Old Dogs and New Tricks
Okay, I suppose you know that I went to the club – the one in London, The Horny Hippogriff. It was dark and loud and sort of amazing. There was this dancing glitter all in the air and the place played Muggle music which was unintelligible but had a good beat. And I danced with men. In a club. Wearing Muggle clothing. It was just so damn different from anything I'd ever done before. I felt like someone else, someone who cared less what others thought, someone less sad, I guess.
I know what you're thinking, but I didn't have gay sex or anything. I'm still not sure if I'm gay. I did snog a guy, though. We were just talking near the bar, not even dancing. He was a few years older than me with wavy brown hair and was rather fit if I do say so myself. We were in the middle of talking about Quidditch (I was telling him that I used to play Seeker for Slytherin) when he grabbed me, pulled me into a dark corner and started snogging the hell out of me. Okay, so maybe there was a bit of groping as well. Maybe.
I started going out to gay clubs at least once a week.
I flirted a lot and managed to acquire quite of few of something called "phone numbers" which were apparently some Muggle means of communication. I wouldn't know, but there are quite a few Muggle-borns and even some Muggles at those clubs so I guess that was why they were so common. I never used them, of course, but it gave me a strange sort of relief to know that the queers apparently found me fit. I mean, I am fit, obviously, but I didn't know whether or not they would think so. Sometimes men invited me to their houses for the night, but I never accepted. Flirting and dancing and even snogging felt safe – going home with some stranger felt much less safe. And it's not like I could invite them to the Manor. Mother was at the Manor.
Sometimes people glared at me, their eyes following me under the bright lights of the club, and I knew it was because they recognized from the War or from the papers. That was another reason I never accepted invitations to go to someone else's home or even to a hotel room. A lot of people still knew I was a Death Eater.
One night after Mother had been particularly persistent in her efforts to get me to write to Astoria Greengrass, I decided to go to the Horny Hippogriff even though this had not been a part of my plans for the evening. As I got ready, I realized that something felt different about that night and I wondered if I would finally let some guy take me home with him. I wore these wicked leather trousers that I'd bought especially for the purpose of getting blokes to hit on me. But as soon as I got to the club, I realized that all I wanted to do was drink. I kept going up to the bar and ordering martinis made with dragon vodka and hitting on the bartender. All the bartenders in that place are young and fit and wear tight clothing. I barely danced at all.
I had just sidled up to the bar to order my third (okay, fourth) martini when a dark haired man wearing an artfully ripped t-shirt turned to look at me. It was Sirius.
"Well," he said, leering at me. "If it isn't my wee, little not-gay Cousin Draco. Fancy seeing you here."
I saw that he wasn't alone – a fit, tan man with sandy blond hair was practically hanging off him. "I thought you said that young people came here," I said, looking at his gray hair pointedly.
"Maybe I like them young," he said, making eyes at his friend who was older than me but most definitely younger than Sirius.
I wanted to tell him that Lupin hadn't exactly been young, but I knew such a comment wouldn't be welcome.
"This is Augustan," he said, gesturing to his friend. "Augustan, meet Draco."
"Augustan?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. That was a pureblood name if I'd ever heard one. "Thought purebloods weren't your thing."
"You're a pureblood?" Sirius asked the man in alarm. "Why didn't you say something?"
Augustan rolled his eyes. "C'mon Sirius, let's find a table," he said.
"You go find a table," he said. "I'm going to have a chat with my dear Cousin Draco."
I shifted uncomfortably as Augustan glared at Sirius and then flounced away. Ponce.
"So," Sirius said with a grin. "What are you drinking?" Despite the fact that he was older than most of the folks in the place, he didn't stand out. The dancing glitter seemed particularly attracted to him and his hair positively shone with it. He was bright and smiling and yes, beautiful. It was difficult to believe that I was looking at a man who had spent over a decade in Azkaban. I could picture him dancing with someone like Augustan – wild, youthful, and free.
I sniffed, trying to convey disdain. "Martinis."
"You would," he said and he ordered me a martini. "You having a good time?" he asked.
"Not tonight," I said. I didn't want to tell him about Mother's insistence that I write to Astoria.
"But other nights, yeah?"
I shrugged. "I like it alright," I said.
"I'm glad," he said and for a moment he no longer looked drunk or smug or mischievous, but rather sincere. It was uncomfortable.
"Why did you tell me about this place, anyway?" I asked, gesturing vaguely at the dance floor filled with hot, sweaty bodies. "I mean, I barely know you. And the one time we'd met you mostly just yelled at me about Teddy Lupin."
He shrugged. "I don't want you to mess with Teddy," he said, picking up a shot glass of Firewhiskey and downing it in one swallow. "But I also know what it's like to be queer in a family like yours."
"I'm not -" I started, but then I decided that it would probably be ridiculous to affirm my heterosexuality at this point. "There's nothing wrong with my family," I said.
His eyes narrowed as he looked out at the dance floor. "Whatever you say, kid."
"My parents wanted to send me off somewhere to fix me," he said, suddenly. "I ran away and they disowned me."
He still wasn't looking at me. "My parents wouldn't disown me," I said.
"Wouldn't they?" He studied his empty glass regretfully.
"Mother wouldn't," I said. "And Father's in Azkaban, so it doesn't really matter." I looked at the floor – the night was becoming a real downer. I usually didn't talk this much when I came here.
The bartender brought my martini and I sipped it, leaning against the bar and closing my eyes. I opened them to see Sirius' eyes travelling down my body. I smirked.
"You're hot, kid," he said, suddenly. "Bet you get lots of attention here."
"Some." He'd ordered my martini spiked with some ridiculous fruit juice – a girl's drink. "I don't know why you're complaining, Cousin Sirius, I'm sure you get loads of attention yourself."
I hadn't really meant anything by that statement, but as my eyes met his something like a bolt of electricity passed between us. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true – I actually touched my hair to make sure it was still lying flat and not standing up straight all over my head.
"Oh," I said.
Sirius looked just as surprised as I did for a moment before he quickly regained control of himself. "We both need to get drunker," he said, looking out at the dancers without seeming to really see them.
"Yes," I said.
Sirius smiled. He didn't look at me.
So that's more or less how I ended up having gay sex with Sirius Black. I know you want to know all the gory details, but I'm not going to give them to you. Suffice it to say that we went to his apartment in London – by that time he'd shoved his tongue down my mouth and his hand down my trousers about a hundred times. We were both sort of drunk but I wasn't so drunk that I can't remember it.
By the time I woke up it was already past ten o'clock the next morning. I realized that Mother would be displeased with me, but it was too late to do anything about that now. I stretched and found that I wasn't wearing any clothing. I didn't see Sirius anywhere. Of course, this meant that I could snoop.
I hadn't paid much attention to his flat the night before, having other concerns on my mind, but now I noticed that his bedroom was rather neater than I'd expected and decorated in tasteful autumn shades. Well, he was a Black and Blacks have good taste. There weren't any clothes on the floor other than the ones we'd discarded last night and I couldn't find a speck of dust anywhere.
I got out of bed and walked over to a large vanity by the window. I opened a few of the drawers and found makeup. Did Sirius wear makeup? Now that I thought about it, his eyes did have a lot of dark shadows above them last night, though I was quite sure that I would have noticed if he'd worn makeup at Aunt Andromeda's house. I opened a black tube to find a strange, wet-looking brush. I recognized it as mascara.
The brush immediately began trying to paint my eyelashes, but I wouldn't let it. My eyelashes are blond and need no adornment, thank you very much. I rummaged around in a few more drawers and found several pictures of Harry Potter (gross) along with a few pictures of Teddy and Andromeda. Bored with the vanity, I moved onto a big radio-thing in the corner. I had never seen anything like it – I realized that it must be a Muggle device. There were several hard, thin boxes in a case nearby with the names of what I assumed were Muggle bands printed on the front.
Not finding Sirius' taste in music terribly interesting, I moved onto a small chest on top of which was a framed photograph of Remus Lupin (gross) smiling slyly at the camera. Another framed photograph showed a much younger Remus Lupin along with a young man I realized must be Harry Potter's father and Sirius himself. Sirius was grinning and waving in the picture and I might as well tell you that he was as devastatingly handsome at my age as he is today. There were flower petals scattered all around the pictures like some sort of creepy little shrine.
I heard footsteps in the hallway and quickly headed back to bed, not wanting to be caught snooping through Sirius' things. Sirius walked into the room, shirtless and drying his hair on a towel. I realized that I hadn't put on any clothes or covered myself, but I wasn't about to act self-conscious in front of Sirius.
"Er … hello," Sirius said. For the first time since I'd met him, he had the grace to look awkward.
"Hello," I said.
"Hm," he huffed. We looked at one another for a few moments longer. "Listen, I don't mean to hurt your feelings or anything, but don't you want to be leaving now, kid?"
I sat up and began searching for my clothes. "I don't really know the etiquette," I said. "It's not like I've ever done this before."
"What? Spent the night?" Sirius asked, admiring himself in the mirror. Arrogant bastard.
"Well that," I said. "And the other stuff as well." I had located my shirt which I pulled awkwardly over my body – I hadn't quite mastered Muggle buttons yet.
Sirius turned slowly. "What are you saying? You've never had sex with a man before?"
"I've never had sex with anyone before," I said, absently. I couldn't seem to find my trousers anywhere.
"Draco!" he said. I think it was the first time he'd ever called me just Draco.
"What?" I asked, looking at him.
"You – you should have told me that you were a virgin. How can you be a virgin, anyway? I was under the impression that you'd been going around to all the clubs."
"I don't know." I didn't like how he kept using the word virgin. "I don't just crawl into bed with every guy who feels me up at the clubs."
Sirius snorted. "Why the hell not? You're what – nineteen? Twenty? You never had sex when you were at Hogwarts? With one of your friends after you finished school?" He was starting to sound desperate.
I had spent my last two years at Hogwarts worrying that the Dark Lord was going to kill my family. And I didn't exactly have any friends although I wasn't eager to share this bit of information with Sirius. Even Astoria only visited me because of our parents. "Not everyone is as easy as you," I said.
"You should have told me you were a virgin," he repeated. "I could have gone slower or explained things better or something." He was running his hands through his hair and looking agitated.
"You wouldn't have slept with me," I said, still looking for my trousers among Sirius' numerous bedclothes. "Or you would have been weird about it. You seemed to know what you were doing – I didn't want to mess things up."
Sirius shook his head. "Did you at least – you know – like it and everything?"
He looked at me anxiously. "I fucking loved it," I muttered, not feeling entirely happy about that fact.
"You should tell your mum that you're gay," he said.
Could I tell Mother? I was fairly certain that she wouldn't be thrilled that I was interested in men. On the other hand, if anyone would support me through anything then it would be her. And I couldn't picture myself married to Astoria Greengrass and this seemed the surest way to make that fact absolutely known. "Okay, I'll tell her," I said. "But you have to come with me."
Sirius' eyes widened. "Why me?"
I crossed my arms at him. "Because you're my boyfriend now."
His eyes widened even further. "Kid. I am not your boyfriend."
I smirked. "So you just stole my virginity and now you're going to leave me, is that it?"
He blinked. "I hardly stole -"
Gryffindors were so easy. "That's what it'll sound like when I tell Mother. And Aunt Andromeda – I'm her favorite nephew, you know."
"You're her only nephew," Sirius said.
I ignored him. "Really, I can't wait to see the look on Aunt Andromeda's face when I tell her you popped my arse cherry and then wouldn't give me the time of day afterwards. They'll think you corrupted me."
"You're a former Death Eater!" Sirius said.
"I'm a baby. An innocent. And with all your experience, you should have known -"
"Fine," Sirius said. "Fine. I'll go with you. Just what I need – more Black family incest drama. I swear, it's the Christmas of '73 all over again."
"What happened at the Christmas of '73?" I asked.
"Wouldn't you like to know," Sirius said, smirking and drying his beautiful curls on his towel.
"Dress pretty," I said. "I wouldn't want Mother to think my new boyfriend is a slob."
He flipped me two fingers and went back to drying his hair.
Okay, so in spite of my bravado, I was terrified. When we Apparated onto the grounds, Sirius changed into Snuffles and spent several minutes chasing the peacocks, which I have to admit was highly amusing. After some time, he transformed back into Sirius and took my arm. "C'mon kid," he said.
"I changed my mind," I whispered, looking up at the Manor. Never had it looked so imposing. I thought of all those generations of Malfoys who did what they were supposed to do and married nice, pureblood girls and had families. Hundreds of years of them. And now me.
"This was your idea," Sirius growled. "Now come on. Show a little backbone." I was fairly certain that telling Mother had been Sirius' idea, but I didn't correct him.
He positively dragged me up the steps and into the Manor. Nibbly the house-elf informed us that Mother was taking tea in the east parlor. When we arrived in the east parlor, we found Aunt Andromeda sitting with Mother, laughing pleasantly. Well, I supposed there was no harm in telling them both at once.
"Draco," Mother said, quite coolly. "I was beginning to get worried. It isn't often you don't come home at night. And – Sirius. How lovely to see you again." She arose and kissed Sirius on both cheeks.
"Hello Cissy," Sirius said, warmly. "I thought I'd return your lost pup."
This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Back at Sirius' apartment it had seemed like the beginnings of a great Slytherin scheme to guilt Sirius into a relationship. Now it just seemed like a good way to give Mother a heart attack.
"Sirius," Aunt Andromeda said, giving him a strange look. She, at least, could tell that he was up to something.
Mother called Nibbly and made her bring the two of us some tea. Then she turned to Sirius and said: "I don't believe you've ever been the Manor."
"Er ... no," Sirius said. "You and Lucius weren't married until after Mother kicked me out of the family. But Harry tells me that the dungeons are lovely."
This statement clearly broke the unspoken rule that said we didn't talk about the war and so it was met with total silence. Aunt Andromeda arched an eyebrow in Sirius' direction.
"Was there something you wanted from me, Sirius?" Mother asked, at last.
"Actually Mother, I -" I started, but I couldn't finish. I kept opening my mouth and no sound came out.
"Draco wanted to tell you something," Sirius prodded, sounding almost tender – so different from his usual teasing tone of voice.
"Oh?" Mother asked, her lips compressed into a prim little line.
"Yes," I said, quietly. "I – I'm -" I couldn't say it to her. I couldn't. I couldn't even say it to myself yet.
"He's gay," Sirius said, flatly.
Mother looked from me to Sirius. "Don't be ridiculous," she said, sipping her tea.
"It's not ridiculous!" I burst out even though I hadn't even been able to say it.
Mother ignored me. "How would you know anyway?" she asked Sirius.
"How would I know?" Sirius asked. "How about the fact that he blatantly checks out every man he sees? How about the fact that he's never had a real girlfriend? Oh, and I had sex with him last night."
"Sirius!" said everyone at once. Sirius ducked his head and grinned almost as if he liked the negative attention. Git.
Aunt Andromeda was the first to recover. "Honestly Sirius, he's barely out of Hogwarts. Don't you think you should have shown some restraint for once in your life?"
Sirius crossed his arms. "Why is everything always my fault?" he whined. "He was there too." He gestured in my direction.
"He's a child," Mother said, coldly.
Sirius glanced in my direction. "Told you so," I mouthed.
"He's not a child," he said. "He's been of age for years."
"He's young enough to be your son, Sirius," Aunt Andromeda said. Her eyebrow was going crazy.
Mother started crying. I couldn't tell if it was real crying or fake crying (Mother is quite adept at the art of fake crying). "He's just a baby," she said. Aunt Andromeda put an arm around Mother's shoulder in comfort.
"God, this is just like the both of you," said Sirius, sounding rather like a petulant teenager. "Everything in this family is always my fault."
Mother ignored him. "So you're having sex with men now?" she asked me. "Is that it?"
"Not men plural," I said, horrified at the thought of Mother imagining me with hordes of men. "Just him." I gestured at Sirius.
"Sirius!" Aunt Andromeda said, reprovingly.
"But it's okay because he's my boyfriend now," I said.
"Whoa," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I think boyfriend is probably a little too strong a word."
Mother and Aunt Andromeda both glared at him. "So my son isn't good enough to be your boyfriend?" Mother asked, drying her eyes remarkably quickly.
"I didn't say -"
"The werewolf is good enough to be your boyfriend, but not Draco."
"Hey," Sirius said, sounding angry, "don't drag him into this."
I decided that this would be a good time to have a fake cry before Mother and Sirius managed to ruin everything between them. I burst into tears. What can I say? Mother has taught me a few tricks in her time.
"Now, now, Draco," Aunt Andromeda said. "I'm sure that Sirius didn't mean anything by it. He's just … impulsive."
"Andi!" Mother said. "Don't encourage them!"
Aunt Andromeda rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's not that bad, Narcissa. Look on the bright side … at least he's a pureblood."
I'm pretty sure that Aunt Andromeda was being sarcastic when she said that, but Mother visibly brightened anyway. "Well, there is that, I suppose," she sniffed. She looked Sirius over speculatively. "His bloodlines are impeccable."
Sirius blinked and then laughed. "That's a bit self-congratulatory of you, don't you think?" he asked.
Mother ignored him. "And he's rich. And well connected. And he's Harry Potter's godfather," she said, slowly.
Her face was beginning to take on a positively greedy expression that I recognized well. "Really, if it weren't for the fact that he's a man it wouldn't be a bad match." She gave Sirius another appraising glance. "Have you ever considered all male methods of procreation?"
Sirius choked on his tea. "You mean like male pregnancy? No! Definitely not," he said.
"Well, Draco wants to have children," Mother said, frowning. "Don't you dear?"
I actually wasn't terribly attached to the idea of children although I wasn't quite ready to tell Mother this bit of information. As a pureblood heir of a great family I was expected to make other little purebloods and I didn't think that Mother would let me out of that responsibility easily. Father certainly wouldn't have.
"Mother! Don't scare him away – we only just started dating," I said.
Aunt Andromeda sipped her tea calmly. "It's the Christmas of '73 all over again," she said.
And that's more or less how I started dating Sirius Black.
3 months later
"You know," I drawled. "I think you're slipping, Sirius. You bought Teddy books for Christmas? Definitely slipping."
We were sitting in Sirius' living room, drinking hot chocolate and discussing the Christmas festivities at Aunt Andromeda's house. He was in relatively good spirits, being mostly drunk. I was only mildly annoyed that he insisted on wearing a red and white fluffy hat that was apparently related to some sort of Muggle Christmas tradition. Sirius' apartment looked quite good if I did say so myself – I'd had my house-elves string fairy lights from the windows and put up plenty of greenery.
"You and your Mother bought the poor child dress robes," Sirius said. "What kid wants dress robes for Christmas?"
"Mother and I aren't trying to suck up to him," I said, loftily. "Unlike you." I'd expected Sirius to buy Teddy Quidditch gear or one of those toy wands that shoots real sparks or something equally extravagant. Sirius was one for buying people expensive gifts – something I'd learned over the last few months. So imagine my surprise when earlier this evening Teddy opened his gift of several picture books and a whole stack of chocolate frogs from Sirius.
Sirius shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. "Harry got him that snitch," he said.
"Prat," I said, although I have to admit that I was getting used to Potter. For a world-saving Gryffindor, he wasn't so bad. At least he didn't freak out too badly when he found out that Sirius and I were seeing one another.
"It's just – that's what I would have got Remus, you know? Books and chocolate."
"Sorry," he said. "I know you don't like it when I talk about him."
I scooted closer to him on the sofa we were sharing. "I don't mind," I lied. I figure that when you really like someone, you tell him these kinds of lies sometimes. "We all lost people in the war. Although … you realize that Teddy isn't Remus Lupin reincarnated, don't you?"
"Of course," Sirius said, sounding only a bit irritable. "I think he looks a little like him sometimes, though. Don't you?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I see a lot of Dora in him." Sometimes it hurt to look at Teddy because it made me remember Dora, but most of the time Teddy was just himself.
"Yeah, that too," Sirius agreed. "But I think he's going to have Remus' nose."
I rolled my eyes. "He's a Metamorphmagus. He'll have whatever nose he likes."
Sirius smiled. "You're probably right." He reached out and touched a lock of my hair. "It's not about you when I think of Remus, you know," he said. "I mean, it's not because there's anything wrong with you and I. Besides the obvious, I mean." He grinned.
"That would be why you asked me to move in with you," I said with a small smile.
"Yeah," he took my hand. "Have you told your mother about that yet?"
"She's picking out china patterns."
Sirius laughed. "And did you tell her that we're not getting married? And definitely not having kids?"
"For about the thousandth time now," I said. "Our first born son is to be named Scorpius and our second will be Lucius. According to Mother."
Sirius raised his eyebrows at me. "Did you tell her that on the off chance that I ever decide to reproduce that it will be a cold day in hell before I name my child after your father? No offense."
"I didn't put it exactly like that, no," I said, finishing off my hot chocolate. "So are you going to invite me to spend the night or what?"
He laughed and pulled me close to him. "Since when do you need an invitation to spend the night? You practically forced me to date you."
"I'm a Slytherin," I sniffed. "I know how to get what I want. And you loved it."
"I suppose I did," he said, carding his hands through my hair in a fond way.
"You know, unlike you, I don't particularly like being petted." I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand.
"You love it," Sirius said. "Dearest Draco, could you possibly be persuaded to spend the night at my humble home?"
I opened my eyes and looked at him smirking at me. "Well, I have always wanted a dog," I said. "Maybe I could be persuaded to take in an old stray. A very old -"
He kissed me. And no, I'm not going to tell you anymore about it.