Here's the second in my series of vignettes about the Chosen Children and their Crests. I wasn't initially going to do Ken, but I came up with an idea for him and thought it would be worth writing for sake of completeness. After all, there are nine crests, so there should be nine stories.
Just a little disclaimer in advance: I don't get Ken. I rewatched all his redemption episodes before rewriting this. I listened to his image song a couple of times, while muttering "Paku Romi can't sing" many times. I even styled my hair like his. So, I'd be grateful if you'd tell me if all of that helped and he's in character in this place. If he's not, tell me where I went wrong. I want to understand Ken! ^.^;;
Oh, and I don't intend to do Daisuke, Miyako or Iori at the moment. However, you're currently reading a story I didn't plan writing, so you may yet see those three as well. I actually have an idea for a Daisuke vignette, which a few more rounds of "Goggle Boy" might make me put down on pixel and screen . . .
I never lost as much but twice,
And that was in the sod;
Twice have I stood a beggar
Before the door of God!
Angels, twice descending,
Reimbursed my store.
Burglar, banker, father,
I am poor once more!
~ Emily Dickinson
Last week, I killed my only friend.
I killed you.
You must have known it would happen one day. You must have known what sort of person I really was, what I was capable of doing. You kept saying that I was kind, you kept saying I was a good person, but you lied. You must have lied. You were with me as I conquered the Digital World, as I took over area after area and enslaved its inhabitants. You saw what I did to them. I made them work until they fell from exhaustion. I experimented on them to come up with more abominations. I forced to them fight each other to amuse me. I did all of that, and I didn't feel any remorse for it while I was doing it.
No, I was not kind and you lied.
You must have known what I really was like, because I . . .
I . . . .
I can't speak about the terrible things I did to you. I can't even think about them without wanting to throw up. I can't. I just . . . .
No, I did those things to you, and I have to confess to them. I have to face up to them one by one by one, even though they hurt like the blows of a whip:
I beat you.
I whipped you.
I kicked you.
I screamed at you.
I told you that you were worthless.
I killed you.
In the end, you . . . you didn't die by my hand, but I killed you all the same. You died giving all your power to Holimon, so that Kimeramon could be defeated, so that I could be defeated. After you knocked me to the ground, I remember looking across at you in hatred and seeing a beam of brilliant light arcing from your body towards the Digimon in the sky. Then, Holimon began glowing brighter than the sun and the entire world went white.When my eyes refocussed and I looked around me, I knew I had been defeated. Kimeramon was gone. The other kids were standing over me, their Digimon in their arms. And you were lying in the sand some feet away from me. And then . . . . and then . . . .
And then I realised it all had been real, because I'd seen those Digimon in the real world. They had been at the soccer game; they had been sitting in the stands with their partners. How could I have not realised that before? How could I never have made that connection in the past? How could a genius be so stupid? I had thought it was a game, a game I had played and lost, but it had all been real. Everything I'd done to the other Digimon, everything I'd done to those kids, everything I'd done to you, it had all been real.
All I could do was scream.
Everything fell away from me in a second.
And I wasn't the Digimon Kaizer anymore; I was just . . . Ken.
Blinded by tears and dust, I crawled across the sands to where you were lying. You were barely breathing - your sides rose and fell so slowly and shallowly - and I knew you were dying. I took you in my arms. I had no words to apologise to you, to thank you, to beg you to stay with me because you were my only friend. You smiled at me, and told me that you always knew I'd remember who I really was. And then . . . and then . . . you were gone.
You died, so I could remember what kindness was.
That night, I prayed for the first time since Osamu had died. I did not ask forgiveness for my own sins that night, because I doubted that there was enough grace in the world to make me clean again. Kaa-san had always said that God could forgive anything, that He was infinite kindness and compassion, but I knew my sins were unforgivable. Like the demons that had once been angels, I'd fallen too far for redemption. I was living in hell and it was of my own making. But I prayed for you. I prayed that you would come back to life. Selfishly, I prayed you would come back to me. (1)
God must have been listening, because He gave me a second chance, despite everything I did. I know I didn't deserve one, but He gave it to me anyway in his grace and I'm not going to waste it. You're my second chance, Minomon. You're my only chance to redeem myself.
So, that's why I'm standing in the doorway of my room, watching you bounce up and down on my bed, wondering what to say to you.
I killed you.
You died for me.
Because of you, I know what kindness is and it's not the opposite of cruelty.
Instead, I step forward and say shyly, "Do you want me to teach you how to blow bubbles, Minomon?"
(1) Ken is Christian. I'm not inventing his religious beliefs. Listen to the babble in Daisuke to Ken no Kaimono Carol (= Daisuke and Ken's Shopping Carol) one day, and you'll hear him tell Daisuke that Christmas is a very special season because it was when the Saviour was born and we should all celebrate it for that reason. Daisuke's not impressed at all. He just wants puresento to paati to keki! ^.~
Next up: Light.