Title: Pain and Pleasure

By: Sei-chan-1999/Darkest Symphony

Warning: Rated T for implied adult themes.

Disclaimer: All rights to Clamp. I do not own the characters.

Written by me for the Clamp Secret Santa on Tumblr.


"Why are you blushing, Subaru?"

He prides himself on not jumping for once, but finds himself vaguely wondering if using his twin's make-up would maybe let him keep his usual chalky complexion without breaking into flushing like an active volcano. He doubts it would work.

"I'm not blushing, Hokuto-chan!" Subaru protests, trying to duck behind the book he's holding, but unfortunately, it's just thick and not at all tall.

"Is it because of what you're reading? Is it a dirty magazine?"

An unseen hand tugs at the book to take in the title and Subaru tries to steady his racing heart, pulling his legs together and straightening up against the chair he's seated on, resisting the urge to go over those memories once again, lest the whole cycle of turning red begins once more…

"I've always wanted to know if Subaru-kun accepts pleasure just as quietly as he endures pain…"

He couldn't. Maybe from others, he would've held his silence through the ordeal, but with Seishirou-san, feeling him touching him, caressing him…hurting him, he had cried out once or twice, biting his lip in a fight to stay silent and not bring the whole of Shinjuku General's the medical staff into the older man's ward as they went through the actions together.

"Sociology? You're blushing because of a Sociology textbook?"

"No, I'm…I mean…it's not because of-"

He remembers that he started to cry again halfway through speaking and somehow, he'd ended up in Seishirou-san's arms, sobbing and trying to apologize, the veterinarian rubbing his back and trying to keep the IV stand from falling on top of them at the same time.

"Subaru-kun, you need to calm down. I may have survived losing an eye, but I certainly won't survive this."

Giving up the attempt to explain himself since his sister will do it anyway, Subaru shifts in his chair, trying to ease the lingering pain and hide the fact that he's still shivery and in danger of falling apart emotionally.

"Are you in pain, Subaru-kun?"

"No. I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

A gasp as he was torn into a little deeper and then, he whispers to the heavens.

"I don't know."

"Are you all right, Subaru?"

He looks up at Hokuto. For once, she's dressed plainly and her dark ringed eyes tell him that she hasn't slept well either.

"Would you like to go visit Seishirou-san?"

Of course, he can't say 'no' to that, even though the two of them saw each other barely twenty minutes ago and that he's currently in this library because he wanted an unfamiliar place where he could lose himself in dry words and forget what they had done, because no teenager should ever have to sit after having their body violated by an adult and wonder if it had been consensual after all.

"People are going to find out about-"

"They won't, Subaru-kun."

And Subaru kisses him again, arms around Seishirou's neck, feeling their heart beats pound together in tandem as he messily strokes the older man's hair. He has no experience in this sort of thing, but Seishirou-san makes him believe that he isn't as stupid or helpless as he feels.

There are darker feelings under there, emotions threatening to burst out and he feels like the very composition of his body has changed, so instead of blood and skin, he's water and rubber.

"Can I offer you an Angel Cream, Subaru-kun? You look shaken."

Subaru stares at him blankly, until Seishirou-san suggestively holds up the donut in reply and then, he chokes on his own saliva while the twenty-five-year-old laughs and laughs.

"All right, Hokuto-chan."

She stood aside so he got up and for a second, he wobbled but caught the edge of the desk to balance himself.

"You don't look well," she murmured, "Maybe you should go tomorrow."

Subaru shook his head firmly.

"I'm fine Hokuto-chan," he said with a slight smile, "I want to talk to Seishirou-san anyway."

I think I-

Be careful," his twin says finally with that knowing little smirk of hers and Subaru knows she isn't talking about the traffic. He wants to tell her that it's no use anymore, but his tongue lies dead at the bottom of his mouth.

He leaves the desolate library, doing up his jacket fully and tugging his hat more firmly over his ruffled hair.

It's another bright morning.

Seishirou-san will be out of the hospital in a few days. Things will be back to normal. Hokuto-chan will tease him about planning a few more illicit liaisons now that Seishirou-san will need someone to look after him and when Subaru blushes yet again, the vet will gently smile at him over a cup of tea as they laugh into the Tokyo night.

It's going to be all right.

The End.


Author's Note:

I wrote this as a request for a TB SeiSub fan during Christmas and I'm really not sure what to think of it. Hence, I'm posting it here in the hopes that I get a few reviews or opinions. SeiSub is still relatively new for me.