ACA: Assembly of Christian Authors
Alright I've noticed that there are a lot of Christian Authors on this site, so I had the idea of making an assembly where Christian Writers can come and talk about their stories and their faith. Enjoy!
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Amita4ever

We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. Cimh was no exception. You have only to visit the "Remembering Kristina Williams" page on Facebook to see how many lives she touched.

Eva suggested moving the conversation from the 'How do you do' thread, which seems wise, and after some thought I decided to take it upon myself to create a thread dedicated to Cimh where discussion could occur outside of prayer or prayer requests.

If another title is desired, it may be changed.

If the thread is unwanted, it may be deleted.

It is meant to provide a quiet 'room' away from the public eye for us to mourn, share and comfort, but I take no offense if the forum wishes to do things differently.

4/27/2010 #1
JaganshiKenshin

How would I find that facebook page? I've been reading Cimh's f-net profile. Anything I say to express my sadness and sorrow will probably seem trite, but my prayers continue.

4/27/2010 #2
Amita4ever

It's listed as a a public group so you should be able to find it with a search if this doesn't work...

FB LINK HERE: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=122427544434778&v=wall

The link should have come thru your notifications intact, but if not try this...

www DOT facebook DOT com SLASH home DOT php?ref=home#! SLASH group DOT php?gid=122427544434778&v=wall

Hopefully I broke up the "web address" formula enough to fool the filters. Take out the spaces and replace the capitalized words with the appropriate punctuation.

4/28/2010 #3
InChrist-Billios

I spoke at Kristina's service on Tuesday. I spent three hours staring at the computer screen Monday night, trying to figure out what to say. What I ended up with was more of a written piece than a speech, so I just read it. I thought I'd post it here for those of you who didn't know Kristina in real life, to see what I'll be remembering and what meant the most to me as her sister.

--

I've only been to two of these things in my life, and I don't really know what to say. These past few days, I haven't had any words, anyway. Everything has been moving too quickly, and yet so … slowly. It's not that it doesn't seem real yet, because it definitely does. But sometimes, I just expect her to be there, like she's always been there. When people put a hand on me to comfort me, I still have the gut reflex I've had for a long time asking, "Is Kristina being comforted, too?" and I almost look to my left to make sure. When I leave the house, because I just need to get away, I think, "Will Kristina be okay without me there?" She's been my second thought for so long, especially when things get rough, because I knew she'd never ask for help – but she'd want it.

She was a great sister. We didn't agree on anything, it seemed like – we liked different music, movies, books, and activities. She liked to dance in the rain, and I liked to take walks in autumn. She liked soft music, and I liked more grungy stuff. Yet in spite of all these differences, we've always gotten along. We always found something to laugh at together, even if it was just how ridiculous our relationship was. Many times, we would just sit in one of our bedrooms and do homework together, barely talking. I remember several times, when one of just didn't want to be alone, we would have a mini-sleepover in the other one's room, talking until we were almost muttering in our sleep. It always baffled the both of us how well we got along, and how we never ran out of things to talk about.

We were very different. She always looked adorable – cute skirts, matching shirts, coordinating vests, and just the right amount of makeup – while I looked like … well, like the thrift store reject dummy. Haha. Somehow, people always mixed us up. Even one of my college friends looked at Kristina and asked if she'd seen her before, before realizing that she was just thinking Kristina was me. We were planning a Sunday, actually, where we would switch our clothes and see how many people would be confused.

She helped me out in so many ways. When I called her in a panic from downtown Dayton saying the highway had dumped me off here instead of route 4, she ran to the nearest computer and gave me directions, following me on the map and staying on the line until I was safely on my way to Wright State once more. And this was not a one-time occurrence. She helped me out of a driving fix several times. She used to help me with my chores when my friends came over, so I could hang out with them. She would listen to me when I had anything to vent about. And, for those three weeks where we both had a boyfriend – we talked a lot about what that looked like and how everything was going.

She liked the stars, and the moon. Last summer, up at the cottage, there was a night that was very windy and clear. We were both outside on the front lawn for some reason, I don't even know why, but we stood there for an hour, just staring up at the sky. She showed me where the Three Sisters constellation was – it looks like a W, like Williams, she said, our own constellation – and we were both just quiet. The wind was blowing clouds across the sky at an unreal pace. It was one of the most surreal and beautiful experiences of my life. She said she'd remember it forever, and I agreed.

She hated being on stage. She would much rather work behind the scenes than in front of people, which is why she knew everything about the tech booth in Kid Central backwards and forwards. When she came up to visit me at college a few weeks ago, she even made a point of being sure that she was awake early in case anyone at church needed to ask her a question about how to run things.

I was so excited for her to come visit, I'm pretty sure I was being obnoxious about it, actually. Like every time we talked, I'd end with, "And I can't wait to see you in ___ days!!" And I couldn't wait. I had meals lined up with all my friends, and I arranged for an extra ticket to Wicked to be purchased so she could come and see the show with me. She rolled her eyes at me when I cried at "Defying Gravity" and said she couldn't cry because she was wearing mascara. I told her she was too much of a girl. But, I think she had fun. She said she didn't think she'd ever be able to see a real live musical, and she was excited to go. I'm glad she did.

She hated injustice. She always stood up for people who couldn't or wouldn't stand up for themselves. She was brought to tears by some of the unfair judgments passed on her friends and family, something that put me in check. She made me have a softer heart towards people.

She made me laugh at the silly things, because I couldn't help but laugh with her when she did. Her whole face would crinkle up, and she'd stick her fist in front of her mouth (like that would stop anything), and then she'd collapse to the floor in a jingle of keys and a flurry of skirt. It was such a ridiculous overreaction, that anyone nearby couldn't help laughing as well.

She loved music. She learned to play the guitar, and she played so much on several occasions that she would wear the skin off her fingers. She struggled for the longest time being able to sing and play at the same time. She could sing along with other instruments, and she could play along with the band, but she couldn't sing in tune and play the song for the life of her. A few times, she just asked me to sit on the living room floor with her while she played and tell her if she was right. She'd start to play and sing, and I'd start singing the melody (usually a good three or four steps above where she was) and she would just stop playing. "Really?" she'd say, and we'd both laugh. Recently, she learned how to sing and play, finally, and it was beautiful.

She really loved to have jam sessions, something our friends also enjoyed. Lots of times, though, when we couldn't get a group together, the two of us would just play. We'd share some chord sheets, her on the guitar and me on the keyboard, and just play whatever worship music she had nearby. It was peaceful, and those times are some of my most treasured memories of us.

For the last few years, we've worn the exact same size of everything (except shoes – her feet were at least a half size larger than mine, because she was a good inch and a half taller) so we shared a lot of clothes – intentionally or otherwise. It's come to a point where there are several items that changed owners completely, and we'd almost forgotten whose they were to begin with.

When she memorized scripture, she was serious about it. If you've ever been into the girl's bathroom, you know exactly what I mean. She didn't just memorize to recite for Awana and then forget it – she had the whole year's worth of True North verses written out and taped to our bathroom wall before True North even started. Even the camp verses were up there in May last year, before I even knew they were available. And it wasn't just verses – her whole part of the bathroom is plastered with notecards bearing quotes, verses, or encouraging thoughts. I got so used to looking at them that I barely noticed them anymore, but one of them caught my eye on Saturday. I'm going to read it now:

"You have to make a conscious choice to live for God every day, every morning, sometimes every second. Even when you don't feel like it, even when your mind is screaming NO! It will be alright in the end. God promises He will provide our every need. Not our wants, but our needs. He provides everything we are, and we have nothing without Him. We are nothing without Him. He has to be enough for us. He just has to be."

Yesterday, I saw heavenrays, and they made me think of her.

4/29/2010 . Edited 4/29/2010 #4
Amita4ever

Billi, that was so beautiful. I was born an only child (I have a brother, adopted, but that is its own story). You make me jealous. I can only imagine the heart wrenching pain you and your family are going through right now, but to have have had such a sister as Cimh... to have had such a relationship with such a wonderful Godly sister. She was so blessed to have you, and you, her. Such a relationship many can only dream of or wish for. You have so many memories to cherish.... The time you had with her is such a gift. I pray those memories become a source of comfort and joy in time, for I know right now they must only be reminders. My heart so longs to hold you and cry with you.

I was too late for the memorial, but found a flower store in your town who assured me they could deliver flowers to your house. It occurs to me, however, that these are such ephemeral shows of sympathy and you may have quite enough flowers right now. Would flowers from a stranger be a pleasant surprise to your parents, showing them how Cimh touched the life of someone across the states via the Internet, or is there some charity I can make a donation to in Cimh's name to honor her?

4/29/2010 #5
Mazkeraide

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss, Billi. I am very close to my entire family and I can only imagine what you are going through. I didn't know Cimh very well myself, but I can tell by the amount of love on this forum and on the Facebook page that she made a huge impact on every community she was part of. You and your family are in my prayers.

4/29/2010 #6
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor

I am so glad you shared that speech with us Billi.

I went on Craig's business gmail account which I used to use for fanfiction before I got my own. I know I had quite a bit of stuff from Cimh on it and I wanted to remember her, but it had all been deleted.

I remember she once told me that she was like Corne in her story. Invisible. Reclusive. Drawn to inanimate ways to contribute rather than people like the soundsystem thing you mentioned. She also told me she loved babies and small children because they didn't make her feel invisible like her peers did. They loved her and let her love them. She wrote that when she was feeling a bit lonely and down, and things seemed to pick up after that. I love the way you describe her and your relationship with her. I think there were times when she didn't want to tell you that she was feeling down because she knew it would hurt you. It was easier to write about it to a comparative stranger. She also didn't want to be a burden to your mother at the time when your Poppy was sick and she was having her own health problems. I hope I told her that people who love her they way her family do would actually welcome the privilege of sharing her burden... but I can't remember if I did.

She never seemed invisible to me. I found her intriguing from the first. For months I thought that picture on her Av of the young teen in a school uniform was actually her (I think it might have been a Harry Potter girl), and then when she changed them to pretty fairies, I just started to imagine her as a pretty fairy (I guess I must be quite a visual learning style). She didn't contribute that much in the way of conversation, but I always enjoyed her opinions and perspectives. Remember Cimh and Seraph staying up all night -so tired, that they were talking nonsense half the time! They started the insomniacs thread so they wouldn't overload people's inboxes with their random musings.

I remember having quite a few questions about Isis in our Spectacular forum story Thingie: Another character she associated herself very closely with. To my grief those PMs are all lost too. I would have loved to share them here. I guess it would be a bit like going through her journals and writings and trying to piece together the missing pieces of who she was. I remember that she said that Isis did not call herself a witch, that was what others called her. She saw herself as a healer and a servant of the needy. She was loyal to the queen (in our story, Billi"s character... significantly), and wished to stay out of the court intrigues, but if pushed, would side with the queen.

It made me think about her own tendency to help support and ease the burden of those she loves. I am sure if she only knew what huge pain her death would bring those she lived for she never would have chosen it.

I still don't understand why God let her do it. Such a sweet sensitive soul. So open to worshipping him and laying down her own desires to please him. I heard a brief message about 1 Corinthians 10:13 last night, and it felt all wrong. I found myself getting angry at God again. That verse has been one of my favourites for the last 20 years, as he has proved himself faithful to keep it again and again. But why did her not keep it for Cimh? Or is it just that she did not take the way of escape he provided? And if that is so, then why ever not?

I guess we will never know, or at least not until we join her in heaven and get to ask her in person. Still I would be a hypocrite if I pretended it hasn't rocked my faith severely. I am cut to the core. I always thought that God's word and his Holy Spirit indwelling us was all we needed for life and godliness... spiritual life that is. But I guess, like so many other areas he has had to show me my naievity in, people are more complicated than that. I sometimes despair of ever being of use to him, I get it so wrong so often.

When I say "rocked my faith severely", I mean my faith in myself not my faith in God. I know HE is always constant and faithful, but I am so clumsy and slow to learn. I wonder if the sanctification thing is really happening or if I am just reverting to my old idealistic but ineffective rut. I know there is some faulty reasoning there, but I honestly can't be bothered figuring it out right now. Only got 3 hours sleep last night preparing for a little girls birthday party, and needs to cook tea, put children to bed and somehow awaken fresh for bread merchandising at 4am tomorrow. (Relieving for Elki in her job).

Please forgive my wallowing. I probably shouldn't have even gone on here in this state. I just can't get Kristina off my mind no matter what I do. *eyes pricking*

4/30/2010 . Edited 5/1/2010 #7
Rickashay

I thought that that was very beautiful Billi. I have a sister that's right above me, and even though she thinks reading is a waste of time, and writing even more. She's an artist while I write, we're so different and yet we can talk about almost anything. I'll keep praying for you, and I'm honestly sorry that I don't know her. She seems like a wonderful person.

5/3/2010 #8
Raenad

The first thing I remember about Cimh is her sweet, kind, welcoming spirit. I enjoyed reading what she had to say, and I completely related when she once said that she had "Hermione hair". *smiles*

I only knew Cimh from the conversations on this forum, and our brief chats on facebook, and by playing apps on facebook (*grin*), but she and Billi always impressed me as being the type of young ladies that I want my girls to become one day: sweet spirited, Godly women who love the Lord with all their hearts. And I still hold that opinion.

Cimh, you will be missed, even by those of us who can only say we knew you in the virtual world. I'm very sad that you've gone to be with the Lord so soon, but one day I'll be there with you, and we'll all sing with the angels, together. God bless you, my sister in Christ.

5/3/2010 #9
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor

It is almost a year since Kristina/Cimh died. I wonder what thoughts were going through her head this time a year ago...

If only you had shared them with us Kristina! Maybe you would still be with us!

But No, God had numbered her days and for some reason, known only to himself, her number was a very low one.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those that love God and who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son, that he might be the first born among many brethren. Moreover whom he predestined, these He also called; whom he called, these he also justified; and whom he justified, these he also glorified.

"What shall we say to these things? If God is for us who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son but delivered Him up for us all, how shall he not with Him freely give us all things?

"Who shall separate us form the love of Messiah? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ...Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death or life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Messiah Yeshua, our Lord." Romans 8:28-32, 35-39

Kristina was the first in our forum to pass over to the other side of that great mystery called death. Each of us will also go that way when God's numbered days for us are over. And yet in him we are not separated, for His love is able to cross that divide which to man is uncrossable. No hardship we might experience in this life is able to come between us and our Anointed Lord Yeshua. He is the only friend we will have always, and because of Him we will be reunited with Kristina, in great joy, when our work here is done.

I love that part about His purposes, which he calls us to, being "to conform us to the image of His son." It helps so much when we ask the great "Why God???!!!" question.

I believe that Kristina's death has made me more like Yeshua. It has taught me that even precious children, who belong to Him, can break his heart with their wrong choices, just like she broke mine. It has taught me that bearing the pain and sins of others hurts... excruciatingly! If I want to have a ministry of compassion and spiritual healing like he did, then I must be prepared for lots of pain. It has also taught me to be more faithful at interceding for my friends who I have committed myself to pray for. Yeshua never fails to intercede for us, and yet I let Kristina down. I got complacent when things seemed to be going well for her.

... Actually, now I come to think of it, perhaps I have not really learned that lesson yet *blushes*, but I guess I am more aware of the need to be growing in that area. I think I need to get back to making prayer lists to jog my memory about those long term ones. I am sure Yeshua did not need lists, but if I am to be like him then I must find some way to get there...

I would love to hear some of the ways that God has made each of you 'conformed to the image of His son' through this process as well, of maybe some other things you have learned though this difficult year. In the Maori culture one year after a person dies we meet together around the graveside in what is called an 'unveiling' ceremony. I won't go into details about where that practice came from, but it has come to be another opportunity for family and friends to gather once more, and remember their loved one, weep together again and let go some of the burden of grief they have carried.

Please pass on our deep sorrow, love and sympathy to your family Billi, at this time of painful memories. We love you.

4/4/2011 #10
The Little Blue Fairy

Oh No,I am so sorry.

I had no idea that Cimh had died,*buries her face in her hands and sobs quietly*,I had always thought that she was at college studying and that was why she wasn,t coming on here frequently.

Again,I am so sorry,Billi my deepest sympathy,and love to your family,I know how hard it is when you lose someone so close to you,it is truly heartbreaking.Just recently I also lost someone dear to me,Anne,She was not related to me in any way,She was just a family friend,who we saw every Sunday,she died just last month,and even though I thought that I had recovered,when ever I see a picture of her I just break down and cry and cry,it must be so hard for you,Billi and your family.

But we can always find strength in the Lord,He is our rock and anchor,and we can Always lean and depend on Him.

4/7/2011 #11
The Little Blue Fairy

I've only been to two of these things in my life, and I don't really know what to say. These past few days, I haven't had any words, anyway. Everything has been moving too quickly, andyet so … slowly. It's not that it doesn't seem real yet, because it definitely does. But sometimes, I just expect her to be there, like she's always been there. When people put a hand on me to comfort me, I still have the gut reflex I've had for a long time asking, "Is Kristina being comforted, too?" and I almost look to my left to make sure. When I leave the house, because I just need to get away, I think, "Will Kristina be okay without me there?" She's been my second thought for so long, especially when things get rough, because I knew she'd never ask for help – but she'd want it.

She was a great sister. We didn't agree on anything, it seemed like – we liked different music, movies, books, and activities. She liked to dance in the rain, and I liked to take walks in autumn. She liked soft music, and I liked more grungy stuff. Yet in spite of all these differences, we've always gotten along. We always found something to laugh at together, even if it was just how ridiculous our relationship was. Many times, we would just sit in one of our bedrooms and do homework together, barely talking. I remember several times, when one of just didn't want to be alone, we would have a mini-sleepover in the other one's room, talking until we were almost muttering in our sleep. It always baffled the both of us how well we got along, and how we never ran out of things to talk about.

I just read this and it made me cry, I never knew her-I wish I did she sounds like she was an amazing person

5/13/2011 . Edited 5/21/2013 #12
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