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Thranduil Oropherion Redux

In the words of Virtuella, this is how it works:

Somebody asks for a story to be reviewed. Another person reviews that story and posts a copy of teh review here, then names one of their own stories they'd like a review for. Then the next person reviews that story and so on and so forth.

10/29/2010 #1
Nimbus Llewelyn

Hah! *cackles madly* I am first! Technically you could do this with just two people but it would get a tad boring. *Searches industriously for one of my stories that is in a fandom you lot know about*... Got it! http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6420474/1/A_Messiah_a_demon_and_a_very_large_door A good omens fic.

10/29/2010 #2
militaryhistory

Review:

Most amusing, though I cannot see Moses jumping on doors in order to smush a demon.

Now, while I realize very few of you have any knowledge of World War Z, I would like some feedback on my writing. And I think it would be at least moderately enjoyable for someone here.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620811/1/The_Long_Road_Home

10/29/2010 #3
Thranduil Oropherion Redux

Nice going, Milhist!

Review:

Okay -- bear in mind I've never read the source material, but you managed to bring me up to speed pretty well nevertheless. You may not know this, but I'm really into ZombieFics of all kinds, so I'm enjoying this story a lot.

I like the way you're setting up the 'love story' slowly and reasonably. You're handling the violence and the horrifying details with a lot of restraint, which is good.

Two purely technical things:

First, it would be good to use your line tool/page break to set the footnotes off from the body of the story. That took me kind of by surprise in the first chapter. I couldn't tell where Professor Heidegger's account ended and the footnotes began.

Second (and I'm still not sure about this) the gas station manager and the mayor of Cavalier are both named Gunderson. Is this accidental or on purpose? In that part of the country, it wouldn't be out of the question, but you have me wondering if they might not turn out to be related.

Okay -- you made me laugh about Berkeley and Oberlin.

Keep going with this!

Here's the story I'd like reviewed: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4225011/1/Nothing_Ventured

10/30/2010 #4
White Eyebrow

I didn't know you guys had a review thread. I play this on occasion at the WA forum.

My review of "Nothing Ventured"

First Impression:

Jack Sparrow is back. Here we go again!

Story:

This chapter does a good job hooking you in, which is the job of a good first chapter. The premise seems to fit into the mythos well.

I think my favorite sentence is:

"I won't," he said. "There's no question - he's the spit image of Will. I didn't know."

You're the first writer on this site I've ever come across to use the turn of phrase "spit image" correctly.

The bandy between Jack and Elizabeth was delightful.

Grammar:

You grammar is clean and precise. I couldn't really find anything to critic, damn you--I suspect old-man Iggy had something to do with that.

Final Thoughts:

An interesting senario to the continuation of the fandom. I didn't think they left much wiggle-room, but in retrospect it feels natural and appropriate.

#-#-#-#-#-#-#

Seeing as how I don't think anyone here cares for Joe-lore, the only thing British I have is my Harry Potter effort:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5297367/1/Prisoner_of_Hope

Feel free to brutalize it.

10/31/2010 . Edited 10/31/2010 #5
Hamfast Gamgee

Reviewed Prisoner of hope, interesting tale of Alastair Moody! In keeping with the Pirates of the Caribbean spirit, could some review my rewrite of movie no.3, please! I fear it has OCs and Jack Sparrow. Rather hard not to have both! But not much in the way of Will Tyler. I have my own pretty boy in the tale! Thanks, Ham

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5376638/1/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean_Island_of_the_Undead

11/7/2010 #6
Hamfast Gamgee

Apologies for double-posting but my linking skills seem to be a bit fragile at the moment, but I think here is the proper link, thanks Ham!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5376638/1/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean_Island_of_the_Undead

11/7/2010 . Edited 11/7/2010 #7
Clodia

My review for Ham of Island of the Undead:

It's been so long since I watched the films that I'm mostly going to stick to talking about general stylistic issues here. I like the way Captain Jack bursts onto the scene; that's wellhandled and I think you've done a good job of catching his distinctive voice. I smiled at the use of the Oldest Joke in the World as well. You've got a few typos ('fogotten') and grammar issues, and I think you tend to overuse exclamation marks, especially in the narrative - it's almost never a good idea to punctuate narration with exclamation marks, partly because it brings the narrator to prominence in a usually unintended and not very helpful way. Your description is quite sparse - it might be worth taking a little more time over e.g. a ship sinking, rather than just stating that it had done so - and your sentences are usually pretty short and choppy, which doesn't flow very well. There's a bit of a tendency (especially in the opening scene) to cram exposition into the dialogue. That's certainly one way around the problem of setting up the plot, but it tends to result in rather forced dialogue. Finally, you don't have to spell everything out - so Mr. N.'s poor memory is clear when he says 'I clean forgot' - you don't need to point out in the narrative as well that he doesn't have a good memory. So there you go, and I hope that's useful! Good luck with the rest of the story.

My frivolous twin would appreciate opinions on Storm Chasing, a set of short Good Omens ficlets involving an OC, War and (in the last one) Famine. All you actually need to know about the canon is that it's a humorous take on the apocalypse and involves a female anthropomorphic personification of War. I guess an interest in ancient history might not hurt?

11/13/2010 . Edited 11/13/2010 #8
Virtuella

Review for "Storm Chasing":

Great concept for a story! I'm not so sure if the majority of intellectuals are as susceptible to War's charms as you claim here (as in, real war, not academic bickering!), but there are certainly a few.

I really liked the description of the university classroom, it sounded very real to me, reminding me of some rooms at Moray House (part of Edinburgh University). I found the second chapter impressive with the sweeping vista of history from her very idiosyncratic viewpoint.

The dream sequence was good, too, though I was lost with regard to the historic details. I'm sure they were all correct, it's just very specialized knowledge. ;-)

The last bit was great, and I can imagine how a plague of mini feuds will now overwhelm this previously peaceful placeā€¦

As always, your prose is precise and beautiful and just right in every way. Well done.

I'd like a review for one of my lesser reviewed stories; I'm not fussy which, just pick one from my author profile.

11/13/2010 . Edited 11/13/2010 #9
Ashley Greenwood

Review for "Who's afraid of the Knockerman?"

Oh my this story is very good, keep writing and I'm wondering what Cuddy's fortune will be!I'd like a review for my newest chapter of Herbert The Hobbithttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5897029/32/Herbert_The_Hobbit 12/1/2010 #10
militaryhistory

By the way all, please consider Ms. Greenwood a break in the link. Her story is a trollfic, to put it kindly.

to quote the summary:

He's back The tannest, tallest, most beautiful man of the Shire... Herbert The Hobbit OC ! Herbert has never been in love until he met Frodo, get ready for baggins booty butt sex!*I dont own anything except for herbert the smexy*!

12/1/2010 #11
Thranduil Oropherion Redux

That was a bit of Christian charity on your part, Milhist, but I owe Ashley a debt of gratitude for unwittingly saving the Tolkien thread at Sy's forum. So here is my honest review of her latest chapter:

You really are persistent, I will grant you that. However, the joke is beginning to wear thin about the crackfic tone and the use of homosexuality for 'humor'. It stopped being funny in the first paragraph of chapter one.

If you want to write Tolkien fiction, make your story resemble the world of Tolkien. If you want to write AU, at least make it clever. If you want to write humor, please make it funny.

That is all.

I now request a review for Leave It To Solo or Beaver Joins the Alliance.

12/1/2010 #12
militaryhistory

The scary part about this is, you made it work. The characterization fit perfectly for all parties involved, and you got the differing tones to mesh with each other. Good job.

I now request a review for either Twin Swords or Never Off Guard

12/1/2010 #13
Ashley Greenwood

im sooo tired of everyone insisting that this is a trollfic, when it isnt!

12/1/2010 #14
Morthoron

im sooo tired of everyone insisting that this is a trollfic, when it isnt!

Truthfully, whether it is considered a trollfic or not is unimportant. That it is poorly written, unfunny and without purpose is all anyone needs to know.

My suggestion? Take up a hobby where you don't inflict your insipid and tactless lack of talent on everyone else. Like solitaire or spelunking.

12/1/2010 . Edited 12/1/2010 #15
Virtuella

I should perhaps have made this clear from the outset, but I thought it was self-evident: the idea behind this thread is not to simply up our review count, but to get some sensible feedback. Hence the review ought to say something relevant about the story being reviewed. Randy, can we add this at the top of the thread?

12/1/2010 #16
hixto

but to get some sensible feedback.

What sort of sensible feedback?

12/2/2010 #17
Virtuella

Oh, most of the reviews in this thread have given sensible feedback. Most. ;-)

12/2/2010 #18
hixto

Oh, most of the reviews in this thread have given sensible feedback. Most. ;-)

I thought Morth's feedback to Ashley was especially sensible, that's why I wondered. lol

12/2/2010 . Edited 12/2/2010 #19
Morthoron

I thought Morth's feedback to Ashley was especially sensible, that's why I wondered. lol

Sometimes you have to beat someone insensible in order to attain sensibility.

12/2/2010 #20
Virtuella

Morth's wasn't actually a review. Just a general comment made from the goodness of his heart, bless his cotton socks.

12/2/2010 #21
Morthoron

It was a review, but as I told that Ashley person previously, I wouldn't add an actual review to the story and bump up the count.

12/2/2010 #22
Virtuella

Okay, unbless your cotton socks then.

12/2/2010 #23
Morthoron

Okay, unbless your cotton socks then.

That's probably for the best. No one wants holy socks.

12/2/2010 #24
hixto

Okay, unbless your cotton socks then.

A pox upon your socks, sir!

12/2/2010 . Edited 12/2/2010 #25
Thranduil Oropherion Redux

I should perhaps have made this clear from the outset, but I thought it was self-evident: the idea behind this thread is not to simply up our review count, but to get some sensible feedback. Hence the review ought to say something relevant about the story being reviewed. Randy, can we add this at the top of the thread?

Happily, but . . . did you seriously expect something relevant from Ashley?

12/2/2010 #26
Thranduil Oropherion Redux

I thought Morth's feedback to Ashley was especially sensible, that's why I wondered.

I thought my review of Ashley's story was as pertinent as one could make about a story like that while remaining polite.

12/2/2010 #27
Virtuella

Happily, but . . . did you seriously expect something relevant from Ashley?

I didn't respect a review from Ashley at all.

12/2/2010 #28
Thranduil Oropherion Redux

Neither did I expect to see Ashley joining in, but the thread really wasn't limited to our usual members. And consider the source. I'm still not sure what to make of her story, but I wouldn't expect an articulate review out of her. Best thing to do is to play along and follow the rules of the game. A review garners a review, and Ashley finally got one out of me. She probably wishes she hadn't.

12/2/2010 #29
Ashley Greenwood

no I respect everyones opinions of my story

12/2/2010 #30
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