HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know this is late and Christmas was last week, but I wasn't in town and I have been busy and I just handed in my Stanford app, pray for me guys.
I am really really really really really sorry. I will update my other stories soon, it's just that...I'm really busy and this is my senior year and I think my Chem teacher is out to get me...
Sorry, I promise this year, I will update more, I'll try. I promise.
Well this is a story, inspired by the Christmas season. Hope you like it :) And it's my very first Jagan! Now all I have left is Kenlos :)
Disclaimer! I do not own BTR or the Lyrics!
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
All I want for Christmas is you, baby
All I want for Christmas...
Logan rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands then stared up at the ceiling dappled with the filtered light from the streetlamp outside. The tune of "All I want for Christmas is you." Playing through his head as he thought about exactly what it was he wanted for Christmas….and no, it wasn't exactly you…
James was/is Logan's best friend in the entire world, and had been for years. They grew up together, ever since Logan had moved from Texas, leaving him as the new kid, until James had come along and made it his mission to befriend the smaller boy. They did everything together, were the best of friends, and were so different they were teased more often then he could count. James was tall, muscled, a hockey player, completely obsessed with his looks and his hair. Logan was tiny all around, and spent most of his time tinkering with computers and electronics or his nose in a book. James had middle length bronze hair with beautiful hazel eyes, always enchaining Logan when James would look at him, while Logan had huge doe-like brown eyes and spiky dark brown hair fit in nicely with his Texan heritage. James was straight, while Logan was gay.
So, in short, one was light and one was dark. One was physically oriented while the other was mentally oriented. They were so different, and yet when they got together all of that melted away and they just clicked, fit perfectly. They could talk for hours about nothing at all.
The friendship had begun as many of this nature do. Way back in at Elementary school, when young Jamie saw little Logan all by himself on the playground, inspecting what seemed to be an ant hill. Logan had his notebook in hand and was desperately scribbling notes onto it, whilst studying the hill with tenacity. The other kids often made fun of the loner Logan was prone to be, but never James. In the classroom though, James couldn't help but be captivated by Logan's quick mind. When it was time to do homework, James was cooped up inside, brooding over long division, while, when he looked out the window, all he could see what Logan, studying something in his front yard with great lengths of fascination. That's when James sucked up his pride and went over to the nerdy boy as asked the brain to help him with his homework. In exchange James had taken Logan under his wing, befriended him in front of the whole school without any shame for the fact, and he'd protected him from bullies and the cruel behavior of the other children. In the worst years of Logan's life, where he'd been tagged a fag, James had come into his world and destroyed his demons, kept him safe, and befriended him despite the differences. And since then, they'd been fast friends.
When Logan turned 14, he decided that it would be better if everyone knew hi, just a little better, so he came out to his friends and family. James had never cared that Logan was gay, or that he was a geek who spent most of his time staring at books or computer screens. And Logan never cared that James needed his help to bring his C average grades up to a B plus, or that most of his other friends were little better then animals in mental capacity and brute strength. They clicked, and that was that.
Which is probably why Logan had been in love with his dearest friend for the past four years, and why right now he was staring up at his light-dappled ceiling humming the "All I want for Christmas" Song with James playing the part of 'Christmas Present' in his fantasies. This wasn't the first time though, and it wouldn't be the last time that he had this fantasy. He would give anything for James to give him just one chance, but how do you break to your best friend in the world that you're in love with him?
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Logan groaned at the incessant sound of some one at his front door. He allowed it to continue for a moment and then finally he had to smile because the only one it could be was James. They had decided that it would be cool to live in the same building for University, so that they still had their privacy, but were still close. So, dragging himself from bed he made his way towards the door, peeked through the peep hole, then unlocked his door and got it open about half way before his friend pushed through into the room beyond.
"Get dressssed. We're going out!" James said, his bright hazel eyes amused as he raked a look down Logan's half dressed slightly mused form. "Christmas party, come on, come on!" he continued as he made his way down the hallway into Logan's bedroom and began to rummage through his clothing while Logan stood by, trying not to grin.
"If you were going to invite me to a Christmas party, why in Gods name didn't you tell me so I could get ready?" Logan asked archly, taking the clothes James picked out for him and began to get dressed.
"Eh, I know you; if I had told you about this party you'd have preened for three hours in front of the mirror making sure you picked the perfect outfit and made sure all your hair was stiff and up. This way, I get you ready in a matter of minutes and we only end up fashionably late." James grinned roguishly, giving his friend a wink as he walked behind him and snatched the wrist-thick braid, pulling the tie out and running his hands through it to help his friend along in the dressing process. "Now hurry up and run a brush through your hair, toss on some cologne, and we're good ta go!" James said, face all bright and open with happiness.
James never quite realized that when he touched Logan's hair he was taking liberties that were far more intimate then he intended. Of course, Logan never took it the wrong way, and he never said anything, but as James 's fingers ran through the soft strands of his hair it made his head prickle and tickle, and sent shivers down his spine. He loved having his hair played with, something his best friend was aware of which was why he always insisted on playing with it. It was James 's way of playing and teasing his friend, it was his way of saying, "See! I don't care that you're gay! I'm confident in my masculinity, there's not a damned thing wrong with me touching your hair." And of course, Logan thought those might have been his exact words in response to the single time Logan had ever said anything.
Buttoning up the fly on his blue jeans, Logan turned from his friend and walked towards his bathroom with James following like a lost puppy begging to be taken out for a walk. "For a straight guy, you can pick out clothes." Logan said, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he brushed the silken hair to gleaming perfection. He had a pair of blue jeans on, cut low on his hips and clinging to his body like a second skin along with a soft button down shirt with long sleeves, with an open black vest on top. It was an unassuming look that showed a bit of flesh around his narrow hips, flashed a bit of the v that disappeared into those pants. Really, he looked amazing, he had to admit.
"Eh, you're so tiny, you have that slim chic thing going on for you. I don't look good in that style, I'm so bulky compared to you." James replied, giving a little shrug, "but you wear it well, and you do realize I don't have to be gay to pick out clothes. Sheesh, you're sense of style is horrendous. If it wasn't for me you'd be wearing your pjs everyday, everywhere."
Logan couldn't help but laugh as he turned to go, finally finished getting ready. "Alright, let's go my Fashion expert." Logan said jokingly.
"There'll be some guys there tonight." James said just as he got Logan to lock his door and head for the car. Logan's feet skipped a step and for a moment James thought he'd stumble and fall, but he didn't. "Come on, it's not gonna kill you to go dating. Shit, it's the Diamond thing for me to do and I'm trying to set you up! You're my best friend, I just want you happy Logie."
"Okay, look, I can date- I've dated; I just don't feel like it right now is all. It's no big deal, I'm happy, I'm good, seriously." Logan said, "I'm just begging you, please, please, please, don't set me up with any particular guys tonight, don't push me on anyone, please, Jay. I really won't do well with that tonight okay?"
Slipping into his car, James waited until Logan had joined him before he gave him his best pout and sad eyes. "Fine, fine, I hear you." He said, heaving a great long-suffering sigh as he turned the key in the ignition. "Fine, no honest, but if you get hit on don't assume it was me setting you up. You look good tonight, you know you do, and you know how some men drool over your hair. So don't go blaming me if some guy wont take no for an answer." Logan glanced at his friend, there was some tone in his voice when he said those things, and he couldn't figure out what it is.
"Okay, Okay." He said, smiling at James and shaking his head at his friend. He really did have good intentions; he just was oblivious to how Logan felt for him. He was in love with his best friend, you can't just go on dating others when your heart is completely occupied, it just wouldn't be right nor fair to the men he was with. So he had decided to take a break from dating and get his feelings under control. It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?
When they got to the party, Logan realized it was one of James 's other friends' meat market types of "shindigs". It wasn't the kind of thing that he generally found enjoyable, but being in James 's presence was always an exceptional feeling. So, Logan just stayed silent most of the evening, gently and very shyly declined invitations and phone numbers, and he watched his best friend move throughout the crowed as if he knew each and every person present, even though Logan knew for a fact he didn't. It always amazed him that no matter that it took him a bit more effort to keep his grades up, it took him no effort what so ever to know people. And of course as in most things, the exact opposite was true for Logan.
" Logan!" James 's voiced caught Logan's attention and he turned to see him pushing through a couple of people to head towards him and the guy who was trying very hard to tuck his number into Logan's shirt pocket despite constant denials.
"Yeah, here!" Logan called out, trying to keep the relief out of his voice. James would save him from this one, he always did.
"Come on to the living room, we're gathering everyone together to play Spin The Bottle." A grin split James 's face just as Logan felt his stomach flip flop. That was never a game he liked to play, and it was a game he was often dragged into by his dear beloved James. Damn his lack of will power! Shit! Bah humbug!
"Ooh, I hate that game." Logan whined
"What! You love it and you know it!" James replied.
"No, that'd be you who loves it. I strongly dislike it, remember?" Logan couldn't help but laugh at the comical thoughtful expression on James 's face.
"Eh, okay, maybe you're right. But you still have to play, come on."
With a sigh, Logan excused himself as politely as he could from the very aggravated man who'd been doing his very best to stake claim to him, and followed after James into the living room.
The game was already in session with numerous men and women seated in a big circle about a young couple embraced in a passionate heated kiss. James drew him into one part of the circle, getting the people to part so they could sit down and wait for the next round. It went on like this, the bottle would spin, Logan would pray that some pretty girl wouldn't pick him, and he'd sigh with relief when each spin seemed to miss him.
It was when the bottle landed on James and a chorus of cat calls and laughs came up that Logan realized this was even worse then if he'd been picked. James getting picked meant he had to watch James get into a heated kiss with a pretty young girl with short curly blond hair that was far too scantily covered for Logan's taste.
The kiss seemed to go on forever, and Logan's stomach flopped when James 's hands slid down along the girls back to draw her in more tightly as those present began to 'ooo' and 'aaah' and 'hmmm' over the kiss, make cat calls, hoot and laugh. When it finally ended, Logan brought his knees to his chest and tried not to look grumpy or pouty, but he was having a difficult time of it and James noticed, giving him an odd look and arching his eyebrow in silent question before he gave the girl a pat on her rump and sent her back to take his seat next to Logan so that James could take his turn spinning the bottle.
That was when Logan realized he'd have to watch yet another kiss between his James and some as yet unnamed female for a second time in a row, and he heaved a great helpless sigh, wondering if he could get away from the game by pretending he had to go to the bathroom or some such. Unfortunately, he sat thinking about the best method of escape for to long, and just when he'd made up his mind to get up and leave James had leaned down with the bottle in hand, and sent it spinning with playful grin around the room as it spun and spun and spun…and spun...
Logan watched in horror when the bottle began to slow. Everyone in the room grew hushed, quiet, and even James appeared afraid to breathe as he watched the bottle finally stop and settle – pointing directly at Logan. You know how sometimes when you play spin the bottle; the bottle sort of sits right between two people? Well, this wasn't the case here. The bottle was pointing directly at Logan, no one else was in the way, and Logan just stared down at it in shock, his mouth gone dry.
Slowly, he looked up from the bottle to see James staring at him, that little amused smile touching his lips. The room was still silent, everyone knew that Logan was gay, that Logan and James were best friends, and not a few of them wondered if they actually had something going on between them. But James 's flamboyantly straight life style generally set the record straight, until people started commenting on his over use of Cuda products, but then again , James' womanizing skills were beyond the average male.
"Hey, James, you don't have to kiss me, spin for a girl." Logan suggested, trying to laugh it off and pretend that it hadn't hit him. The tune to that blasted song began to spin around in his head, and he gave a little self-depreciating grin and a shrug.
All I want for Christmas is ... James in my bed, James in my bed, James in my bed. James in my bed, naked…kissing me…touching me…loving me…feeling me…loving me…Love.
"Kiss him!" some one called out, "You can't pass cause it's a dude, this is the game!" Imma kill that faceless voice. Logan thought.
"Yeah! Kiss him!"
"Don't be a sissy, kiss him!"
"You spun the bottle, kiss him!"
A chorus rose up, everyone yelling out that he should get his kiss because the bottle landed on him. Maybe something had shown on Logan's face, some disappointment, some want or desire, maybe that's why people started calling out for Logan to get his kiss, who knows. James just stood in the center of the circle, laughing as if none of this bothered him, as if the idea of kissing Logan wasn't a big deal, it was just a game, right?
He spread his arms and grinned at Logan, "The people have spoken!" He called out, his voice bellowing like he was some speaker from ancient Rome and the circle of people were his Coliseum. "Get your ass up here and get your kiss." James teased wiggling his eyebrows lasciviously and everyone laughed. James always had a knack for making anything a show, making everyone feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
"Oh come on guys, he's not gay! He doesn't wanna kiss lil' ole me!" Logan joked, his stomach tense as a knot, and yet at the same time it was flipping flopping all over the place, sending butterflies everywhere so badly he thought he might be sick.
Everyone shouted their denials, and finally a few people forced him up to his feet and began to shove him playfully into the center of the room. "They wanna see their kiss, Logie! Let's give 'em a real show." James said playfully, then his voice rose higher, "I better hear cheering people, my masculinity is on the line here!" And everyone began to laugh and cheer.
"Fine, fine!" Logan said, trying to sound grumpy, playful, teasing, Gods anything but nervous. He didn't want to sound as nervous as he felt. His palms were sweating, his heart was hammering, his eyes were going blurry, butterflies took flight within his whole body not just his stomach, causing his knees to be weak and his arms to feel limp. He was so nervous he thought for certain he'd fall over any moment. But he didn't. "Get it over with so you can get on with being the manly man we all know you are." Logan teased, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as it sounded to him.
James put his arms around Logan, drawing him in close, then moved his hands through all that beautiful thick dark hair. His fingers curled in that hair at the base of Logan's skull, and James felt him shiver as he pulled Logan flush against his body. That thing about having his hair touched must be really true. James thought to himself, sliding his fingers through the strands, then back up to grip and tug him in for the kiss lightly, and when he did, he felt that shiver course through Logan's tiny body again.
"Quit stalling! Kiss him already!" Someone called out, and James realized he had been so busy teasing his friend he had forgotten that there was an audience. A chorus of "Yeah" came up, and he grinned up at them.
"I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it!" He said, sounding mock-defensive, and everyone laughed again.
The laughter completely dissipated when he used his grip on Logan's hair to tilt his head back so he could slant his mouth over Logan's in what was immediately a full fledged kiss. There was no soft lead up, there was no brushing of his mouth over Logan 's, there was just intensity from the very beginning. James realized with surprise that Logan's mouth was soft, his lips tasted good, like something he must have been drinking or eating. He realized that he wasn't repulsed by the sensation of kissing his best friend; in fact it felt really good.
A soft whimper escaped Logan's mouth, a sound only loud enough for James to have heard, as he finally got over his shock and began to return the kiss. His hands slid along James 's shoulders and curled at the back of his neck as he was devoured. The firm strokes of James 's tongue drove Logan to absolute distraction, he felt like he was being plundered. James licked and tasted every last inch of his mouth, and when Logan thought it simply couldn't get any better, James actually changed his tactic completely and went from deep and almost rough to insanely tender and began to suck on Logan's tongue before finally ending the kiss and drawing back to look into his face.
There was a moment of silence while everyone digested what had happened, the intensity of the kiss definitely hadn't been what the audience had been expecting any more then it had been what Logan was expecting, and when cheers and cat calls rose, Logan jerked and looked around, having forgotten the audience all together. James let a lazy grin creep across his lips, his beautiful hazel eyes sparkling with mischief and amusement while Logan's cheeks colored and heat suffused his entire body. He was hard and hot all over, his length pressed tight to the confining material of his jeans in a rather obvious manner and when he glanced down he realized James had not been affected in quite the same way he had been.
"Gee, Logan," James nearly purred, "You seem to have liked that kiss." His gaze dipped downward, and then skittered back up to meet his best friends gaze fully. "You are a good kisser, I have to admit." He whispered to Logan. Then he turned to the vicious crows. "Did you all like the show?!" He turned away from Logan then and everyone called out that they loved the show. A few of the girls called out that they would give anything to join the two of them even and James laughed, finding it all quite fun and amusing.
Logan only heard this in passing, however, because the moment James had made a comment about his state of arousal, and then turned his back; he had fled as fast as he could. Humiliation burned through his blood, searing the inside of his body, and to make matters worse despite that humiliation his length refused to behave and go back to its normally un-aroused size! A few people clapped him on the back as he left, as if no one saw the pain and shame written all over his face, and he was glad for it because he didn't want to answer any question. He couldn't answer any questions. He just wanted to leave, to get out, to go home and hide under his bed and pretend the entire experience hadn't happened.
All I want for Christmas... The blasted song spun through his head and he felt like scratching his eyes out in a vain attempt to make it stop. He got through the front door and the cold hit him like a wall. It stung his eyes, and he realized he was dangerously close to tears. The cold burned in his lungs with each breath he took, and it helped to calm him some, it brought him back to reality. He walked to the sidewalk a little away from the house and he let his head fall back and his eyes close as he drew in great lungful of that burning cold, clinging to that bit of pain as his anchor back to himself.
Moments passed, and he managed not to cry, he managed to stuff most of his feelings back where the belonged, hidden within him, but he was still so raw. Which is why, when James came out, he wasn't prepared to handle it.
" Logan? Why'd you run out like that?" James came up, his cheeks pink and rosy on his tanned complexion in response to the biting chill. "Everyone loved that! I think kissing you is gonna get me a date every day for the next two weeks! Did you know girls liked that kinda thing?" He babbled, all excited, completely oblivious to the silence coming from Logan or the expression on his face. "And damn man, you can kiss! I never thought men could kiss like that, but then again I guess I thought I was a good kisser, so why not you, you know? Even so, I have to say I was really... Just? What's wrong? Logie?" James finally paused, a confused expression lighting his handsome features.
"You humiliated me in there." Logan said, his voice catching in his throat.
"No, it was just a game, it was a joke, Logie. I'm glad you liked kissing me so much, it just means I'm a good kisser, right?" James said, clearing his throat and frowning some. "It's no big deal, everyone knows your gay, and no one cares that you had that response. I was just teasing."
Logan erupted. "I care! I care! You humiliated me, James. Humiliated me!" Logan actually screamed, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill out unchecked. Logan never got loud unless something was serious. He was such a shy person that he had a tendency to run away rather then to confront, so the fact he was screaming now clued James into that this was a big deal.
James stepped forward and moved to wrap his arm around Logan, trying to comfort his best friend, but Logan shoved at him hard and stepped away.
"I don't get it." James said, sounding as lost as he looked.
"Of course you don't, James! Of course not. You just don't get it, you don't get anything. You don't get that I've been in love with you for years! You don't get that you flirt with me constantly. You don't get that you touch my hair when I told you what that does to me. You don't get that you kissed me in front of a room full of fucking people and not only did you not have any god damn reaction to kissing me but you pointed out to everyone that I DID! Despite what you think, most men don't get fully hard from a fucking kiss, do YOU get hard every time you kiss a chick you DON'T have feelings for? Did you get hard when you kissed the girl right before me? I DIDN'T THINK SO!" Logan was screaming at the top of his lungs by the end of this speech, and people had begun to file out of the house and onto the lawn to listen to what had some how become a lovers quarrel of sorts.
James just stood there, shock stilling his tongue. For once, he didn't know what to say or do and that was a completely foreign experience for him. Logan laughed, a self-depreciating laugh as he tossed his hands up and gazed heavenward. "Great. Just great." Logan said, then turned to those gathered and watching, "Hope you all enjoyed the fucking show!" he shouted, then turned on his heal and began to stomp off down the street.
A couple people yelled out after him, but he just kept walking, leaving everything around him until finally he turned the corner and lost every bit of strength he'd been holding into his body. He began to cry helplessly, his whole body shaking with the intensity, aching still with the desire that hit him as a result of that kiss, he hurt inside because he was so utterly in love with his best friend, and that love was not returned.
Logan made it to a gas station, and from there he called a cab to take him home so he could get out of the cloths James picked for him and curl in between his sheets to hide away from the nights experiences. From the moment his head hit the pillow, Logan was out like a light, emotional weariness taking its toll on his mind and body. He never even checked his texts, or voice mails.
When Logan had fled from the scene, all James could do was stare after him, completely stunned in shock. He's in love with me. He's in love with me, holy shit, Logan's in love with me. WOW, fuck, oh my God, he's in love with me. His mind whirled around and around like a broken record so fast that he was oblivious to the fact that Logan was getting smaller and smaller the further away he got, until he turned the corner and disappeared all together.
"You gonna let him run off like that?" the girl he'd kissed, playing spin the bottle appeared beside him, one hand patting his shoulder. "You're not going to go after him?"
James turned to look at her, frowning a little as he tried to recall her name. "What do I say to that, Camille? He's right, I did humiliate him. I thought it was a joke, I didn't realize how he felt or I wouldn't ever have poked fun in there." He sighed and she nodded her head.
"So, how do you feel?" She asked gently, "I hate to say it, but that was one helluva kiss you gave him in there, was all of it acting?"
"Of course it was!" James said, feeling suddenly quite defensive. "I am not interested in men. Even the ones I really care about."
"You mean the ones you love." Camille said, shrugging her shoulders, "Come on James. Anyone could see how you felt about him. Even if it's not sexual, you still love him. At least admit that much."
"Yea, I guess you're right, I love him. He's my best friend in the whole world." James offered hesitantly.
"Yeah, but maybe you should take a deeper look. Maybe he didn't notice that you were affected by the kiss," she paused and glanced at him sideways, "But I did."
James felt his cheeks color, felt the warmth of his embarrassment, and she smiled. "I wasn't affected like him, Camille." He argued, but she only shrugged.
"Maybe not quite as intense, but he's already admitted he loves you. You're still fighting the obvious. That'd put a damper on any mans arousal." She said and he bristled. "Look, all I'm saying, is think about it, James. You know he's in love with you. You know you love him, now all you have to do is figure out how to handle the fact he's a man and not what you thought you'd end up with in the end, you know? You kissed him like you meant it, James. You didn't kiss him like you were putting on a show. You kissed him like he tasted good. Can you honestly tell me he didn't taste good to you tonight?"
James glanced down at the ground because she was echoing his exact thoughts while he was kissing Logan. He did taste good, sweet and warm like the spiked eggnog he'd been drinking. James had wanted to keep kissing him, he hadn't wanted to stop, but he didn't want to admit that to himself let alone anyone else. He sighed, shaking his head a little, "Yeah, he did taste good." He mumbled under his breath, and Autumn grinned a little.
"Maybe you're cold words were as much about you denying any reaction you might have had as much as putting on your little show." She said, and then shrugged again. "Look, like I said, think about what I'm saying and figure out what you're going to do. Maybe give him a day or so, and yourself a day or so, to figure things out. But you hurt him, so when you come back finally no matter what you've decided, you have to understand that and treat him like he's important to you. Get your own feelings under control first so you don't get defensive."
James nodded his head, feeling a little bereft. Was she telling him the truth? Deep down he knew she was. He loved his friend, but he didn't know how to deal with the fact Logan was a man. If he'd been a woman James would have sprung on him years ago, and maybe that was part of the fascination he had with Logan's hair. It was so soft and smooth, and from behind it made him look like a woman, and if James was being honest with himself he'd admit he'd had urges to come up behind Logan a million times, pull him in flush with his chest and pepper his shoulders and the back of his neck with soft kisses and bites. The only thing that had kept him from it all was the fact that Logan was in fact a man.
Camille dug around in her purse and came out with Sharpie marker, then took James 's hand and smiled as she wrote down her name and phone number on his palm. "Call me, okay? If you need help figuring all of this out, or if you just want to hang out. You two seem like sweet guys, I can always use more friends, okay?" she smiled, and James realized that she really was very beautiful. Adorable, actually, in a sort of girl next door kind of way with soft brown hair, mirroring Logan's and smooth skin.
"Thanks, Camille." He said, smiling before pulling her in close to give her a warm hug. "I will call you, I promise. I don't really feel like going back in to party any more, I think I'm gonna head home. I'll call you."
"Alright, well, I'm always available." She said, then smiled as he released her and nodded his head, parting ways.
James had a whole helluva lot to think about tonight if he wanted to salvage his relationship with Logan. He got into his car and drove on his way home, thinking to himself about the reality of his relationship with Logan, and what he wanted from it. The more he thought about that kiss, the more he wanted to do it again, and that thought frightened him a lot. Was he suddenly gay? Could you be gay when it came to one person? Maybe he was bisexual and just leaned towards women. Could he admit to wanting a male partner? Could he have sex with a man?
Sex with a man. Now there was a daunting thought. Could he have sex with Logan if he decided to try and have a relationship with him? The answer was quite simply that he didn't know. He didn't know if he could do it, if he could touch another man in such an intimate way. It was scary, the idea of it, but he had to figure it out before he said anything to Logan.
By the time James got home he was in a fine fret over the entire thing. Research, that's what he had to do, research! Logan had forced to learn how to actually use everything so that he could do his research easily through the Internet for all of his school work. So when he got home he immediately booted up his laptop, turned on the heat, slipped out of his clothes and climbed into bed to begin surfing the web, to become more informed on what gay sex actually entailed. I mean, how many straight men actually know what gay sex was about? James had to admit he really had no idea.
There is an awful lot of information regarding gay sex on the internet. Then again, porn is a billion dollar industry. Unfortunately, porn wasn't exactly what James wanted. He wanted some sort of how too manual. How to do it right? How to do it best? How to make your lover go crazy? What exactly you had to do to accomplish all of the above? What he came to was that yes, he thought he could actually do what would be needed. He thought.
Clearly there was anal sex involved, but he'd had anal sex with females before. In fact he really enjoyed anal sex generally. So topping he thought he had covered. He could top Logan, he really felt like he could. When he closed his eyes and thought about having sex with Brad Pitt, it did nothing for him. When he closed his eyes and thought about having sex with Logan, his cock thumped against his belly and begged for attention. Yea, he could have sex with Logan, maybe not all the men in the world, but definitely Logan.
It was bottoming that he really wasn't so sure about. The idea of having something inside of his ass was not an idea he was wholly comfortable with. Hey, it's not that he wouldn't be willing to try it, but he just didn't know if he could force himself to get through the experience. Would it be fair to have a relationship with Logan if he couldn't give all of himself to it? No, he didn't think so.
So, James read about everything. He read gay erotica, noting how they went through each step of the experience. He read every bit of 'how to' information he could find. He joined gay porn sites and watched how they prepped each other. Lube was apparently a gay mans best friend. He learned about how to reach the prostate with his fingers, and when it was three in the morning and his eyes burned he glanced down at his achingly hard cock and shivered before getting up out of bed and tossing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, grabbing his keys and his slippers and took off towards the nearest convenience shop.
It wasn't far from his house, only a couple of blocks, and at this time of night he was pretty much the only one in there. He walked through the isle of foods and drinks, toys and other stuff, until he came to the 'sex' part of the store. Every single flavor out there seemed to be in this shop, at least that's what it seemed like to James. After a long while of pondering over what he should choose, he picked out a few different things. One was normal, all purpose lube. Another was strawberry and he also got waterproof and condoms…and maybe a dildo… Safe sex! Very important.
Of course, he wasn't thinking about the knowing smile the checkout girl gave him when he bought all of these items, nor did he really care. He was so tired, and so turned on, and so determined to become informed he barely registered that he was all but admitting "Hey girl! I'm putting all of this shit in my ass!"
"Someone's having fun tonight?" She asked from behind the counter when she picked up the lubricant, eying it then him curiously. No malice in her voice or expression.
"Yeah, kinda." James said, clearing his throat and blushing.
"Okay, well then this isn't the kind of lube you want." She said, smiling, picking the all purpose lube.
"But it says right there on the bottle its anal lube."
"Yea, I know, thing is Anal lube generally has an agent that will help to numb you out, but for people who are new to it they should feel everything so they know they aren't hurting themselves. When you get really used to it, you'll know what you can manage and what you can't and then you can use this and it will let you get into everything faster. For now you should go slow." She explained, "Does that make sense?"
"Yea, what should I use then?" he asked, hoping he wasn't bright pink, which of course he was.
"Hold on." She disappeared with his lubricant and came back a moment later with an equally large little tub of it and set it down.
"Great, thank you for the information." James said, offering her a genuine smile.
"No problem." She said as he paid for everything and she slipped it all into a discrete paper bag and handing it over to him so he could return home, which he did in record time.
The moment the door slammed shut, he locked it then took off down towards his room, clothing coming off before he even stopped moving, then he slid into bed with his bag of goodies and drew in a deep breath. "Okay, if I'm thinking about wanting to be with him, I have to know I can give him what I need. No chickening out. I will have to have sex with him. These are all real things." He spoke aloud to himself, trying to get his mind to wrap around the concepts of all of this. Thing is, the more time he spent getting educated, the more excited he was beginning to become. He sort of liked the idea of pinning Logan to the wall. He was such a small guy that it was always so easy to pick him up for James, and so thinking about that while he unwrapped his toys from their packages helped to bring him back up to full arousal in record time.
"Okay, I'm really in love with him." He whispered to himself, "Just thinking about him is making me so hard. Okay, okay." He told himself.
James imagined the sweet scent of Logan, the slide of his silken hair over his bare chest, he imagined that it was Logan that was sliding in and out of him, it was Logan's hand that stroked him towards the impending release. It was as if the stroking of the toy in and out of him touched something that had a direct line to his cock, it was as if he could feel so much more intense because of the toy, and soon he was gasping and moaning, " Logan... oh fuck, please... this is so good," he whispered aloud, " Logan," he moaned again, louder, feeling his balls tighten up, and finally, when he exploded all over his chest, when his ass clenched around the toy, he arched his back and cried out Logan's name, the fantasies thick and realistic as he saw stars from the intensity of his pleasure. It was incredible, the most amazing thing he'd ever experienced. He'd never cum so hard, and he realized it had to have been because of the anal stimulation. It really was better that way.
James lay in bed, panting helplessly as he came down from his orgasm, still seeing those sparks in front of his vision as he gazed up at the ceiling. It was as if finally having his release, finally experiencing the newness of what he was going to be getting into. He had cried out Logan's name, he wanted Logan. It took him hurting his best friend for James to finally see how heartbreakingly in love with him James really was. He sighed, cleaning himself up and going to the bathroom, and then he made up his mind. He'd see Logan tomorrow, with his newfound understanding
Tomorrow, he'd give Logan his Christmas Eve present.
Tomorrow, James would give Logan his love.
Logan woke up at about noon and had to force himself to get up and take a shower through his depression. The humiliation of the previous night had really hit him full force when he'd first woken up, but once he got into the shower and got clean and warm, he started to feel a little bit better. It was Christmas Eve, he'd be going home for dinner with his family, and he absolutely had to get over this debilitating sadness before he went or his mother would know without a doubt that something was wrong.
He'd just finished braiding his hair and getting dressed when there was a knock at the door. Curious, Logan unlocked and opened the door, peeking around it to see James standing there with flowers in his hands, looking a little nervous.
"Flowers huh?" Logan said, standing aside to hold the door open for his friend.
"I wasn't really sure what to get you." James said, clearing his throat and col James g with embarrassment. "Is this the wrong thing to get a guy?" he asked, frowning down at the red roses.
Logan reached forward, taking the flowers and shook his head. "I like getting flowers, the roses are nice, thanks." He said, sighing softly as he turned to the kitchen, transferring the beautiful sweet smelling roses to a vase. He used that time to gather his thoughts, ponder why James was bringing him flowers, and then his time was up and he had to turn and face him. "So, why did you bring me flowers?"
James began to play with his hands nervously in front of him, seeing how sad, how hurt and dejected Logan looked. It was a horrible thing to realize he'd hurt the person he loved so badly, and all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and hug him, make him feel better. It was an interesting feeling, being the one who created the pain. James had spent so much time protecting him from being teased, had comforted him when he'd had his heart broken and it was hard that this time he couldn't comfort him because he was the one to cause this hurt.
"Well, because, I didn't know what else to bring." James began nervously, "Look, I have a few things to talk to you about. Logan, I am really sorry I hurt you last night. I didn't mean to, I thought I was playing, and if I'd been thinking right I'd understood that I was really pushing all boundaries. I had my hands in your hair, even though you told me how that made you feel, and I always have my hands in your hair. I don't know why I disregard your feelings, I guess I just sort of thought I was special, that because we were such close friends I could do things that no one else could." James took a deep steadying breath, raising his eyes to meet Logan's dark gaze. His face was so delicate, he was actually beautiful, for lack of a better explanation, it was a masculine beauty but it was beauty none the less.
"Okay, go on." Logan said, and then he swallowed when James stepped up closer, basically pinning him to the counter without touching him yet. "Do you have to be so close?" He asked, but James didn't move back.
"Yes," he whispered, "Just listen to what I have to say, and if you still want me to back up when I'm done, I will, okay?"
"When you left, Camille came up to me and she said a few things. I was so stunned, but the thing that shocked me the most was hearing that you were in love with me. I just kept playing your words over and over my mind. That you were in love with me, and the idea didn't upset me, or disgust me like I thought it would." James took another deep breath and Logan noticed his blush deepening and it made him curious. What could make his shameless best friend blush?
"She said a few things that really hit me, she asked me why I would kiss you like I did if it was just putting on a show. She said that even if it was just a show, I didn't have to go that far. And she was right, but there was something she said that hit me the hardest. She asked me if you tasted good." Logan bit his lip and glanced down shyly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer to this question. "What was so funny was that when we were kissing that's all I could think. You tasted good. Like chocolate cake. I wanted to eat you up."
Logan's head snapped up at that admittance, and a frown touched his face. "Are you fucking with me?" he asked sharply, anger only partially hiding the hope in his voice.
"No, I'm really not. I promise you I'm telling you the truth." He whispered, "You tasted really good, Logan. I couldn't believe how nice it was to kiss you. I always thought kissing a man would be rough and somehow it wouldn't be as ... tender as kissing a woman, and I realized last night that wasn't really true. So Camille really made me think of a few things, and I realized that maybe... that maybe I was in love with you too."
" James, please don't say this if you don't mean it." Logan said, closing his eyes, his voice trembling, his heart hammering in his chest. He felt James take his braid in his hand, pull it over his shoulder. He felt rather then saw him take out the tie, and slide his fingers through those soft locks, grazing them in the way James loved to do so much.
"I mean it." He whispered, and Logan felt that he was closer, that he'd stepped in, he was inches from touching him, he could feel James 's warmth and wished he'd close the remaining distance and touch him. "I'm not gay, I know I'm not gay. But now I know I'm not straight. I went home, and I realized how many times I touched you, how many times I found you arousing and attractive and how I never admitted it or did anything about it. I went home and I got online, and I researched like you taught me to do." James smiled, and Logan opened his eyes to see that soft tender smile. "I figured, if I was in love with you, I owed you not to get into a relationship with you if I wasn't able to follow through on all of it. I owed that honesty to you. So I went online and I found out what... what gay sex would involve." He blushed again, and this time it was James who looked away shyly.
"And?" Logan whispered, "Do you think you could do it? Think you're gay enough to enjoy fucking a guy?" He was so defensive, and it was clear to James that Logan wasn't believing that this was real yet.
"And I know I can have anal sex if I'm giving, I've done that enough and I like it. I know I could do that, and to be honest with you the idea of that with you drives me out of my mind." He chose that moment to close the gap between them, pressing his much larger body to Logan's, his hands sliding along his sides. The difference in height put James 's groin just at Logan's belly, and against his belly Logan felt the very stiff, firm length of James 's arousal. It caused him to gasp, to let the breath out in a soft whimpering sigh.
" Jay, oh god..." Logan whispered, his hands sliding about his lovers body, pulling him closer.
"That's not all I did last night, though." James whispered, his hands moving up to slide and work through all that thick hair, then tugged it gently to tilt Logan's head back so he could look into his eyes. The touch to his hair made Logan squirm a bit in his arms, and it felt so incredible to have him warm and shivering pressed close. "When I was done with my research, reading about how to make love, how to give head, how to receive and give in so many ways, I decided to go buy a few things, so I got in my car and drove. I thought it wouldn't be fair to you to be willing to give, but not to accept sex. I had to know I could enjoy it all." With each word, James 's voice dropped, and he drew closer and closer to Logan's mouth.
"You did?" Logan asked softly, and James nodded, his eyes growing hooded with his obvious arousal.
"I tried the toy out, and I had the most incredible experience, it felt so good, and I know that I could make love to you Logan. I may not like most men, but I'm in love with you. I want you, not just as a lover, I want to date you. Years of loving you, years of lying to myself about how I felt. Years of you lying to me about how you felt… Give me a chance, Logan. Give me a chance to show you that I mean what I say. I love you, I can deal with the fact you're a man. I did my research, I'm not afraid of sex with you, I want to be with you, I want you. But right now, the thing I want more then anything else, is to see if you taste as sweet tonight as you did last night. Can I kiss you?" The words came out sounding more like helpless pleading then the strong request James had been going for, but it didn't matter, because he was begging. He needed to kiss the man in his arms more then anything in this world in that moment.
"Please," Logan could barely breathe when he felt the firm lips against his own, and while the first kiss had started out at a gallop this kiss was slow and tender from beginning to end. James coaxed a response from him, gentle and loving. He licked at his lips, begging entrance, and then he spent a ridiculous amount of time lapping at the inside of Logan's mouth, stroking his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth. Soft whimpers escaped from both men as they held each other.
There was a frantic moment, a moment when James couldn't wait, a moment when the fear of getting what he wanted, or not getting what he wanted made him lift Logan up, suddenly trying to get back to the bedroom without breaking the kiss. He tripped, nearly fell, laughed a little, and then finally managed to get the two of them to the bedroom. He moaned helplessly as he was forced to break the kiss to lay him out on the bed.
James didn't say a word, just stood at the edge of the bed and slid out of his shirt, then began to unbutton his pants, hesitating just a little with a blush. Logan sat up, sliding himself to the edge of the bed. Gazing up at James 's face, Logan gently slid his hands up to brush James 's away from his pants, carefully working the buttons open and unzipping them. It was terribly slow, and with each passing moment, James 's breathing became quicker and quicker.
Peeling the denim of those pants down, Logan finally freed the straining length beneath, letting it spring free thick and hard and glistening, beautiful. The breath caught in Logan's throat, his eyes hooding with need, desperate need, and he licked his lips as his eyes caressed every last inch of it before sliding back up to James 's face. Leaning forward Logan licked slowly over the leaking head of that straining member and James tossed his head, giving a low groan of want. His hands, which had been limp at his sides up until this point moved up to curl into that long hair of Logan 's, pulling him forward, urging him on.
And go on Logan certainly did. The touch of fingers in his hair sent him whimpering as he began to expertly slide James down his throat, working him like a man who knew what he wanted, knew what he liked and was willing to do about anything to get it. It shocked James to be honest. He'd always known Logan to be shy, nervous, and quiet. The fact that he was so out going in bed was different, new, and he liked it. The way his tongue worked the underside of his shaft sent shivers running down his spine. The way his hands slid to grip his rear, the way his fingernails bit into James 's flesh. Everything was intense and amazing. Logan really knew what he was doing and didn't hesitate to show James. In all honesty, it was the best experience of oral sex he'd ever had, and that was saying a whole lot.
It took no time at all to have James squirming and writhing, his knees beginning to go out from under him, his head shaking franticly. "Oh god, god, no Logan, don't make me cum, no." he moaned, fingers giving little yanks on Logan's hair, and finally having to pull the other man off of him physically when he refused to stop. Logan grinned up at him, his shy little best friend turning sensual and sexy, his silky hair, natural and unexpectedly long, covering him like a beautiful silken cloak. Without a word, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, baring his slim smooth body, his chest with its delicate muscle definition. James thought he was so incredibly sexy.
"You're not so shy in bed," He teased Logan, who blushed deeply and glanced down into his lap as James crawled onto the bed, completely naked now while Logan still wore only a pair of pains. "I like it." He said softly, his shaking hands coming to work Logan's pants open and draw them down his legs. This is where James got another shock.
James himself was a huge man and when it came to the size of his cock, a touch larger then average, but nothing to be frightened about in all honesty. Logan, however, was completely out of proportion with the rest of his body. That tiny body, slim form, and he had the largest cock James had ever seen up close, and it was so hard that it looked even bigger. It was daunting, James had practiced taking an average sized cock into his mouth with his dildo at home, thinking that Logan wouldn't be any bigger then that.
"You're staring." Logan whispered, and James 's eyes jerked up to his lovers face, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment. Logan just smiled shyly.
"You're so big." James couldn't think of anything else to say, and when Logan reached out to take his hand, he just watched as his lover curled his James 's fingers about his large shaft, whimpering quietly under his breath.
"You don't need to take me if you don't want to. I can be a bottom, I love you so much, I'll take you any way I can get you." Logan's words slid over James like a warm comforting blanket, and with that comfort came a bit more self-assurance and he began to stroke that beautiful length gently, watching Logan's face with each movement he made.
"I want to take you, I just want to take my time with it is all." James murmured, lying out beside Logan so he could pull him in close to his broad chest while he fondled and explored his length. He was really just so beautiful; James just couldn't get enough of him. "I really want to taste you, but I've only practiced on a toy and I don't want to embarrass myself." He whispered as Logan's hips ground upwards into his palm, a shiver coursing through his body.
"You won't hurt me, just taste me. I love you, you don't have to be perfect." Logan's words came out breathless between gasps of pleasure. Even with the words of encouragement, however, James was afraid that he'd do something wrong and wouldn't be able to truly pleasure Logan.
Biting his lower lip, James continue to stroke his lover, his fingers brushing along the underside of the flared head, thumb caressing slowly over the tip of him, catching the precum gathered there and using it as he continued to explore every last inch. "You really want me too?" James finally whispered, looking as nervous as he felt.
"Take your time, James. If you're not ready, then... then no, I don't want you too." Logan whispered, his eyes serious, his heart pounding in his chest and his breath catching with each slow stroke that James slid along his length. It felt so good, even such a simple touch, it felt so good he though he'd suddenly loose the ability to breathe. "Only wh-whatever you're ready for." Logan whispered again, one hand coming down to curl his fingers around James 's wrist, not stopping him, but needing to hold onto him in some way because it just felt so insanely good.
It was so adorable, the way that Logan held onto his wrist, that James couldn't keep the smile from his lips as he gazed into the other boy's face. His eyes had fallen closed, and each stroke brought with it a low moan and a sharp breath, his fingers biting into the flesh of James 's wrist making it clear how very good it all felt. After a few more strokes, James released Logan, whose eyes snapped open, silently begging him not to stop. James just grinned at him, leaning in to brush a kiss over his lips before pressing him back against the bed and shifting so that he could more easily lean down, lightly nuzzling on cheek against that hard shaft.
Logan went stock still, not wanting to frighten his lover into stopping what it was he was about to try. He just stayed as absolutely still and silent as he could, and when he felt warm lips brushing along the ridge of his lenght, he stifled his moan of excitement. When he felt the heated warmth of a soft tongue darting out to taste the bead of precum nestled against the flared head of his length, Logan actually had to bite on the heal of his hand to keep silent.
Something about a first time is always so incredible. It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good really – it just needs to be real. Honest curiosity, sweet innocent exploration, and it always feels good. You can always teach your partner how to touch you the way you like, you can always practice and get better. But you will never be able to duplicate that first time experience, absolutely innocent, entirely precious and just intent on learning. That was part of what was so exciting in this particular moment, the simple fact that James wanted so badly to please him, to give him what he needed, and yet this was an area he had no experience in what so ever. The simple fact James had gone and actually researched it was enough to make Logan's heart do little flip flops within his chest, but that now he was trying so hard to put his research into effect – well, it just warmed him to the very core, it made him hard and hot and needy, it made him ache inside out.
James 's mouth slid around the head of Logan's cock, barely able to fit for the intense size of the other man. He still couldn't get over how such a small human being could have such a massive length. And yet it was the most incredibly beautiful cock James had ever seen. Granted, he didn't tend to look at other guys' cocks, and Logan's was the only one he'd had interest in, but to his way of thinking – No one could compare to the absolute beauty of Logan's length. Even his own paled in comparison, and he'd always been rather vain about his own equipment in the past.
Realizing he was distracting himself with meaningless thoughts, James glanced up at Logan, who watched him with glassy eyes, and blushed hotly. He swirled his tongue around the wide head within his mouth, the taste coating his tongue, a taste he never thought he'd enjoy, and yet with Logan it was one of the most erotic things in the entire world. Salty and intense, clinging to his tongue. He suckled softly, trying to remember how he personally enjoyed oral sex, but the truth was that Logan was just too big. He could barely fit the other man into his mouth let alone bob up and down on him. Slowly, inch by inch, he took as much of Logan's cock into his mouth as he could, and each movement sent the man beneath him into fits of pleasure.
At first Logan was able to stay still, to stay quiet, letting James take his time to explore, not wanting to frighten him off by moving to quickly or begging for to much. But as time wore on, and as James took more of him into his mouth, Logan's sounds began to echo throughout the room. First soft moans, gasps and whimpers, then slowly growing louder. He tried to keep his hips still, but after a little while they started to rock, unable to remain still any longer.
"Oh gods, Jay..." he whimpered out, the fingers of one hand curling into his hair and holding his head in place, not wanting to force him, but not wanting to let him stop either. It felt good, and truth be told not many men were able to take him into their mouths, so this was an experience he had rarely, if ever, with most lovers.
James redoubled his efforts, the sounds music to his ears, spurning him on and letting him know what he was doing WAS pleasing Logan. He was doing a god job, and that helped to abolish some of the nerve and anxiety that were still lingering inside of him. He drew in a slow and deep breath, and then attempted to take in yet another inch, but his jaw popped and he realized that he was absolutely at his limit. Logan made a sound of frustration, wishing, and not for the first time, that he was quite a bit smaller then he really was so he could experience the full pleasures of this type of foreplay. This being generally where the man would stop and try to go onto something else.
James had something else in mind.
He did begin to draw back up again, though when just the head was in his mouth once more, he suckled softly, flicked his tongue in quick succession against that flared head, then began to take him in again, this time knowing a little better what he was doing, going a little quicker. He began a slow rhythm, in and out, taking as much as he could then slowly drawing him out of his mouth again and again. Each pass sent Logan into fits of pleasure, causing his back to arch and his hips to buck just slightly, but enough that James's large hands came up and held them still so he wouldn't end up choked. The more Logan responded, the more James felt a growing sense of not only arousal, but an intense masculine pride that he was doing what his lover wanted, he was doing well, no matter how inexperienced he was.
He continued for a little while, doing his best, working out his rhythm, practicing and growing used to this new experience. And when he finally began to pull up for the last time, his eyes lingering on Logan's face, glassy and hazy, his body twitching, his fingers gripping and convulsing in James 's hair, he gave the most incredibly sexy smile down at his best friend that James had ever seen.
"You taste good." He finally panted out, heart thumping hard in his chest.
"I want you, I want to make love to you, I want to teach you everything about sex with men, I want to curl myself around you and feel you deep inside of me, I want to hear your scream and I want to kiss you as you cum so I can drink in every last noise you make." Logan gasped, his voice rough, harsh and needy with the excitement. "I can't believe this is real, I still can't believe that you want me, you want to be with me, I can't believe that you want to DATE me, not just fuck me. You ... I've loved you so long, so long thinking I'd never have this, never be able to touch you like this, never be able to kiss you and hold you or fall asleep in your arms, and now I don't think I could possibly get enough of you. Now I don't think there is enough of you to fill me up."
James listened to the lashing downpour of words that flowed from his best friends mouth, he noticed the prickling of tears in the corner of his eyes, those lovely eyes of his, he noticed the look of longing so intense, it brought pain to his chest for the intensity of what his dearest and most beloved friend had gone through all these years. Sliding up his body, James hovered over Logan and leaned down slowly to place gentle tender and loving kisses all over his face. His chin, lips, cheeks, nose, eyes, temples, forehead. Every inch of his face covered in tender kisses meant to tell him, no, not tell him but show him, that he wasn't alone in his feelings any more.
"I'm so in love with you, I couldn't imagine living my life without you in it, Logie. I truly, honestly, whole heartedly need you. I want to make love to you, I want you to teach me, I have been with so many women, but I don't think I have honestly loved any of them. I never have felt like this before, not once, not ever." He whispered gently, his eyes shinning with that intensity that comes from truly expressing your love for the first time, something that can't be faked, its too precious, too special and to utterly rare.
Logan was near tears, his hands sliding down James 's back in slow caresses, gentle strokes and needy touches. He drew him down more fully, kissing him heated and intense, letting that kiss draw out for as long as humanly possible before drawing back for breath. "Make love to me." He whispered, words a bare breath.
James was hard as a rock, the mere idea of sex with Logan was enough to make him absolutely explode, but he didn't really know what he was doing. Yea, he had an idea, but he hadn't done it before, and that made him nervous that he would screw the whole thing up.
"Show me what to do, and I'll do it." James whispered, licking at Logan's lips playfully, causing him to squirm beneath the larger weight of James 's body. It felt so good to be pinned to the bed like this, and after a moment of thought, Logan wrapped his legs around James 's narrow waist and shimmered down just enough so that he could feel the hard leaking head of his lovers shaft brushing against his ass.
"Should I use my fingers on you first?" James asked, trembling nervously. He was really doing it, he was really taking the plunge, the fist step, he was really going to make love to his best friend and what's more important is that he really honestly WANTED to make love to his best friend.
Logan nodded his head, reaching towards the bedside table and grabbing his personal bottle of lube before handing it to James. "I can't believe this is real." He said again, awe still touching his voice and eyes. It was so much to take in, this dream, he somehow thought that if he got pinched hard enough, everything would disappear in a flash and he'd wake up all alone in his room without the sweetness of James 's touch and the preciousness of this new budding love, finally shared between the two of them.
James took the lube and shifted away from Logan, sitting back on his haunches so he could get a good look down at his mate. Logan was so stunning and sexy laying there, his breath caught. He knew he was supposed to be getting him ready, but the truth was, he was stunned still by the sight before him. It was simply too sexy, and it stole his breath away.
Logan lay upon the bed, his long silky hair spread out around him, and trailing down his chest and belly. His legs were bent up, showing off the heaviness of his balls, and beneath that, the darker spot where his attention should currently be riveted too. That thick length rested against his stomach, so hard and large one could nearly see it throbbing with the naked eye, and what made it all that much more incredible, was the look in his eyes. He watched James watch him, and he knew that the sight did something to James deep inside. He could tell that seeing him this way sent sparks of desire, and maybe even possessiveness through James.
Logan's lips pulled into a slow, seductive smile as his own hand began to slowly slide down his chest, stopping to play at his nipples, pinching and tugging lightly. James heard a soft sound, desire deep in the back of some ones throat – and a moment later he realized it'd been HIS sound. Logan's smile turned into a seductive grin, and then his hands abandoned those sensitive little nipples so he could caress his way down along his stomach. Fingernails rake down from chest to belly, leaving red marks and causing him to gasp and even arch up a little at the pleasure of it – turned on insanely by the touch of his own hands, and the fact that James sat above him, watching him with hunger so strong, he was sure he'd pounce any moment. The look in James 's eyes alone had abolished any lingering fear within Logan that he didn't really want this. That look is absolutely impossible to fake.
James watched as his loves fingers curled around the length of his own cock, slowly stroking, caressing. He brushed fingertips against that flared head, then slid his grip down to the very base, holding himself tightly as his body ached for intense release. James simply couldn't pull his eyes away, he couldn't break the trance that seemed to have taken hold of him, demanding he watch the play unfolding before his eyes as the other, normally shy young man, continued to tease and touch himself. Never had James seen anything so erotic, maybe it was the simple fact that he was absolutely in love with Logan, maybe it was the fact that watching another masturbate is wholly intimate, something special and generally not shared with just anyone. He didn't know, and he didn't honestly care. It was too incredible to stop watching.
"Touch me." Logan murmured, his voice breathy, ethereal, barely audible in the stillness of the moment. James blinked, then blushed to be caught staring as he was, but Logan only seemed to enjoy the look on his face, the fact he'd so entranced him with his own actions. "Touch me, James." He said again, "Make me ready." Logan let out a low moan, a shiver traveling along the slender form from toes to head, then back down again. He felt goosebumps exploding along every inch of his flesh. There was a tender sensation unfurling in the pit of his stomach, as he lay there, stroking himself, listening to his own breathing become labored.
James swallowed hard, nodding his head as he took the lubricant in hand and coated his fingers as he'd done the night previous while he'd been practicing on himself. His hands shook, he felt anxious, nervous, and so incredibly turned on he was afraid he wouldn't be able to go as slow as he may need to go. He couldn't worry about that now, however, all he could think about was the fact that the human being lying beneath him was the most beautiful entity on the face of this earth, and he needed him, he needed him more then he'd ever needed anything in his life.
James 's fingers fumbled with the lubricant, dropping it to the bed sheets, forgotten the moment it left his frame of reference, and as Logan continued to stroke and fondle at his own cock, James 's fingers slid down to find that dark tight opening off Logan's ass. Hips raised up slightly as James searched out that entrance, and upon finding it, a soft mewling moan escaped the confines of Logan's throat, causing James to once more look up from what he was doing, this time eyes locking onto his lovers face, watching as his head tilted back, the long column of his throat exposed and vulnerable as he slowly stroked his fingers over that tight opening.
He couldn't force himself to enter Logan, it wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he was afraid he'd screw up, that he'd do something wrong, that he'd mess up this incredible moment. And after a moment, Logan opened his eyes and gazed back down at him.
"You don't have to, not if you don't want too." He said softly, and James shook his head.
"I want to, I just don't want to hurt you. I ... I'm afraid I'll mess it up."
"You can't. I'm not as tight as you are. I've my own toys, and... well, I don't let myself get that tight anymore." He whispered, taking his free hand and reaching down to help James along. He gripped his fingers, slowly pushing the first into his body with another heart wrenching sound of pleasure. "See?" he gasped out helplessly, beginning a fine trembling shiver all over as James watched on, delighted and awed and wholly excited.
"It feels good?" James whispered, and Logan nodded, once more beginning to stroke his length, eyes falling closed.
Turned on, James felt that he could do what he had to now, and hesitantly, his finger began to slide in and out of that warm and tight place, as deep as possible before slowly withdrawing again. Licking his lips, he thought back to everything he'd read, wanting to try and find the prostate, and as he continued to stroke in and out, he searched for that magic button. He didn't find it, at least not yet, so instead he began to add a second finger, and as he did, Logan writhed on the bed, squirming and unable to hold still, his breathing coming quicker now.
"Please, oh gods... James. I love you, and I want you to touch and explore me as much as you need to, as much as you want to. But I think if you keep teasing me like this I'm going to go absolutely bugnuts insane and pin you down to the bed and take you myself." Logan finally babbled out, unable to contain himself anymore. He was gripping the head of his cock with such force it was beginning to turn a deep magenta purple, and his chest rose and fell in quick uncontrollable passes. James 's cheeks flamed, and for a moment he felt insecure, then Logan leaned up, gripping his face between his hands, and kissed him for everything he was worth, instilling all the desire, need, all the want, all the love and tenderness and lust into this one bundle of kisses, tasting, devouring, no, no, eating James up from the mouth down. It was like a mini cyclone, so intense and furious a pace it was hard to keep up with it, and after a moment of trying James simply gave up and let himself be taken for a journey with his loves insane kisses.
When it was over, James couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, and he couldn't remember what they'd been doing. Logan pushed him back onto the bed, taking his cock in hand and leaning down to wrap his mouth around him, suckling him, teasing him, drawing him in and out in quick unashamed passes that had James arching his back and burying his fingers into the wealth of dark hair that Logan possessed.
"Logan!" James cried, shocked at the sudden intensity – just pleasure, no build-up. Logan had a way of skipping the foreplay and getting right to the good stuff, yet, without making you feel as though you actually missed any of the foreplay!
It took only minutes for James to feel himself beginning to crest, and soon his yanking tugs on Logan's hair became frantic with need, trying to stop him before he lost all control, yet he was unable to make his mouth work enough to get the words out for Logan to stop. It didn't matter, it seemed his lover, his new mate, his new heart was quite well aware when he was reaching the point of no return, and pulled himself up just in time, tossing his hair over one shoulder as he gazed lustily into James 's face.
"Years of wanting you, all piled up, I just can't wait." He panted softly, and James reached for him, drawing him into his lap and wrapping his arms around him. Logan felt as though he'd cry, all his whirlwind movements and actions geared towards keeping those emotions at bay, suddenly all seemed meaningless, pointless as he rested held in James 's arms.
"I have you, Logan. I have you." James whispered, brushing kisses over his mouth, caressing his fingers through all that soft hair as Logan clung to him as though he might disappear at any moment.
"Condom." Logan finally murmured, nuzzling his lips in against James 's neck to inhale the sweet masculine scent of him for a moment. "We need a condom. Bedside drawer." He murmured, voice muffled by the press of his face into James 's neck while James retrieved the condom, then gently shifted Logan back far enough so he could roll the thing down his length. Logan never let go of him, just held onto him, arms about his neck, upper body pressed to the warmth of James's large frame.
"Baby, you okay?" he asked Logan after a moment, his hands stroking down his back when he didn't make any move to let go of him. Logan just nodded gently, and James heard the tell-tale sound of a sniffle. "You sure?" James asked, and again, Logan nodded his head.
"Yea, I'm good. Just... still in shock." He whispered, then finally began to draw away from James 's neck so he could look into his face, fingertips brushing along the sculpted cheekbones. "Scoot back a little, so your back is against the pillows." He whispered, and James obliged him willingly enough. Logan reached back and grabbed the lube which had been left haphazardly on the bed sheets, opening it and coating the length of James 's cock with the slippery stuff, causing the other man to whimper and rock his hips upward, grinding his length into Logan's palm.
That done, Logan braced his forearms on James 's shoulders, shifting himself onto his knees so he could control his downward thrusts as he looked into James 's eyes. "Position yourself against me." He whispered, voice trembling, barely above a whisper. Somehow, all of the frantic need had suddenly drained out of Logan, leaving only the tenderness of the moment, the preciousness of his love shinning there in his lovely chocolate-colored eyes.
When James positioned himself properly against the tight slickness of Logan's ass, he felt the smaller man slowly begin to press down. Their breath caught in unison, the pleasure so incredible, being filled up and being clenched tight in the hot silken depths of a man he'd never known he'd loved. Logan's fingers clenched at the back of James 's neck, fingernails raking as he slowly sank down on that thick, hard and imposing shaft. He hissed, his eyes closing and his head falling back as the intensity overwhelmed him, and soon he felt as if he had lost his body, or maybe he just couldn't tell where his body ended and James 's began.
When James felt Logan sink fully and completely onto the thick throbbing length of him, he instinctively gripped his hips, holding him in place, his own fingernails biting into tender flesh, and only making Logan seem to react more. He'd thought at one point that this would be a frenzied love making, quick, hard and to the point, but when it'd come right down too it, Logan had needed it slow as badly as James had, though for a different reason. As James watched his lover, he saw all the pent up emotion etched into his face. The long years of frustration, knowing he could never have the one he loved. That knowledge hit James to the very core, it made his throat tight, his chest constricted and he felt as though he could barely breathe for the passion of it all.
" Logan," James whispered softly as his head tilted back, baring that throat to him once again. "Baby, look at me." James murmured, one hand coming up to the back of his head to tilt it down so he could see the gassy honey orbs gazing almost sightlessly at him. "I love you." James whispered, leaning in to let his nose nuzzle gently along the side of Logan 's. "I'm never leaving you." He whispered, and Logan's chest convulsed on what must have been a sob held in check. "I'm so sorry I've been so blind." He continued, his hands stroking down his back as Logan's hips rocked, causing a delicious friction that traveled the length of his spine and made him want to scream for how incredible it felt.
Logan just looked at him, his eyes slick and shinny with unshed tears, his chest continuing to do that convulsing thing as he held in his emotions, wouldn't let himself shed the tears, wouldn't show that weakness. Why, why wouldn't he share that weakness with the man who was promising to stay with him, to love him and cherish him?
Simple, he just didn't believe it yet. James could see it, he could see it in his eyes, a haunted expression that hid behind all the intense lust and passion and love and need, and had he not been looking for it, he'd have missed it all together.
" Logan." He whispered to him, one hand sliding back down to his hip, helping to set the slow rhythm that was so explosive and so gentle at the same time. Logan tried to look away, but his other hand caught his face, his cheek, forcing him to continue looking at him. "I love you." He said, his voice barely audible, his breath soft and helpless, as if he was nothing more then a seed, carried upon the wind to some unknown location, to be deposited and planted within rich and fertile soil, but with utterly no control as to where he'd be landing.
Each word seemed to remove a brick from the near-impenetrable wall that surrounded Logan's heart, and again, he tried to look away, trying to gather that wall around him as a fortress against heart ache and heart break. If he could believe, just believe, that this wasn't real then when it all fell apart it wouldn't hurt so much. But it was real, and James wasn't willing to watch him block him out from their first time together. He wasn't willing to see that wall erected around Logan keep them ever separated no matter how close physically they got.
"Do you hear me? I love you, baby." Logan's lungs burned with the force of trying to keep his tears in check, his heart ached, his mind screamed denial at the words his lover spoke to him, such soft words, so tender, so incredible and so insightful, something he'd never really thought James was, and yet here he was, eyes of a hawk seeing directly into his very soul it seemed. "I'm not going anywhere." James said, hips bucking up in a slow grind that made Logan's head spin and his lungs contract for a sudden fitful gasp of air. "I love you."
And that was it, Logan couldn't take both the sensual assault on his senses paired with the tender continued assault to his ears. The fact that James wouldn't let him look away made it impossible to hide the tears, and soon, despite himself, he felt the first trickle of traitorous tears sliding unheeded down his cheeks. "No." Logan whispered, moaning low, closing his eyes as he shook his head to deny what James said.
"Yes, baby." He whispered, leaning in to brush that tear away with kisses, his tongue flicking out to taste the saltiness staining his cheeks. "I'm not leaving you. I love you." He whispered to him. "I'm telling my friends about us, I'm canceling all my dates." He continued.
Logan cried, shaking his head again, "No." he pleaded with James to stop, but he refused.
"I'm telling my family, even my mother." He whispered, catching each tear on his tongue as it began to slide down Logan's cheeks.
"No!" Logan begged, a sob catching in his throat, but even as he said the word, his hands curled in James 's hair, drawing himself closer to the larger man.
"I'm going to Christmas dinner at your parent's house, like I do every year, but this time I'm going as your date." James murmured, and Logan shook with the force of his tears, his walls crumbling around him like so much rubble, utterly useless in defending his heart.
"No..." And this time the word came out soft, weak and helpless as his heart contracted with the sudden pain of being exposed, without protection, the protection he'd grown so used to.
"I'm moving in with you, and we can even get a dog together, we'll name it Fox." James continued, painting the picture Logan was so afraid of – or rather, what he was so afraid of NOT having. James 's hands came up to cup his face, tilting it up so as they moved together in slow and sensual rhythm, he could brush soft and tender kisses to his mouth, he could catch each tear that fell and brush it away with his absolute attention. "Look at me." He whispered again, and Logan swallowed hard, feeling afraid, afraid to open his eyes and see that everything was just some big cosmic joke, that it wasn't real.
"No." he whimpered softly, his body trembling, goosebumps tickling along every inch of his exposed fleshed.
"Look at me, Logan. See that I'm telling you the truth." James demanded, soft, gentle, yet it was still a command, intense and strong, brooking no argument.
"No..." Logan mewed out softly, almost cringing as he said it, feeling childish, clinging to the last bit of his wall like a safety blanket – yet that safety blanket wasn't keeping him safe any longer, it was keeping him from really seeing what was in front of his eyes, and when a safety blanket no longer does the job it was intended for, it's time to let it go.
"How can we make love, if you don't believe that I love you?" James asked softly, cradling his face in his large hands as though he were something indefinably precious, tender. These last words finally broke through the last of Logan's defenses, because he didn't want his fear to push James away, he truly didn't.
Slowly, oh so slowly, Logan began to open his eyes, and what he saw there warmed him to the very core. James was looking at him like a man starved, a man who'd been so hungry, he'd actually forgotten what it was to eat, and until offered a banquette didn't know what he was missing. He looked at him as though the world could crash and burn around them, and so long as they held one another, he couldn't care less.
He looked at him like he loved him. Really, truly, honestly loved him.
Logan's heart ached. "Say it again." He whispered, and James smiled.
"I love you." James whispered, a soft sound escaping his lips as he ground his hips down on the hard cock impaling him quickening the pace just a little.
"Say it again." Logan moaned, biting his lower lip as his fingernails bit into the back of James 's neck and the tears began to subside slowly as his body rocked and moved in time with James 's upward thrusts.
"I love you." James 's words were breathy, caught on a moan and barely whispered out. He was loosing the ability to speak. Logan arched his back, and then slid up before letting the weight of his body impale him once more.
"Again." Logan pleaded, leaning in to rest his cheek against James 's as his body moved, their mutual rhythm growing quicker and more intense, mind-numbingly pleasurable.
"I love... oh god, baby, I love you." James said, his hands gripping at Logan's hips, beginning to take over, pulling Logan down each time he thrust upwards. The moment those last words left his mouth, Logan turned his head to capture his lips, kissing him lovingly, longing and want, need and love all intermixed together into a muddle of incredible emotion.
That was really what Logan needed, for James to stay with it until he believed it. For him not to let go and pretend it would get better, but to hold him through the feelings and stay with him even through that fear, to show him he wasn't going anywhere. And with that came an open floodgate of emotion that spilled out further into their lovemaking. Logan writhed and moved, his body an incredible and intense thing, made only for the giving and receiving of pleasure. He moved with James, slow thrusts, gentle movements, scratches along shoulders and hips and thighs, kisses smothered against lips and cheeks, bites along necks and hands buried in hair.
They couldn't get enough of one another, but as frantic as they got, they never went quick. It was slow and tender, mind-numbingly intense. James couldn't believe how sensual the man straddling him was, no lover had ever compared to the pure unadulterated sensuality that Logan possessed. He was sexy and unabashedly free with his body, all remnants of the shy mousy boy he'd been when they were kids abolished by this moment of maddened love-making.
They moved together as one being, clinging to one another, holding tight, gasping and moaning. Their sounds were a chorus of angelic songs, whispered on the night breeze and carried up to any god or goddess that cared to listen for such precious things. And as they grew close to their mutual impending release, their cries growing louder with each movement, each thrust, each grinding of their hips, Logan leaned in and bit along the edge of James 's neck, trembling with wanton abandon.
"Bite me." Logan gasped, whimpered, moaned low against James 's ear, and James whimpered in reply, words lost on him. "mark me as yours." Logan pleaded, voice growing frantic, body shuddering as each movement forced him closer and closer to the edge. "Please, please James." He begged, and James turned his head so he could sink his teeth into the tender flesh of his mates shoulder.
The pain was sharp, counter-pointed by a sudden upward thrust of James 's hips, causing Logan's last vestiges of control to vanish into oblivion. It was incredible, and as he spiraled up, he knew he was past the point of no return, and no matter what he did, he would fall into the unending abyss of pleasure that awaited him. James felt it too, despite his inexperience, he felt the signs as surely as if he'd done this countless times. The rapid breathing, the thundering of Logan's heart as their chests pressed to one another, the way Logan tightened around the thick length of James 's shaft, buried deep within his body. He knew that Logan was on the verge, and he curled one hand into his hair, lightly tugging, another added sensation into the mix of bites and thrusts, sending prickling sensations along Logan's skull and down his spine, pleasure zinging through him.
Logan cried out, a sharp cry, his fingernails raking down James 's back as he writhed and bucked within James 's lap. So close, so very close, he could almost taste the sweet release, almost catch it, and when he though surely he'd go mad for the waiting of it, when he though he could take no more stimulation, when his body was simply a burning ember of lust and love and all things passionate, he felt his body topple that ridge of orgasm, leaving him with the physical sensation of falling as heat erupted within him.
Never, never had he cum without being stroked to completion. Never had the simple act of love making sent him over the edge, with no more then the brush of his cock against the belly of his lover with each thrust – yet with James, that is exactly what happened. And intense? Gods, intense could not be a word fit for the sensations that assailed his form. And as he began to fall, to fly, James too joined him, shouting out hoarsely against Logan's shoulder, his head tossing back, eyes glassy before falling shut as his hips bucked uncontrollably and his arms nearly crushed Logan too him.
They crested like that, Logan in James 's lap, arms wrapped around each other, crying out, rocking and bucking, screaming their pleasure as each pulse of it sent heat throughout their bodies. It was the single most intense orgasm either of them had ever had, made all the more sweet by how supremely gentle it had all been.
They came back to their bodies slowly, panting and moaning, whimpering gently. Logan's head lay against James 's shoulder, and James 's cheek rested against Logan's head. Their eyes were closed, sweat slicked along every inch of their bodies, and their hearts pounded within their chests, as if they could pound hard enough and join one another, instead of being trapped within different bodies.
Soft kisses fluttered along James 's shoulder, his neck, along his jaw until Logan could reach his mouth, and there he placed tender kisses at the edges of his mouth, still trembling, still feeling wholly vulnerable, emotional and open hearted. "Oh my god." Logan whispered against his lips, and then suddenly, dissolved into a fit of soft laughter.
Lazy and sated, James was busily doing his best to return each of those soft kisses when Logan's words and sudden laughter consumed him. The laughter created a tightening, a clenching about his still semi-hard cock, sending shocks of 'too-much' pleasure along his length, and soon he was laughing too, squirming and gasping, arms tightening around Logan's body, "Oh gods, too much, too much, ack, noo..." he babbled out suddenly, which only sent Logan into a harder fit of giggles, causing them to writhe around in each others arms for a moment until the laughter subsided, and the both sighed happily.
"That's never happened to me." Logan murmured after a moment, his head once more resting against James 's shoulder as he inhaled the sweet scent of the man he loved so dearly.
"What?" James murmured, asking curiously.
"Cumming like that, with just sex, no touching." Logan replied, falling silent for a moment and closing his eyes, a small sated and comfortable smile fluttering at the corners of his lips.
"What do you mean? Isn't that normal for ... you know, gay sex?" James asked, his cheeks flushing as he asked the question and tried to figure out what part about Logan's release was rare or special, is it all men or just him?
Logan's hands soothingly stroked through his hair and along his upper back for a moment, then shook his head. "No, it's really uncommon actually for you to get off without your cock being stroked." He murmured, and understanding dawned on James.
"Ohh, yeah, I did hear about that." He told Logan softly, then his grin began to spread even wider, pleasure and happiness and excitement all over his face. "It was that good, then?" he asked, wonder touching his voice and making him seem innocent and almost childish in his excitement and pride.
"It was better then good," Logan told him honestly, "it was the best sexual experience I ever had. And... and to have you hold me, and make me listen to you as you told me you loved me..." there was a brief moment of silence as James held Logan and Logan tried to find the words. His face was warm, not really a blush, but something somewhat like a blush – "It helped me... it helped me open up to you. I love you so much, but I didn't really believe you. No matter how much I loved you, you were right, it wasn't making love if I couldn't trust you. I was just so afraid that if I opened up, and let myself believe you then when it all crumbled down I'd loose you and it would break my heart so bad I didn't think I'd survive it. So, I figured if I just pretended then you didn't love me, and acted under the assumption none of it was true, then no matter what happened, if you decided you didn't want me any more, it wouldn't hurt quiet so bad." Logan tried to explain his fears and reasoning to James, who listened intently, nodding his head every now and again and giving a little grimace at some of the things his love was saying.
"I just..." James paused in his explanation, tilting his head so he could rub his cheek in a very feline manner against the top of Logan's head as he considered his next words. "I could see you hurting." He finally whispered. "I could see this haunted look in your eyes behind all the lust and want and love, like you were waiting for the boot to drop. You were waiting to be crushed, and you'd take what you could get from me, because you loved me so much, even thinking that I would break your heart without a moments hesitation. I just wanted that look to be gone, I wanted to take away that pain, and to make you believe that what I was saying... it was really the truth. It is the truth. I'm not just screwing you in a secret love affair that only you and I know about. You're mine, and I'm yours, and I'm going to tell everyone just like I would if I fell in love with a woman."
I did all my research because I knew it wouldn't be fair to you to start something I couldn't finish, or couldn't put my whole heart into. And at first I thought it was the sex I'd have a problem with, and that's why I focused on that." James paused again, taking a slow deep breath as his has stroked through Logan's hair gently idling twisting the locks around his fingertips. "Thing is, being with you, I realized it didn't have anything to do with sex." James whispered, "or male versus female, or the fact you have a guy parts instead of a girl parts. None of that really mattered. 'Cause it wasn't your body I was in love with... it was you. All of you."
Once more, tears began to prick at the corners of Logan's eyes as he listened to James speak, his voice soft, soothing, gentle against his ear drums. Though it was the words he actually spoke that soothed Logan's soul. "I mean, I tried thinking of Brad Pitt, and all those other actors girls go all nuts for, and while I can see why they'd be considered attractive, I just am not sexually aroused by them. But when I thought about you, I immediately wanted you. Not cause of how you looked, but because of who you are. I do think you're sexy as hell, don't get me wrong."
James 's fingers tugged lightly at Logan's hair as he twisted it in his grasp, playing with it gently, then releasing the strands all together and watching them untwist automatically before pulling his love closer to his chest and stroking his palm up and down his spine lovingly, soothingly. "You turn me on, you have for a long time, I think that's why I kept playing with your hair, even when I couldn't admit to myself I was in love with you, I had urges to wrap my arms around you from behind and pull you against me so many times I couldn't count them all, but I never admitted to myself what that was." He turned his head, brushing gentle kisses against the top of Logan's hair as the other man sniffled, though remained quiet until James was through with what he had to say.
"Sometimes love doesn't quite come in the package that you think it will, and since you aren't expecting it, it sort of bites you in the ass. I've been head over heals in love with you for years, but I never realized it because you weren't what fit into my narrow view of expectations. I thought I'd be with a woman, not a man, so I ignored the obvious and kept looking for what I thought I was gonna get. When you said you loved me, everything sort of flew into place for me, and I realized how incredibly in love with you I was. Maybe I'm not gay, hell, maybe I'm not even bisexual, but I am definitely Logan -sexual."
James grinned a little, tilting Logan's head up so he could look into his face again, his own eyes now glittering with tears. Happy tears, not sad tears. He'd always thought strong men didn't cry, but he'd learned that it was strong men who let themselves cry, let themselves fully feel and express themselves. "I'm not goin' to let a little thing like you having a penis keep me from the best thing to ever happen to me. Maybe not everyone would understand that, but I don't care, 'cause I understand it. I just don't want you to think that because I'm not interested in other men, I don't really love you. I want you to believe that because I'm not interested in other men, I love you that much more then you could ever comprehend, that my love for you is so incredibly deep, I wouldn't care what package you came in, I'd still love you." James whispered gently, and Logan let out a soft sob and curled his arms more fully around his lover, hugging him tightly, so tightly it was is if he wanted to crawl inside of James and stay there forever, wrapped in the warmth of his love.
When Logan spoke, his words were rough, hoarse from emotion, from tears, and from crying out his pleasure and passion earlier. "Thank you." He whispered, "Thank you for telling me that, thank you for trying to make me feel better. My fears aren't all gone, I'll be honest with you about that, but they're a lot better then they were when you first came to see me today. I just feel a little shell shocked still, my whole world is flipped around and everything I wanted just got dropped into my lap. It's hard to take it all in, you know? So many gay men have this big fear about dating bisexual guys because they think the bi-boys can't commit. Its sort of a cultural fear, even if you don't really believe it personally, it's always in the back of your mind. It does make me a little nervous that you don't really like guys, but I can also see how that just makes me that much more special to you, because you want me despite that."
Logan went silent for a moment, and James nodded his head, eyes still glistening with tears, all serious and intent on getting his feelings across to the man in his arms. After a moment however, Logan continued hesitantly, a shy blush suffusing his cheeks. "The... the sex was good though, right?" he asks softly, "I mean, even though you aren't into guys besides me... you still want me like this, right?" he asked, feeling his stomach knot into a million knots and do flip-flops at the same time, anxiety causing his body to tremble a little in anticipation of the answer to that very important question.
James grinned down at his little love, eyes sparkling, then bit his lower lip before answering. "I can honestly say that was the best sex I have ever had in my entire life." He whispered, and Logan's whole body relaxed so quickly he felt like a puddle of helpless goo in James 's lap, his breath coming out in a slow relieved sigh and his eyes closing. "And..." James leaned down to nuzzle from shoulder, slowly along neck, then so his nose brushed just behind Logan's ear, "I can not wait for you to take me. I can't wait to feel you inside of me. I can't wait to be the one impaled and filled up and ... oh gods Logan, just thinking about it makes me hard all over again. When I say I want you, I mean I WANT you. All of you. You're sexy and incredible, the most beautiful human being I've ever known, in every single way imaginable."
Even as he spoke, James 's cock began to harden all over again, still embedded within the tight warm confines of Logan's ass, only proving what he was saying. Grinding his hips upwards, Logan couldn't help but moan and whimper lightly at the sensation, gasping and clutching at his shoulders.
Gods... oh gods..." Logan breathed, licking his lips nervously. "I want that too, so badly I can taste it." He whispered, "But it will take time to get there, time, and toys and lots of touching. Most of my past lovers wouldn't let me make love to them. I've mostly just bottomed because I'm too big. I always hear these guys complaining about wanting a nine inch cock, and I always think to myself that they have no idea what they're asking for. Most people won't go near you when your dicks that big, just cause it are painful. But I'll open you up so I don't hurt you, it'll just take time." Logan promised, voice shivering with excitement at the mere idea, and James shivered beneath him, feeling much the same way.
"It's nine inches?" He asked, eyes wide, causing Logan to blush and nod his head.
"Yeah, a little bigger then nine inches, and really thick around. If it was just long, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but because it's so thick it scares people. I've never been with some one I loved enough, or who loved me enough, who wanted to take the time to become accustomed to me." He whispered, looking a little sad about that.
"That's not true any more." Was all James said in response, "I want you so bad, my ass already aches just thinking about it. And..." this time it was James 's turn to blush, and blush hard, "And sometimes a little pain during sex isn't a bad thing." He said slowly, cutting his eyes sideways at Logan to see what he thought about his comment.
Logan just stared at James. He never thought of his best friend, and now lover as being the kinky sort. Logan was, but he just always thought of James as your all American boy, steak and potatoes, and missionary sex type of guy. "You like that kinda stuff?" he asked playfully, a wicked gleam in his eye and an ever widening grin brushing across his features.
James blushed harder at that look, nodding his head slightly, then shrugging his shoulders. "Well, yea, I mean, I dunno." He began, "Yes, I like that sort of thing but...well, I'm big, and most girls want to be the ones dominated, they like being held down and fucked hard, no one ever asked if I wanted to be held down and fucked hard, so its not like I've ever really done it."
Logan bit his lower lip again, then shifted so he could pepper kisses against his lovers mouth before whispering, "Do you want me to hold you down and fuck you hard?" very softly. The question caused James to jump, just a little, surprised and nervous suddenly by how receptive Logan was to the idea.
Slowly, he nodded his head, eyes going wide like a doe's eyes when seeing oncoming headlights, and just as trapped. "Y-yes." He stammered out, "I can't believe I'm telling you this." James added, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I've never told anyone that before." He whispered.
"I'm goin to fuck you so hard you'll be screaming loud enough to make the neighbors call he police." Logan whispered, and James actually made a sound deep in the back of his throat, half excited fear, half intense arousal all mingled into one odd emotion.
"Promise me?" he stammered, unable to believe how this conversation was going, and further unable to believe that so soon after sex he was so hard he could cut glass with his cock already.
"Oh yea, I promise you." Logan growled. Yes, growled, truly and honestly growled.
"Oh gods, do it now." James whimpered out, eyes fluttering closed while Logan laughed softly and kissed him gently on the lips.
"I will, but like I said, it'll take time first."
They fell quiet then, wrapped in one another's arms, holding each other with absolute tender love in their hearts. It was a perfect moment in time, one that seemed to drag on forever, and felt more incredible with each passing moment. As that comfortable silence stretched on, both men began to doze, wrapped in the wonderful and precious moment that neither of them would ever forget.
That moment was shattered suddenly by the sound of the phone ringing, and with a groan, Logan hid his face in James 's neck, chuckling softly. "It's my mom, I know it. I was supposed to be over there for Christmas Eve dinner like an hour ago." He told James, and without a word, James reached over to the bedside table to pick up the phone.
"Tell her you're on your way." He said, grinning as he brushed yet another kiss against Logan's mouth. He just couldn't get enough of those kisses, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to. "Tell her you're bringing me." James murmured, eyes sparkling with challenge, an eyebrow raised.
Logan blushed, taking the phone in hand and watching James 's face as he answered the phone.
"Hey mom, yeah, I know I'm running late." He said into the receiver before even asking who it was. Apparently, he'd be accurate in his guess, because he blushed slightly and cleared his throat. "No, I didn't sleep in." he said over the phone, "Just... well something came up. I'm sorry I didn't call you. Yes I know that it was unforgivably rude." He sighed softly, giving James a mournful look that made him stifle his laughter. "Momma, I couldn't call, just ... like I said, something came up, okay?" Silence for a moment, James could hear the fast chatter of Logan's mother on the other end of the line, and as he waited, James leaned in to nibble playfully at the side of Logan's neck.
Logan couldn't believe James was teasing him while he was on the phone with his mother! And after a moment of squirming in his lap, he realized that was even worse considering James was still buried deeply within his body, now stiff from their previous conversation. Cheeks aflame, he tried to regain his composure, but when he spoke his words came out a little squeaky. "Mom, I'm bringing some one to dinner." He finally said, interrupting her speech, whatever she was talking about apparently didn't hold a candle to this news so far as she was concerned. She went quiet for a moment, something very uncommon for Logan's mother in particular, and then James heard a question mumbled over the line. "Yes, mom, my boyfriend." He said, and then cringed as she went into another tirade.
"I didn't tell you about him mom because... because we just started dating today." James couldn't help laughing now, grinning from ear to ear.
"Should we make it a surprise?" James whispered to him, and Logan looked lost, as if he wasn't sure exactly what to do in this situation. So, James made the decision for him, snatching the phone away while Logan tried to wrestle it back.
"Hey mom!" James said brightly. He'd always called Logan's mother mom, and since they were kids, he'd been much like a member of he family. He loved her dearly, almost as one would love a surrogate mother.
" James!" She exclaimed, "Do you know who this new boy is in my sons life? Shame on you for not telling me!" She said, sounding upset and playful at the same time. James chuckled as Logan finally gave up trying to retrieve the phone, and instead snuggled into James 's chest comfortably, listening as best he could to the ongoing conversation.
"Naw, no one knew till late last night." James said in response, and she got quiet for a second.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, last night, Loges and I went out to a party, and they started playin' spin the bottle, you know?" James started to explain, telling the story and Logan groaned out his embarrassment and hid his face. James was always telling his mother far too much.
"Uh huh, and what happened?" She asked.
"Well, when I spun the bottle, it landed on Logie."
"And so, being the ass, that I am, I made a big show out of kissing him." James continued blithely, apparently not embarrassed by this story, though to Logan's way of thinking, he should have been. "Anyhow, let's make this story short. I'm head over heals in love with your son, and he wants to bring me home to show me off to you and the rest of his family, even though you all already know everything about me." He said, grinning from ear to ear as Logan groaned again
"About damn time!" Logan's mother exclaimed, which honestly surprised James so much he just blinked, staying silent for a second. "You are one of the blindest boys I've ever seen. Just get your butts over here so I can drag the full story from you two. Hurry up, I'm stalling dinner as long as I can, but I have hungry people bittin' at my apron strings." She said, laughing, and when James swore he'd make record time, he was chuckling when he hung up the phone.
"Okay, we're supposed to be there an hour ago, she wasn't surprised I was in love with you. She actually said 'its about damn time'." James blushed, but he couldn't get the shit-eating grin off his face. "You ready to go get Christmas Eve dinner, baby?" he asked, and Logan finally drew away from his hiding spot against James 's not, chuckling and nodding his head.
"Do we have to? I want to stay home and make love again." Logan said playfully, teasing his best-friend-turned-lover.
"Would you like to call her back and tell her about your change of plans?" James asked, handing him the cordless with a laugh. "No, honestly, I'd rather stay here and make love to you all day long, that'd be the best Christmas gift in the whole world, but," And here he dropped the phone to the bed, cupping Logan's face in his hands. "It's important for me to take the step you didn't believe I'd do and come out t everyone I'm ready to do that you're m man and I'm in a gay relationship and that's just that." Kissing Logan again and again, he sighed gently, "I don't wanna let you go."
Logan whimpered at the words, closing his eyes and soaking up the touch and the kisses as his hands stroked over James 's chest gently, creeping upwards to his shoulders before a small smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. "Thank you." He murmured, "I guess we better get going." He said with yet another sigh and a groan as the two of them finally began to motivate themselves out of bed, Logan humming "All I want for Christmas" under his breath.
A soft sigh escaped Camille's lips as her eyes lingered lovingly upon the image of the two boys touching and caressing one another playfully as they got ready to head out for their dinner. She was seated on the edge of a small still pool, steam licking at her fingertips as they hovered just inches above the image. No one had sunrooms anymore, but she did, and this was where she generally watched the fruits of her labors. Her fingers finally dipped into the warm water, causing ripples to chase one another across the surface of the pond and distort the image, finally causing it to fade as she watched the rings travel.
"Unhappy with the outcome?" a cool voice asked from behind her, and Camille didn't even bother to look up.
"The opposite, actually." She replied smoothly, not letting the emotion in her voice show. She'd had thousands of years to perfect the technique, but it wouldn't fool her spy.
"Then why do you watch them when you could be working on your next couple?" her mother chided cooly.
"Do you never like to watch the fruits of your labors?" Camille asked, cutting her eyes sideways towards the middle-aged woman standing by her window, eyes wise with the passing of years, or maybe more accurate, the passage of millennia.
"You played with fate." Jo said, "Again." Obvious as ever.
"I always play with fate. Fate makes mistakes. I simply correct them, mother."
"They shouldn't have ended up together." Jo said softly, quietly.
Camille laughed, a bitter laugh as she shook her head. "Please, even you, blind as you are by the 'big picture' can see those two are soul mates."
Her mother shrugged her shoulders only slightly, letting her gaze linger on Camille. "You do what you think is right, yet, even still you're sad." She murmured.
"Maybe because it is my ... fate," she spat bitterly at the elder woman, her brown eyes pools of near-hatred, yet something else as well, something tender for the other woman, "To protect, to save and shelter what it is I will never have."
A sad smile fluttered over Jo's lips as she looked on the daughter she should have never had. "Maybe." She said, "do you wish for what they have?" she asked quietly, one hand waving towards the now-blank pool. Camille just stared, eyes unfocused, out the window. "Be careful what you wish for, daughter. The fates are ever cruel, most especially when you constantly correct their work." She continued gently.
"And what do you mean by that? Do you threaten me, mother?" Camille snapped, baring her teeth in a vicious smile.
"I simply warn, sweetie. What is it you want? Your own life to love? Or to save the love of countless others."
"I am not selfish… I'm not like you." The young woman snarled, eyes blazing. "Leave me alone. I don't want to have this meaningless talk with you. You think in terms of centuries, I still look forward to tomorrow."
"So be it. But mark my words..." Jo said, as she faded as she spoke, taking her leave as only a true goddess ever could, leaving Camille to contemplate her words, and ponder the meaning behind the visit.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!