Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. I am not making any money from this story
Kitty, you look beautiful.
Those words had been echoing in Kitty Wilde's head over and over again through the, admittedly tasteful by the Glee club standards, nativity scene and as much as she tried to tell herself otherwise Kitty knew why. She knew exactly why those words haunted her, and it drove her crazy. As in she thinks she will go literally insane if she can't lash out at someone, anyone, and channel the blinding rage inside her to destroy who she had decided long ago was the cause of all her problems. Or at least enough to warrant the continuous attention of her wrath.
Sickeningly sweet, infuriatingly nice, and frustratingly perfect Marley Rose was cluelessly responsible for so much of Kitty's pain, and whether she was aware of it or not she was almost solely responsible for this latest indignity. So it was only right that Kitty punish her for it. And Kitty wanted too. Oh how she wanted to dig her claws into Marley Rose and verbally tear the frustrating girl apart, but alas her once razor-sharp claws had been failing her as of late. Even when she psyched herself up first all she could seem to do was lightly scratch instead of cut right down to the bone, especially when Marley was concerned.
Kitty was convinced this would be different, and even if it wasn't she could at the very least make it absolutely crystal clear once and for all she wanted nothing to do with the other girl. And she would, just not in front of the rest of the Glee club, forever nosy people who were always getting involved in things which weren't their business, standing up for Marley when the stupid girl should have been standing up for herself, and just generally getting in the way.
Luckily Kitty could be patient when she wanted to be, and she had mastered smiling while making plans to destroy her enemies, which was exactly what she did. She waited until the nativity was over and she was left alone with Marley in the girls' bathroom. Thankfully the Chinese girl and the confused boy were already gone, Marley running behind because she stopped to talk to Jake before going to change. Which was a mistake Kitty was going to make sure she paid for.
Waiting a few long seconds after the others left Kitty stepped in front of the stall Marley was changing in and waited. The second it open to reveal a surprised looking brunette Kitty snapped, "What the hell is your problem?"
Blinking in confusion Marley stammered, "Wha, what?"
"What. The. Hell. Is. Your. Problem?" Kitty repeated with a dangerous growl, "I told you I didn't want to play the Virgin Mary, but you just had to force the issue, didn't you?"
Obviously still confused Marley mumbled, "I, I... I thought it was what you wanted. I mean, didn't it make you happy?"
You have no idea what would make me happy, Kitty's treacherous mind thought. Luckily she was able to keep herself from saying that, instead glaring at Marley and telling her, "For like a second. Then I remembered who I am, the things I've done, and then I had to pretend like everything was ok when it wasn't. I had to go out there and smile, and laugh, and pretend to be having a good time when the whole time I could feel God, the Virgin Mary, the baby Jesus and every other holy being that exists judging me."
Marley didn't like to make assumptions about things she didn't really understand, especially something so complicated as religion, but Kitty was obviously in pain, perhaps even worse then she guessed. So, against her better judgement, Marley again tried to help.
"I... I don't think God will judge you for it." Marley stammered, quickly adding when Kitty gave her a look, "I mean, it's complicated, and, and even if he does he's supposed to forgive, right? And I mean, it's not like you killed anyone, you just had sex, and I get just because I want to wait doesn't mean everybody wants to, and I heard a story that when the Bible was written people were getting married at like, fourteen, so maybe sex before marriage isn't that big a deal to God. I, I mean who knows, right?"
Kitty stared blankly at her for a moment, and then muttered in disbelief, "You think this is about sex?"
"Well-" Marley began.
"That wouldn't even make the top 10 of bad things I've done!" Kitty snapped angrily, "It wouldn't even be on the top 20. I mean sweet baby Jesus Marley I gave you a fucking eating disorder! I made you starve yourself so bad you fainted onstage in front of a huge crowd of people, and you're still trying to help me and be my friend? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why don't you hate me?"
Desperately trying to choose her words carefully, and failing, Marley stammered, "I, I... I... I just, don't."
"You, you, you just don't? God you're lame." Kitty said, then adding before Marley could say anything, "You know any normal person would have told me to fuck off by now, right? But no, you and the rest of the Glee club have to manipulate me into taking a role I never wanted in some insane attempt to do the right thing. Or at least I hope that's what you were doing, because if you are serious about making a black boy giving birth to the baby Jesus during that horrendous performance of Love Child I should seriously drown you, and him, in the toilet."
"Her." Marley said after a brief pause, "Unique is a her."
"Oh, so you'll defend HER but you won't defend yourself? Do you have any idea how fucked up that is? How fucked up you are? How pathetic?" Kitty questioned, her voice oozing with venom and spite. Then when a teary eyed Marley looked down Kitty practically yelled in frustration, "Oh for fucks sakes Marley, fight back. Hit me! Slap me! Do something! Anything!"
Looking up Marley frowned, "Why?"
Blinded by rage Kitty snapped, "Why what?"
"Why do you want me to hit you?" Marley asked softly.
Suddenly fully realising what she just asked Kitty stammered, "I, I... I, I don't. It would just be nice if you fought back is all."
Even more confused Marley asked, "Why? What do you get out of it?"
"I don't know, a teammate who isn't a total coward." Kitty said nonchalantly as possible.
"I'm not a coward." Marley said, forcefully by her standards, "I just don't like unnecessary confrontation. So say whatever you want about me, but leave other people out of this."
"What, do you have like zero self-esteem?" Kitty scoffed.
Marley just lowered her gaze in response, in that moment Kitty realising just how broken the other girl was. How much she had broken her. And it didn't make her happy or proud, it didn't make her feel nothing like with most people, it hurt. It actually hurt way worse than just about anything had hurt before, mostly because Kitty was horrifically aware of why it hurt.
"Well, that's unfortunate." Kitty mumbled.
"Sorry." Marley said absurdly, "I'm sorry I'm not a good teammate. I'm sorry I fainted and cost us regionals, which is my fault by the way, not yours. I'm the one with the body issues, not you. You were just trying to help."
"No, I wasn't." Kitty said, almost overcome by so much frustration she was unable to stop herself from spouting, "I did it because I was bored. Because I didn't like your stupid face and I wanted to hurt you. And because I'm a bitch and I thought I could get away with it, and the crazy thing is I am getting away with it. Everyone is blaming you when it's my fault. It was all my fault! I am a horrible, horrible human being who doesn't deserve to call herself a christian, let alone dress up as the Virgin Mary."
"But you did help." Marley insisted, "You brought out my insecurities which could have eaten me alive anyway, and now I'm getting the help I need to deal with it. So it all worked out, for me at least. And, and, like I said it could have been much worse, and besides, you're too hard on yourself. I don't think you're as bad as you think you are."
"How can you possibly say that?" Kitty asked in disbelief.
"I, I just have a good feeling about you." Marley smiled.
"Well then, you really do need help." Kitty scoffed, "Seriously talk to your therapist about me. Maybe he'll get it through your thick head you need to stop helping me."
"She hasn't said that, but even if she did I wouldn't because I would never not help a friend in need." Marley said.
"I'm not your friend!" Kitty almost literally yelled, "I'll never be your friend! I just want you to stay the hell away from me!"
Silence fell over the room for a few long seconds and then Marley practically whispered, "Is that what you really want?"
Kitty's mind answered that about a thousand times over the next couple of seconds in various different ways but the result was mostly a simple two letter answer. Which of course frustrated her so much she wanted to scream. Instead she turned and headed towards the door, determined not to embarrass herself.
Then Marley murmured, "Kitty..."
Turning round to look at the other girl Kitty felt her body taking over her. She desperately tried to make it leave, to stay where it was, yell abuse at the infuriating brunette, anything except the one thing she could no longer stop herself from doing.
"I'm, I'm sorry. If, if it's what you really want, I'll stay away, I promise." Marley stammered, closing her eyes and tensing as Kitty slowly walked towards her, "I just-"
Kitty interrupted Marley's ramblings by grabbing the other girl's face, lifting herself up on her tiptoes and brought their lips together in a soft and simple kiss which barely lasted five seconds. Yet it was just as life changing as the blonde had feared it would be.
In that five seconds all of Kitty's worst fears were realised. That she was screwed. That she was fucked up worse than Marley, or any other freak in this school. That she was nothing but a painfully clichéd stereotype, the closet dyke who bullied the girl she liked and anyone 'beneath her' out of spite and insecurity. That she wasn't a tribute to Quinn Fabray, not an improved version of her idol without the crazy, no, she was just a cheap knockoff of her who was twice as crazy. And worst of all she realised that she was doomed. That she was going to burn in hell not because of her actions but because of something she was, any illusion of free will shattered in that long, horrible moment when Kitty Wilde realised she was damned forever.
Perhaps it was the straw that broke the camel's back, or perhaps it was truly worse for her then any of her realisations, but when she pulled back and saw the look on Marley's face Kitty just couldn't take it.
So she ran.
She ran like a coward.