The Domain
The price of citizenship is still, to some extent, your personal freedom.
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Qzil

Oh, not to mention the fact that I had two freaking stalkers that wouldn't leave me alone the whole effing cruise.

1/4/2009 #391
lacihparg

School tomorrow.

1/4/2009 #392
Silent Memento
I feel like utter shit at the moment. It feels like everything is going wrong in my life. I can barely talk to you guys. I have no fucking computer, so I'm stuck with my brother's shitty ipod to type up this one fucking message. Everything that could go wrong is going horribly wrong. I feel extremely depressed, and I came very close to having some sort of heart panic, or something like that. My chest felt like it was being constricted, and ironically, that's how I feel in general. -sigh- I'm sorry for this load of bullshit, but I needed someone to talk to.
1/4/2009 #393
lacihparg

Mem, if you really need to let it out, I'm only a PM away.

1/5/2009 #394
Rising Dusk

I feel like utter shit at the moment. It feels like everything is going wrong in my life. I can barely talk to you guys. I have no fucking computer, so I'm stuck with my brother's shitty ipod to type up this one fucking message. Everything that could go wrong is going horribly wrong. I feel extremely depressed, and I came very close to having some sort of heart panic, or something like that. My chest felt like it was being constricted, and ironically, that's how I feel in general. -sigh- I'm sorry for this load of bullshit, but I needed someone to talk to.]

I think that's actually a condition because that happened to me when I left Florida. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now, and I sincerely hope you will be able to join us soon again. PM if you feel the need. I will always listen.

1/5/2009 #395
Qzil

I am being fucking stalked.

That kid from the cruise got my e-mail and he won't leave me the fuck alone.

1/6/2009 #396
painted.inkblot

I HATE MY BACK BRACE SO MUCH. ARGHHHHH.

1/6/2009 #397
Silver-hair Angel

That makes like the thirteenth reference to that backbrace. XD

1/7/2009 #398
painted.inkblot

I know. xD I was mentioning it on every thread I could in which it would make sense, basically.

1/7/2009 #399
Silver-hair Angel

I know. xD I was mentioning it on every thread I could in which it would make sense, basically.

So... feel better? XD

1/8/2009 #400
lacihparg

Oh, gosh, guys. I am so mad at myself right now. today at track I was told to stop running and...I just can't describe how I feel right now. I'm literally crying. I feel terrible. I just want to curl up and die! I haven't cried in so long and my body can't remember what to do... I can barely breathe, the tears aren't...um...'flowing freely,' and my vision is blurry. I just need all of you to feel for me. I feel so bad right now. I'm frustrated with myself, and because of that I have three options: a) inflict physical pain on myself (cutting, becoming emo, etc.) b) take my pain out on others to make myself feel better c) ignore everything and just bottle it all up inside I only want to do c because I don't like to burden other people with my problems. I just can't say no because I don't like to hurt other people. I describe myself as sarcastic, cynical, a bitch, and yet I'm still caring. I really need you guys to help me. Can all of you just listen to me? I need to let it all out. I haven't in so long... Bailey

1/13/2009 #401
Feigning My Innocence

-hugs- I'll listen if you want to rant.

1/13/2009 #402
Lei-lassassin

You know I'm only a PM away, daughter~

1/13/2009 #403
Qzil

/A rant presented to you by Summer/QQ/whateverthefuck/

Okay, so this happened yesterday. The day before yesterday my mother drove me to school so I wore a skirt. Everyone reacted like, "Oh my gosh, Sharpie's wearing a skirt!" "Are you okay?" "Who are you and what have you done with Sharpie?" "Okay Michelle, what's wrong?"

It. Was. A. Skirt. Not cut marks. Not raggedly cut hair. Not a very ugly hair color. Not anything out of the "ordinary" but a skirt. So, I asked if it was so weird for me to wear a skirt. I got, "Well...yes. It is." When I asked why, I got a "just because. You're Sharpie. You don't wear skirts."

What. The. Fucking. Fuckery? All of the sudden it's odd for me to wear a skirt. I am a girl, you know. We can wear skirts without fear of public ridicule. It's not like I'm a boy wearing one in school. No.

But since I'm me, I can't wear a skirt. Am I really considered one of the guys that much that when I wear a skirt I have to get those reactions? It's not like it was even a short skirt. It was a long skirt. And it was nice.

Anyway, the next day (yesterday) I wore one again. And, lo and behold, no one says anything except Shane. No, I have to say I felt like a Disney princess in that outfit. When after lunch, Shane comes up to me and says, "Michelle, this is the second day in a row you've worn a skirt. Frankly, I'm kinda worried about you. Are you okay?"

What. The. Fucking. Fuck?

So me wearing a long black skirt to school suddenly means that there's something wrong with me? Look, I can't wear them unless I get driven to school, which is only when it's really, really cold out. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wear something "girlish" once-in-a-while. I am, y'know, a teenage girl. I'm a child at heart, and there are times where I want to dress up like a princess and twirl about outside in the rain, snow, or sunshine in frills and bows and lace.

But that's "unSharpie-like."

I'm really sick of some people thinking they know me so well and saying shit like that about how I look or dress. I mean, really. A skirt does not get that reaction when it's worn by any other girl.

1/15/2009 #404
Silent Memento

Q, I cannot believe that people are saying that. That's just utterly fucked-up.

1/15/2009 #405
Rising Dusk

-hugs Q tightly- Those people are jerks. DX Sorry to say that about your friends.

---

This sucks fucking ass... I will hardly be able to talk to you guys anymore. Why? Cuz my fucking ass of a dad decided that I'm not allowed on the computer when they aren't home. It's not fucking fair. I'm home before them everyday, and the only time I get to speak with you guys is either when I'm sneaking on at night, or just before I go to work. It's not fair. I sound so childish, but it's not. Dad doesn't know what it is like not to be able to talk to friends. His phone always works. Mine hasn't worked since September. The only way I can talk to you guys is through the computer. Now I have to wait...

Well, fuck this vent. Now I have a new vent/good news. I was about to cry typing this, Mom noticed, and she practically told me to fuck dad. If I want to get on, then I just have to call her. Now the problem is that I already know that Mom and Jackass will get into an argument because of this because Jackass is going to tell Mom, "You always let her do whatever she wants." Which means, just like always, they will get into an argument because of me. -headdesk- I'm good at fucking up relationships...

Well, at least I will still be able to talk to you guys. I love my mom!

1/15/2009 #406
pippermint

QQ: Sometimes it's easier for people to have narrow-minded views of how you should act. Then, when you do something that doesn't fit their view of you, they get upset. It's ignorant of them to believe that you should act the same way all the time, but it happens nonetheless. Screw them; you have a right to be complicated. =)

Natz: I'm glad you'll still be able to get online! But try not to blame yourself if your parents don't get along, because you're not the problem. You seem like a really sweet person. I hope things work out alright.

1/15/2009 #407
nuttx

[ QQ, you're extremely sexy regardless of what you wear, so don't let anyone get to you about it. If they're going to make a big deal out of it, what-the-hell-ever. You just keep on being awesome. (: ]

My own beef:

My dad got arrested and was charged with assaulting my mum; the police were all involved and my parents were both interviewed and photos were taken as evidence and shit. Now the police want to file an AVO, which is pretty bad shit. So Mum has to go to court and be represented as a victim, even if she wants the charges withdrawn. The police might not even let her withdraw them, if they think Dad's dangerous enough.

So I had to translate the whole police letter and their official record of the incident to her, word for word, because English is our second language and she still has a lot of trouble with it. And in doing so, I had to relive every goddamned detail about the night even though I'd already been through it once, and now things are sort of falling apart and fuck this, really.

What makes it really bad is that I now can't stand Mum, because I know she provoked him so fucking much that any goddamned person would have snapped. And I'm scared of Dad his fists, even though he's my dad, for God's sake; I'm repulsed at myself for trying to tell him I love him, because all of a sudden I think that's not true at all.

It's pretty fucked up but things could be worse, actually. Life is just life as normal, work and play and you guys, and we're all pretending that it's perfectly okay. Except, maybe, when Mum's sleeve rides up and we can see this insanely ugly bruise on her arm, showing up like a tattoo.

God, I'm so melodramatic. T________________T

1/16/2009 . Edited 1/16/2009 #408
Jon Stewart

I'm really sick of some people thinking they know me so well and saying shit like that about how I look or dress. I mean, really. A skirt does not get that reaction when it's worn by any other girl.

-bristle-

That is not fair to you, Qzzy. I think I get what you mean, though. If I wear a skirt, I get the same shit. If I--God forbid!--do my hair, I get even more shit, and I shouldn't even think about wearing make-up.

-.-

People are just used to their friends staying exactly the same. When things change, it's a little disconcerting. I've been guilty of a few "Oh, my God; what the fuck is wrong with you?" new-clothes conversations (although I think it's probably called-for when they're dressing like whores/goths out of the blue -.-).

Just ignore 'em and wear your skirt if that's what you want to do~

----

@ Natz, since finding things to copy/paste is strangely difficult: That sucks and doesn't all at once. o.o -hug- At least you get to talk to us. We'd miss you!

----

@ Nutt: Oh, God. I don't even know what to say. -hug- That's so messed up.

I'm repulsed at myself for trying to tell him I love him, because all of a sudden I think that's not true at all.

There's something I can relate to. After August, I've been unable to tell my father that I love him...even though it isn't fair to him or fair to me. Certain things...I guess people never get over. >.<

1/24/2009 #409
Kokoyumi

@ Nutt: The wording of your post is...frustrating.

2/2/2009 #410
pippermint

My school is really starting to piss me off.

This year I was supposed to be induced into the honor society. It's something that looks great on college applications and I've been looking forward to it for the past two years; there's an assembly for the induction and we dress up and get called up on stage and everything. But it looks like that's not going to happen. Why? Not grades; I have a fucking 5.0 at the moment. Not behavioral problems. Not lots of absences or tardies.

The reason? I turned in my papers late for community service -- for the first time in almost three years -- because I somehow missed the forms that were passed out. I had 45 hours of work and I might as well have done nothing. I got an "unsatisfactory" on my report card, I got my name taken off the honor roll, and now this. It's not just me, either; a couple of other kids who are really good students are going through the same thing. I hate that we've put so much work into this place, yet when we slip up once, we get treated just like the kids who forge their lab hours and don't care if they fail their classes.

We fucking deserve better than this.

2/5/2009 #411
Qzil

I feel just terrible and stupid and inadequate right now. I don't wanna go to school. I just wanna curl up into a ball and die.

2/5/2009 #412
Lost-Blue-Phantom

I got shot down by a guy I really liked.

2/6/2009 #413
Kokoyumi

I got shot down by a guy I really liked.

That's going to happen, possibly a lot. I got over it a while ago. You'll get used to it, eventually, or you'll find that special guy. ;)

2/6/2009 #414
Loz'93

I got shot down by a guy I really liked.

-hugglestimesinfinity- If he shot you down, he's not worth spending time thinking about.

2/7/2009 #415
Ky-lassassin

Uhm. I just found out that my great-uncle died today. -sigh-

2/9/2009 #416
Qzil

That's going to happen, possibly a lot. I got over it a while ago. You'll get used to it, eventually, or you'll find that special guy. ;)

Or buy a ton of cats like I will.

2/9/2009 #417
eliska

School starts tomorrow. ;A;

2/9/2009 #418
Smart Aleckette

This is very unimportant compared to everyone else's problems, but I have a cold. I cannot stop sneezing or coughing, and I had a little bit of a fever this morning during class. Colds = major suckage.

2/10/2009 #419
Qzil

Not anything giant or moving or that bad.

...I have to clean my room.

2/13/2009 #420
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