...It's been awhile, hasn't it? Things in life come and go, and I guess my mind is going. I'm turning seventeen in no more than three weeks, and I've been doing a lot of about my life. About what I've done, been doing, what I regret, and what I'm grateful for. Sort of like how your life flashes before your eyes, except a lot slower and more...how should I put it? Reflective? An introspection of sorts, I guess. A lot of the time, my thoughts have landed on around the time when I was twelve or so, because that's when I feel a lot of things in my life went into full gear. I've been thinking about all this--and sorry to vent here, but I guess I just had nowhere else to go. :/ Or, I guess I just feel that I can relax around here and speak my mind.
Back then, I was some know-it-all, smart-aleck kid who was in over his head and thought he was mature enough to hang with older people( and I still am, kind of). You could even say I made a fool out of myself. To put it simply, I was an idiot back then. But back then, I always had fun, and gave it my all every day (except for school, f*** school). I didn't have many friends as a kid, and was used to being picked on. I had my fair share of childhood friendships, betrayals, and unexpected confidants. By the time I graduated, I had become friends with pretty much everyone, and parted with them on good terms despite the past.I hold my last two years off middle school in high regard as my best ones in my life, as that's where most of what shaped me as a person had come from. Half of that experience was from real life, and the other half from this very place.
More recently, my high school years. To think that I was a freshman a whole 3 years ago...Christ. Like anybody, I was a (unusually) nervous wreck when I started high school. For one thing, nobody from my graduating class attended my school of choice (I was actually eligible for this one really good school, but I chose the school with the best commute. 10 min walks are soooo good compared to stupid hour long bus rides), so basically, everything was a fresh experience. It was so bad, that for the first week of high school I literally wandered the halls aimlessly every lunch break. I didn't have a single person to confide in because I knew absolutely no one. (There was actually 1 guy I got close to, but then he transferred out without so much as a word in advance. I wonder where he is to this day.) By the end of the first week, though, I'd settled in properly. By the end of the first month, I'd found friends I could trust, and had a less than noteworthy but fairly good first year. From this, I learned how to fit into a normal teenager's social life.
My second and third years of high school have come ever so close to my middle school years in terms of my life. In those years, I gained invaluable friends, pursued what I loved, and just overall attained what I believe to be success in my life. It's gotten to the point where I actually have a (read: IRL) life now, and I actually leave home on a (sometimes daily) normal basis. I'd never gone out much as a kid, and even though I had good friends in middle school, I never really saw them outside of school. These years have really been my shining moments in real life.
But lately...no, not even lately. For awhile now, I've been feeling this lingering emptiness. Like a sort of longing. Sure, I've had a lot of real life experiences, but my thoughts have been falling here. On LM. Actually, I've been thinking about it for a very long time, even when things were still quite active around here. "Would we still be around after 10 years?" Back then we passed it off as something that wasn't important, something that we didn't need to think about.
Basically, you guys, and time we all shared in those years were, needless to say, very important and precious to me, and I treasure it all even still. As I said earlier, a lot of what is me today came from here...when I think about it, the first friends I could really confide in were you guys.
Not even just that, but for the first time in my life, I realize that I become someone who could be confided in. For the first time in my life, I felt that I made a real connection to other people (the irony when i realize that this was over an internet connection). I remember how I stumbled upon this place, when it was something humble, I guess like a small and calm place like a Floccesy Town, and how it grew over time into a Goldenrod City. Needless to say, I've missed those times, that place. I've missed the new experiences, whether or not they be good or bad. Either way, it brought all of us closer in some form or shape.
Most importantly, I miss the ones I hung out with all the time.
I guess you could say it's a little selfish...maybe even hypocritical of me. I mean, I haven't been the most active person on LM either. I fully understand that because it's been such a long time, we have grown. Hell, even I'll be an adult in a year. Would I be right in saying that not all of us have the leisure that we once did? Though, I've been pretty bad about this myself...I have all the free time in the world and I show myself here about once a month...It's also pretty bad that sometimes I even see the alerts but never bother to join the conversation myself. I feel like I've grown too distant with this place, and that's not acceptable for me.
These days, because it's summer and there's really not a lot to think about other than myself and my life, these thoughts have been floating around in my head. I wonder what everyone is doing. I wonder where everyone is. I don't see nearly as many names as I expect to see, and I worry, even though I'm not even there. "Where did everyone go?", I suppose was my reaction.
It's funny, too, that even though I've been thinking this long, I haven't been able to say anything until now. Maybe it's due in part to Pokemon. After all, the whole reason I came here, and the whole reason this place is standing is because of Pokemon. About a month ago, I turned on Emerald, and from there I surfaced into the world of Pokemon once again. I'd just played through Platinum and HeartGold in the weeks following that, and I finally picked up and completed White. This week I got White 2 in the mail and I've been playing it nonstop...even though I was so against Gen 5 back then when it was first announced. I've fallen in love all over again, you could say. Since then, my thoughts about the current state of LM had only hardened.
I hope I'm not being too dramatic about this, but these are my sincere thoughts, for the last year or so.
With that said...it really has been awhile, hasn't it?7/11/2013 #1
|DB the Unknown
...you DO realize we have a Facebook group where folks still chat regularly, right? 0.o7/11/2013 #2
...Huh. Wish I'd known about that before. Now I feel pretty dumb for even having these thoughts. *sigh*
This really stems from my avoidance of Facebook, so that's 100% my fault. _ The more you know, I guess?7/11/2013 #3
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