Goffik Revolution
13.12.08 0900 Greenwich
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XXXmidnitegoffXXX

I have decided to remove this. If you want to find a copy of My Immortal, go here:

11/8/2008 . Edited 6/8/2012 #1
Fire-Angel-99

You have read the forum rules haven't you? Rule one in particular. You know, the one that says you aren't allowed to post storys on the forums? Yeah, i thought not.

And by the way, it helps to use good grammar and spelling in the Author's Notes as well. It stops people thinking you're a retard. And it's spelled GOTHIC. No "f"s no "k"s. Maybe people would like your fic if you actually wrote it in a decent approximation of English. ^_^

-Fire xxx

12/9/2008 #2
Fire-Angel-99

Hi, It's me again ^_^

Where to start?

1) MCR and GC are muggle bands. Draco is a pureblood wizard. He hates anything to do with Muggles.

2) Get a dictionary, and then look up the difference between VIRILITY and VIRGINITY.

3) Vampires are killed by STAKES not steak.

4) Under no circumstances would Dumbledore EVER say the word MOTHERFUCKER

5) The Killing Curse is Avada Kedavra. Not Allah Kedavra, or any other variant thereof

6) Crookshanks is Hermione's cat. Not a torture curse. That's Crucio.

7) They don't study Math at Hogwarts. It's a school of magic, not a muggle high school.

8) Voldemort does not speak like that. He is not THAT old.

Here's some advice. If you want to write a good AU (that's Alternate Universe) fanfic of a well known book, it helps to read the book rather than just watch the movie. This is not a fanfic. This is you raping the English Language.

-Fire xxx

12/9/2008 #3
Dreamreaver

EPIC TROLL IS EPIC

12/15/2008 #4
zanmato337

~whoosh~ ----- *the joke, or more accurately, the troll*

You *several feet below*

12/18/2008 #5
crusnik O2

... I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but no one is going to take the time to read this, I didn't even read it all, I read like 3 chapters and couldn't read anymore. You could probably get nicer reviews and stuff If you posted it as a story and not on the fourms, and also if you spelled everything how its spelt on your author notes it would help, people don't like reading stuff like how you have it. Its just annoying, and everyone else on this website are writers or enjoy reading proper english stories, if they want to read 'gangster talk' they can go do that somewhere else. This website is for fan fiction. For people who love to read and write and for people who love the things they write about. If you truly loved a show, book, or movie you wouldn't be hurting it like this. I'm sure you had a great story idea, you should just try and make it more... readable.

Anyway, I'm sorry if anyone has been Flaming you, or if you took this as a flame (its not) I am just trying to give you some advise on how you could make your story better, take the time to go through it, and fix spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes and then repost it properly. I'm sure your story will do alot better.

I wish you luck,

Crusniko2

12/18/2008 #6
r ii n g o k ii t s u n e

I can honestly say that I sat through that entire story.

My final words:

"Wow, just fucking wow."

12/23/2008 #7
Anarya of Lorien

This has got to be a parody.... somebody please tell me it's a parody? It is, isn't it? __

1/2/2009 . Edited 1/3/2009 #8
GodotIsWaiting4U

In a way, it is. The poster is not the original author. My Immortal is one of the biggest jokes in fanfiction, with the record for being (even according to Google) the worst fanfiction ever written. Whether the original author intended it as a parody or not is uncertain, but the reason it's being posted here is so that those who have yet to see it can marvel at it in horror now.

1/3/2009 #9
Anonymous Howard

Best. Comment. Ever.

1/16/2009 #10
The True Grammar Nazi

...My eyes hurt now. I can't believe I just read that all the way through...

1/25/2009 #11
spazziegirl407

Instead of being mean, like I usually am, I'm gonna offer you some help.

If you really wanna write a goth harry potter story, It has to catch the eye of the people who aren't into goths as well.

I can help you fix up the story a bit so you don't get flamed.

2/28/2009 #12
spazziegirl407

Instead of being mean, like I usually am, I'm gonna offer you some help.

If you really wanna write a goth harry potter story, It has to catch the eye of the people who aren't into goths as well.

I can help you fix up the story a bit so you don't get flamed.

2/28/2009 #13
The True Grammar Nazi

Actually, I think getting flames was the point with that one...The original author got famous because of it. She had to repost it though, because Fanfiction deleted it the first time. All you have to do is search for it and Immortal one and Immortal two is up here under Tata Gilespie.

2/28/2009 #14
Lockey's Fan Fiction

My brain weeps (gothically). I can't believe I read the whole thing... I must really hate myself.

PUH-LEASE don't write any more... for my sake? Please?

3/3/2009 #15
Ender1030

for mind fuck please read above.

Its not that I don't mind the Goth thing but please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please PLEASE don't ruin all the other characters.

I don't care about the bands you like or if your emo or if you think satanism is cool or whatever don't really care. LEARN TO SPELL, LEARN TO ADD EVERYTHING YOU WANT INTO THE STORY, LEARN TO WRITE COHERENTLY, LEARN TO STOP THROWING ALL THIS CRAP UP INTO A JUMBLED MESS OF LITERATURE.

3/4/2009 #16
band idolizer

well, i read the whole thing just to see how many shots it'd take through the whole story for the drinking game:

1. go to tvtropes. org (minus the space)

2. search for "my immortal"

3. click on drinking game

4. hopefully reading it will be slightly more enjoyable.

3/13/2009 #17
thexcandyxgirl

I am going to shoot myself if you write one more fanfiction. You suck. Your stories suck worse than mine and you call other people posers. Mabye you are the poser hmm? For what we know you could ba a prep pretending to be emo! And the satanism thing. MY MOTHERFUCKING BOYFRIEND IS SATANIST! Don't SCREW WITH HIS RELIGION! You are a discrace and should delete your fanfiction account and take your shitty mispelled, unaccurate, stupid strories with you! You spell as good as a FUCKING KINDERGARDENER! GO DIE IN A HOLE WITH YOUR "VAMPYRE" FRIENDS. AND QUIT SCREWING WITH THE CHARECTERS!! =O

3/13/2009 #18
The True Grammar Nazi

If you really want to flame the person who wrote it I think the Original author is Tata Gilespie. She made a new account after Fanfiction deleted the original one and i was tricked into reading My Immortal II by one of my friends. I swear I lost most of my brain cells...

3/13/2009 #19
Ranmyaku Arashi

This story is like a car wreck. You want to look away but you just can't.

3/14/2009 #20
Gocatcatcat

This is so obviously a joke, but it's really not funny.

3/29/2009 #21
Dyl01

My favourite part was the author note in chapter 17.

"BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!"

Britney, you really should have started the lessons with English.

5/6/2009 #22
KeepWritingKid12

... Oh please, please, PLEASE tell me that this is nothing but a joke. I couldn't even make it through the first few chapters without thinking "what the hell".

I'm sorry, but it's too difficult to read. No, not because it is as cryptic as trigonometry or as mentally challenging as the classics but because you have typos flying all around and causing chaos! Also, modern day conveniances in the Wizarding World? The only canon thing is Draco's flying car (though, it technically wasn't his .). If there was all of that stuff existining in the wizarding world, Arthur Weasley would be a pretty dull boy(in canon, he'd probably give up his eye teeth to see how an i-Pod works). Also, Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance, even if you threw them in they still have no idea that the Wizarding World exists unless you've got all of them under the Imperius Curse or use specific memory charms on them.

I'm also sorry, but your character is a Mary Sue... no, I am not a prep, I'm a nerd and bob-darned proud of it. She's a vampire, a "goff", a fan of just about any dark band (MCR, Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy, etc.) for said "gofficness", anything she doesn't like it what is bad in (your) the world (i.e. preps and Britney Spears), she has ablities no one else has in the Harry Potter universe, she smexes Draco/Harry(VAMPIRE (WTF?!?!)) constantly, every "goffik" person loves her, the preps hate her with a passion, she is immune to authority, she cries TEARS OF BLOOD (which is not possible unless you have some sort of disease that makes your eyes bleed (EBOLA!!!)) she has a back story that makes Marilyn Monroe's look like a heartwarming tale, and male characters constantly talk about how sexy and perfect she is or would die to defend her. If you go to tvtropes.com, look for the Mary Sue tropes and look for My Immortal as well (yes, it has it's own trope too .).

Please, tell me, what were you thinking when you wrote this fanfiction? It's too depressing to read it because it degrades many of my favorite characters (how can you not like Hagrid or Dumbledore or Lupin or, hell, even SNAPE????) I mean, seriously, did you even think that the rules JK Rowling set up for her own world mattered? Did you decide "to hell with logic, LET ME WRITE A STORY THAT CONFUSES EVERY HP FAN TO DATE 8D "? If this was a parody of Harry Potter fanfiction, good for you, though I didn't read it long enough. If you were dead on serious about even every Japanese word (which is soooooooooo NOT canon for the Wizarding World) that what in this, by God, woman, I pity you and your false sense that THIS is how Harry Potter should have been written if you had it your way (though, it would get me over my anti-Twilight thing).

Again, I am NOT a prep. I am a sing-it-loud-and-proud Harry Potter nerd who dreads canon defilement, typos that appear in every. single. chapter., texting lingo that is NOT being used in texts between the characters, glorifying Tom Riddle until he becomes Voldemort, and characters like Ebony that COMPLETELY derail the entire story by being a God-mode Sue! *takes deep, slow breaths to calm down* I'm okay, I'm okay...I apologize for my ranting; but your fanfiction REALLY frustrates me. So, in the immortal words of Gerard Way, so long and good-night.

6/12/2009 #23
amukay

This has to be a joke. Because, I mean, the authors notes are written in that hideously annoying "gangstaaa stylez" whereas realistically emos are usually one of the groups of people who learn how to type properly instead of "shiz my niz you h8ters!"

Plus, the main story is spelt reasonably okay compared to the A/Ns, so it makes no sense.

But seriously, this is incredible in the way that its so BAD I'm quite enjoying myself when I read it. :D

6/13/2009 #24
Lord Ezra'eil

I read through it all!

Nothing can beat me, I'm invincible!

Bahahahahahahaha!

6/15/2009 #25
KeepWritingKid12

O.O Wow... is your brain okay?

6/17/2009 #26
XXXmidnitegoffXXX

Gothic Revolution: The Deepist Grave

6/20/2009 #27
thexcandyxgirl

I tried to read it again. My brain cells are pounding themselves out of my head and I think I'm going to cry

6/22/2009 #28
Helljump

Just got here from tropes. Skipped the vast majority of the actual story though.

Down here it's like listening to a group of (stereotypical) war veterans rambling about 'what happened back in 'nam', so I think I'm going to give this one a very wide berth...

In reference to the drinking game, I think you'd catatonic before you hit the third chapter, and I think a near death experience may well be a good alternative.

You guys think you have it bad? imagine how it'd be to be the AUTHOR... 0.o

6/24/2009 #29
AvrilSays

You need help. A lot of it.

I hope you have a family business to go to, cos' you as sure as hell won't get a job anywhere else, if you're as shallow as those characters in the stories you write. Corsets were all the fashion...back in the 1800's.

You have ruined your life. Burn your gothic clothes, eyeliner, black lipstick and start anew, if you will.

O, and donate those razors to charity. OTHER PEOPLE WILL APPRECIATE IT.

I sincerely pity your parents for having to deal with posers like you.

6/25/2009 #30
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