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Obelisk of Light

For those lines that make you go, "What the fuck!?" at first glance. As Lin always reminds us, please do not post links, story titles or pennames.

Like this one from a TFormers (movie) Suefic:

At peaceful fourth of July night Bulkhead and Bumblebee in auto form watched the fireworks as they did another transformer in auto form that was exactly the same color as looked similar to bumblebee’s except the vehicle looked like in a shape of a Mercedes gave off a lovely sent of honey cruising by.

10/26/2008 . Edited by DevilWearsJeans, 11/13/2008 #1
strawberries and napkins

Itachi looked down from his emo nails.Red met green and it sure as hell wasn’t Christmas.

The red met green is referring to his eyes meeting Sakura's.

10/27/2008 #2
EclipseIllusion

Red met green and it sure as hell wasn’t Christmas.

I weep for the future writers in the world. *insert teardrop*

10/27/2008 #3
Tersa InsaneWithSanity

This came from a fairly good fanfic, but it was such a random line.

And then they boinked.

10/30/2008 #4
Trousers in Small Jars

This came from a fairly good fanfic, but it was such a random line.

And then they boinked.

I HATE when good stories have terrible lines.

10/31/2008 #5
Yasona Black

And then they boinked.

That would work well if it was a Calvin and Hobbes fanfiction. (Scientific Progress Goes Boink) But apart from that it sounds rather ominous.

11/4/2008 #6
Fusionmix

((I posted this back on the original Fireplace.))

I found a piece of utter trash in the Sonic the Hedgehog section and found it necessary to post it somewhere to share its terribleness. It's called "Hare Hare Cute" if anyone wants to injure themselves by reading the whole thing. I think it's meant to be a songfic, but I'm not sure.

Blaze slowly lifted her head from the soft creamy cake and turned to her companion. Slowly licking away caramel on her lips. “And you must learn to not Bounce your little BOOBS everywhere…” Cream giggled. “Just remember…” Cream took some more dishes. “I don’t stuff my bra with caramel.”

I really have nothing to say to that.

You know…I’m not talking about the Blaze you see in sonic The Hedgehog game, or Cream from Sonic X, I’m talking about matured versions of them. Blaze had matured a little bit on her chest, and behind. Cream however, matured so much her chest was the size of a Pineapple. 2 Pineapples on each side of her chest. What boy would not be attracted to that?

-gags- Wouldn't they be kind of droopy? Unless they had Botox or something...

Then her behind had matured just as much as her chest. Just a little less. Her backside was the size of a mango. Not to big. 2 mangos on her backside.

Butt-mangoes!

11/5/2008 #7
eliska

SOUTH PARK.

That's the whole chapter.

11/7/2008 #8
strawberries and napkins

Not only is he cute but he is a good cook; anyone who didn’t marry him at the first chance the got would be really stupid. In fact, any one you didn’t make out or sleep with him would be really stupid.

Cute + good cook = perfect husband

11/20/2008 #9
neutralizing

"But he is the mac to your cheese! you HAVE to try to ask him out!" Tooty yelled as Kazooie slammed the door to Banjo's room

... One thousand witty and perfectly lulzy statements I could create from this line and all that's really sticking to me is, Well, is it really any wonder you don't have a boyfriend, Crim?

11/26/2008 #10
Tersa InsaneWithSanity

She began to weep through her tears of pain.

...Uhhmm...

Found in a Twilight fanfic in the wrong section also.

11/26/2008 . Edited 11/26/2008 #11
Hell's Ice Heaven's Fire

"Hello, nine-one-one emergency services, how can I help you?"

Why is this a stupid line? The fanfic took place in JAPAN! 911 is NOT the emergency number in Japan, it's 119! (Only for fire/ambulance services)

"Hello, sweet cheeks! (*giggle* I just had my boyfriend call me that...in bed...last night!)

*is green* I didn't need to know that, I really didn't!

11/27/2008 #12
strawberries and napkins

"Hello, sweet cheeks! (*giggle* I just had my boyfriend call me that...in bed...last night!)

It makes me wonder which cheeks he was talking about.

11/28/2008 . Edited 11/28/2008 #13
EclipseIllusion

"Hello, sweet cheeks! (*giggle* I just had my boyfriend call me that...in bed...last night!)

I don't need/want to know something like that!

11/28/2008 #14
Obelisk of Light

She has special abilities that will drain nearly all her power if she uses them. The names are Gaurdian Spirit, Holy Light, Faith's Way, and Gentle Rain.

and

The armour for her torso is basically like a one peice that has a sheen of flexi-metal coming down at the waist and looking like a secondary open-dress that ends at her knees and(I hope you know what that is!)is a rich purple in color, her skin is a powder blue, and her lips are a purplish black. Her chin ends in a point, and she is almost always wearing a golden mask like Prime's when she's fighting. Her shins and forearms are armoured with the same rich purple metal around her torso.

From a TFormers Suefic.

11/29/2008 #15
Obelisk of Light

Please excuse the double post.

The following lines are from a humour fic which is probably not the work of a troll:

“T_______________________T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Sasuke’s facial expression.

“8D!” went Sakura’s.

“OMG ,” Sasuke’s face screamed pure fear as the door began to creak slowly open.

“8DDD!” went Sakura’s in glee as she opened the door.

“OMGG,” Sasuke’s facial muscles contracted, making him look an awfully lot like Donald Duck.

“8DDDDD!” Sakura’s happiness was unmistakable.

It's a wannabe writer's attempt at being funny. I won't search for likeable humour fics in the Naruto section for many days to come ...

12/3/2008 . Edited 12/3/2008 #16
Tersa InsaneWithSanity

He lol'd.

No! No! No!

*pulls hair out*

12/7/2008 #17
Sly Rockefeller

He thought aloud. “Her loving me, makes me feel powerful.” He sighed, “I always thought she annoyed me, I always thought she was weak, I always thought I didn’t like her. I don’t know what my feelings are, I just assume.

I do not know why you would underline a word like that. I assume they were trying to make it more dramatic... but reading that made me want to gouge my eyes out.

12/8/2008 #18
Hell's Ice Heaven's Fire

“RING,” the sound of the bell had cut off the rest of her sentence.The bell can TALK?!

12/10/2008 #19
Yasona Black

“RING,” the sound of the bell had cut off the rest of her sentence.The bell can TALK?!

LOL!

We'll get pair the bell with the Brave Little Toaster and see what kind of children they have together.

12/10/2008 #20
strawberries and napkins

"Axel you are sooo bad ass." Axel clutched Roxas' sides and flipped them. He touched him all over, his nails nicking Roxas' soft skin. "MMmmm, so bad ass Axel."

Mmmm this line is so bad ass!

12/12/2008 #21
eliska

Dear jornal,

My name is Butters, and I am 9 years old.

I like Hello Kitty and Apirl; she's friends with Pip's girlfriend. Tyra.

Chirstmas is soon...

I'mma git Apirl somethin gud! Today she called me another name, though.

They hurted my feelingz, so I ran away.

I cired in the boys potty.

Apirl todl me she likes me. I was happy and we smiled for a long tiem.

Well, . I gotsa girlfriend!! Just like Pip, now.

I'mma tell him and the fellers today.

I even kissed her on teh cheeck! She didn't hit me!

It was a super duper awesome day...Bye .

-Butters.

There are so many things wrong with this shit: shit mechanics, no plot, Sues (that have been used before in another story of the author's), self-inserts... #()$&@#. Not by a troll, either.

12/16/2008 #22
Efficiency Girl

The smiles and laughter and yelling and determination and love and understanding and playfulness and energy.

Too... many... ands. Not to mention it isn't even a sentence. Verbs, anyone?

Edit:

"because, The lack of candy has left us two week to go on."

I realize they meant "too weak to go on," but it sounds like they're saying they only have two weeks left to live if they don't receive candy.

12/17/2008 . Edited 12/17/2008 #23
Efficiency Girl

Sorry for the double post!

And like the other 78th time, Sakura fingered her new laptop.

That's a lot of laptop-fingering, that is.

12/18/2008 #24
strawberries and napkins

Sora smiled and unbuttoned Roxas’ pants. This is about to get hott…

12/18/2008 #25
Yasona Black

Sora smiled and unbuttoned Roxas’ pants. This is about to get hott…

I love the random tense change and the addition of the extra 't' in 'hot'. It's so post-modern, we must just be too intelligent to grasp. ;)

And 78 times? That is a lot of laptop fingering...slightly creepy.

12/19/2008 #26
Tersa InsaneWithSanity

He began to trace the outline of my simple white bra with his magic piano fingers.

....Has anyone seen Edward Scissor hands? 'Cause I'm kinda picturing that with piano keys....

12/25/2008 #27
Yasona Black

....Has anyone seen Edward Scissor hands? 'Cause I'm kinda picturing that with piano keys....

I have. And that's the best mental picture I've had in days.

12/26/2008 #28
eliska

Cartman was getting ready for everyone to come to his New Year's Eve party. He invited everyone, including Kyle. The reason he invited Kyle, was that he was in deep love with him. He would talk to Kyle as soon as he arrived. When the guest arrived, there still was no sight of Kyle. Craig walked up to Cartman.

"Don't worry, Cartman. Kyle will be here soon."

A few minutes later, Kyle arrived. Cartman wanting to tell him right away came over to him.

"Kahl..."

"Yeah, Cartman."

"I have to talk to you in private."

"Ooooooookay."

Kyle didn't know what he was up to. He thought he was going pull a trick on him. He then entered Cartman's room.

"Uhhhh, Kahl."

"Yeah?"

"Ummm, I was too nervous to tell you this..."

"What? What do you want to tell me, Cartman? For crying out loud, you say it."

Cartman took a deep breath.

"I love you, Kahl."

Kyle was shocked. He hadn't heard him say that to him before.

"You love me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I did feel that way at first after getting used to you. Making me gay."

"We are both gay."

"Yeah, I wanted to be with Stan, but he's got Wendy."

Cartman grabbed Kyle.

"Well, I've got you."

He then pulled Kyle into a long passionate kiss.

"Cartman?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you."

"Thank you, Kahl."

"Well, Cartman, should we go celebrate the party in your living room?"

"Sure."

And they walked off holding hands.

What. The. Shit? This whole thing is made of FAIL.

Anyone care to spork?

12/31/2008 #29
DeviousAlias

"What. The. Shit? This whole thing is made of FAIL.

Anyone care to spork?"

Agreed, and I'll give it a shot.

Intro: Cartman has gotten the badcase of OOC! Will he be cured before it's too late? Read to find out! This story is filled with romance, tension, and retarded jokes from the sporker:

Cartman was getting ready for everyone to come to his New Year's Eve party to witness a horrible event. He invited everyone, including Kyle the unlucky Jew. The reason he invited Kyle, was that he was in deep shit love with him. Romantic build-up? Naaah! We don't need no stinkn' build-up! He would talk to Kyle as soon as he arrived. When the guest arrived, there still was no sight of Kyle. Is he blind now? That poor kid just gets unluckier! Craig walked up to Cartman.

"Don't worry, Cartman. Kyle will be here soon, after he's done trying to find an exit."

A few minutes later, Kyle arrived. Cartman wanting to tell him right away came over to him. What a beautiful, beautiful line. You could just feel the romantic tension!

Oh wait, that's not romantic tension I'm feeling!

"Kahl..." Run.

"Yeah, Cartman."

"I have to talk to you in private."

"Ooooooookay." DUN DUN DUUUN!

Kyle didn't know what he was up to. He thought he was going pull a trick on him like making him eat his own parents*. He then entered Cartman's room.

"Uhhhh, Kahl." RUN!

"Yeah?"

"Ummm, I was too nervous to tell you this..." *Sporker turns to the readers, dressed in a doctor's outfit* "I'm sorry, but the OOC disease has become critical. There is...nothing we can do," *hangs head*

"What? What do you want to tell me, Cartman? For crying out loud, you say it so I can go home and out of this crapfic."

Cartman took a deep breath.

"I love you, Kahl."

Kyle was shocked. He hadn't heard him say that to him before. Are you sure? Maybe saying "dirty Jew" was just Cartman's way of saying "I love you"?

"You love me?"

"Yeah, and now you'll feel the same way simply because I admitted my feelings."

"Well, I did feel that way at first after getting used to you. Making me gay." He caught teh gai? *

"We are both teh gay."

"Yeah, I wanted to be with Stan, but he's got Wendy."

Cartman grabbed Kyle.

"Well, I've got you."

"Alright, you can be my back-up lover," said Kyle.

He then pulled Kyle into a long passionate kiss.

"Cartman?"

"Yeah?" Most in-character line in the whole story! Bow before its glory!

"I like your hat."

"Thank you, Kahl. I like my hat too".

"Well, Cartman, should we go celebrate the party in your living room?"

"Sure."

And they walked off holding hands while everyone else projectile vomitted.

Moral: If you can't be with the one you want, use the fat kid as back-up.

* No particular reason for that reference.

* No offense to anyone gay, it's just the way that Kyle said it "making me gay".

UN (unimportant note): I was listening to "Good Enough For Now" by Weird Al. Seemed fitting.

12/31/2008 #30
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