{I don't know.}

Shampoo blinked in surprise. 'Don't know? Doesn't know his own mother? Either this country is messed up or he's more warrior trained than me.'

Deciding to try to jog his memory, Shampoo pulled out a photo of Ranma's family that she found in China and gave it to her husband.

Ranma accepted the photo awkwardly and looked at it.

The pigtailed boy's heart raced as he realized what it was.

Shampoo took the time to study Ranma's body closer. 'Very handsome, yet cute… Very muscled, yet not bulky… He's taller than me, that I can tell… Hair is in relatively good condition despite traveling from China without treating it… Steel-blue eyes… Yes. This will do. Oh, yes, this will do…'

"So that's Mom…" Ranma whispered to himself as he finally found his voice. "Mom…"

Shampoo decided to use this situation as an opportunity to find her next phrase and showed it to Ranma.

"I am the best tracker in the world."

Ranma stared at Shampoo. 'This girl… She tried to kill me for the last two weeks or so. Then she knocks Pops out (or worse) and says I'm married to her. Now she's offering to find Mom. Yes, she's attractive and a good kisser… I think… But can I trust her?'

Shampoo grew uncomfortable when Ranma gazed into her eyes. 'Is he judging me? That's the last thing I need. Oh well, I tried to kill him for a while. Understandable. Still making me feel weird though. Think positive thoughts. Even if I don't find his mother, I get some time with my beloved. Yeah. Mmm… A cursed husband… I can finally try it with a girl now too! Well, not really, but close enough.'

Ranma sweatdropped as Shampoo drooled before catching herself in the act and grinning sheepishly.

'I need to think of something… Aha!' Shampoo took the book again and flipped through it some more before pointing to another phrase.

"I can cook."

Ranma's eyes widened. 'Someone who can cook? After all these years of Pop's mangled mess, someone who CAN ACTUALLY COOK, WHO bWILL/b COOK?'

The pigtailed boy flipped the book to another phrase.

{Will you?}

Shampoo smirked and left the tent.

Before Ranma got up, Shampoo came back with a bowl of rice, a fish and itwo/i pickles. She then kneeled in front of him, waving the food seductively.

Ranma's mouth started to water and was too distracted to see that Shampoo had sat herself on his lap.

{Want?} Shampoo asked, smiling seductively.

Ranma could only nod in a guess of what she was saying as the girl fed him.

Before long, Ranma was finished eating and was lying on the floor of the tent with a goofy expression on his face.

'All too easy…' Shampoo smirked and showed Ranma a phrase from the book.

"Come with me if you want to eat."

Ranma nodded in agreement as Shampoo engaged in another round of kissing.

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Author's notes: heh heh, here's more! Yay Shampoo! You likey? Then countinte reading... When Noy gets to it... Yeah. Well, it's... Something. Until that happens, I'm the Text!